Clerb
An Alien Time Travel Adventure Story* (*Involving Yoghurt!)
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Narrated by:
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David Williamson
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By:
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Alan S. Noake
About this listen
Rooting about in the loft of a house that you have lived in for ages can be a dangerous activity. Especially if there are no loft boards! But recently I stumbled across a paper file in a pile of my sister’s old belongings that we have had stored up there for years for her.
In it, I discovered what I believe to be the only surviving printed copy of Clerb, a short book I wrote some 27 years ago now. I created the character of Clerb especially for my sister one summer just to while away the hours while I was supposed to be doing some very exciting computer programming work. Anyhow, I dusted off the pages, set about scanning them in one by one and here is the final, finished result... exactly as it was written back then. Well almost exactly - to be honest I have corrected a few spellings and typographical errors - but the story stands unadulterated. (A really good choice of word, as I have not tried to "adult" up the story choices made by my younger self.)
So now that self-publishing is just a little bit easier than way back then when I first wrote it and sent it off to a traditional publisher only to be disappointed, I thought it might be fun to finally share it with the world. Clearly, I was influenced by two huge gods of "funtastical" literature - Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett - and I would never claim to be in the same league, but since some of the jokes created by my younger self still made me chuckle nearly three decades later, it would be a shame not to spread the love and the laughter. Enjoy!
©2017 Alan Noake (P)2017 Alan NoakeListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
What if the drink you just spilled, the train you just missed, or the lottery ticket you just found was not just a random occurrence? What if it's all part of a bigger plan? What if there's no such thing as a chance encounter? What if there are people we don't know determining our destiny? And what if they are even planning the fate of the world? Enter the Coincidence Makers - Guy, Emily, and Eric - three seemingly ordinary people who work for a secret organization devoted to creating and carrying out coincidences. What the rest of the world sees as random occurrences, are, in fact, carefully orchestrated events.
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Amazing!
- By Gal Wolff on 07-31-18
By: Yoav Blum
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I, Partridge: We Need to Talk About Alan
- By: Alan Partridge
- Narrated by: Alan Partridge
- Length: 6 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
Journalist, presenter, broadcaster, husband, father, vigorous all-rounder – Alan Partridge – a man with a fascinating past and an amazing future. Gregarious and popular, yet Alan’s never happier than when relaxing in his own five-bedroom, south-built house with three acres of land and access to a private stream. But who is this mysterious enigma? Alan Gordon Partridge is the best – and best-loved – radio presenter in the region. Born into a changing world of rationing, Teddy Boys, apes in space and the launch of ITV, Alan’s broadcasting career began as chief DJ of Radio Smile....
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An Anglican giant among pygmies
- By John on 06-20-12
By: Alan Partridge
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While I Live
- The Ellie Chronicles
- By: John Marsden
- Narrated by: Suzi Dougherty
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
The town of Wirrawee is emerging from war, slowly, like a flower after a cold snap. Businesses are starting to reopen, the school has re-commenced classes, and local farmers are gradually repossessing their land. But it's not the same Australia as before the war. A new nation exists just a few miles away, a new border that separates Australia from its invaders. Or does it?
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What accent is it spoken in?
- By Kim on 03-06-05
By: John Marsden
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Red Plenty
- By: Francis Spufford
- Narrated by: Roger Clark
- Length: 13 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Strange as it may seem, the gray, oppressive USSR was founded on a fairy tale. It was built on the 20th-century magic called "the planned economy," which was going to gush forth an abundance of good things that the lands of capitalism could never match. And just for a little while, in the heady years of the late 1950s, the magic seemed to be working. Red Plenty is about that moment in history, and how it came, and how it went away. Red Plenty is history, it's fiction, it's as ambitious as Sputnik, and as uncompromising as an Aeroflot flight attendant.
