High Conflict
Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out
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Narrated by:
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Amanda Ripley
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By:
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Amanda Ripley
About this listen
When we are baffled by the insanity of the “other side”—in our politics, at work, or at home—it’s because we aren’t seeing how the conflict itself has taken over.
That’s what “high conflict” does. It’s the invisible hand of our time. And it’s different from the useful friction of healthy conflict. That’s good conflict, and it’s a necessary force that pushes us to be better people.
High conflict is what happens when discord distills into a good-versus-evil kind of feud, the kind with an us and a them. In this state, the brain behaves differently. We feel increasingly certain of our own superiority, and everything we do to try to end the conflict, usually makes it worse. Eventually, we can start to mimic the behavior of our adversaries, harming what we hold most dear.
In this “compulsively readable” (Evan Osnos, National Book Award-winning author) book, New York Times bestselling author and award-winning journalist Amanda Ripley investigates how good people get captured by high conflict—and how they break free.
Our journey begins in California, where a world-renowned conflict expert struggles to extract himself from a political feud. Then we meet a Chicago gang leader who dedicates his life to a vendetta—only to realize, years later, that the story he’d told himself about the conflict was not quite true. Next, we travel to Colombia, to find out whether thousands of people can be nudged out of high conflict at scale. Finally, we return to America to see what happens when a group of liberal Manhattan Jews and conservative Michigan corrections officers choose to stay in each other’s homes in order to understand one another better, even as they continue to disagree.
All these people, in dramatically different situations, were drawn into high conflict by similar forces, including conflict entrepreneurs, humiliation, and false binaries. But ultimately, all of them found ways to transform high conflict into good conflict, the kind that made them better people. They rehumanized and recategorized their opponents, and they revived curiosity and wonder, even as they continued to fight for what they knew was right.
People do escape high conflict. Individuals—even entire communities—can short-circuit the feedback loops of outrage and blame, if they want to. This is an “insightful and enthralling” (The New York Times Book Review) book—and a mind-opening new way to think about conflict that will transform how we move through the world.
Featuring audio highlights from actual interviews, town hall meetings, and podcasts.
©2021 Amanda Ripley. All rights reserved. (P)2021 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Baltimore Congressman Elijah Cummings was known for saying, “We’re better than this.” He said it in Baltimore, a city on the verge of explosion over police treatment of citizens. He said it in Congress when microphones were shut down, barring free speech. He said it when the president flaunted his power and ignored the Constitution. He said it when the president resorted to bullying, name-calling, and feeding racial divisions. We are better than this. He continued to say it until his final days last October.
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The most inspiring piece of work I’ve heard in my adult life.
- By Jaraun on 01-29-21
By: Elijah Cummings, and others
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Please Scream Inside Your Heart
- Breaking News and Nervous Breakdowns in the Year That Wouldn't End
- By: Dave Pell
- Narrated by: John Parsons, Peter Coyote, L. J. Ganser, and others
- Length: 13 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Please Scream Inside Your Heart is a time capsule; a real-time ride through the maddening hell that was the 2020 news cycle - when historic turmoil and media mania stretched American sanity, democracy, and toilet paper. Who better to examine this unhinged period in all of its twists and turns than news addict Dave Pell, a.k.a. the internet’s managing editor?
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Couldn’t stop listening!!
- By Rofar4 on 11-16-21
By: Dave Pell
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America 3:16
- By: Graham Allen
- Narrated by: Graham Allen
- Length: 5 hrs and 54 mins
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What’s the biggest threat to America today? Why are gun rights human rights? And why do so many Christians behave in such un-Christian ways? Graham Allen has the answers. With over two billion views online, the social media star has given a voice to those who feel silenced by the mainstream media and pop culture. Now, with America 3:16, Graham shares a deeper look at the life events that shaped his philosophy on Christianity, politics, family, and country.
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Well written and read
- By Sterling Silver Magnolia on 01-02-21
By: Graham Allen
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Never Alone
- Prison, Politics, and My People
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In 1977, Natan Sharansky, a leading activist in the democratic dissident movement in the Soviet Union and the movement for free Jewish emigration, was arrested by the KGB. He spent nine years as a political prisoner, convicted of treason against the state. Never Alone reveals how Sharansky's years in prison, many spent in harsh solitary confinement, prepared him for a very public life after his release. As an Israeli politician and the head of the Jewish Agency, Sharansky brought extraordinary moral clarity and uncompromising, often uncomfortable, honesty.
