One and Only
The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One
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Narrated by:
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Lauren Sandler
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By:
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Lauren Sandler
About this listen
Journalist Lauren Sandler is an only child and the mother of one. After investigating what only children are really like and whether stopping at one child is an answer to reconciling motherhood and modernity, she learned a lot about herself - and a lot about our culture's assumptions. In this heartfelt work, Sandler legitimizes a discussion about the larger societal costs of having more than one.
Between the recession, the stresses of modern life, and the ecological dangers ahead, there are increasing pressures on parents to think seriously about singletons. Sandler considers the unique ways that singletons thrive and why so many of their families are happier. One and Only examines these ideas, including what the rise of the single-child family means for our economies, our environment, and our freedom, leaving the listener "informed and sympathetic", writes Nora Krug in the Washington Post.
Through this journey, "Sandler delves deeply, thoughtfully, and often humorously into history, culture, politics, religion, race, economics, and of course, scientific research", writes Lori Gottlieb, The New York Times Book Review. At the end, Sandler has quite possibly cracked the code of happiness, demonstrating that having just one may be the way to resolve our countless struggles with adulthood in the modern age.
©2013 Lauren Sandler (P)2020 TantorListeners also enjoyed...
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Proven ways to improve your child's self-esteem. A solid sense of self-worth helps your child make good choices, develop healthy relationships, and work to achieve his or her dreams. But what's the best way to instill self-confidence while still teaching your child to value and care about others? Based on a biblical understanding of human worth, Building Confidence in Your Child teaches you how to parent positively and help your child grow into a secure adult who is poised for success in life.
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Outdated Terms/Assumptions- I'm disappointed
- By Bobye M Ruddell on 02-17-20
By: James Dobson
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Generation Me
- Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled - and More Miserable Than Ever Before
- By: Jean M. Twenge PhD
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 12 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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In this provocative new book, psychologist and social commentator Dr. Jean Twenge documents the self-focus of what she calls "Generation Me" - people born in the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s. Dr. Twenge explores why her generation is tolerant, confident, open-minded, and ambitious but also cynical, depressed, lonely, and anxious. Dr. Twenge reveals how profoundly different today's young adults are - and makes controversial predictions about what the future holds for them and society as a whole.
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I mostly agree
- By David Hill on 05-25-20
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Ready or Not
- Preparing Our Kids to Thrive in an Uncertain and Rapidly Changing World
- By: Madeline Levine
- Narrated by: Abby Craden
- Length: 7 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Ready or Not explores how today’s parenting techniques and our myopic educational system are failing to prepare children for their certain-to-be-uncertain future - and how we can reverse course to ensure their lasting adaptability, resilience, health, and happiness.
By: Madeline Levine
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How to Be Sad
- Everything I’ve Learned About Getting Happier by Being Sad
- By: Helen Russell
- Narrated by: Helen Russell
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Helen Russell has researched sadness from the inside out for her entire life. Her earliest memory is of the day her sister died. Her parents divorced soon after, and her mother didn’t receive the help she needed to grieve. Coping with her own emotional turmoil — including struggles with body image and infertility — she’s endured professional and personal setbacks as well as relationships that have imploded in truly spectacular ways. Even the things that brought her the greatest joy — like eventually becoming a parent — are fraught with challenges.
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More an self biography
- By Jaime Murillo on 04-27-24
By: Helen Russell
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The End of Men
- And the Rise of Women
- By: Hanna Rosin
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Men have been the dominant sex since - well, the dawn of mankind. And yet, as journalist Hanna Rosin discovered, that long-held truth is no longer true. At this unprecedented moment, women are no longer merely gaining on men; they have pulled decisively ahead by almost every measure. Already "the end of men" - the phrase Rosin coined - has entered the lexicon as indelibly as Simone de Beauvoir’s "second sex", Betty Friedan’s "feminine mystique", Susan Faludi’s "backlash", and Naomi Wolf’s "beauty myth" have.
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Great book, don't care for the reader's style
- By Darren on 12-05-12
By: Hanna Rosin
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Living the Secular Life
- New Answers to Old Questions
- By: Phil Zuckerman
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 8 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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A guidebook for living a life without religion, combining sociological insight and personal inspiration. Over the last 25 years, "no religion" has become the fastest growing religion in the United States. Around the world, hundreds of millions of people have turned away from the traditional faiths of the past and embraced a secular - or nonreligious - life, generating societies vastly less religious than at any other time in human history.
