Preview
  • Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me

  • Depression in the First Person
  • By: Anna Mehler Paperny
  • Narrated by: Kirsten Potter
  • Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
  • 4.6 out of 5 stars (298 ratings)

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Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me

By: Anna Mehler Paperny
Narrated by: Kirsten Potter
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Publisher's summary

An engrossing memoir-meets-investigative-report that takes a fresh, frank look at how we treat depression.

In her early 20s, investigative journalist Anna Mehler Paperny had already landed her dream job. On the surface, her life was great. Nevertheless, she spiraled out, attempted suicide (the first of more attempts to follow), and landed in the ICU and then in a psych ward before setting out to tackle her recovery.

In Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me, Mehler Paperny turns her journalist's eye on her own experience and others' - in the ward; as an outpatient; facing family, friends, and coworkers; finding the right meds; trying to stay insured and employed. She interviews psychiatrists and other experts to reveal how primitive our methods of healing the brain still are - and provides an invaluable guide to a system struggling, and often failing, to help those in need. At once heartrending and humorous, outraging and serious, this is a must-listen for anyone touched by depression - and that's everyone.

©2019, 2020 Anna Mehler Paperny (P)2020 Tantor
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What listeners say about Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me

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Excellent

As a person with mental illness, I have at times felt so unstable that I considered death as an escape from my problems. Thankfully, I've had many years of counseling, medication, education, and success that have helped me overcome my difficulties (for the most part) in order to enjoy life and be an effective, contributing member of society. For me, this book affirmed my path and gave me further information to understand science, the medical field, and fellow sufferers. The author's writing style was very engaging, and the narrator did an exceptional job of making me feel like she was actually the author telling her story. I will look for more from these talented individuals.

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    5 out of 5 stars

gained a lot of insight into depression.

I loved this book, the voice narrating the book matched well. The content was informative and entertaining as much as you can entertain a topic like this to keep ones attention

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Finally!

Wonderful! Brutally honest, powerful, and heart-wrenching words that keep you wanting more! I related to her story in so many ways, good for her in speaking out on a HUGE PROBLEM!

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    3 out of 5 stars

DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER, WORDS, MOODS…

This is, in my estimation, a fantastic book. At first, I thought it was the best book I’ve read/heard yet on depression, despondence, personal descriptions of a history failed suicide attempts and being run through the neuro-pharmacological mill. I never would have guessed any of that from reading the book title. From that, I was expecting whiny, pedantic, passive-aggressive self-care drone, but this book is exactly the opposite:: No bs., real-deal, genuine, relevant with no wasted words SOLID CONTENT. I think maybe the author is engaging in a bit of “tongue in cheek, humor-as-therapy for traumatic events” methodology in their writing and I’ve found it useful to keep that possibility in mind as I listen. The book is easy to listen to, the narration is great. Certainly nothing clinical, cold or efforted.

Big Caveat #1: the author’s summation of Ketamine and psychedelic therapy. They had one single experience with ketamine, kicking and screaming just to placate a doctor at Yale’s department of treatment-resistant depression. The rest of what they’re reciting reads like it was pulled from Newsweek Magazine. This is the weakest part of the book for me Treatment with Pyschecelics cannot be evaluated like Adderal is. The effectiveness of this method is evaluated over months combined with forms of therapy that are often artistic. The author has no experience, has apparently done no deep research, yet they state predetermined snarky opinion as though it’s fact. Boo. The cover is now appropriate.

By the middle of Part 2 and into Part 3, the author’s pedestrian sense of exploration becomes concrete statements of absolute fact about things they’re (in truth) only guessing at, From hard science science to perspective on additional examples and alternative methods comes to prevail. Their humor is replaced by cynical and snarling opinion which is stated as absolute fact. This shift in tone happens so quickly that it’s stunning. Suddenly, and 180 degrees opposite of the first part of the book, life sucks and a victimized voice is telling us so. While this triggers every bit of critical thinking, corrective fact-checking bone in my body, the bipolar shift is a actually illuminating, and for me it makes the book more interesting, The Big Snarky exhausting shift may reveal cognitive and emotional components that serve as a foundation for the most severe and devastating forms of depression that is humorously described, in detail, in the first half of the book.

Part 3 continues to descend into interpretative, opinionated, sideways story telling based real patient cases, read from notes, The author has had it up to *here* with people. And don’t get her started on men (“dudes”), or women she deems to be feminist. Or succesful people. Or married couples. My God! The author, an office worker, now believes they’re an authority on psychology, the human condition, and medicine. And what? Looking down upon those who’ve succeeded in suicide? A pile of summarized terribly depressing tales? Now I’m depressed. This is weird and I have reduced interest and attention. It’s not that I don’t care about people’s difficulties, it’s that I don’t like the author creating condensed version that can be used to hammer the reader with over and over. Listening to cynical, talkative, overly opinionated ppl is bad for my emotional well being. In fact, I’m now taking a break or bailing out from listening to this book. It begins as a revealed memoir and ends as a non-stop rant.

What a fascinating study this book is. For some, the first half of the book is truly great, and possibly worth the price by itself. For others the entire book may a valuable mind study of someone who describes the severe and long term nature of their existential crisis, uses casual humor to as a mask, and then tires of the mask and exhibits sense of security that’s derived from cynical narrow thinking, way too much opinion, and lots of anger at everything in the world. . Wow. Now, the book title and cover art are even more off track. The person present by the last part of the book is absolutely not vulnerable and does not ask questions, let alone for help.

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eye opening

helped with my own issues. also opened my eyes to the bigger mental health issues there are out there in the world. everything ties together. great listen.

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Wow

This book was so true to me it’s scary. If you can stomach the sarcasm and brutality of the truth of depression and suicide.

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Unlistenable

Sadly, this is unlistenable due to narration. It’s truly unlistenable I tried and tried. The narration is so far off. you just can’t listen to it

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fantastic book. helped me

helps you look at different conditions and treatments differently. excellent presentation and narration. good narration for a topic like this is the difference between listening for 2 minutes or to all of it

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Insightful

Gives some great insight to the inner workings of the treatment of depression, and the major flaws in finding ways to help treat mental illnesses.

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This book had a profound impact on me

Finally a book on the realities of depression and suicidalty. I found the subject matter captivating. My experiences have not been anywhere near as life altering as the author’s but her non-apologetic manner in telling her story and that of others really spoke to me. I only wish there would have been more content or interviews covering people like myself who fall somewhere in the middle, though I totally get that she is speaking from her own personal experience. As a person locked in my own battle of depressive suicidal ideation for decades I wish there were more writers as articulate and honest as Anna, and even better if there were those who spoke to the struggles of those who haven’t ended up in a hospital or ward (yet). There was one such interview in the book with a surviving spouse recalling how her husband had lost his own battle. I’m still reeling from that description and how much I identified with her husband’s condition. This was an amazing book on a subject that doesn’t get written about enough at this level. Also the narrator really made me feel like the author herself was speaking to me. Thank you for this book and the courage to write it.

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