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Simple review
- By Jay J Peters on 06-24-18
By: Francis Spufford
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Children of the Deterrent
- Halfhero, Book 1
- By: Ian W. Sainsbury
- Narrated by: Sam Phillips, Jaimi Barbakoff
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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The new novel by the author of the best-selling The World Walker series. 'My name is Daniel Harbin, and I'm a child of The Deterrent.' What if a superhuman turned out not to be so super...or even human? Britain's superhero, The Deterrent, was unveiled to the world in 1979 and disappeared two years later. The truth about his origins has never been revealed. The rumours about his children - those that survived - and their mysterious abilities have never been confirmed. Until now....
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Everything Backstory Until Last Few Chapters
- By Sailfish on 06-30-20
By: Ian W. Sainsbury
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A Boy Called Christmas Movie Tie-In Edition
- By: Matt Haig
- Narrated by: Stephen Fry
- Length: 4 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Eleven-year-old Nikolas - nicknamed "Christmas" - has received only one toy in his life: a doll carved out of a turnip. But he's happy with his turnip doll, because it came from his parents, who love him. Then one day his father goes missing, and Nikolas must travel to the North Pole to save him. Along the way Nikolas befriends a surly reindeer, bests a troublesome troll, and discovers a hidden world of enchantment in the frozen village of Elfhelm.
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Wonderful magical story!
- By Twin Cities gal on 01-01-18
By: Matt Haig
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Haroun and the Sea of Stories
- By: Salman Rushdie
- Narrated by: Neil Shah
- Length: 4 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Discover Haroun and the Sea of Stories, Salman Rushdie's classic fantasy novel. Set in an exotic eastern landscape peopled by magicians and fantastic talking animals, Salman Rushdie's classic children's novel Haroun and the Sea of Stories inhabits the same imaginative space as The Lord of the Rings, The Alchemist, and The Wizard of Oz.
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Great story and great story teller
- By marce on 05-22-18
By: Salman Rushdie
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Reconstruction
- By: Mick Herron
- Narrated by: Julia Franklin
- Length: 12 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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When a young man breaks into South Oxford Nursery School with a gun and takes a group of hostages, teacher Louise Kennedy is fearful. But Jaime Segura isn’t there on a homicidal mission. Bad Sam Chapman - head of the intelligence service’s internal security force, the Dogs - tries to find out what Jaime is after. But the only person Jaime will talk to is Ben Whistler, an MI6 colleague of Jaime’s lover, Miro - who has gone missing with a quarter of a billion pounds....
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worst reader ever
- By mimz on 06-25-21
By: Mick Herron
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Variable Star
- By: Robert A. Heinlein, Spider Robinson
- Narrated by: Spider Robinson
- Length: 11 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
At his death in 1988, Robert A. Heinlein left a legacy that almost single-handedly defined modern science fiction. But one of Heinlein's masterpieces was never finished. In 1955, he began work on Variable Star, a powerful and passionate tale of two young lovers driven apart by pride, power, and the vastness of interstellar time and space. Now, the Heinlein estate has authorized award-winning author Spider Robinson to expand his outline into a full-length novel. And the result is vintage Heinlein.
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Spider WHO
- By Randall on 04-25-09
By: Robert A. Heinlein, and others
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The Mark and the Void
- A Novel
- By: Paul Murray
- Narrated by: Derek Perkins
- Length: 14 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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While marooned at his banking job in the bewilderingly damp and insular realm known as Ireland, Claude Martingale is approached by a down-on-his-luck author, Paul, looking for his next great subject. Claude finds that his life gets steadily more exciting under Paul's fictionalizing influence; he even falls in love with a beautiful waitress. But Paul's plan is not what it seems - and neither is Claude's employer, the Investment Bank of Torabundo, which swells through dodgy takeovers and derivatives trading until - well, you can probably guess how that shakes out.
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Well read but frustrating story
- By Michael on 05-26-16
By: Paul Murray
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The Brightest Star in the Sky
- A Novel
- By: Marian Keyes
- Narrated by: Caitriona Keyes
- Length: 17 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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The Brightest Star in the Sky follows seven neighbors whose lives become entangled when a sassy and prescient spirit pays a visit to their Dublin townhouse with the intent of changing at least one of their lives. But what will this metamorphosis be and who will the sprite choose?
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Terrible sound quality, worse narration
- By Jan on 02-23-10
By: Marian Keyes