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Anecdotal based approach for understanding
- By Gary on 12-30-14
By: Phil Zuckerman
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Forget "Having It All"
- How America Messed Up Motherhood - and How to Fix It
- By: Amy Westervelt
- Narrated by: Amy Westervelt
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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In Forget "Having It All", Westervelt traces the roots of our modern expectations of mothers and motherhood back to extremist ideas held by the first Puritans who attempted to colonize America and examines how those ideals shifted - or didn't - through every generation since.
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A Thorough and Well-Researched Book on The "Mom Predicament"
- By Merle B on 04-10-19
By: Amy Westervelt
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Bringing Up Girls
- Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women
- By: James C. Dobson
- Narrated by: James C. Dobson
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on extensive research, and handled with Dr. Dobson's trademark down-to-earth approach, Bringing Up Girls will equip parents like you to face the challenges of raising your daughters to become healthy, happy, and successful women who overcome challenges specific to girls and women today and who ultimately excel in life.
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Solid concepts, poor presentation
- By honuhunter on 12-06-18
By: James C. Dobson
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Overwhelmed
- Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time
- By: Brigid Schulte
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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According to the Leisure Studies Department at the University of Iowa, true leisure is “that place in which we realize our humanity.” If that’s true, argues Brigid Schulte, then we're doing dangerously little realizing of our humanity. In Overwhelmed, Schulte, a staff writer for The Washington Post, asks: Are our brains, our partners, our culture, and our bosses making it impossible for us to experience anything but “contaminated time”?
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Depressing, Dreary Listening Experience
- By Deb A on 04-19-15
By: Brigid Schulte
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On Our Best Behavior
- The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good
- By: Elise Loehnen
- Narrated by: Elise Loehnen
- Length: 11 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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We congratulate ourselves when we resist the donut in the office breakroom. We celebrate our restraint when we hold back from sending an email in anger. We feel virtuous when we wake up at dawn to get a jump on the day. We put others’ needs ahead of our own and believe this makes us exemplary. In On Our Best Behavior, journalist Elise Loehnen explains that these impulses—often lauded as unselfish, distinctly feminine instincts—are actually ingrained in us by a culture that reaps the benefits, via an extraordinarily effective collection of mores known as the Seven Deadly Sins.
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Autobiography in Disguise
- By Lindsey on 06-11-23
By: Elise Loehnen
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The Attachment Effect
- Exploring the Powerful Ways Our Earliest Bond Shapes Our Relationships and Lives
- By: Peter Lovenheim
- Narrated by: Graham Winton
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Attachment theory is having a moment. Recently covered in the New York Times Magazine, New York magazine, and elsewhere, it's also the subject of popular relationship guides. Why is this 60-year-old theory, widely accepted in psychological circles, suddenly in vogue? Because people are discovering how powerfully it sheds light on who we love - and how. Fascinated by the subject, award-winning journalist and author Peter Lovenheim went on a years-long journey to understand it from the inside out.
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Failed to Attach
- By Danielle SeCheverell on 07-21-20
By: Peter Lovenheim
What listeners say about One and Only
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-24-24
Incredible
Well written and entertaining. This book is full of incredible citations. I needed this book. I’m at a point in my life where I would like to experience motherhood but the number of children is still up for debate. Slowly over time the idea of an only child became appealing to me. This book helped me understand more about parenting a child without siblings. Currently I’m debating between having 1 or having 2. I felt comforted by this book and informed. There’s no wrong number of children a family can have and a family is complete without or with a child in it.
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- Hannanana
- 10-08-21
Thought Provoking
The performance and story were quite enjoyable! As someone who comes from a very large family, it was eye opening to hear Lauren's experience being an only child. She did an excellent job of compiling information and statistics in a digestible way. I would absolutely recommend this book to those with one child, or those considering getting pregnant.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Christina
- 07-01-21
Helped me feel more informed
I sought out this book when I was trying to decide if we were going to be "one and done". I felt that I needed more information to help inform the decision. This book is admittedly, obviously presented as a defense of and proponent for only children, but it is not 100% one-sided and provides a lot of real statistics to back things up. A lot of it is does feel somewhat anecdotal but this did not bother me. There is a LOT of biased, outdated and just incorrect information floating out there in society that is against only children. This book serves to balance the scales a little and present a more honest, complete picture.
