
Because We Are Bad
OCD and a Girl Lost in Thought
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Narrated by:
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Lily Bailey
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By:
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Lily Bailey
About this listen
Written with the indelible power of Girl, Interrupted, Brain on Fire, and Reasons to Stay Alive, a lyrical, poignant memoir by a young woman about her childhood battle with debilitating obsessive compulsive disorder, and her hard-won journey to recovery.
By the age of 13, Lily Bailey was convinced she was bad. She had killed someone with a thought, spread untold disease, and ogled the bodies of other children. Only by performing an exhausting series of secret routines could she make up for what she'd done. But no matter how intricate or repetitive, no act of penance was ever enough.
Beautifully written and astonishingly intimate, Because We Are Bad recounts a childhood consumed by obsessive compulsive disorder. As a child, Bailey created a second personality inside herself - "I" became "we" - to help manifest compulsions that drove every minute of every day of her young life. Now she writes about the forces beneath her skin, and how they ordered, organized, and urged her forward. Lily charts her journey, from checking on her younger sister dozens of times a night, to "normalizing" herself at school among new friends as she grew older, and finally to her young adult years, learning - indeed, breaking through - to make a way for herself in a big, wide world that refuses to stay in check.
Charming and raw, harrowing and redemptive, Because We Are Bad is an illuminating and uplifting look into the mind and soul of an extraordinary young woman, and a startling portrait of OCD that allows us to see and understand this condition as never before.
©2018 Lily Bailey (P)2018 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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In Words Like Loaded Pistols, Sam Leith traces the art of argument from ancient Greece down to its many modern mutations. He introduces verbal villains from Hitler to Richard Nixon—and the three musketeers: ethos, pathos and logos. He explains how rhetoric works in speeches from Cicero to Obama, and pays tribute to the rhetorical brilliance of AC/DC's "Back In Black". Before you know it, you'll be confident in chiasmus and proud of your panegyrics—because rhetoric is useful, relevant, and absolutely nothing to be afraid of.
By: Sam Leith
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Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism
- A Study of 'Brainwashing' in China
- By: Robert Jay Lifton
- Narrated by: Bobby Brill
- Length: 19 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Informed by Erik Erikson's concept of the formation of ego identity, this book, which first appeared in 1961, is an analysis of the experiences of 15 Chinese citizens and 25 Westerners who underwent "brainwashing" by the Communist Chinese government. Robert Lifton constructs these case histories through personal interviews and outlines a thematic pattern of death and rebirth, accompanied by feelings of guilt, that characterizes the process of "thought reform."
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Landmark study on totalitarian societies
- By a reader... on 02-17-23
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The Good Gut
- Taking Control of Your Weight, Your Mood, and Your Long Term Health
- By: Justin Sonnenburg, Erica Sonnenburg
- Narrated by: Marc Cashman
- Length: 8 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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A groundbreaking guide to the surprising source of good health. Genetics and lifestyle are thought to be the two most important determinants of good health. But that is not the whole story. We have a second genome, our gut bacteria, that sets the dial on our bodies. Unlike our DNA, we can influence the gut bacteria, or microbiota, to optimize all aspects of our health. In The Good Gut, noted Stanford researchers Justin and Erica Sonnenburg investigate how the trillions of microbes that reside in our gastrointestinal tract help define us.
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Make this your go-to book on microbes
- By serine on 01-23-16
By: Justin Sonnenburg, and others
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The Data Detective
- Ten Easy Rules to Make Sense of Statistics
- By: Tim Harford
- Narrated by: Tim Harford
- Length: 10 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Today we think statistics are the enemy, numbers used to mislead and confuse us. That’s a mistake, Tim Harford says in The Data Detective. We shouldn’t be suspicious of statistics - we need to understand what they mean and how they can improve our lives: they are, at heart, human behavior seen through the prism of numbers and are often “the only way of grasping much of what is going on around us”.
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I expected more
- By A. Visserman on 03-09-21
By: Tim Harford
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How Magicians Think
- Misdirection, Deception, and Why Magic Matters
- By: Joshua Jay
- Narrated by: Joshua Jay
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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The door to magic is closed, but it’s not locked. And now Joshua Jay, one of the world’s most accomplished magicians, not only opens that door but brings us inside to reveal the artistry and obsessiveness, esoteric history, and long-whispered-about traditions of a subject shrouded in mystery. In 52 short, compulsively listenable essays, Jay describes how he does it, whether it’s through the making of illusions, the psychology behind them, or the way technology influences the world of magic.
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Joshua Jay Delivers
- By Travis N. on 12-15-21
By: Joshua Jay
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The Collected Schizophrenias
- Essays
- By: Esmé Weijun Wang
- Narrated by: Esmé Weijun Wang
- Length: 7 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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An intimate, moving book written with the immediacy and directness of one who still struggles with the effects of mental and chronic illness, The Collected Schizophrenias cuts right to the core. Schizophrenia is not a single unifying diagnosis, and Esmé Weijun Wang writes not just to her fellow members of the “collected schizophrenias” but to those who wish to understand it as well.