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Fantastic
- By Danna Azrieli on 02-06-21
By: Natan Sharansky, and others
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Unified
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Tim Scott, an African-American US senator, and Trey Gowdy, a white US congressman, won’t allow racial lines to divide them. They work together, eat meals together, campaign together, and make decisions together. Yet in the fall of 2010 - as two brand-new members of the US House of Representatives - they did not even know each other. Their story as politicians and friends began the moment they met and is a model for others seeking true reconciliation.
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Inspirational true story!
- By Wayne on 08-05-19
By: Tim Scott, and others
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Created Equal
- Clarence Thomas in His Own Words
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Born into dire poverty in the segregated South and abandoned by his father as a child, Justice Clarence Thomas triumphed over seemingly insurmountable odds to become one of the most influential justices on the Supreme Court. Yet after three decades of honorable service, few know him beyond his contentious confirmation and the surrounding media firestorm. Who is Justice Clarence Thomas, in his own words? Created Equal builds on dozens of hours of groundbreaking one-on-one interviews with Thomas to share a new, expanded account of his powerful story for the first time.
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Justice Thomas, the epitome of a “Real American Man”!
- By the walton's on 06-23-22
By: Michael Pack, and others
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The Education of an Idealist
- A Memoir
- By: Samantha Power
- Narrated by: Samantha Power
- Length: 21 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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In her memoir, Power offers an urgent response to the question "What can one person do?" and a call for a clearer eye, a kinder heart, and a more open and civil hand in our politics and daily lives. The Education of an Idealist traces Power’s distinctly American journey from immigrant to war correspondent to presidential Cabinet official. In 2005, her critiques of US foreign policy caught the eye of newly elected senator Barack Obama, who invited her to work with him on Capitol Hill and then on his presidential campaign.
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Sam's Power: Privilege in U.S. Politics
- By RelizzScholar27 on 11-09-19
By: Samantha Power
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The Book of Pride
- LGBTQ Heroes Who Changed the World
- By: Mason Funk
- Narrated by: Mason Funk, Robin Miles, Eileen Stevens, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
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The Book of Pride captures the true story of the gay rights movement from the 1960s to the present, through richly detailed, stunning interviews with the leaders, activists, and ordinary people who witnessed the movement and made it happen. These individuals fought battles both personal and political, often without the support of family or friends, frequently under the threat of violence and persecution.
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Pure Joy for EVERYONE
- By Micah D on 06-03-19
By: Mason Funk
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The Time of Our Lives
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- By: Peggy Noonan
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Peggy Noonan is one of the most brilliant and influential political thinkers and writers of our time. The author of five best-selling books ( What I Saw at the Revolution is now a classic), her column in The Wall Street Journal is a must-read for millions of Americans. Witty, incisive, and always original, Peggy Noonan is a conservative intellectual with wide-reaching appeal across the political spectrum. Now, for the first time, the best of Noonan's writing will be collected in one indispensable volume.
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Ronald Reagan is God. Who knew?
- By Rick on 11-20-15
By: Peggy Noonan
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Radical
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- Narrated by: David Linski
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Maajid Nawaz spent his teenage years listening to American hip-hop and learning about the radical Islamist movement spreading throughout Europe and Asia in the 1980s and '90s. At 16, he was already a ranking member in Hizb ut-Tahrir, a London-based Islamist group. He quickly rose through the ranks to become a top recruiter, a charismatic spokesman for the cause of uniting Islam's political power across the world.
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Insightful and Enlightening. Blown Away by Radical
- By oneofmanymonkeys on 04-29-16
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My Vanishing Country
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What J. D. Vance did for Appalachia with Hillbilly Elegy, CNN analyst and one of the youngest state representatives in South Carolina history Bakari Sellers does for the rural South, in this important book that illuminates the lives of America’s forgotten Black working-class men and women. Part memoir, part historical and cultural analysis, My Vanishing Country is an eye-opening journey through the South's past, present, and future.
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What America Needs NOW!!!
- By Unknown on 05-22-20
By: Bakari Sellers
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Stranger [Spanish Edition]
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- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
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Story
Jorge Ramos, periodista galardonado con premios Emmy, reconocido presentador del Noticiero Univisión y considerado "la voz de los sin voz" de la comunidad latina, fue expulsado de una rueda de prensa del candidato presidencial Donald Trump en Iowa en el año 2015 tras cuestionar sus planes sobre inmigración.
