South Rock High

A long time ago, in a suburban high school not so far away, a closeted nerd (me) and a closeted soccer star (Hutch) fell in love and planned to make their public debut at prom. Until Hutch bailed at the last minute, leaving me with a broken heart and unworn tuxedo. Tale as old as time, right? I spent the past ten years working to forget Hutch, returning to our old high school to teach and make new memories that could erase ones of him. I thought Hutch was ancient history, off living his professional athlete life.

I should be a glitter bomb of excitement about my college friends getting married. But all I can think about is running into my uber-successful ex and his new boyfriend at the wedding . . . while I'm flying painfully solo. I need a plus one, stat. Enter Raleigh Marshall. As luck (or misfortune) would have it, a picture of me and South Rock High's too-blessed-to-be-stressed football coach accidentally finds its way on social media, making people believe we're an item. Raleigh is hot, charming, and one of South Rock's most popular teachers. The problem is that he knows it.

In one month, I turn thirty-five with my virginity still intact. Is there anything more embarrassing than knowing most of my French students have gotten more action than me? Je suis triste. When I accidentally reveal this secret to my close friend and co-worker Seamus, South Rock's baseball coach, he offers to help me round the bases. It has to be a joke, because Seamus is one million percent straight. There's no way he'd want to fool around with a chubby language nerd like me, even though I've harbored a secret crush on him since the day he first walked into the teachers' lounge.

I love watching chemicals bond, but I avoid the practice myself. When I'm not teaching, I'm hanging out with my cat and putting together puzzles. I shy away from romantic entanglements because I know firsthand the collateral damage they cause. Until I bump into Anton and Sebastian: best friends, business partners, and former wrestling superstars at South Rock High who could barely pass my class. Catching up turns into drinking, which turns into dancing, which turns into them practicing wrestling moves on me, sans clothing.