Beyond Birds and Bees
Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids About Sex, Love, and Equality
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Narrated by:
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Bonnie J. Rough
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By:
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Bonnie J. Rough
About this listen
A provocative inquiry into how we teach our children about bodies, sex, relationships, and equality - with revelatory, practical takeaways from the author's research and eye-opening observations from the world-famous Dutch approach
Award-winning author Bonnie J. Rough never expected to write a book about sex, but life handed her a revelation too vital to ignore. As an American parent grappling with concerns about raising children in a society steeped in stereotypes and sexual shame, she couldn't quite picture how to teach the facts of life with a fearless, easygoing, positive attitude. Then a job change relocated her family to Amsterdam, where she soon witnessed the relaxed and egalitarian sexual attitudes of the Dutch. There, she discovered, children learn from babyhood that bodies are normal, the world's best sex ed begins in kindergarten, cooties are a foreign concept, puberty is no big surprise, and questions about sex are welcome at the dinner table.
In Beyond Birds and Bees, Rough reveals how although normalizing human sexuality may sound risky, doing so actually prevents unintended consequences, leads to better health and success for our children, and lays the foundation for a future of gender equality. Exploring how the Dutch example translates to American life, Rough highlights a growing wave of ambitious American parents, educators, and influencers poised to transform sex ed - and our society - for the better, and shows how families everywhere can give a modern lift to the birds and bees.
Down to earth and up to the minute with our profound new cultural conversations about gender, sex, power, autonomy, diversity, and consent, Rough's careful research and engaging storytelling illuminate a forward path for a groundbreaking generation of Americans who want clear examples and actionable steps for how to support children's sexual development - and overall well-being - from birth onward at home, in schools, and across our evolving culture.
©2018 Bonnie J. Rough (P)2018 Seal PressListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"What a gift! Bonnie J. Rough offers a much-needed breath of fresh air in her wonderful new approach to discussing sex, love, and equality with our kids. Her smart, vigorously well-researched, and funny book is a great guide for families to read and discuss as their kids grow up." (Caroline Grant, codirector, Sustainable Arts Foundation)
"The conversation Rough starts about sexuality and gender equality in Beyond Birds & Bees is one we all need to be having - with our partners, our kids, our kids' teachers, our legislators - well: everybody. Read it. Start talking." (Jill Christman, author of Darkroom: A Family Exposure and Borrowed Babies: Apprenticing for Motherhood)
"With humor, humility, and gentleness, Bonnie J. Rough takes us on her journey of discovery and leaves us somewhere surprising and wonderful. Along the way, her practical tips add up to a transformative rethinking of what it means to teach our children about sex. This is a book that can help everybody: parents who know what they're doing, parents who worry they don't have a clue, and the rest of us, too, who never got the loving, tender teaching we deserved." (Lisa Wade, best-selling author of American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus)
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- Renegade Rules for Raising Confident and Creative Kids
- By: Heather Shumaker
- Narrated by: Laurel Lefkow
- Length: 9 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Heather Shumaker has sparked much discussion with her "renegade rules for raising competent and compassionate kids". In this follow-up book, she takes on new hot-button issues like banning homework, technology use, and skipping kindergarten. Shumaker offers broader guidance on how parents can control their own anger and move from an overscheduled life to one of more free play.
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Amazing resource for parents and teachers
- By Ahmed on 05-11-16
By: Heather Shumaker
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Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed
- Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids
- By: Meghan Daum
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller, Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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One of the main topics of cultural conversation during the last decade was the supposed "fertility crisis" and whether modern women could figure out a way to have it all - a successful, demanding career and the required 2.3 children - before their biological clocks stopped ticking. Now, however, conversation has turned to whether it's necessary to have it all (see Anne-Marie Slaughter) or, perhaps more controversial, whether children are really a requirement for a fulfilling life.
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Am I the only sane childfree woman in here?
- By J. Malouin on 09-29-15
By: Meghan Daum
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The Secrets of Happy Families
- Surprising New Ideas to Bring More Togetherness, Less Chaos, and Greater Joy
- By: Bruce Feiler
- Narrated by: Bruce Feiler
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Best-selling author and New York Times family columnist Bruce Feiler found himself squeezed between caring for aging parents and raising his children. So he set out on a three-year journey to find the smartest solutions and the most cutting-edge research about families. Instead of the usual family "experts", he sought out the most creative minds - from Silicon Valley to the set of Modern Family, from the country's top negotiators to the Green Berets - and asked them what team-building exercises and problem-solving techniques they use with their families.
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Well worth reading, even if you can't do it all!
