You Just Don't Understand
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Narrated by:
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Barbara Rosenblat
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By:
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Deborah Tannen
About this listen
Deborah Tannen's number-one best seller revolutionized the way men and women talk - and listen - to each other - at home, at work, and wherever the communication gap between the sexes can lead to troublesome misunderstandings. The problem dates back to childhood, when boys and girls learn to use language in distinctly different ways; years later, their adult efforts to talk often place them at cross purposes - even when both are sincerely trying to communicate. Dr. Tannen illustrates how the best intentions can go painfully awry between spouses, family members, co-workers and friends. With You Just Don't Understand, you'll recognize yourself and your own efforts to be understood - and gain valuable insight to help you communicate better than ever before.
©2013 Deborah Tannen (P)2013 Simon & Schuster AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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New York Times best-selling, award-winning author, actor, and motivational speaker Hill Harper invites listeners to join the conversation about the breakdown of the African-American family. The black community of past generations found strength in families, but today’s black children have less than a one in three chance of being raised in a two-parent household. Harper’s search for answers to this phenomenon is an enlightening and empowering journey.
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~*AWESOME*~
- By Nevada on 08-13-10
By: Harper Hill
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I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You
- Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship
- By: Andrew G. Marshall
- Narrated by: Andrew G. Marshall
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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In I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You - a real-life relationship guide from couples' counselor Andrew G. Marshall - partners and individuals who have "fallen out of love" or want to rekindle the love that once was will learn how to use Marshall 's program with impressive results. This is a much-needed book to help men and women of all ages in any type of committed romantic relationship to truly understand love and to point out the everyday habits that undermine growing together.
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If you feel stuck in a relationship, this book is a MUST!
- By Christopher on 05-09-19
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Thanks for the Feedback
- The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well
- By: Sheila Heen, Douglas Stone
- Narrated by: Sheila Heen, Douglas Stone
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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The coauthors of the New York Times best-selling Difficult Conversations take on the toughest topic of all: How we see ourselves. Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen have spent the past 15 years working with corporations, nonprofits, governments, and families to determine what helps us learn and what gets in our way. In Thanks for the Feedback, they explain why receiving feedback is so crucial yet so challenging. They blend the latest insights from neuroscience and psychology with practical, hard-headed advice.
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Poor narration ruins yet another good read
- By WordNerd on 08-25-14
By: Sheila Heen, and others
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Rethinking Narcissism
- The Bad - and Surprising Good - About Feeling Special
- By: Dr. Craig Malkin
- Narrated by: Kiff VandenHeuvel
- Length: 6 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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In Rethinking Narcissism listeners will learn that there's far more to narcissism than its reductive invective would imply. The truth is that narcissists (all of us) fall on a spectrum somewhere between utter selflessness on the one side and arrogance and grandiosity on the other. A healthy middle exhibits a strong sense of self.
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Great info, but proceed with caution
- By Caterina M. Platt on 11-16-17
By: Dr. Craig Malkin
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Bringing Up Girls
- Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women
- By: James C. Dobson
- Narrated by: James C. Dobson
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on extensive research, and handled with Dr. Dobson's trademark down-to-earth approach, Bringing Up Girls will equip parents like you to face the challenges of raising your daughters to become healthy, happy, and successful women who overcome challenges specific to girls and women today and who ultimately excel in life.
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Solid concepts, poor presentation
- By honuhunter on 12-06-18
By: James C. Dobson
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Feeling Good Together
- The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work
- By: David D. Burns MD
- Narrated by: Alan Sklar
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on 25 years of clinical experience and new, groundbreaking research involving more than 1,000 individuals, Feeling Good Together is filled with helpful examples and tools, such as the Relationship Satisfaction Test, the Blame Cost-Benefit Analysis, the Relationship Journal, Five Secrets of Effective Communication, the Intimacy Exercise, and more. Using these techniques, Dr. Burns shows you how to resolve virtually any kind of relationship conflict almost instantly.
