
We Over Me
The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything You Want from Your Relationship
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Narrated by:
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Khadeen Ellis
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Devale Ellis
About this listen
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The stars of the social media show The Ellises and hosts of the Webby Award-winning podcast Dead Ass with K&D share the core pillars of their relationship as millennial lovers and parents that have allowed them to thrive.
“Staying married in this day and age takes a whole different mindset, and this book gives an intimate and honest look at the inner workings of their strong union.”—Gia Peppers, award-winning journalist and host
After twelve years of marriage, twenty years together, and four kids, Devale and Khadeen Ellis have been through a lot. They’ve loved their way through a long-distance relationship, financial instability, parenthood, Khadeen’s near-death, and their near-divorce, chronicling their day-to-day life with their boys online. After much trial and error, they hit upon one surprising, essential truth: If you’re looking for a healthy relationship and a fulfilling life, focus on your partner’s needs instead of your wants. Choosing service over selfishness will not only make your relationship stronger, but it will help you achieve your own goals and build a legacy together.
With their trademark transparency and humor, Khadeen and Devale share the messy, behind-the-scenes work of what it takes to succeed and support one another in their search for individual purpose while growing in their marriage. They discuss family, parenting, sex and intimacy, finances, and commitment, with honest advice threaded through their stories, such as:
- Stop comparing yourselves to other couples and make your own rules.
- Learn how to function as a team.
- Keep talking about sex.
- The kids ain’t first.
The Ellises might not have all the answers, but they do know that good love takes friendship, grace, and service. Their personal and relatable truths will inspire you to be the kind of partner you want to be so you can build a supportive, enduring relationship.
©2023 Devale Ellis and Khadeen Ellis (P)2023 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Khadeen and Devale Ellis’s story shows that marriage can be a bumpy ride, but if you can laugh and cry together, argue fairly, and put we over me, you'll be on your way to long-lasting love and commitment.”—Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche, New York Times bestselling author of Get Good with Money
“Putting we over me is a concept that we have applied to our relationship for twenty-five years. Khadeen and Devale are great examples for how loving, playful, devoted, and business minded your relationship can be. Intentionally doing it all together and consistently putting the we over me. We are certain their testimony will inspire you and activate your relationship to mirror what they model.”—Dondré Whitfield and Salli Richardson Whitfield, actors
“The Ellis’s story shows that while marriage can be a bumpy ride, it can also be unbelievably beautiful if you learn how to argue constructively, put we over me, and remember to have a little fun along the way. This book will have you laughing and crying, and it’s a must-read for couples and singles who want the best out of their relationship (or who just want to be entertained)!”—Tommy and Codie Elaine Oliver, founders of Black Love, Inc.
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Helena Andrews-Dyer lives in a “hot” Washington, D.C., neighborhood, which means picturesque row houses and plenty of gentrification. After having her first child, she joined the local mom group—“the Mamas”—and quickly realized that being one of the only Black mothers in the mix was a mixed bag. But spending time in what she calls “the Polly Pocket world of postracial parenting” was a welcome reprieve. Then George Floyd happened. A man was murdered, a man who called out for his mama. And suddenly, the Mamas hit different.
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All Black mama in Predominantly White Neighborhood can relate
- By Amazon Customer on 09-21-22
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Drama Free
- A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships
- By: Nedra Glover Tawwab
- Narrated by: Nedra Glover Tawwab
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Every family has a story. For some of us, our family of origin is a solid foundation that feeds our confidence and helps us navigate life’s challenges. For others, it’s a source of pain, hurt, and conflict that can feel like a lifelong burden. In this empowering guide, licensed therapist and bestselling relationship expert Nedra Glover Tawwab offers clear advice for identifying dysfunctional family patterns and choosing the best path to breaking the cycle and moving forward.
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Realistic and Practical!
- By Kessa on 03-08-23
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The Power of Regret
- How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward
- By: Daniel H. Pink
- Narrated by: Daniel H. Pink, Gisela Chipe, Edward Hong, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Everybody has regrets, Daniel H. Pink explains in The Power of Regret. They’re a universal and healthy part of being human. And understanding how regret works can help us make smarter decisions, perform better at work and school, and bring greater meaning to our lives.