- By Amazon Customer on 02-28-13
By: Bruce Feiler
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Pure
- Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free
- By: Linda Kay Klein
- Narrated by: Linda Kay Klein
- Length: 8 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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In the 1990s, a “purity industry” emerged out of the white evangelical Christian culture. Purity rings, purity pledges, and purity balls came with a dangerous message: girls are potential sexual “stumbling blocks” for boys and men, and any expression of a girl’s sexuality could reflect the corruption of her character. This message traumatized many girls - resulting in anxiety, fear, and experiences that mimicked the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder - and trapped them in a cycle of shame.
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I expected a different ending I suppose
- By Military Dad on 12-12-18
By: Linda Kay Klein
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Oddly Normal
- One Family's Struggle to Help Their Teenage Son Come to Terms with His Sexuality
- By: John Schwartz
- Narrated by: John Schwartz, Joseph Schwartz
- Length: 6 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Three years ago, John Schwartz, a national correspondent for the New York Times, got the call that every parent hopes never to receive: His 13-year-old son, Joe, was in the hospital following a suicide attempt. Mustering the courage to come out to his classmates, Joe had delivered a tirade about homophobic and sexist attitudes that was greeted with unease and confusion by his fellow students. Hours later, he took an overdose of pills.
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The Effect of Parental Caring
- By Wiliam on 01-16-13
By: John Schwartz
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Redefining Realness
- My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More
- By: Janet Mock
- Narrated by: Janet Mock
- Length: 8 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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With unflinching honesty and moving prose, Janet Mock relays her experiences of growing up young, multiracial, poor, and trans in America, offering listeners accessible language while imparting vital insight about the unique challenges and vulnerabilities of a marginalized and misunderstood population.
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A Wonderful Memoir
- By Jo on 01-24-16
By: Janet Mock
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The Attachment Effect
- Exploring the Powerful Ways Our Earliest Bond Shapes Our Relationships and Lives
- By: Peter Lovenheim
- Narrated by: Graham Winton
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Attachment theory is having a moment. Recently covered in the New York Times Magazine, New York magazine, and elsewhere, it's also the subject of popular relationship guides. Why is this 60-year-old theory, widely accepted in psychological circles, suddenly in vogue? Because people are discovering how powerfully it sheds light on who we love - and how. Fascinated by the subject, award-winning journalist and author Peter Lovenheim went on a years-long journey to understand it from the inside out.
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Failed to Attach
- By Danielle SeCheverell on 07-21-20
By: Peter Lovenheim
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Carly's Voice
- Breaking Through Autism
- By: Arthur Fleischmann, Carly Fleischmann
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor, Cassandra Campbell
- Length: 11 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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At the age of two, Carly Fleischmann was diagnosed with severe autism and an oral motor condition that prevented her from speaking. Doctors predicted that she would never intellectually develop beyond the abilities of a small child. Although she made some progress after years of intensive behavioral and communication therapy, Carly remained largely unreachable. Then, at age 10, Carly had a breakthrough....
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A peek inside...
- By Yolanda on 08-09-13
By: Arthur Fleischmann, and others
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Cinderella Ate My Daughter
- Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture
- By: Peggy Orenstein
- Narrated by: Peggy Orenstein
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Pink and pretty or predatory and hardened, sexualized girlhood influences our daughters from infancy onward, telling them that how a girl looks matters more than who she is. Somewhere between the exhilarating rise of Girl Power in the 1990s and today, the pursuit of physical perfection has been recast as a source - the source - of female empowerment. And commercialization has spread the message faster and farther, reaching girls at ever-younger ages.
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No solution just worry
- By Marie on 06-28-12
By: Peggy Orenstein
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Odd Girl Out
- By: Rachel Simmons
- Narrated by: Ruth Ann Phimister
- Length: 12 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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When boys act out, get into fights, or become physically aggressive, we can't avoid noticing their bad behavior. But it is easy to miss the subtle signs of aggression in girls: the dirty looks, the taunting notes, or the exclusion from the group, that send girls home crying.
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Compelling and informative
- By Cynthia on 10-17-04
By: Rachel Simmons
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Love That Boy
- What Two Presidents, Eight Road Trips, and My Son Taught Me About a Parent's Expectations
- By: Ron Fournier
- Narrated by: Jonathan Yen
- Length: 6 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Love That Boy is a uniquely personal story about the causes and costs of outsized parental expectations. What we want for our children - popularity, normalcy, achievement, genius - and what they truly need - grit, empathy, character - are explored by National Journal's Ron Fournier, who weaves his extraordinary journey to acceptance around the latest research on childhood development and stories of other loving-but-struggling parents.
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Very enjoyable. Listened to it twice.
- By howharryisharry on 09-05-17
By: Ron Fournier
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Have a New Teenager by Friday
- From Mouthy and Moody to Respectful and Responsible in 5 Days
- By: Kevin Leman
- Narrated by: Kirby Heybourne
- Length: 9 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Congratulations! You have a teenager in your home. Life will never quite be the same again (of course, you already know that). But it can be better than you’ve ever dreamed. In fact, you’re just five days away from your teenager asking, “What can I do to help?” Guaranteed! With his signature wit and commonsense psychology, internationally recognized family expert and New York Times best-selling author Dr. Kevin Leman will help you. your teenager’s life. With Dr. Leman’s instinct and insight, plus an index with gutsy advice on 75 hot-button issues that keep parents up at night.
