How Not to Kill Yourself
A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind
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Narrated by:
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Clancy Martin
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By:
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Clancy Martin
About this listen
- 2023 Short-listed - Kiriyama Prize for Nonfiction
An intimate, insightful, at times even humorous exploration of why the thought of death is so compulsive for some while demonstrating that there’s always another solution—from the acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy, based on his viral essay, “I’m Still Here.”
“If you’re going to write a book about suicide, you have to be willing to say the true things, the scary things, the humiliating things. Because everybody who is being honest with themselves knows at least a little bit about the subject. If you lie or if you fudge, the reader will know.”
The last time Clancy Martin tried to kill himself was in his basement with a dog leash. It was one of over ten attempts throughout the course of his life. But he didn’t die, and like many who consider taking their own lives, he hid the attempt from his wife, family, coworkers, and students, slipping back into his daily life with a hoarse voice, a raw neck, and series of vague explanations.
In How Not to Kill Yourself, Martin chronicles his multiple suicide attempts in an intimate depiction of the mindset of someone obsessed with self-destruction. He argues that, for the vast majority of suicides, an attempt does not just come out of the blue, nor is it merely a violent reaction to a particular crisis or failure, but is the culmination of a host of long-standing issues. He also looks at the thinking of a number of great writers who have attempted suicide and detailed their experiences (such as David Foster Wallace, Yiyun Li, Akutagawa, Nelly Arcan, and others), at what the history of philosophy has to say both for and against suicide, and at the experiences of those who have reached out to him across the years to share their own struggles.
The result combines memoir with critical inquiry to powerfully give voice to what for many has long been incomprehensible, while showing those presently grappling with suicidal thoughts that they are not alone, and that the desire to kill oneself—like other self-destructive desires—is almost always temporary and avoidable.
*Includes a downloadable PDF of resources and tools for crisis from the book
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2023 Clancy Martin (P)2023 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
- *A Finalist for the Kirkus Prize for Nonfiction*
- A New York Times Book Review Editor’s Choice
- One of the New York Times’ 9 New Books We Recommend This Week
- A Publisher’s Weekly Book of the Week
- One of The Millions’ Most Anticipated Books of the Year
- One of Lit Hub’s Most Anticipated Books of the Year
“Sui generis . . . a blunt and bracing read . . . as cogent and (yes) rational an account of the mind existing in the shadow of its own self-destruction as I have read . . . For all [Martin’s] focus on suicidal trauma, he is, most fundamentally, trying to write his way out from under it, to create a book not of death but of life.” —David Ulin, The Atlantic
“I can see [this book] becoming a rock for people who’ve been troubled by suicidal ideation, or have someone in their lives who is, and want to understand the mentality, which can seem utterly mystifying to the unafflicted. Swirling with anguish and argument, tempered by practicality, it airs an often taboo topic with the authority of someone writing what he knows — all too gruesomely well.” —The New York Times
“Idiosyncratic, beautiful, and studded with caveats: sometimes this trick won’t work, Martin concedes, and sometimes this other one won’t, either. Even he doesn’t always follow his own advice. It’s an admission of sorts—that so much great literature can be read, that so much work can be done, but that another day to survive is always approaching. The work of choosing to not kill yourself isn’t the act of making that choice one time but making it over and over again.” —The New Yorker
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Why do we think, feel, and act in ways we wish we did not? For decades, New York Times best-selling author Dr. David A. Kessler has studied this question with regard to tobacco, food, and drugs. Over the course of these investigations, he identified one underlying mechanism common to a broad range of human suffering. This phenomenon - capture - is the process by which our attention is hijacked and our brains commandeered by forces outside our control.
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Confused
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Growing Yourself Back Up
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We've all experienced moments when we lose control of a situation and ourselves. Now, in Growing Yourself Back Up, the first book to explain the idea of emotional regression to the general listener, best-selling author John Lee identifies the circumstances that cause these seemingly uncontrollable feelings and shows how they are directly tied to our experience as children.
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A Must Read for All Human Beings
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Because I Come from a Crazy Family
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The actual book The Art of War, not a commentary
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Not well made as audio
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listen.. .then listen again
- By Casiano on 12-22-16
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Will Johnnie Veal—convicted of the murder of two police officers in 1970—be granted parole after 50 years in prison? How can he convince the parole board he’s reformed when he insists he’s innocent? What is prison time even supposed to accomplish? These are the questions that propel The Parole Room forward as it builds toward Johnnie’s 20th parole hearing—after 19 rejections.
