But You're Still So Young
How Thirtysomethings Are Redefining Adulthood
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Narrated by:
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Lauren Fortgang
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By:
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Kayleen Schaefer
About this listen
One of....
Vogue's “Best of 2021” - BuzzFeed's “Most Anticipated 2021” - The Week's “Must Reads in 2021” - PopSugar's "A Running List of the Best Books of 2021"
From the author of Text Me When You Get Home, the acclaimed celebration of friendship, comes a timely and essential look at what it means to be a 30something...and how it is more okay than ever to not have every box checked off.
The traditional “check list” of becoming an adult has existed for decades. Sociologists have long identified these markers of adulthood as: completing school, leaving home, establishing a career/becoming financially independent, getting married, and having children. But the signifiers of being in our thirties today are not the same - repeated economic upheaval, rising debt, decreasing marriage rates, fertility treatments, and a more open-minded society have all led to a shifting definition of adulthood.
But You’re Still So Young cleverly shows how thirtysomethings have rethought these five major life events. Schaefer describes her own journey through her 30s - including a nonlinear career path, financial struggles, romantic mistakes, and an unconventional path to parenthood - shares findings from data research, and conducts interviews nationwide. For each milestone, the book highlights men and women from various backgrounds, from around the country, and delves into their experiences navigating an ever-changing financial landscape and evolving societal expectations. The thirtysomethings in this book envisioned their thirties differently than how they are actually living them. He thought he would be done with his degree; she thought she’d be married; they thought they’d be famous comedians; and everyone thought they would have more money.
Schaefer uses her smart narrative framing and relatable voice to show how the 30s have changed from the cultural stereotypes around them, and how they are a radically different experience for Americans now than they were for any other generation. And as Schaefer and her sources show, not being able to do everything isn’t a sign of a life gone wrong. Being open to going sideways or upside down or backward means finding importance and value in many different ways of living.
©2021 Kayleen Schaefer (P)2021 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“In the 1950s, sociologists came up with a checklist for entering adulthood: finish school, leave home, make your own money, marry, and become a parent.... In her thoughtful and well-paced evaluation of 'adulthood', Schaefer explores the struggle today’s ascendant adults face in getting anywhere near these goals 'on time'.” (The New York Times Book Review)
“Schaefer mixes social science, psychology, original reporting, and personal anecdotes into a work of nonfiction that is as compact and refreshing as a soft-serve ice cream cone.... Clearheaded and full of heart, But You’re Still So Young offers a gentle indictment of a broken system and also a soothing message: Nobody’s got it all figured out." (Vogue, "The Best Books to Read in 2021")
“A sharp and empathetic investigation into what being in your thirties means today. Weaving together personal history, original reporting, and cultural analysis, Schaefer tackles five of the major milestones we’ve been told define adulthood - finishing school, leaving home, getting married, gaining financial independence, and having kids - and explores their modern significance, presenting a compelling argument that these achievements aren’t actually as meaningful as we’ve been led to believe. It’s a must-read for anyone who’s ever considered bucking tradition - or anyone who’d like to better understand why this isn’t a bad thing.” (Arianna Rebolini, BuzzFeed)
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Women are constantly being told that it's simply too difficult to balance work and family, so if they don't really "have to" work, it's better for their families if they stay home. Not only is this untrue, Leslie Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood fail to consider the surprising benefits of work and the unexpected toll of giving it up. It's time, she says, to get the message across: combining work and family really is the best choice for most women.
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couldn't get into it.
- By diana prince on 09-21-15
By: Leslie Bennetts
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Inside Out
- A Memoir
- By: Demi Moore
- Narrated by: Demi Moore
- Length: 6 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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For decades, Demi Moore has been synonymous with celebrity. From iconic film roles to high-profile relationships, Moore has never been far from the spotlight - or the headlines. Even as Demi was becoming the highest paid actress in Hollywood, however, she was always outrunning her past. Throughout her rise to fame and during some of the most pivotal moments of her life, Demi battled addiction, body image issues, and childhood trauma that would follow her for years - all while juggling a skyrocketing career and at times negative public perception.
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I loved this Memoir
- By mrsbee19 on 09-25-19
By: Demi Moore
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Falling Apart in One Piece
- One Optimist's Journey Through the Hell of Divorce
- By: Stacy Morrison
- Narrated by: Stacy Morrison
- Length: 8 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Just when Stacy Morrison thought she had it all, her husband of 10 years announced that he wanted a divorce. She was left alone with a new house that needed lots of work, a new baby who needed lots of attention, and a new job in the high-pressure world of New York publishing. Morrison had never been one to believe in fairy tales. As far as she was concerned, happy endings were the product of the kind of ambition and hard work that had propelled her to the top of her profession.
