Bitch Is the New Black
A Memoir
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Narrated by:
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Karen Murray
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By:
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Helena Andrews
About this listen
Meet Helena Andrews, sassy, single, smart, and, yes, a bitch—but Tina Fey said it best, bitch is the new black!
When Helena Andrews heard this declaration on Saturday Night Live, her first reaction was How daaare you? But after a commercial break and some thought, she decided to poke at the stereotype that says "successful" and "bitch" are synonyms. Unafraid and frank, she comes to realize that being a bitch is sometimes the best way to be—except, of course, when it's not.
Bitch Is the New Black follows Andrews—sexy, single, and a self-described smart-ass—on her trip from kidnapped daughter of a lesbian to Washington, D.C., political reporter who can't remember a single senator's name. Told in Andrews's singular voice, this addictive memoir explores the roller coaster of being educated and single while trying to become an "actual adult" and find love.
In these candid yet heartfelt essays, she chronicles that ride from beginning to end: a childhood spent on an all-white island, escaping via episodes of The Cosby Show; being set up with Obama's "body guy", Reggie Love, by Maureen Dowd; and the shocking suicide of a best friend. Through it all, Andrews and her gang of girlfriends urge each other to "keep it moving". But no one can stay strong all the time—not even the women we believe do so without trying.
As Andrews says, "Despite the fact that the most recognizable woman in the United States is black, popular culture still hasn't moved past the only adjective apparently meant to describe us— "strong". She is also flawed, tired, naive, greedy, gutsy, frightened, and kind: secret sides that come out in honest detail here.
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Story
When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
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Every Anxious Wave
- By: Mo Daviau
- Narrated by: Zach Villa
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Why would we need music if our lives were exactly as we wanted them to be? Karl Bender is a quiet guy who lives in three places: his bar, his apartment, and the cheap Mediterranean place on the corner that keeps him well fed with his daily portion of hummus and chicken shwarma. But that's all about to change. When he stumbles upon a time-traveling wormhole, Karl develops a business selling access to people who want to go back in time to hear their favorite bands.
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Frustrating
- By Brit N Jonn Designs on 03-31-16
By: Mo Daviau
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Domestic Violets
- A Novel
- By: Matthew Norman
- Narrated by: Todd McLaren
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
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Tom Violet always thought that by the time he turned 35, he’d have everything going for him. Fame. Fortune. A beautiful wife. A satisfying career as a successful novelist. A happy dog to greet him at the end of the day. The reality, though, is far different. He’s got a wife, but their problems are bigger than he can even imagine. And he’s written a novel, but the manuscript he’s slaved over for years is currently hidden in his desk drawer while his father, an actual famous writer, just won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. His career, such that it is, involves mind-numbing corporate buzzwords....
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What a rollicking ride!
- By Pamela Harvey on 08-13-11
By: Matthew Norman
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If It Ain’t One Thing
- By: Cheryl Robinson
- Narrated by: Karen Chilton
- Length: 12 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Cheryl Robinson, a bright voice in African-American fiction, delivers a fresh tale of love in the modern world. Porter is a handsome Detroit firefighter who just got burned by his cheating girlfriend. Winona is a single mom who is getting by despite an old secret that haunts her. When Porter and Winona meet, they must face their pasts to allow their present romance to grow.
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Good listen
- By Brad on 06-29-10
By: Cheryl Robinson
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I Can Barely Take Care of Myself
- Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids
- By: Jen Kirkman
- Narrated by: Jen Kirkman
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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"You'll change your mind." That's what everyone says to Jen Kirkman - and countless women like her - when she confesses she doesn't plan to have children. But you know what? It's hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control.
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Funny. Not fall down laughing funny, but funny
- By david on 05-22-13
By: Jen Kirkman
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The Secret Side of Empty
- By: Maria E. Andreu
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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What's it like to be undocumented? High school senior M.T. knows all too well. With graduation and an uncertain future looming, she must figure out how to grow up in the only country she's ever called home... a country in which she's "illegal". M.T. was born in Argentina and brought to America as a baby without any official papers. And as questions of college, work, and the future arise, M.T. will have to decide what exactly she wants for herself, knowing someone she loves will unavoidably pay the price for it.
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Heavy topics handled well but just fell short 4 me
- By AudioBookHoe on 07-30-17
By: Maria E. Andreu
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True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness
- A Feminist Coming of Age
- By: Christine Lahti
- Narrated by: Christine Lahti
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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For decades, actress and director Christine Lahti has captivated the hearts and minds of her audience through iconic roles in Chicago Hope, Running on Empty, Housekeeping, And Justice for All, Swing Shift, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, God of Carnage, and The Blacklist. Now, in True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness, this acclaimed performer channels her creativity inward to share her own story for the first time.
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Christine Lahti, Actress, Activist and A+ Author!
- By L. Cat Schultz on 10-26-18
By: Christine Lahti
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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Single State of Mind
- By: Andi Dorfman
- Narrated by: Andi Dorfman
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Andi Dorfman, breakout star of ABC's The Bachelorette and New York Times best-selling author of It's Not Okay, returns with this new collection of her adventures as a still-single gal surviving and thriving in New York City.
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Shallow
- By c63989 on 01-10-18
By: Andi Dorfman
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The Death of Cool
- From Teenage Rebellion to the Hangover of Adulthood
- By: Gavin McInnes
- Narrated by: Gavin McInnes
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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This is his story, or, rather, stories - lots of them, and all gut-punchingly hilarious, from that first far reach into a girl's tight jeans to turning forty with a cataclysmic party. In between you’ll hear about acid trips, threesomes, Nazi skinheads, his band Anal Chinook (Inuit for “warm wind”), Martians in northern Canada, throwing pedophiles in jail, dinner with the Clash, what happens when you crash Bill Maher's show wasted, and the true story of Vice magazine.
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if you don't buy this book, the terrorists win
- By Kelsey Gholi on 04-03-17
By: Gavin McInnes
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I Don’t Care about Your Band
- What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
- By: Julie Klausner
- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner
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Dirty Thirty
- By: Asa Akira
- Narrated by: Veronica Worthington
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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As she contemplates turning 30 years old while still being in the adult film trade, Asa Akira, author of the best-seller Insatiable, delves into her past, present, and future, exploring the events that brought her to where she is now and the surprising and insightful plans she has for her future. Internationally known as a porn star, Akira's perceptive, funny, and straightforward writings on love, sex, death, marriage, and celebrity come together in a surprising book of essays.
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this was fun I'm going to buy her other book 2
- By Sir Lawrence on 01-09-19
By: Asa Akira
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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club
- True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends - and that's before she even puts on a bra. For the past 10 years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.
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Sweet and funny
- By Julia Valentin on 12-19-20
By: Laurie Notaro
What listeners say about Bitch Is the New Black
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Daidria
- 09-01-18
Sooo insightful!!!
Opened my eyes to many things. It was so raw and shockingly relatable Great book !
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Overall
- Tech
- 12-11-10
A very good story
It is not exactly what I expected. The book is a great collection of various stories. I am halfway through it and cannot wait to get to the next chapter. If you want a good laugh and cry get this book.
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1 person found this helpful