Fashionably Dead in Diapers
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Narrated by:
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Jessica Almasy
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By:
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Robyn Peterman
About this listen
And I thought being half Vampyre/half Demon was hard.... That's nothing compared to being a mother. Sweet baby Moses in a boob tube, there aren't any books on raising True Immortals, so let me give you a few tips....
Make a map of every closet and bathroom in your home if you enjoy having sex. Sleep deprivation can cause confusion, and a map will help if you have only seven minutes and 31 seconds. You're welcome.
Parenting books are useless if you're not human. If your child is half Vampyre/half Demon, I would suggest not using parenting books at all - they can backfire like a mother humper. Trust me on this.
Have sex.
When your child tells you he has an imaginary friend, do not discount this as fantasy. Oftentimes your child isn't imagining anything. If he persists with alarming and violent stories about this fictional buddy, it's probably a Troll. Do a thorough search of your home, and kill it. Decapitation works best. Some imaginary friends are harmless. However, it's wise not to take chances.
Have sex again.
When in large crowds, make sure you hold tight to your child's hand. Losing a child in an amusement park is terrifying. If you're truly paranoid, you could consider putting a chip in your child. If you do this, don't discuss it at dinner parties. People will think you are weird.
At least cuddle.
Playing with dolls is fun. Being one? No so much. If your child ever finds a Genie in a bottle, flush it immediately. Many children wish for things that are very difficult to reverse...like being doll sized. If this happens, move to Oz. There are many people of small stature there. And yes, it really does exist.
Find a closet, and go to town.
©2015 Robyn Peterman (P)2016 Audible, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Story
In this irreverent take on the holidays, Ian gets a new quest in a virtual reality video game: kill a monstrous villain named Sinter Klaws. (And no, he is NOT a jolly old elf.) Join Ian, his succubus Alaria, and his imp Stig as they journey through a winter wonderland full of killer reindeer, lecherous elves, and the worst mall Santa in the history of the world.
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Say my name b**ch! A porny, Xmas, litRPG short
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 11-07-21
By: A.J. Markam
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Afterlife
- Afterlife Saga, Book 1
- By: Stephanie Hudson
- Narrated by: Rebecca Rainsford
- Length: 26 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Afterlife...just some gothic nightclub where gossip is fuelled by the presence of a rich and unearthly, handsome family or afterlife...the strange place where time seems to stand still and guests feel the presence of something more powerful held within the confines of the VIP. Keira is new to this small, cold town and is running from a past that seems to feast on her darkest memories. She finds living with her sister away from English soil to be just the ticket to the new life she is trying desperately to find.
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It is a good book yet it is NOT in many ways
- By Lexi on 11-29-16
By: Stephanie Hudson
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Captured
- Devil's Blaze MC, Book 1
- By: Jordan Marie
- Narrated by: Morgan Tyler, Leo Barnabas
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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There's an animal in me that I keep hidden. Beth calls to him. She tempts the monster and lures him to the surface. I'm obsessed with her. I can't stay away, even when doing so puts my entire club in danger. Her blood is on my hands. I formed her to fit only me. I was her first and if I have to kill everyone in our way. So be it. I will be her last. She is mine.
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Good Grief
- By BarbaraY on 10-15-17
By: Jordan Marie
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Darkness of Light
- Darkness, Book 1
- By: Stacey Marie Brown
- Narrated by: Michelle Sparks
- Length: 10 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Freak. Witch. Crazy. Schizo. Ember Brycin has been called them all. She's always known she's different. No one has ever called her normal, even under the best circumstances. Bizarre and inexplicable things continually happen to her, and having two different colored eyes, strange hair, and an unusual tattoo only contributes to the gossip about her. When the latest school explosion lands her in a facility for trouble teens, she meets Eli Dragen, who's hot as hell and darkly mysterious.
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should be titled, "Darkness and Frustration"
- By S. Gaona on 05-09-16
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The Unleashing
- Call of Crows, Book 1
- By: Shelly Laurenston
- Narrated by: Johanna Parker
- Length: 11 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Kera Watson never expected to face death behind a Los Angeles coffee shop. Not after surviving two tours lugging an M16 around the Middle East. If it wasn't for her hot Viking customer showing up too late to help, nobody would even have seen her die. In uncountable years of service to the Allfather Odin, Ludvig "Vig" Rundstrom has never seen anyone kick ass with quite as much style as Kera.