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Powerful, immediately relevant
- By LEE on 02-08-22
By: Daniel H. Pink
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The Urgent Life
- My Story of Love, Loss, and Survival
- By: Bozoma Saint John
- Narrated by: Bozoma Saint John
- Length: 7 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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When Bozoma Saint John's husband, Peter, died of cancer, she made one big decision: to live life urgently. Bozoma was no stranger to adversity, having lost her college boyfriend to suicide, navigated an interracial marriage, grieved a child born prematurely—a process that led to her and Peter's separation—and coparented the daughter who she and Peter shared.
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I Really wanted to love it
- By Anonymous User on 03-06-23
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The Love Everybody Wants
- What You're Looking for Is Already Yours
- By: Madison Prewett Troutt, Audrey Roloff - foreword
- Narrated by: Madison Prewett Troutt
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Is there something wrong with me? How many more wrong ones until the right one? Am I hard to love? Madison Prewett Troutt knows what it’s like to ask these questions in the middle of the night—to doubt and worry about never finding the love so desperately hoped for. But Madi has discovered a deeper truth now, that the love we’re searching for is already ours. In The Love Everybody Wants, Madi sets aside the shallow messages our culture shouts every day to help us hear God’s beautiful whisper: I have loved you with an everlasting love. And nothing will ever change that.
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Great Christian Insight About Love
- By Amanda Einink on 02-21-24
By: Madison Prewett Troutt, and others
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Influence Is Your Superpower
- The Science of Winning Hearts, Sparking Change, and Making Good Things Happen
- By: Zoe Chance
- Narrated by: Zoe Chance
- Length: 7 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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You were born influential. But then you were taught to suppress that power, to follow the rules, to wait your turn, to not make waves. Award-winning Yale professor Zoe Chance will show you how to rediscover the superpower that brings great ideas to life. Influence doesn’t work the way you think because you don’t think the way you think. Move past common misconceptions—such as the idea that asking for more will make people dislike you—and understand why your go-to negotiation strategies are probably making you less influential.
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Came for sales advice, stayed for life advice.
- By Charisse Morrell on 04-24-23
By: Zoe Chance
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It All Makes Sense Now
- Embrace Your ADHD Brain to Live a Creative and Colorful Life
- By: Meredith Carder
- Narrated by: Meredith Carder
- Length: 6 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you often feel that your emotions are intense and difficult to regulate? Does boredom get to you seemingly more than most? Do you struggle with your perception of time? You're not alone. As cultural and medical awareness around ADHD shifts, millions of adults who are diagnosed with ADHD are unclear on the many ways ADHD symptoms present and how it affects the experience of their everyday life. Meredith Carder, an ADHD coach and ADHDer herself, shares real-life stories from her coaching practice and own lived experience along with actionable exercises and strategies.
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Vulnerability, relatable, and immediately actionable advice
- By Amazon Customer on 11-26-24
By: Meredith Carder
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Please, Sorry, Thanks
- The Three Words That Change Everything
- By: Mark Batterson
- Narrated by: Mark Batterson
- Length: 4 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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The best predictor of success in life, in love, and in leadership is your proficiency at please, sorry, and thanks. Those three words are the foundation of all healthy relationships and successful careers. Those three words are the only ceiling on achieving your dreams. Those three words will determine how happy you are.
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Awesome, Encouraging Book to Improve Communication
- By Kerri Rocco on 04-11-23
By: Mark Batterson
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Life Worth Living
- A Guide to What Matters Most
- By: Miroslav Volf, Matthew Croasmun, Ryan McAnnally-Linz
- Narrated by: Kelly Corrigan, Maria Shriver
- Length: 9 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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What makes a good life? The question is inherent to the human condition, asked by people across generations, professions, and social classes, and addressed by all schools of philosophy and religions. This search for meaning, as Yale faculty Miroslav Volf, Matthew Croasmun, and Ryan McAnnally-Linz argue, is at the crux of a crisis that is facing Western culture, a crisis that, they propose, can be ameliorated by searching, in one’s own life, for the underlying truth.