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Best yet for communications Skills
- By Jeffrey J. Ardo on 03-20-10
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The Attachment Effect
- Exploring the Powerful Ways Our Earliest Bond Shapes Our Relationships and Lives
- By: Peter Lovenheim
- Narrated by: Graham Winton
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Attachment theory is having a moment. Recently covered in the New York Times Magazine, New York magazine, and elsewhere, it's also the subject of popular relationship guides. Why is this 60-year-old theory, widely accepted in psychological circles, suddenly in vogue? Because people are discovering how powerfully it sheds light on who we love - and how. Fascinated by the subject, award-winning journalist and author Peter Lovenheim went on a years-long journey to understand it from the inside out.
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Failed to Attach
- By Danielle SeCheverell on 07-21-20
By: Peter Lovenheim
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Compelling People
- The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential
- By: John Neffinger, Matthew Kohut
- Narrated by: Tim Andres Pabon
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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You will never look at people the same way again - including yourself - after this lively look at how we make character judgments. Drawing on cutting-edge social science research as well as their own work with Fortune 500 executives, members of Congress, and Nobel Prize winners, authors Matt Kohut and John Neffinger demystify the process we use to size each other up.
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Misleading Title.
- By don on 09-16-13
By: John Neffinger, and others
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Discovering the Mind of a Woman
- The Key to Becoming a Strong and Irresistible Husband Is...
- By: Ken Nair
- Narrated by: Henry Haggard
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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As the founder and president of Life Partners, a renowned discipleship ministry, bestselling author Ken Nair has discipled more than five hundred men in how to become more Christlike husbands—all of whom have experienced renewal and restoration in their relationships. Now, he's here to help you do the same. Drawing from stories from his own marriage, as well as the journeys of countless husbands whose marriages were dissolving, Nair reveals major roadblocks in life and in marriage.
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Challenging and convicting
- By MH3 on 07-08-23
By: Ken Nair
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A little more clarity -
- By Ella on 03-22-06
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The Argument Culture
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From the best-selling author of You Just Don't Understand comes another groundbreaking examination of the way we communicate - in public, in the media, in politics, in our courtrooms and classrooms - letting us see in a new way forces that are powerfully shaping our lives.
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Poor recording
- By Jennifer on 02-21-06
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Talking from 9 to 5
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You say something at a meeting and it is ignored; then when someone else says the same thing, everyone embraces it as a marvelous idea. You devote yourself to a project, but don't get credit for the results. You give what you think are clear instructions, but the job is not done, or done wrong.... Now, Deborah Tannen brings to the workplace the same voice, eye, and insight that made That's Not What I Meant! and You Just Don't Understand best-selling classics.
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Sexist
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The Power of Ritual
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What do Soul Cycle, gratitude journals, and tech breaks have in common? For ter Kuile, they offer rituals that create the foundation for our modern spiritual lives. Casper ter Kuile, a Harvard Divinity School fellow and cohost of the popular Harry Potter and the Sacred Text podcast, explores how we can nourish our souls by transforming common, everyday practices - yoga, reading, walking the dog - into sacred rituals that can heal our crisis of social isolation and struggle to find purpose.
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A helpful and heartfelt guide
- By Dan S. on 07-05-20
By: Casper ter Kuile
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You know the feeling: You thought you said exactly what you wanted to, but somehow a different message comes across. You end up feeling misunderstood...and the relationship that you're building -- at home, on the job, on a date, or in an interview -- slips a little further out of your control.
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Miscommunicated Title
- By Sara on 04-20-20
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A Praying Life is an honest look at the difficulties of prayer, unanswered prayers, and successes in prayer. Readers will appreciate Paul Miller's down-to-earth approach and practical nature. Parents will find his family-life experiences especially helpful.
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Missing content
- By Torey Jo on 02-01-20
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It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same language, but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the right balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other's power and underestimates her own.
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A little more clarity -
- By Ella on 03-22-06
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The Argument Culture
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From the best-selling author of You Just Don't Understand comes another groundbreaking examination of the way we communicate - in public, in the media, in politics, in our courtrooms and classrooms - letting us see in a new way forces that are powerfully shaping our lives.
