That's Not What I Meant
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Narrated by:
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Deborah Tannen
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By:
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Deborah Tannen
About this listen
You know the feeling: You thought you said exactly what you wanted to, but somehow a different message comes across. You end up feeling misunderstood...and the relationship that you're building -- at home, on the job, on a date, or in an interview -- slips a little further out of your control.
Talk is the key to any relationship and conversational style is the key to any conversation. In That's Not What I Meant!, Dr. Tannen helps you recognize your own conversational style and understand the styles of others.
Whether you are dealing with a person who's too quiet or someone who's a conversational bulldozer, learning to understand conversational style will help you deal with any situation. Through this understanding, you can prevent small differences from sparking big arguments, really hear what was said -- and what wasn't.
That's Not What I Meant! will give you the tools to save any conversation -- or relationship.
©1987 Deborah Tannen (P)1991 Simon & SchusterListeners also enjoyed...
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Poor narration ruins yet another good read
- By WordNerd on 08-25-14
By: Sheila Heen, and others
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Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love, Revised Edition
- Relationship Repair in a Flash
- By: Nancy Dreyfus PsyD
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 5 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Talk to Me like I'm Someone You Love is a brilliant interactive relationship tool that can help couples stop arguing and begin healing. This revised edition features two new sections - one on making love and another on deepening trust - containing more than 25 new "flash cards for real life", statements that hold the power to express what we wish we could say to the person we love but for which we can't find either the right words or the right tone in which to say them.
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Is there a companion PDF with the flashcards one could print?
- By Brandy Fagan on 09-13-22
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Love Is Never Enough
- How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive Therapy
- By: Aaron T. Beck MD
- Narrated by: Bob Dio
- Length: 12 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Love Is Never Enough explores the most common problems in marriage: the power of negative thinking, disillusionment, rigid rules and expectations, and miscommunication. These issues can be approached through cognitive therapy, in which thinking through and reasoning are used to counteract the poor communication that so often erodes relationships. With eloquence and accessibility, Aaron T. Beck, MD, shows how effective communication can restore and strengthen the ties and bonds between couples.
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Great book with help for sticky points
- By Ernest Maifrini on 10-22-16
By: Aaron T. Beck MD
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The Curse of the Good Girl
- Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence
- By: Rachel Simmons
- Narrated by: Christina Moore
- Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Rachel Simmons is a New York Times best-selling author and the founding director of the Girls' Leadership Institute. The Curse of the Good Girl looks into the phenomenon of the glass ceiling placed on girls who attempt to live up to the standard of being "good". Simmons then shows how parents can help build girls' self-esteem and give them the strength to pursue their goals.
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Best book for mom's of daughters that I have read
- By Wendy on 05-20-10
By: Rachel Simmons
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Bonds That Make Us Free
- Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves
- By: C. Terry Warner
- Narrated by: C. Terry Warner
- Length: 10 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Bonds That Make Us Free is a groundbreaking book that suggests the remedy for our troubling emotions by addressing their root causes. You'll learn how, in ways we scarcely suspect, we are responsible for feelings like anger, envy, and insecurity that we have blamed on others. Even though we fear to admit this, it is good news. If we produce these emotions, it falls within our power to stop them. But we have to understand our part in them far better than we do, and that is what this remarkable book teaches.
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Helped save our marriage.
- By Kevin Gray on 02-15-19
By: C. Terry Warner
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The Like Switch
- An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over
- By: Jack Schafer PhD, Ph.D. Marvin Karlins Ph.D.
- Narrated by: George Newbern
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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The Like Switch is packed with all the tools you need for turning strangers into friends, whether you are on a sales call, a first date, or a job interview. As a Special Agent for the FBI's National Security Division's Behavioral Analysis Program, Dr. Jack Schafer developed dynamic and breakthrough strategies for profiling terrorists and detecting deception. Now, Dr. Schafer has evolved his proven-on-the-battlefield tactics for the day-to-day, but no less critical battle of getting people to like you.
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Very informative , PDF on audible website....
- By Michael Jones on 11-30-15
By: Jack Schafer PhD, and others
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Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man
- Coping with Hidden Aggression - From the Bedroom to the Boardroom
- By: Scott Wetzler Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Matthew Josdal
- Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you know one of these men? The catch-me-if-you-can lover...Phil's romantic and passionate one minute, distant and cold the next. The deviously manipulative coworker or boss...Jack denies resenting Nora's rapid rise in the company, but when they're assigned to work together on a project, he undermines her. The obstructionist, procrastinating husband...Bob keeps telling his wife he'll finish the painting job he began years ago, but he never seems to get around to it. These are all classic examples of the passive aggressive man.
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A good review of the PA type man
- By Dew on 12-29-17
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30 Lessons for Loving
- Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage
- By: Karl Pillemer Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on the most detailed survey of long married people ever conducted, 30 Lessons for Loving shows the way to lifelong, fulfilling relationships. The author, an internationally renowned gerontologist at Cornell University, offers sage advice from the oldest and wisest Americans on everything from finding a partner, to deciding to commit, to growing old together.
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Our Elders Really are the Experts!
- By Cher Finnan on 12-29-15
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Self-Esteem
- A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem
- By: Matthew McKay PhD, Patrick Fanning
- Narrated by: Gillian Vance
- Length: 13 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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The much-anticipated fourth edition of the best-selling classic by Matthew McKay, Self-Esteem is the go-to guide for those seeking to increase their sense of self-worth. This fully revised new edition features an innovative application of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to self-esteem and utilizes updated cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help listeners create positive change and thrive.