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Narration way too slow
- By Diane on 04-27-19
By: Esmé Weijun Wang
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Cultish
- The Language of Fanaticism
- By: Amanda Montell
- Narrated by: Ann Marie Gideon
- Length: 8 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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What makes “cults” so intriguing and frightening? What makes them powerful? The reason why so many of us binge Manson documentaries by the dozen and fall down rabbit holes researching suburban moms gone QAnon is because we’re looking for a satisfying explanation for what causes people to join - and more importantly, stay in - extreme groups. We secretly want to know: could it happen to me? Amanda Montell’s argument is that, on some level, it already has.
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Get this book ASAP
- By chris boutte on 06-17-21
By: Amanda Montell
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Mind Mapping
- Improve Memory, Concentration, Communication, Organization, Creativity, and Time Management
- By: Kam Knight
- Narrated by: Jim D Johnston
- Length: 5 hrs
- Unabridged
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This is a comprehensive guide to learning about a wonderful technique called mind maps. Mind maps are an amazing organizational and creativity tool that can improve memory, concentration, communication, organization, creativity, and time management.
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make sure to practice
- By Meryem on 04-24-17
By: Kam Knight
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Neuroqueer Heresies
- Notes on the Neurodiversity Paradigm, Autistic Empowerment, and Postnormal Possibilities
- By: Nick Walker
- Narrated by: Janet Metzger
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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The work of queer autistic scholar Nick Walker has played a key role in the evolving discourse on human neurodiversity. Neuroqueer Heresies collects a decade's worth of Dr. Walker's most influential writings, along with new commentary by the author and new material on her radical conceptualization of Neuroqueer Theory. This book is essential for anyone seeking to understand the foundations, terminology, implications, and leading edges of the emerging neurodiversity paradigm.
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Mind Opening
- By Jennifer on 02-27-23
By: Nick Walker
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Between Us
- How Cultures Create Emotions
- By: Batja Mesquita
- Narrated by: Mikhaila Aaseng
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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“How are you feeling today?” We may think of emotions as universal responses, felt inside. Using decades-long, cutting-edge research, acclaimed psychologist Batja Mesquita asks us to reconsider emotions through the lens of what they do in our relationships, both one-on-one and within larger social networks.
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A great book describing the difference and importance of understanding emotions and how you interact with the world
- By Amber Nelson on 09-19-24
By: Batja Mesquita
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Justice
- By: Michael J. Sandel
- Narrated by: Michael J. Sandel
- Length: 11 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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What are our obligations to others as people in a free society? Should government tax the rich to help the poor? Is the free market fair? Is it sometimes wrong to tell the truth? Do individual rights and the common good conflict? These questions are at the core of our public life today - and at the heart of Justice, in which Michael J. Sandel shows how a surer grasp of philosophy can help us to make sense of politics, morality, and our own convictions as well.
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A very worthwhile book
- By Amazon Customer on 11-11-09
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I'm Afraid of Men
- By: Vivek Shraya
- Narrated by: Vivek Shraya
- Length: 1 hr and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Vivek Shraya has reason to be afraid. Throughout her life she's endured acts of cruelty and aggression for being too feminine as a boy and not feminine enough as a girl. In order to survive childhood, she had to learn to convincingly perform masculinity. As an adult, she makes daily compromises to steel herself against everything from verbal attacks to heartbreak. Now, with raw honesty, Shraya delivers an important record of the cumulative damage caused by misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia, releasing trauma from a body that has always refused to assimilate.
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Not good.
- By RosieM on 09-22-18
By: Vivek Shraya
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Decolonizing Therapy
- Oppression, Historical Trauma, and Politicizing Your Practice
- By: Jennifer Mullan PsyD
- Narrated by: Carmen Jewel Jones
- Length: 17 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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An essential work that centers colonial and historical trauma in a framework for healing, Decolonizing Therapy illuminates that all therapy is—and always has been—inherently political. To better understand the mental health oppression and institutional violence that exists today, we must become familiar with the root of disembodiment from our histories, homelands, and healing practices. Only then will listeners see how colonial, historical, and intergenerational legacies have always played a role in the treatment of mental health.
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The content is great and the book is well written. BUT…
- By Melissa Rae on 08-26-24
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Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts
- A CBT-Based Guide to Getting over Frightening, Obsessive, or Disturbing Thoughts
- By: Sally M. Winston PsyD, Martin N. Seif PhD
- Narrated by: Senn Annis
- Length: 5 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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If you suffer from unwanted, intrusive, frightening, or even disturbing thoughts, you might worry about what these thoughts mean about you. Thoughts can seem like messages - are they trying to tell you something? But the truth is that they are just thoughts, and don’t necessarily mean anything. Sane and good people have them. If you are someone who is plagued by thoughts you don’t want - thoughts that scare you, or thoughts you can’t tell anyone about - this book may change your life.