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Too Violent for this Reader
- By Aryn on 04-11-15
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Elemental Mating
- By: Milly Taiden
- Narrated by: Tyler Donne, Tess Irondale
- Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Brilliant scientist Melinda Caster has discovered a new strain of the Zika virus that stimulates synaptic growth in embryos, causing neuron development beyond normal human levels. Way beyond, like ESP-levels of cognitive abilities. When the lab is broken into, Melinda realizes that someone has been keeping tabs on her research and wants it for themselves. A happy accident destroys critical data before it can fall into the wrong hands, but unfortunately that makes Melinda and her perfect memory a target.
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Good story!
- By NancyB on 11-27-17
By: Milly Taiden
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The Queen of Carnage
- Underestimated, Book 1
- By: Candice Wright
- Narrated by: Lucy Rivers
- Length: 7 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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After getting tangled up in Carnage business, it isn’t long before I'm tangled up in their sheets. They see is my blonde hair and sweet smile, and they want to dirty me up a little. I'm a splash of pink within the leather-clad army, standing out like a tampon in a condom factory. But it’s not my fault they underestimated me. I might like girly things, but I’m much more likely to spray you with bullets then sprinkle you with glitter. I could just tell them they have me labeled all wrong...but where’s the fun in that?
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Great book!
- By desi on 08-21-21
By: Candice Wright
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Death's Daughter
- By: Amber Benson
- Narrated by: Amber Benson
- Length: 9 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Calliope Reaper-Jones so just wanted a normal life: buying designer shoes on sale, dating guys from Craig’s List, web-surfing for organic dim-sum for her boss. But when her father - who happens to be Death himself - is kidnapped, and the Devil’s Protege embarks on a hostile takeover of the family business, Death, Inc., Callie returns home to assume the CEO mantle - only to discover she must complete three nearly impossible tasks in the realm of the afterlife first.
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Don't Stop After Chapter 1
- By Dana on 03-29-14
By: Amber Benson
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Royal Dragon
- By: Charlene Hartnady
- Narrated by: Stella Bloom, Sebastian York
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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The eligible dragon shifter males must hunt a handful of females. It's first catch, first serve. The biggest problem is that the females are human. Despite feedback to the contrary, Coal thinks they are weak and breakable. In his opinion, not capable of surviving the hunt, let alone the mating that will follow. He doesn't believe that a lowly human is capable of birthing him a royal heir, so why has his brother, the king, tasked him with claiming one?
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VERY EROTIC
- By Edwina "I Love books" on 11-22-17
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Braving the Elements
- The Darkness Series, Book Two
- By: K.F. Breene
- Narrated by: Victoria Mei
- Length: 4 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Sasha has always known she was different, but now she also knows that the shadow men she’s seen all her life, are real. With a life goal of fitting in, Sasha hopes her strange abilities will finally make true friendship a possibility. Unfortunately, her magic doesn’t function like everyone else’s. What she thought would make her belong, sets her apart now more than ever. Stefan, all but promised to a different woman, has tried to keep his mind on his duties instead of the irresistible and free-spirited human.
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Love Stefan & Sasha
- By Madeleine East on 11-24-20
By: K.F. Breene
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Nameless: The Darkness Comes
- Bone Angel Trilogy, Book 1
- By: Mercedes M. Yardley
- Narrated by: Eva Kaminsky
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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She has been dealing with the demonic all her life, so when her brother gets tangled up with a demon named Sparkles, "Luna the Lunatic" rolls in on her motorcycle to save the day. Armed with the ability to harm demons, her scathing sarcasm, and a hefty chip on her shoulder, Luna gathers the most unusual of allies, teaming up with a green-eyed heroin addict and a snarky demon of "some import". After all, outcasts of a feather should stick together...even until the end.
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It's nice to see some chicks still have guts!
- By sarah on 08-18-14
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Love in the Time of Dragons
- By: Katie MacAlister
- Narrated by: Barbara Rosenblat
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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In best-selling author Katie MacAlister’s Love in the Time of Dragons, suburban mom Tully Sullivan wakes up in a far-off place surrounded by strangers—many of them muscular, sexy ones—claiming to be dragons. They insist Tully is a dragon, too, and that she’s committed crimes deserving of death. Now Tully must disprove the allegations before time runs out.
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Struggling to finish
- By Kindle Customer on 04-22-11
By: Katie MacAlister
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Undead and Unwed
- Queen Betsy, Book 1
- By: MaryJanice Davidson
- Narrated by: Nancy Wu
- Length: 9 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Waking up in a tacky coffin and wearing off-brand shoes, Betsy Taylor can't believe the horrible turn her life has taken; then she discovers she's a vampire. Soon, Betsy becomes a participant in a power struggle between the forces of darkness. With only her friend Jessica and the hunky vampire Sinclair to help her, this new "Queen of Vampires" will have a tough time getting her afterlife straight.