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Poor recording
- By Jennifer on 02-21-06
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Sexist
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A helpful and heartfelt guide
- By Dan S. on 07-05-20
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You're the Only One I Can Tell
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Best friend, old friend, good friend, BFF, college roommate, neighbor, workplace confidante: women's friendships are lifelines in times of trouble and support systems for daily life. A friend can be like a sister, daughter, mother, mentor, therapist, or confessor - or she can be all of these at once. She's seen you at your worst and celebrates you at your best. Figuring out what it means to be friends is, in the end, no less than figuring out how we connect to other people.
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Diluted Tannen at best
- By Grace M-T on 06-04-17
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That's Not What I Meant
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The following series of lectures draws on linguistics, or the scientific study of language, to show the many ways in which language has a profound effect upon human relationships. These lectures address the various aspects and implications of what Professor Tannen calls "conversational style". It also looks at the dynamics of specific situations such as the workplace and classroom where the role of conversational style is of particular importance.
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Awful
- By Maroy on 11-08-08
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You Just Don't Understand
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This best selling audio program has revolutionized the way men and women talk and listen to each other - at home, at work, and wherever the communications gap between the sexes can lead to troublesome misunderstandings.
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men and women are different -- DUH!
- By David Justice on 11-29-04
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The Female Brain
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Why are women more verbal than men? Why do women remember details of fights that men can't remember at all? Why do women tend to form deeper bonds with their female friends than men do with their male counterparts? These and other questions have stumped both sexes throughout the ages. Now, pioneering neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, M.D., brings together the latest findings to show how the unique structure of the female brain determines how women think and what they value.
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Great material :^D -- Agonizing orator >:^(
- By Michael Dillman on 01-04-08
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The Inkblots
- Hermann Rorschach, His Iconic Test, and the Power of Seeing
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In 1917, working alone in a remote Swiss asylum, psychiatrist Hermann Rorschach devised an experiment to probe the human mind: a set of 10 carefully designed inkblots. For years he had grappled with the theories of Freud and Jung while also absorbing the aesthetic movements of the day, from futurism to dadaism. A visual artist himself, Rorschach had come to believe that who we are is less a matter of what we say, as Freud thought, than what we see.
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Memorable
- By Jason Comely on 03-04-17
By: Damion Searls
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I Only Say This Because I Love You
- How the Way We Talk Can Make or Break Family Relationships Throughout Our Lives
- By: Deborah Tannen
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- Unabridged
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Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? Linguist Deborah Tannen reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic - even when we're all adults. Searching for signs of acceptance, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages.
By: Deborah Tannen
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Finding Dorothy
- A Novel
- By: Elizabeth Letts
- Narrated by: Ann Marie Lee, Elizabeth Letts
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Hollywood, 1938: As soon as she learns MGM is adapting her late husband’s masterpiece for the screen, 77-year-old Maud Gage Baum sets about trying to finagle her way onto the set. Nineteen years after Frank’s passing, Maud is the only person who can help the producers stay true to the spirit of the book - because she’s the only one left who knows its secrets. But the moment she hears Judy Garland rehearsing the first notes of “Over the Rainbow”, Maud recognizes the yearning that defined her own life story.
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Simple
- By Douglas A. Saunders on 04-02-19
By: Elizabeth Letts
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Difficult Conversations
- How to Discuss What Matters Most
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We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day—whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. From the Harvard Negotiation Project, the organization that brought you Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations provides a step-by-step approach to having those tough conversations with less stress and more success.
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An overcomplication of simple points
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By: Douglas Stone, and others
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The Dance of Anger
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"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches both women and men to identify the true sources of anger and to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.
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Quick, concise, tactics and a good narrator
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The Art of Happiness
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The Dalai Lama will tell you that happiness is the purpose of life, and that "the very motion of our life is toward happiness." How to get there has always been the question. With the help of a psychiatrist, he now gets the message across in a context we can easily understand.
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Great ideas...poorly read.