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Decepcionante narración
- By Amazon Customer on 08-23-18
By: Jorge Ramos
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Hatemonger
- Stephen Miller, Donald Trump, and the White Nationalist Agenda
- By: Jean Guerrero
- Narrated by: Frankie Corzo
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Story
Stephen Miller is one of the most influential advisors in the White House. He has crafted Donald Trump’s speeches, designed immigration policies that ban Muslims and separate families, and outlasted such Trump stalwarts as Steve Bannon and Jeff Sessions. But he’s remained an enigma. Until now. Emmy- and PEN-winning investigative journalist and author Jean Guerrero charts the 34-year-old’s astonishing rise to power, drawing from more than 100 interviews with his family, friends, adversaries, and government officials.
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Deplorable on purpose
- By M. Alice Fisher on 08-15-20
By: Jean Guerrero
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Fight Like a Mother
- How a Grassroots Movement Took on the Gun Lobby and Why Women Will Change the World
- By: Shannon Watts
- Narrated by: Shannon Watts
- Length: 8 hrs and 12 mins
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Fight Like a Mother is the incredible account how one mother’s cry for change became the driving force behind gun-safety progress. Along with stories of perseverance, courage, and compassion, Watts shines a light on the unique power of women - starting with what they have, leading with their maternal strengths, and doubling down instead of backing down.
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Wow!
- By Joy McManus on 06-24-19
By: Shannon Watts
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Righteous Troublemakers
- Untold Stories of the Social Justice Movement in America
- By: Al Sharpton
- Narrated by: Al Sharpton
- Length: 10 hrs
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Righteous Troublemakers shines a light on everyday people called to do extraordinary things—like Pauli Murray, whose early work inspired Thurgood Marshall, Claudette Colvin, who refused to give up her seat on a segregated bus months before Rosa Parks did the same, and Gwen Carr, whose private pain in losing her son Eric Garner stoked her public activism against police brutality. Sharpton also gives his personal take on more widely known individuals, revealing overlooked details, historical connections, and a perspective informed by years of working in the social justice movement.
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Thank God for this book knowledge is power
- By JOAN REID on 02-23-22
By: Al Sharpton
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- Case
- 01-19-23
Unlikely book that will certainly get your attention.
This book was recommended to me by my boss at work and this is definitely not a book that I would typically pick out for myself. I enjoyed hearing the nonfiction stories used throughout to explain what high conflict is. I enjoyed the author’s audiobook, she has a very nice voice to listen to. The only feedback I have is that I wish the how to get out of high conflict was more defined. There are appendix at the end that go into this. Maybe that might be a whole other book on its own! Regardless I found it passed my expectations. It was insightful and I think listening to this book is something that anyone can benefit from.
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- Ms. Bedelia
- 03-04-23
useful, relevant take
I got more out of this book than I thought I would. a useful reframe of how to navigate conflict productively.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Jenny
- 05-03-23
Solving conflicts well
This book was a game changer for me. Helped me recognize my own parts in low conflict situations. Gave me the courage to practice conflict solving and asking hard questions.
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- Lucy M Norris
- 08-25-24
Important book
I went slow with this book on purpose. Lots of stories, examples and solutions I needed time to reflect upon. My advice: don’t rush it.
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- admirer
- 11-25-24
Brilliant and Timely
Must-read for all US-Americans and anybody suffering from the effects of polarization, emotional cut-offs, and estrangement.
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- Thomas Y. Taber
- 11-28-22
Super Helpful Book on Conflict
I heard Amanda somewhere on the a internet and downloaded her book. I had forgotten about it till just before I had to handle some personal conflict. This book helped me understand what was really happening for me and others in this conflict. I feel better prepared to handle myself in challenging situations and notice how I can personally stay out of high conflict traps. Highly Recommended!
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2 people found this helpful
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- angela
- 07-24-22
Thought provoking insight needed in today’s world!
This book has thought provoking insight needed in today’s world!
I found myself questioning my own ideas and behaviors.
I have lost friendships over political views and find it so heartbreaking.
Listening to understand, not convert, is a challenge and I hope to get much better at it.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Skip
- 08-21-21
Unfortunately necessary conversation
Great & extensive anecdotes to display empathic listening. A worthwhile & easy listen. A message that we can all use in everyday life. "Walk a mile in my shoes"
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- Marti
- 09-01-21
Engaging and thought provoking
I looked forward to reading this book and started and audible subscription in order to listen to it and also read it on kindle. I appreciate all the useful techniques and advice it offers on how to listen and make others with different perspectives and beliefs feel heard. I highly recommend it and plan to purchase a copy for future reference.
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- Shelley
- 07-16-21
great
a compelling combination of important ideas and interesting stories. you'll think about its ideas during your day. Very current. and well-read.
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