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Listen with a Critical Mind
- By Stephanie on 03-25-13
By: Kevin Leman
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My Two Moms
- Lessons of Love, Strength, and What Makes a Family
- By: Zach Wahls, Bruce Littlefield
- Narrated by: Kris Koscheski
- Length: 6 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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On January 31, 2011, Zach Wahls addressed the Iowa House Judiciary Committee in a public forum regarding civil unions. The 19-year-old son of a same-sex couple, Wahls proudly proclaimed, "The sexual orientation of my parents has had zero effect on the content of my character." Hours later, his speech was posted on YouTube, where it went viral, quickly receiving more than two million views. By the end of the week, everyone knew his name and wanted to hear more from the boy with two moms.
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You will not regret listening to this.
- By V. Brown on 06-07-12
By: Zach Wahls, and others
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Troublemakers
- Lessons in Freedom from Young Children at School
- By: Carla Shalaby
- Narrated by: Luci Christian Bell
- Length: 7 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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In this dazzling debut, Carla Shalaby, a former elementary school teacher, explores the everyday lives of four young "troublemakers", challenging the ways we identify and understand so-called problem children. Time and again, we make seemingly endless efforts to moderate, punish, and even medicate our children, when we should instead be concerned with transforming the very nature of our institutions, systems, and structures, large and small.
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Interesting and disturbing
- By Anonymous User on 07-27-18
By: Carla Shalaby
What listeners say about Beyond Birds and Bees
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Hi
- 04-04-19
Best book I've listened to in a long time.
Makes sense. It's not about when but how kids become sexually active. Education without shame, guilt is the best way.
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- Amanda
- 09-03-18
Outstanding, insightful, inspiring, well-read
The author has a great reading voice. I love it when authors read their own work. The book itself is witty, fun to read, and totally inspiring. Every parent should read this book. The Dutch Approach will motivate you to question how you might make small but significant improvements in your approach to teaching healthy, holistic, sexuality to your kids.
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- Cleo
- 08-19-19
The world would be a better place if everyone read this book and considered its thoughtful and informative words.
Bonnie is incredible. This book is thoroughly researched, but more than that, it was so clearly written with heart.
I had the pleasure of learning about this book at a talk at my school, which Bonnie led to help inform parents of the importance of sex education (and more - including gender equality and roles, etc). As a passionate educator myself, I delved into this book immediately and with full steam, and savored it over many months to try to absorb as much of the details as possible. It gave me MUCH food for thought... Plus, as a future parent, I feel extraordinarily fortunate that I found this information when I did.
I can’t say enough great things about Beyond Birds and Bees. The book itself is a phenomenal resource, and Bonnie’s audio recording brings it to life! Read it!!
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- MKS
- 10-31-23
Great Book, Well Read
I am so grateful to have found this book. For those looking for help re: how to compensate for the dearth of CSE in the US and related problems, I really can’t recommend it highly enough.
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- James Eccles
- 11-24-19
Read, Recommend, Repeat
This isn't just for parents or future parents. Will recommend and read again! So educational!
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- David G.
- 11-16-21
Every parent should read this book!
It made me really think about how I am educating my children and gave me new perspective. It provided me with tools to educate with honesty, purpose, and love. Cannot recommend it enough!!!
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- AmandaG131
- 10-08-19
Anyone and everyone with young kids should read!
I only wish I had found this book sooner! I will revisit it again and again as my children grow. I was constantly bookmarking areas to go back to or that referenced children's books I wanted to purchase for my kids. She gave practical advice that I could use day to day to help ensure my children have amazing sexual education going forward. This will not only help them into adulthood but keeps them safe as children. Again, I can't recommend this book enough!
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- "schnellie"
- 09-11-18
A Fresh Perspective on Birds and Bees
What a treat to listen to! Bonnie's honesty and transparency about her experience and research on the American and Dutch perspectives to human sexuality was so refreshing. It sparked new ideas about my own perspective on what it means to prepare children for a healthy view of sexuality as she weighed the differences against her own values and experiences. I also appreciated her balance reflecting on boys' challenges, being a parent of boys, even though her primary experience has been with her two girls.
Already recommending to my friends who are at the beginning of their parenting journey and those with adolescents.
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- Jennifer Nave-Selves
- 01-12-20
Great info!
Loved this listen. Reader is easy to listen too. information is wonderful and thought provoking!
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- Scotney M. Young
- 04-07-20
Revolutionary
Perfectly balanced helpful cultural comparisons, hard data, and actual tools to use. great for parents
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