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so helpful
- By jessica ball on 11-10-15
By: Stacy Morrison
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This Is Not a Fashion Story
- Taking Chances, Breaking Rules, and Being a Boss in the Big City
- By: Danielle Bernstein
- Narrated by: Danielle Bernstein
- Length: 4 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Danielle Bernstein spent her youth shopping at discount department stores, getting boozy in suburban backyards, and proposing marriage to every boy she dated. By age 19, she was a college dropout living in a West Village shoebox with three roommates and only six months to prove that her blog, @WeWoreWhat, could become a full blown career...or else board the train back to her mom's house. This Is Not a Fashion Story is the down and dirty tale of how a Long Island-born teenager became one of the most recognizable names in fashion.
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Waste of time
- By Leena on 05-18-20
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It Was All a Dream
- A New Generation Confronts the Broken Promise to Black America
- By: Reniqua Allen
- Narrated by: Shayna Small
- Length: 12 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Reniqua Allen tells the stories of Black millennials searching for a better future in spite of racist policies that have closed off traditional versions of success. Many watched their parents and grandparents play by the rules, only to sink deeper and deeper into debt. They witnessed their elders fight to escape cycles of oppression for more promising prospects, largely to no avail. Today, in this post-Obama era, they face a critical turning point. Interweaving her own experience, Allen shares surprising stories of hope and ingenuity.
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Great statistics and facts
- By Eve on 05-18-19
By: Reniqua Allen
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Leap
- Leaving a Job with No Plan B to Find the Career and Life You Really Want
- By: Tess Vigeland
- Narrated by: Tess Vigeland
- Length: 7 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Until recently Tess Vigeland was a longtime host of public radio's Marketplace. It was a rewarding, high-status job, and Tess was very good at it - but she'd begun to feel restless. Without any definite, clear sense of what she wanted to do next (but an absolute certainty that what she'd been doing was no longer truly satisfying), she walked away from her dream job and into a vast unknown. Suddenly she was no longer " Marketplace's Tess Vigeland"; she was just Tess Vigeland.
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Everything Mrs Vigeland says is true, but ...
- By Claude on 10-10-15
By: Tess Vigeland
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Drinking and Tweeting
- And Other Brandi Blunders
- By: Brandi Glanville, Leslie Bruce
- Narrated by: Brandi Glanville
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Fans have been waiting for Brandi’s scoop on one of the biggest divorces of the decade since her husband of eight years abandoned her and their two sons to marry country singer LeAnn Rimes. Not only does Brandi spill the beans about her side of the split, but the lovable housewife also shares the incredible wild ride that took her from a life in the ghetto to Hollywood’s most elite circles.
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Who edited this?
- By Jessica on 11-02-20
By: Brandi Glanville, and others
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The Man I Never Met
- A Memoir
- By: Adam Schefter
- Narrated by: Adam Schefter
- Length: 4 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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On September 11, 2001, Joe Maio went to work in the north tower of the World Trade Center. He never returned, leaving behind a wife, Sharri, and 15-month old son, Devon. Five years later, Sharri remarried, and Devon welcomed a new dad into his life. For thousands, the whole country really, 9/11 is a day of grief. For Adam and Sharri Maio Schefter and their family it’s not just a day of grief, but also hope. This is a story of 9/11, but it’s also the story of 9/12 and all the days after. Life moved on. Pieces were picked up. New dreams were dreamed. The Schefters are the embodiment of that.
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Remembering a fallen father thru a family
- By Bob H on 09-07-18
By: Adam Schefter
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The Big Life
- Embrace the Mess, Work Your Side Hustle, Find a Monumental Relationship, and Become the Badass Babe You Were Meant to Be
- By: Ann Shoket
- Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell, Ann Shoket
- Length: 5 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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The Big Life is packed with actionable guidance combined with personal advice from high-profile millennial women who have already achieved tremendous success, plus intimate conversations with a cast of compelling characters and Shoket's own stories on her quest for The Big Life. You'll learn to tackle all of the issues on heavy rotation in your mind.
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Just OK
- By Alexandra Medina on 05-15-17
By: Ann Shoket
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Pregnant Girl
- A Story of Teen Motherhood, College, and Creating a Better Future for Young Families
- By: Nicole Lynn Lewis
- Narrated by: Nicky Sunshine
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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An activist calls for better support of young families so they can thrive and reflects on her experiences as a Black mother and college student fighting for opportunities for herself and her child. Pregnant Girl presents the possibility of a different future for young mothers - one of success and stability - in the midst of the dismal statistics that dominate the national conversation.
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Political
- By Amazon Customer on 01-16-23
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The Girls Who Went Away
- The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade
- By: Ann Fessler
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 12 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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In this deeply moving and myth-shattering work, Ann Fessler brings out into the open for the first time the astonishing untold history of the million and a half women who surrendered children for adoption due to enormous family and social pressure in the decades before Roe v. Wade.
