You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse
Guardians of the Apocalypse, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Matthew Crow
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By:
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Jeff Thomson
About this listen
The crew of the USCG Buoy Tender Sassafras, out of Honolulu, has embodied the Coast Guard’s motto: Always ready, in every mission, every circumstance, every crazy thing mother nature and the US government has seen fit to dump in their laps. They’ve been doing so much, with so little, for so long, they feel ready to face anything. But then, they’ve never had to face a zombie apocalypse.
©2018 Jeffrey S. Thomson (P)2020 Jeffrey S. ThomsonListeners also enjoyed...
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Good, but narrator talks really fast
- By T. Winter on 08-11-18
By: James S. Murray, and others
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Titanborn
- By: Rhett C. Bruno
- Narrated by: R.C. Bray
- Length: 7 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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After decades hunting wanted offworlders throughout the solar system, Corporate Bounty Hunter Malcolm Graves doesn't bother asking questions. So long as the pay is right, he's the man for the job. And he always works alone. But when a high-profile bombing on Earth has Pervenio Corp clamoring for answers, they force him to team up with a strange, cyber-augmented partner. A young man more interested in statistics than instinct. Their assignment: Track down a suspected group of extremists from Titan who will go to any length to free their moon from the grip of Earth's corporations.
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Great Mystery Sci-fi
- By Bryan on 02-08-19
By: Rhett C. Bruno
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Highfire
- A Novel
- By: Eoin Colfer
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 9 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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In the days of yore, he flew the skies and scorched angry mobs - now he hides from swamp tour boats and rises only with the greatest reluctance from his La-Z-Boy recliner. Laying low in the bayou, this once-magnificent fire breather has been reduced to lighting Marlboros with nose sparks, swilling Absolut in a Flashdance T-shirt, and binging Netflix in a fishing shack. For centuries, he struck fear in hearts far and wide as Wyvern, Lord Highfire of the Highfire Eyrie - now he goes by Vern.
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Fun
- By Alex Sumner on 02-28-20
By: Eoin Colfer
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The Missing Boatman
- By: Keith C. Blackmore
- Narrated by: P.J. Ochlan
- Length: 20 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Miracles are happening. Pray to God they stop. In the dead of winter, on a highway in Quebec, a man crashes his car and survives. In New York, a homeless person is run over by a bus and lives. In Tokyo, a teenager jumps off a high rise building and fails in taking her own life. All over the world, miracles like these transpire, and people breathe a sigh of relief. But for the next week, some people will begin to suspect a terrible truth. A handful will even search for it. One man will find it. And in seven days, all hell will break loose.
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I guess RC Bray was busy...
- By N.S. on 10-30-18
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Rebel Stars: Books 0-2
- By: Edward W. Robertson
- Narrated by: Ray Chase
- Length: 20 hrs
- Unabridged
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A thousand years ago, an alien invasion set humanity back to the Iron Age. Slowly, we recovered, colonizing the Solar System in peace. And discovered that an unknown force is stopping us from exploring any farther. But before the cause can be discovered, a slow-burning conspiracy threatens to explode into System-wide war. With enemies at home and in the darkness beyond, a team of unlikely heroes-a janitor, a mercenary, an asteroid miner, and a pirate-are the only ones who can avert a second apocalypse. This set includes the first three books of the newly-finished REBEL STARS series.
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Fun and entertaining.
- By Shirley on 01-04-18
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Deal with the Devil
- A Mercenary Librarians Novel, Book 1
- By: Kit Rocha
- Narrated by: Lidia Dornet
- Length: 12 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Nina is an information broker with a mission - she and her team of mercenary librarians use their knowledge to save the hopeless in a crumbling America. Knox is the bitter, battle-weary captain of the Silver Devils. His squad of supersoldiers went AWOL to avoid slaughtering innocents, and now he's fighting to survive. They're on a deadly collision course, and the passion that flares between them only makes it more dangerous. They could burn down the world, destroying each other in the process....
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Great new series by Kit Rocha
- By AudiobookMel on 04-04-21
By: Kit Rocha
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Gun Ship
- By: Mark Wayne McGinnis
- Narrated by: Fred Berman
- Length: 10 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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During the day, he’s a South Chicago high school janitor, slopping a mop around from nine o’clock to three o’clock, five days a week. At night, hiding out in a boarded-up factory, he attends to his damaged interstellar spacecraft, making repairs and counting the days until he can return to his homeworld of Calunoth. All he needs to do is mind his own business and avoid any messy human dramas for just a few more weeks. But it is on one of those quiet nights when he hears them outside: the MP140s. Named for a police radio code for murder, they're among the most ruthless killers.
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depressing as hell
- By Christopher L Rader on 08-20-20
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Ex-Superheroes
- By: A.J. Markam
- Narrated by: Tad Branson
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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It’s the end of the 21st century, and Hunter McNeil is your average, ordinary, ex-Army Ranger with superpowers. He’s serving time unjustly in a Supermax for supervillains when a botched prison break puts him in the crosshairs of an Army general who runs the Super-Powered Combatants Corp. Turns out a coordinated strike has put supervillains in charge of every major city in the world, and Hunter is the only hope at restoring order. And so Hunter sets out to do what he does best: kill supervillains. Save the world. And build a harem of smokin’ hot, super-powered women to help him.