Perhaps the thing that stuck with me the most is that in practically every single measurable way only children succeed at the same or higher rates than people with siblings. And the one main thing that the author seemed to readily admit was a challenge unique to onlies is that when their parents die they can experience a feeling of profound aloneness that is more acute than someone with close siblings. A feeling of being "the only one left". However the author went on to point out that death of a loved one is never easy, and even when surrounded by supportive loved ones (siblings or otherwise) there is often a feeling of emptiness and aloneness. It is part of the grieving process and not inherently problematic. And having siblings in no way guarantees that that feeling will be any different, as the strength of sibling relationships is about as easy to predict as the strength of any friendship [it's not].
While it is good to be aware of the effects being an only can have on an individual, ultimately it is completely up to the parents to decide what is right for THEM first and foremost. We make many sacrifies for our children. Choosing whether to bring a second child into the world should not be one of those sacrifices. It should not be done simply because we think we need to, because it's what's expected. This book helped me understand the full picture and ultimately I felt comfortable and now so thrilled and relieved to make the decision to be one and done.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Meghan B
- 01-11-22
Data Driven
Lauren Sandler narrates her novel from a viewpoint of well what about this sort or reaction. She teeters on the line of more or less children. I feel a bit unresolved with the conclusion of the book as a side was not chosen. Her reality is she has one kid and she is a single kid. Her global statistics are fascinating but again the book sometimes hit the hearts strings while other sections our purely research based. I think I would of preferred one or the other. I guess the writing appeals to a wider audience but felt like I wanted to know more from her not the facts. It felt like she was combatting what critics might say about single kids versus totally embracing this choice and how she feels about her experience too.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Brenda
- 03-29-21
Really Great!
Great book full of solid information, facts and perspective on only children, thank you so much for writing this book!
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- H. Locke
- 09-26-23
Empowering
I highly recommend this book. I just finished listening to this book for a second time. The first time was about 2 years ago. I have a 4 year old daughter and I’ve been wrestling with indecision about having another for years. This book, both times, has helped to empower me to dismantle stereotypes and the broad stroke assumptions that our society makes about only children. It’s helped me realize how much fear was fueling my “desires” about having a second. I love that Lauren is vulnerable in this book about her experiences as an only child and a parent of an only child. That even with all the research at hand it can still be an emotional issue. She doesn’t write from an overly optimistic view that dismisses a parent’s questions or concerns. She shared a variety of perspectives as well as data and thought provoking ideas. Ultimately, any family size has advantages and disadvantages. If I want to be a happy parent I need to be a happy person. It’s such an intensely personal idea to consider and reading this book gave me a lot of insight and permission to evaluate that for myself. I feel more clarity and confidence as a result of reading this book. Thank you, Lauren, for writing it!
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- Kim - NJ
- 11-25-24
Too much negative talk about only children
I was hoping to hear about all the great things and great people that are only children. But there is just way too much repetition about outdated research by some guy from the 1800s. She talks about how everyone knows about him and talks about movies that refer to only children as being demonic. It’s way too negative. I was not aware of any of this very sad inaccurate research and frankly don’t want to waste my time hearing about it. I wish this book was more about what is possible for only children and how to ensure that they get the best from their parents.
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- Nb
- 02-20-24
the author is disconnected from reality
she spends more time alking about Chinese culture, parents emotions over thier own child,and how justifying how being selfish is good, that I can not relate. the author is clearly a wealthy person from childhood and has no real grasp on the real world. it is so obvious listening to this that she is all about herself,,hence reiterating that she has no skill in actual empathy for middle class children who have no play mate
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- Mariana
- 03-21-23
yikes girl
Love the research & overall topic.
I am a mother to an only child, and was definitely looking forward to learning more about perspectives from an only child. It was a bummer as the book progressed, for a variety of reasons. It makes sense that the author would be biased, as we all are in different ways.
The author seemed like she has some really good points, with definite lack of insight for sure. She seems to maybe struggle with understanding people - who are exactly like her.
I really appreciate the author’s view in spots of the book, while also acknowledging her clear privileged & limited pov.
Hopefully in time more people will write about the only child experience, to add more voices from the valuable Singleton experience.
Overall rating: 2/5
Thank you
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