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It does help
- By danielle on 09-29-20
By: Sally M. Winston PsyD, and others
What listeners say about Because We Are Bad
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- Jonathan Sicard
- 06-26-23
Essential Read for OCD Relief & Understanding
Lily Bailey's experience is unique enough in the varied presentations of OCD to stand on its own. I think it's a seminal read for sufferers of covert obsessions and compulsions, or what is commonly referred to as "Pure OCD." Labelling aside, many people with OCD find that their symptoms are less obvious to those around them than the examples we often see in movies and on TV. Usually there is some kind of physical manifestation at some point or another, but often the disease can feel more mental, or ruminative. As it often traps its sufferers within their own minds, it can also tend to warp one's sense of identity into a twisted shape, and I believe Lily's story will help heal anyone who feels this kind of "identity OCD" presentation manifesting.
I also think friends and family of people with OCD could stand to gain a lot of perspective from a book such as this. It may be easier for some with the illness to introduce people to their struggles with this book as well.
I really love Lily's writing style. There is something desperate and dreamy in these words. Poetry sprinkles throughout the prose in a delicate, deliberate way, and may create pause in the listener as they take certain phrases in with their eyes closed, nodding and smiling. There are also times when the writing, as well as Bailey's humbling performance, brought me to tears. My experience of OCD is not unlike Ms. Bailey's in some ways. While Lily is not a professional voice actor, or narrator, her insights and experience come through in her voice more strongly felt than they otherwise could. There is also an interesting cultural element to this memoir, and a question to boot: What are the effects of posh British climate on a youth with OCD, and what if that youth were born common, only later to clamber to a higher class in life? What kind of complexes might that create? One could write a whole thesis on something like this.
In closing, Because We Are Bad is one of my favorite books, and probably my favorite book about OCD of all time. Definitely give it a listen.
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- I_am_Guts
- 01-29-21
Thank you x Infinity
I didn't know how much I needed to hear your story. It meant everything to me. I feel let of the hook in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your journey with the world.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 06-08-21
Helped me so much with my OCD
I was at the end of my wits before listening to this book. Felt so alone and was ready to just end it all. The experiences shared in this book echoed in me but also helped me gain some incredible self help tips, and for the first time in years, optimism within my own self (alongside therapy). I hated myself to no end before reading this, and felt undeserving of anything, but after this book I regained some hope in myself and the world around me. Thank you so much!!
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4 people found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 02-25-25
Heartbreakingly validating
This is an incredibly well written book! As someone with OCD it was so validating to hear Lily’s story. I felt like I was in her head and that she was in mine. I’m not sure how impactful this story would be for someone who does not struggle with OCD, but it gives such an important perspective into a commonly misunderstood illness. I cried multiple times for lily and my younger (and present) self.
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- Misha
- 10-02-21
Complex and intriguing
Really good listen. She's so complicated and interesting. And her voice is great, really good narration. It's worth your time.
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- Lou sillvester
- 07-21-22
This book makes me feel not alone
My jaw was on the floor the whole time! Highly recommend if you or someone you love has OCD.
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- O.
- 10-08-23
Very Surprised. Raw, Moving, Unique, True.
OCD has caused my mind to roll the rock of Sisyphus since I was 12 years old. Every OCD case is different, and Lily's is a great example of truth being stranger than fiction. People with this disorder have to *think manually*. You have to pull yourself out of long-term memory and re-sync with working memory, where the OCD "skips" occur.
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- Anonymous User
- 04-12-18
Amazing ! Candid, honest
This account of a girl’s experience with OCD is salve to anyone who is a patient or has OCD tendencies . It is comforting to hear first hand that bad thoughts happen and doesn’t mean you want to act on them . Means more coming from a person that has lived through it than from a professional just telling you it’s “the disease”
Really worthwhile book for families of patients also
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3 people found this helpful
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- Kaylamayla109
- 05-10-18
I'm grateful for this book
Listening to Lily Bailey read her story changed my life forever. Thank you so much Lily!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amy
- 04-08-20
Honest and powerful.
This is an accurately written account of what it’s like to have this kind of ocd. I was so grateful to read such a personal account of what I have called “bad person ocd.” I only know one other person that has this besides myself and I appreciated the honestly and her attention to detail that the author shares. I’ve suggested this book to the other person I know and I would suggest it to anyone who is connected to anyone with ocd. For me, I found strategies to be helpful in minimizing my own and I felt maybe the author might have touched more on them. Maybe they weren’t the most helpful part for her? Wonderful book! I’m so glad she wrote it and glad to have read it.
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