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Sad but True ... and Helpful
- By Kim Kavanagh on 01-05-17
By: Ann Fessler
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Overwhelmed
- Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time
- By: Brigid Schulte
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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According to the Leisure Studies Department at the University of Iowa, true leisure is “that place in which we realize our humanity.” If that’s true, argues Brigid Schulte, then we're doing dangerously little realizing of our humanity. In Overwhelmed, Schulte, a staff writer for The Washington Post, asks: Are our brains, our partners, our culture, and our bosses making it impossible for us to experience anything but “contaminated time”?
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Depressing, Dreary Listening Experience
- By Deb A on 04-19-15
By: Brigid Schulte
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A Wild and Precious Life
- A Memoir
- By: Edie Windsor, Joshua Lyon
- Narrated by: Donna Postel, Joshua Lyon
- Length: 10 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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In this memoir, which she began before passing away in 2017 and completed by her co-writer, Edie recounts her childhood in Philadelphia, her realization that she was a lesbian, and her active social life in Greenwich Village's electrifying underground gay scene during the 1950s. Edie was also one of a select group of trailblazing women in computing, working her way up the ladder at IBM and achieving their highest technical ranking while developing software.
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🏳️🌈 Wow! 🏳️🌈
- By Natalia Zimnoch on 10-15-19
By: Edie Windsor, and others
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The End of Men
- And the Rise of Women
- By: Hanna Rosin
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Men have been the dominant sex since - well, the dawn of mankind. And yet, as journalist Hanna Rosin discovered, that long-held truth is no longer true. At this unprecedented moment, women are no longer merely gaining on men; they have pulled decisively ahead by almost every measure. Already "the end of men" - the phrase Rosin coined - has entered the lexicon as indelibly as Simone de Beauvoir’s "second sex", Betty Friedan’s "feminine mystique", Susan Faludi’s "backlash", and Naomi Wolf’s "beauty myth" have.
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Great book, don't care for the reader's style
- By Darren on 12-05-12
By: Hanna Rosin
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Getting to 50/50
- How Working Parents Can Have It All by Sharing It All - and Why It’s Good for Your Marriage, Your Career, Your Kids, and You
- By: Sharon Meers, Joanna Strober
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 10 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober are professionals, wives, and mothers. They understand the challenges and rewards of two-career households. They also know that families thrive not in spite of working mothers but because of them. You can have a great career, a great marriage, and be a great mother. The key is tapping into your best resource and most powerful ally - the man you married.
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Great overall, but a bit offensive...
- By Tristan Matthews on 01-09-15
By: Sharon Meers, and others
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Winging It: Stop Thinking, Start Doing
- Why Action Beats Planning Every Time
- By: Emma Isaacs
- Narrated by: Emma Isaacs
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Women are notorious over-preparers and underestimators when it comes to their own readiness to try something new. But as Emma teaches, what most often holds us back are our own fears, excuses, and doubts. With her revolutionary manifesto, Winging It, Emma shares a rallying cry for all women to “do the things that scare you, build your wealth, make an impact, fail lots, and get up and try again”.
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Good advice
- By Amanda Schmidt on 05-28-21
By: Emma Isaacs
What listeners say about But You're Still So Young
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Andrew A.
- 12-25-23
Started off Strong, than dwindled out.
I liked being assured that people nowadays feeling lost, incomplete, uncertain, etc about their place in life is normal. Using examples of people going through different struggles such as with their Career, Romantic Partners, and Living Situation was great! Unfortunately using multiple examples per topic of discussion sometimes felt convoluted/too much to understand as it would swap between person A's story to person B's story a bit often near the end.
It is still an interesting listen, especially for those that need assurance that it's okay to not feel "like your supposed to" by the time they're in their 30s.
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- Anonymous User
- 12-22-21
not worth the time really
it was a struggle to finish. just stories of 30 somethings. not really engaging.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Tawny Lara
- 04-14-21
Validating AF
Every page of this book validated my 35 years on this planet. A millennial must read.
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4 people found this helpful
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- SRB
- 05-03-21
Not what I expected
Just turned 30 and in my 20s read The Defining Decade by Meg Jay (which I loved) so I was looking for more of an uplifting guide to lead my 30s. This is not that AT ALL. If you’re having a hard time achieving the life you wanted in your 30s this might be a validating read. If you’re in your early 30s this could be an ok read on what to avoid ...
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4 people found this helpful
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- Olson
- 03-03-21
Loved this book!
A must read for anyone trying to navigate life in the 21st century. Schaefer does an amazing job combining personal stories with the current thinking about how society and how social psychology is changing. I learned a ton and and it helped me see things about my own life differently, but it never felt dense or like a slog. It's a fun read!
Fortgang's narration is excellent.
I also loved Schaefer's other book "Text me when you get home" and if you like this would definitely recommend that (same narrator).
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2 people found this helpful