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Half Literary Porn
- By ReWrite from Shadow on 01-18-21
By: A.J. Markam
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Supernatural Inc.: Book 1
- By: Simon Archer
- Narrated by: Gabriel McKnight
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Life on Shelnora Island seemed to be perfect for me. A tropical paradise, great food, and beautiful women at the local sorority . . . until I crossed paths with a mysterious murder and sightings of an honest-to-God werewolf! Now I'm surrounded by three beautiful women, all drawn into the mystery, and it turns out that my new dog is a smoking hot shapeshifter. Life's gotten crazy, but maybe, if we all work together, we'll find out who the real killer is. Could it be the curmudgeonly divemaster with a grudge? The sleazy resort owner drumming up sensationalism for tourist bucks?
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Its like Scooby-Doo but with a harem and explicit content
- By Amazon Customer on 07-01-24
By: Simon Archer
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Occupation
- Rise, Book 1
- By: Devon C. Ford, Nathan Hystad
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Alec works in the Detroit Overseer-factories, building a mysterious alien device. When three strangers appear, he's provided an opportunity to escape after years of servitude. Cole, a Freeborn loner, encounters Lina after her village is destroyed by the alien Occupation. Together, they make the arduous journey to a fabled safe-zone, trying to stay one step ahead of the enemy drones on their trail. Dex is a Hunter, working for the Occupation to track down escaped factory slaves, or Roamers, at all costs. But his latest hunt uncovers a massive secret.
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Exceptional Character Driven Alien Invasion Story!
- By Jas P on 05-24-20
By: Devon C. Ford, and others
What listeners say about You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Angie
- 11-19-20
awesome story
I just can't wait for the next book in the series. Jeff Thomson has a winner with this book.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Sara B
- 09-11-20
Excellent addition to the genre
The title is aptly named. You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse, it's well-plotted, well-written, witty, humorous, exciting, and entertaining. Definitely, an excellent start to the series. The storyline follows various characters, and you get insight as to who they are and their roles in the overall plot. Jeff Thomson has done an exceptional job with the cast; they were well-developed, realistic, diverse, and some quite interesting. Furthermore, Thomson created realism by incorporating his expertise and personal knowledge of the Coast Guard culture into the story.
A stellar performance by Matthew Crow, he captured the narrative and the characters flawlessly. He is a talented narrator with the ability to use a wide range of tones to depict the distinct personalities. You're Never Ready for a Zombie Apocalypse is an excellent addition to the genre, one I highly recommend to the zompoc enthusiasts.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 10-29-20
loved it
laughed from beginning to end :) I need to write more it says. happy listening
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2 people found this helpful
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- Hepcat89
- 09-08-20
Disturbing and Funny
This is by far one of the BEST new Zombie Apocalypse books I have listened to.
The characters and their backstories are very well developed and great to get to know.
Matthew Crow MADE these characters come to life and I would recommend him to do the rest of the series! Mr. Crow is one of the BEST narrators that I currently listen too!
I was voluntarily provided this review copy audiobook at no charge by the author, narrator, and/or publisher.
I voluntarily left this review.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Jack Childress
- 03-02-22
Coast Guard for the win!
Most zombie books seem to focus on 2 primary character types. The average family/person or the military. Yet, I can’t remember a single Coast Guard member ever being featured prominently in any of those books. If I missed someone, sorry. But that’s the point. Jeff Thomson fixes that. Following the crew of the Sassafras, we meet a group of true heroes. A blend of personalities that you’d find on many C.G Cutters. They are, mostly, very likable and relatable. There’s always that one jerk. The zombies are a nice break from the traditional zombie. No spoilers. Get this book. Hop on board and set sail on a Fantastic Voyage! A bloody voyage. But fantastic, nonetheless. 5 Stars!
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1 person found this helpful
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- CK
- 06-27-21
It's The Waking Dead meats The Last Ship
Amazing book. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was better than World War Z. I especially loved the sense of humor in the middle of all the bloodshed:)
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1 person found this helpful
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- Shantelle Hazelton
- 11-10-20
Gripping audio book
I’ve never listened to or read a book where the end of the world is portrayed on the water. I have to say the difference in location was refreshing. I loved how the book is told from a couple different parties and at every twist and turn you really do t know who will survive or what will happen. Can’t wait to listen to the next. The narrator did a wonderful job bringing this book to life.
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2 people found this helpful
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- shawn
- 03-27-23
10 out of 10
This book gets a ten out of ten from me because on the cover instead of a normal gun he’s got boba fetts blaster.
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- Daniel
- 07-11-21
Good, but suffers from a scattered narrative
The overall narrative is pretty good. Fun characters and no weirdness like some other series (looking at you Apocalypse Crusade). The only complaint I have is that the narrative skips from perspective to perspective at random, with no blatantly obvious reasoning for it. It got fairly tiresome by the end of the book when I just wanted to know what happened to the characters.
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- kutzkai
- 01-17-21
Enjoyable Listening
This was a thoroughly entertaining listening experience, Jeff Thomson is a writer I hope to continue reading/listening to the books to follow in this continuing story. Matthew Crow does a fine job of reading to us. I received this audio book for free in a promo, and I am voluntarily writing this review.
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3 people found this helpful