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for professionals only
- By Sharon B on 01-12-21
By: Matthew McKay PhD, and others
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The Introvert's Way
- Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World
- By: Sophia Dembling
- Narrated by: Rose Itzcovitz
- Length: 4 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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This clever and pithy audiobook challenges introverts to take ownership of their personalities...with quiet strength. Sophia Dembling asserts that the introvert’s lifestyle is not "wrong" or lacking, as society or extroverts would have us believe. Through a combination of personal insights and psychology, The Introvert’s Way helps and encourages introverts to embrace their nature, to respect traits they may have been ashamed of and reframe them as assets.
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Common Sense Fluff
- By James on 06-17-15
By: Sophia Dembling
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Deborah Tannen...
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Awful
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Poor recording
- By Jennifer on 02-21-06
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A little more clarity -
- By Ella on 03-22-06
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You say something at a meeting and it is ignored; then when someone else says the same thing, everyone embraces it as a marvelous idea. You devote yourself to a project, but don't get credit for the results. You give what you think are clear instructions, but the job is not done, or done wrong.... Now, Deborah Tannen brings to the workplace the same voice, eye, and insight that made That's Not What I Meant! and You Just Don't Understand best-selling classics.
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Sexist
- By Anonymous User on 07-25-17
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You're the Only One I Can Tell
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Best friend, old friend, good friend, BFF, college roommate, neighbor, workplace confidante: women's friendships are lifelines in times of trouble and support systems for daily life. A friend can be like a sister, daughter, mother, mentor, therapist, or confessor - or she can be all of these at once. She's seen you at your worst and celebrates you at your best. Figuring out what it means to be friends is, in the end, no less than figuring out how we connect to other people.
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Diluted Tannen at best
- By Grace M-T on 06-04-17
By: Deborah Tannen
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Deborah Tannen...
- By Douglas on 02-18-14
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Overall
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Performance
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The following series of lectures draws on linguistics, or the scientific study of language, to show the many ways in which language has a profound effect upon human relationships. These lectures address the various aspects and implications of what Professor Tannen calls "conversational style". It also looks at the dynamics of specific situations such as the workplace and classroom where the role of conversational style is of particular importance.
-
-
Awful
- By Maroy on 11-08-08
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The Argument Culture
- Moving from Debate to Dialogue
- By: Deborah Tannen Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Deborah Tannen
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- Abridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
From the best-selling author of You Just Don't Understand comes another groundbreaking examination of the way we communicate - in public, in the media, in politics, in our courtrooms and classrooms - letting us see in a new way forces that are powerfully shaping our lives.
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Poor recording
- By Jennifer on 02-21-06
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You're Wearing That?
- Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation
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- Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell
- Length: 9 hrs and 29 mins
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Overall
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Performance
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It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same language, but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the right balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other's power and underestimates her own.
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-
A little more clarity -
- By Ella on 03-22-06
By: Deborah Tannen
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- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Deborah Tannen
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
You say something at a meeting and it is ignored; then when someone else says the same thing, everyone embraces it as a marvelous idea. You devote yourself to a project, but don't get credit for the results. You give what you think are clear instructions, but the job is not done, or done wrong.... Now, Deborah Tannen brings to the workplace the same voice, eye, and insight that made That's Not What I Meant! and You Just Don't Understand best-selling classics.
-
-
Sexist
- By Anonymous User on 07-25-17
By: Deborah Tannen
-
You're the Only One I Can Tell
- Inside the Language of Women's Friendships
- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Deborah Tannen
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Best friend, old friend, good friend, BFF, college roommate, neighbor, workplace confidante: women's friendships are lifelines in times of trouble and support systems for daily life. A friend can be like a sister, daughter, mother, mentor, therapist, or confessor - or she can be all of these at once. She's seen you at your worst and celebrates you at your best. Figuring out what it means to be friends is, in the end, no less than figuring out how we connect to other people.
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Diluted Tannen at best
- By Grace M-T on 06-04-17
By: Deborah Tannen
What listeners say about That's Not What I Meant
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Miyuki
- 01-28-23
Nice book. Wish it was longer.
It’s a book that helps me understand why miscommunication happens. Wish there is a fix for it. 😅
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- Chad
- 06-28-21
Some communication tips
This extremely short work discusses some of the miscommunication issues that can arise in conversation due to differences coming from gender, culture or individual traits. It provides a handy look at how to reinterpet people's communications that may otherwise seem nonsensical.
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- J Goldman
- 09-13-23
Short and sweet
More of an introduction on communication rather than an actual book... needed to be longer !
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- angela hinds
- 05-28-24
How to reframe conversations
I didn’t realize how short the book was wish it was a longer book. Great information.
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- KellysHero718
- 04-02-15
Insightful, As Always
Excellent information, excellent advice, but not enough of it. I didn't realize this was a severely abridged version of Tannen's work, or I would have looked for it elsewhere.
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3 people found this helpful
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- raymond colon
- 07-20-18
Good read
Insightful on how we all have different communication styles and some good general suggestions on how to avoid miscommunication.
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- Sara
- 04-20-20
Miscommunicated Title
This is an extremely abridged version yet doesn't say that in the title like most books do. For the topic of communicating clearly, this missed the mark. Wish I could get my credit back.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 01-25-24
not the full book
this is not the full book at all. i wish i could get my credit back!
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1 person found this helpful