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Evangelical Tripe
- By Guy Shophard on 04-24-23
By: Miroslav Volf, and others
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Real Self-Care
- A Transformative Program for Redefining Wellness (Crystals, Cleanses, and Bubble Baths Not Included)
- By: Pooja Lakshmin MD
- Narrated by: Pooja Lakshmin MD
- Length: 6 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Real self-care is an internal, self-reflective process that involves making difficult decisions in line with our values, and when we practice it, we shift our relationships, our workplaces, and even our broken systems. Using case studies from her practice, clinical research, and the down-to-earth style that she's become known for, Pooja Lakshmin provides a step-by-step program for real and sustainable change. Real Self-Care is a complete roadmap for women to set boundaries, move past guilt, treat themselves with compassion, get closer to themselves, and assert their power.
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Important topic but flawed insofar as it claims to want to reach a general audience
- By A.P. on 11-06-23
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Conversations on Letting Go
- Guidance, Meditations, and Exercises to Help You Live Authentically
- By: Najwa Zebian
- Narrated by: Najwa Zebian, Catherine Ho, Dani Martineck, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Najwa Zebian, EdD, has been grappling with the concept of letting go for years, both in her own journey and in her interactions with community members, students, and friends. More and more, Najwa has observed that while our problems are personal, the themes surrounding them are universal. She concluded that letting go is a topic that deserves specific attention and consideration.
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Incredible
- By Amazon Customer on 07-17-23
By: Najwa Zebian
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It's On Me
- Accept Hard Truths, Discover Your Self, and Change Your Life
- By: Sara Kuburic
- Narrated by: Sara Kuburic
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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So many of us feel lonely, unfulfilled, or trapped—in our roles and relationships, in cycles of self-sabotage and bad decisions, by our patterns and misguided attempts to feel happy or to feel something. According to existential psychotherapist Sara Kuburic, it doesn’t have to be so difficult. Really. The answer is found in facing ourselves—whatever version that might be, regardless of whether we like the person we see reflected back to us. It’s about accepting full responsibility for the choices and actions that create our reality.
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Maybe it’s on me..
- By Michelle Cherry Roe on 08-12-24
By: Sara Kuburic
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When Things Fall Apart
- Heart Advice for Difficult Times
- By: Pema Chodron
- Narrated by: Christy Meyer
- Length: 5 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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How can we live our lives when everything seems to fall apart—when we are continually overcome by fear, anxiety, and pain? The answer, Pema Chödrön suggests, might be just the opposite of what you expect. Here, in her most beloved and acclaimed work, Pema shows that moving toward painful situations and becoming intimate with them can open up our hearts in ways we never before imagined. Drawing from traditional Buddhist wisdom, she offers life-changing tools for transforming suffering and negative patterns into habitual ease and boundless joy.
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SOS
- By LV on 07-28-23
By: Pema Chodron
What listeners say about We Over Me
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- Freddrick Smooth
- 04-30-23
I enjoyed every minute of this book
Great F*&KING Book! About to run it back right after this review. Lol shout out to Khadeen and Devale
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3 people found this helpful
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- MoetLovesFood
- 04-24-23
I absolutely loved it!
You guys story is just awesome! I hope you guys can write another book in 20 more years.💜
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2 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 02-23-23
Informative
A book that was informative and enlightening. Need it for today’s generation. Awesome and professional
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2 people found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 01-09-24
This book is great
As a single woman I still love hearing about to navigate and develop healthy relationships
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1 person found this helpful
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- Maia
- 02-10-23
Great book
This is a fantastic book and I love listening to a beautiful Brooklyn love story.
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- Tracey L
- 02-25-23
Faith, Family, Friends and Work Ethic’
Great background on their relationship and wise words on multigenerational homes and relationships. I will listen to this again.
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- Jamie Rembert
- 02-13-23
Priceless information
Very good read, and I definitely would recommend people to read it whether they are single or in a relationship. I look forward to handing this over to my son one day. He’s only 15 now, so I got some time. But the gems that they gave us are priceless.
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- Tomiko White
- 02-24-23
Wonderful Read
Your story is so inspiring. I thank you for sharing your lives with us. Speaking much continued success into you.
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- Blessed D
- 02-19-23
Unconditional Love!!💜
Thank you for sharing your journey. Your commitment to your marriage and family is truly amazing! Keep on showing up great for each other.
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- Mrs. Daniels
- 02-10-23
Amazing
I loved this book and story and love how they let us in their lives and was so open about everything!
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