Preview
  • You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse

  • Guardians of the Apocalypse, Book 1
  • By: Jeff Thomson
  • Narrated by: Matthew Crow
  • Length: 10 hrs and 54 mins
  • 4.1 out of 5 stars (97 ratings)

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You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse

By: Jeff Thomson
Narrated by: Matthew Crow
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Publisher's summary

The crew of the USCG Buoy Tender Sassafras, out of Honolulu, has embodied the Coast Guard’s motto: Always ready, in every mission, every circumstance, every crazy thing mother nature and the US government has seen fit to dump in their laps. They’ve been doing so much, with so little, for so long, they feel ready to face anything. But then, they’ve never had to face a zombie apocalypse.

©2018 Jeffrey S. Thomson (P)2020 Jeffrey S. Thomson
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What listeners say about You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse

Average customer ratings
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awesome story

I just can't wait for the next book in the series. Jeff Thomson has a winner with this book.

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1 person found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Excellent addition to the genre

The title is aptly named. You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse, it's well-plotted, well-written, witty, humorous, exciting, and entertaining. Definitely, an excellent start to the series. The storyline follows various characters, and you get insight as to who they are and their roles in the overall plot. Jeff Thomson has done an exceptional job with the cast; they were well-developed, realistic, diverse, and some quite interesting. Furthermore, Thomson created realism by incorporating his expertise and personal knowledge of the Coast Guard culture into the story.

A stellar performance by Matthew Crow, he captured the narrative and the characters flawlessly. He is a talented narrator with the ability to use a wide range of tones to depict the distinct personalities. You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse is an excellent addition to the genre, one I highly recommend to the zompoc enthusiasts.

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4 people found this helpful

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loved it

laughed from beginning to end :) I need to write more it says. happy listening

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2 people found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Listener received this title free

Disturbing and Funny

This is by far one of the BEST new Zombie Apocalypse books I have listened to.

The characters and their backstories are very well developed and great to get to know.

Matthew Crow MADE these characters come to life and I would recommend him to do the rest of the series! Mr. Crow is one of the BEST narrators that I currently listen too!


I was voluntarily provided this review copy audiobook at no charge by the author, narrator, and/or publisher.

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Coast Guard for the win!

Most zombie books seem to focus on 2 primary character types. The average family/person or the military. Yet, I can’t remember a single Coast Guard member ever being featured prominently in any of those books. If I missed someone, sorry. But that’s the point. Jeff Thomson fixes that. Following the crew of the Sassafras, we meet a group of true heroes. A blend of personalities that you’d find on many C.G Cutters. They are, mostly, very likable and relatable. There’s always that one jerk. The zombies are a nice break from the traditional zombie. No spoilers. Get this book. Hop on board and set sail on a Fantastic Voyage! A bloody voyage. But fantastic, nonetheless. 5 Stars!

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It's The Waking Dead meats The Last Ship

Amazing book. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was better than World War Z. I especially loved the sense of humor in the middle of all the bloodshed:)

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    5 out of 5 stars
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Gripping audio book

I’ve never listened to or read a book where the end of the world is portrayed on the water. I have to say the difference in location was refreshing. I loved how the book is told from a couple different parties and at every twist and turn you really do t know who will survive or what will happen. Can’t wait to listen to the next. The narrator did a wonderful job bringing this book to life.

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2 people found this helpful

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10 out of 10

This book gets a ten out of ten from me because on the cover instead of a normal gun he’s got boba fetts blaster.

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  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

Good, but suffers from a scattered narrative

The overall narrative is pretty good. Fun characters and no weirdness like some other series (looking at you Apocalypse Crusade). The only complaint I have is that the narrative skips from perspective to perspective at random, with no blatantly obvious reasoning for it. It got fairly tiresome by the end of the book when I just wanted to know what happened to the characters.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars
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Enjoyable Listening

This was a thoroughly entertaining listening experience, Jeff Thomson is a writer I hope to continue reading/listening to the books to follow in this continuing story. Matthew Crow does a fine job of reading to us. I received this audio book for free in a promo, and I am voluntarily writing this review.

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3 people found this helpful