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Enlightening story & a must read
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I spent $24,000 in 4 months
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In 1992, the deadliest year in Chicago’s history, seven-year-old Dantrell Davis was shot and killed in front of his elementary school inside the public housing complex Cabrini-Green. What happened to Dantrell led to a truce among Chicago’s gangs, but it also ignited a national panic about poverty and violence in America’s cities. Dantrell’s name would soon be used to demolish all of Chicago’s high-rise public housing, displacing tens of thousands of low-income families.
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Chicago Housibg
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This searing audio documentary brings listeners deep inside the unforgettable story of MOVE, gaining unprecedented access to surviving MOVE members, elected officials from the era, eyewitnesses, and historians to create an indelible portrait of an American tragedy.
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Balanced Examination of History
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The Autobiography of Malcolm X
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Experience a bold take on this classic autobiography as it’s performed by Oscar-nominated Laurence Fishburne. In this searing classic autobiography, originally published in 1965, Malcolm X, the Muslim leader, firebrand, and Black empowerment activist, tells the extraordinary story of his life and the growth of the Human Rights movement. His fascinating perspective on the lies and limitations of the American dream and the inherent racism in a society that denies its non-White citizens the opportunity to dream, gives extraordinary insight into the most urgent issues of our own time.
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it's Nearly perfect
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Leaves much to be desired
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Mythology: Mega Collection
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Do you know how many wives Zeus had? Or how the famous Trojan War was caused by one beautiful lady? Or how Thor got his hammer? Give your imagination a real treat. This Mega Mythology Collection of eight audiobooks is for you....
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An interesting set of introductions.
- By Kevin Potter on 05-30-19
By: Scott Lewis
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What listeners say about How Not to Kill Yourself
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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- Lisa Petty
- 05-25-24
Research!
Great book with unmatched research into a complex subject with beautiful understanding. Highly recommend this book to anyone who had been touched by suicide, but especially for those who have had thoughts all their life. You are not alone.
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- Katrina
- 04-15-23
Trigger warnings
I struggle as the author did/does and found the book validating me as a human. He spoke my language and knew how human he is. I appreciate his sharing - often explicit, but if it had been sugar coated, he would have lost me.
I am inspired to stay alive.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Rebecca Huelskamp
- 09-07-24
Very helpful
After losing a brother to suicide this book helped me understand the mind of someone who struggles with those type of thoughts. I've been able to process my loss more ever since I read it. Very helpful!
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- Amazon Customer
- 06-03-23
Execeptional
This is a very good book. Heed not fragile, fashionable language about trigger warnings and so forth. This is a book for people interested in getting past fragility and taboos to find real wisdom. I deal with suicidality every day in my work, and this is the first book I’ve read in a very long time that really moves the ball forward. The writing is first-rate; can’t recommend highly enough.
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall
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Performance
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- M. Miller
- 04-03-23
Affirming
Professional but plainspoken, solipsism through a crystal-clear prism - too phony? reductive? Yes, yes. But I liked that I didn’t always like the work or him. That’s how I knew that I was in the hands of someone sincere. God bless those around the author… for reasons you can read about in the text.
Some readers less into may receive this heavy material more favorably or generously hearing it read aloud. He does good rueful laugh and laconic delivery.
Anyone with life experience in this subject should give this text a chance (and give life itself another shot, if in that subcohort).
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- Jay R
- 09-12-24
He gets me.
I have never read a book that made so much sense to me. This helped me understand myself and my tendencies in a beautiful way
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- Katy Sanderson
- 06-12-24
For non-suicidal minds
This is a great tool to understand for people who are trying to understand the suicidal mind.
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- Ashley jackson
- 06-25-23
Excellent.
Difficult topic that is refreshingly approached with blunt honesty and real self reflection. I enjoyed this book more than any book I’ve read in the last year.
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- Doug Breault
- 09-18-23
Really fantastic
The tone of the book is on point- direct and funny, open and transparent. I appreciate the different perspectives and approaches to the topic, and is really helpful for those who have lost a loved one to suicide.
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- pablo
- 05-12-23
Raw, Haunting, and Wide-ranging
I’m glad I read this fascinating book, but it is a lot to digest.
The author recounts his own harrowing story, while also summarizing the sceintific research on suicide, surveying the best regarded literature and philosophy on the topic, and recounting the stories of famous deaths.
But this book is not only about suicide, and more specifically, chronic suicidal ideation, but also alcoholism, addiction, selfishness, AA, madness, and traumatic childhoods.
If Noonday Demon was a 70/30 ratio of research to memoir, this is probably the inverse of that.
The first two chapters were positively riveting. The book becomes a little slow and academic in the middle philosophical section and the last third is more redemptive and instructive. I think I will go by a hard copy in order to have the chapter on how to prevent suicide and the resources in the appendix.
An unforgettable book.
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