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Great Concept / Annoying Character
- By Vanessa on 07-28-09
What listeners say about Fashionably Dead in Diapers
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Robin
- 04-07-16
Very funny family!
One of the funniest series I have ever read, hope there are many more books to come and that baby doesn't grow up very quickly.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Mary Barscz
- 03-14-16
Such a great book!
I love that we get to see Astrid and Ethan's baby, and what he becomes. Being a parent is not easy, being this baby's parent could be deadly!
I loved that so many past characters were in this book, who doesn't love, Pam, The Kev, Gemma, and Satan?
"Sweet baby Moses in a boob tube" things like that just made me crack up, I have also happily added a few new swear words to my vocabulary.
The beginning of each chapter starts with some very helpful parenting tips if you should ever have a half Vampyre/half Demon baby.
I fell in love with this series from the first book, and I will surely be sad to see them end. I cannot say I will miss the accidental spraying of drinks out my nose.
Great job to Robyn and Jessica for bringing this book to life!
I cannot wait to listen to the rest of the books!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Angela
- 11-10-17
The Vamps & Samuel
This book is awesome and is an amazing books to listen to. I recommend this book to anyone who is looking for a great time and love in a title that is funny and a lovely cluster....well you get it! ^_^
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- NEW NAME
- 11-27-17
The baby, OMG the baby!!! LOL!
Okay, maybe I am a bit twisted, but I adored ALL of these books. I seriously bought 1-9 in a span of about 2 weeks. I could NOT get enough! The absurd things that come out of these characters mouths is not only funny, blasphemous, outlandish, idiotic and something downright horrible, they crack me up in the best way! I told my co-workers about these books and they just couldn't believe it, then I read them the pitch from the audible website and they bent over laughing so hard they begged me to stop talking. These books are AWESOME! If you love book 1 just download all of them.
This review will be repeated 5 more times :- )
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- Curly's Ramblings
- 08-25-17
Entertaining...
Entertaining story with Astrid struggling with amnesia for approximately 75% of the book. I've liked Ethan from the start of the series, but his patience with Astrid and her memory loss while worrying for his son made me adore him. Samuel is absolutely adorable, extraordinarily gifted, and a 100% awesome. He will keep his parents and family friends on their toes for a very long time. This story is full of humor, drama, and interesting characters! Highly recommend this series!
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- Trudy
- 07-13-21
Think you're a bad parent?! Think again!
These books are such crazy fun! I love them so much! If you ever want to escape from reality and feel like a better parent then listen to this and die laughing!
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- K. Liguori
- 08-27-16
Oh my god,oh my god,oh my god, oh my god
Potty mouth Astrid's at it again, only this time she has a child, and oh what a child he is. I won't ruin it for you, but I swear this book was even better than the last. I'm still laughing at this one. The Kev and his fairy friends are Hilarious as are Bon Jovi and Pink. I'm telling you, you'll be rolling your eyes and cracking up with the Lucille ball type escapade Astrid gets into. Well I'm off for my next adventure with Astrid and Ethan.
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- Doggy Den
- 08-25-23
I love them
I struggled to find a series. I loved Kresley Cole immortals after dark series.. this is a lighter version to me.. it's fun and super creative with the characters.. I gobble these up.. I listen approx 7 hours a day and these are perfect!!
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- Witchywoman
- 03-10-16
Bundle of Chaos
Would you listen to Fashionably Dead in Diapers again? Why?
Omg yes, Samuel is the cutest and so full of trouble and powerful as all get out.
Who was your favorite character and why?
Samuel he's a tiny adorable and powerful baby who is always up to something and sometimes more than his parents can handle. Plus he's growing super fast and talking at 3 months old that's just crazy.
Which scene was your favorite?
When Martha and Jane perform for the fairies version of American Idol. It was hideous and absolutely hilarious
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
Yup would have loved to!
Any additional comments?
Robyn continues to entertain with her brilliant and hilarious imagination. In this installment of the Hot Damned series you'll go on an adventure of epic proportions and encounter wild and zany new characters as well as the original favorites from the series. You will laugh until you pee your pants while holding on to the edge of your seat. Fun, humor and romance abound in this book, so be ready to giggle and be sucked in to the wild world of the Hot Damned series. Can't wait to see what this author has in store for me next!
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1 person found this helpful
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- LCLogic
- 05-23-19
I'm here for the crazy!
This series is still as crazy as ever. Besides the string of ridiculous profanity. The imagination Ms. Peterman must possess to write all these wild characters and scenarios is astonishing. This series has the phrase "Who things of these things?" written all over it. With the vivid and creative description of the scenes, the read is quite entertaining. I would recommend it.
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