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By: His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and others
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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
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- Unabridged
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Just as Masters and Johnson were pioneers in the study of human sexuality, so Dr. John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage. As a professor of psychology at the University of Washington and the founder and director of the Seattle Marital and Family Institute, he has studied the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over the course of many years. His findings, and his heavily attended workshops, have already turned around thousands of faltering marriages.
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not a good audiobook
- By jynlyn on 09-02-20
By: John M. Gottman PhD, and others
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Hold Me Tight
- Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
- By: Dr. Sue Johnson EdD
- Narrated by: Helen Keeley
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Heralded by the New York Times and Time as the couples therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world. In Hold Me Tight, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond.
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No PDFs
- By Michelle Johann on 09-11-20
What listeners say about You Just Don't Understand
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Savannah
- 01-14-18
This book is a gold mine
Barbara Rosenblat did the best reading of all the maybe 25ish books I’ve listened to. That was almost a reason in itself to listen to this book.
The content is a gold mine.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Meg
- 05-08-23
A must read for everyone
This book is incredibly important, and all people should read it. I saw in the reviews that some men didn’t like it, but they should really take note because everything in it is completely true. I kept having aha moments when I realized why men in my life do, and say the things that they do.
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- Chad
- 02-16-20
Great work on male-female communication difference
"Nonviolent Communication" is the book I recommend most, and this ties in with it beautifully, but focusing on differences in the communication styles between men and women. It's fascinating to learn about how humans work, such as how women's communication style changes as soon as there are any men in the room, but men use one communication style whether or not women are present. It's also interesting to see the large communication style differences between the sexes from toddlerhood on.
This book was helpful to me almost immediately. A female friend reached out to me to express a fear, and I strove to reassure her by logically explaining why her fear was unrealistic. The book contains a very similar example, and when I remembered it I realized it probably sounded like I was invalidating her fear and telling her that she was foolish to think that way. I tried to make up for my error, to empathize and show that I understood why it was scary.
That's just one example. Much of this book is just "hm, that's interesting" but there's a great deal that's practical and can be used immediately in conversation, or will just change how you approach some interpersonal situations differently. Highly recommended. This is the sort of material I would love to see students taught and trained in before they ever graduate high school.
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- J R Cavanaugh
- 01-30-22
Mind blown! GREAT BOOK
This book explains why a strawberry candy tastes “weird” if it is blue, and “good” if it is red. Read this book if sociological expectations for communications is a topic that interests you.
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- pebblesinwater
- 02-18-23
Important information
Another great book by Ms Tannen! I wish everyone would read this! Non-judgmental in approach, it opened my eyes to so many conversations that I have unknowingly misunderstood.
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- Constant Reader
- 01-30-24
Overall very good
This book seriously needs a complete, rewrite and update
Many of her examples, and some of her means of analysis, feel like they come from decades to go, and really have been supplanted by newer perspectives
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- Amazon Customer
- 07-19-22
This will change your life
Everyone should read or study Deborah Tannen. This is wonderful and insightful. The reading itself was clear and well paced, engaging and quiet enjoyable on the ear.
I also recommend checking out Tannen’s genius classic “That’s Not What I Meant” too… it’s the social Bible we all need to understand, communicate and excel even in the most confusing exchanges! It provides the teachings and tools to help strengthen self awareness and clarity in all of our different interpersonal relationships and areas of life. Don’t think twice, like all Deborah Tannen’s work - this is a diamond.
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- GinRyu42
- 03-17-22
So helpful!
This book has been astronomically helpful for me to understand the mechanics behind conversation and why my strategies for conversational inclusion often fell flat. I can better appreciate the men in my life 'cause I understand their conversational style as a difference instead of a negative aspect of their character.
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- Terese
- 12-23-16
Long on explanation,short on application.
Good research. Prefer more application of insights. Author took too long to make a point.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Marty Denholm
- 04-24-18
I don't give 5 stars lightly
this is one of those books that is life changing. it explained me in so many ways and also interactions I have had with others. Tthank you Jessica for sending it my way.
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