I Didn't Survive
Emerging Whole After Deception, Persecution, and Hidden Abuse
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Narrated by:
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Naghmeh Abedini Panahi
About this listen
It’s hard enough having a painful secret that you are terrified of sharing.
It’s even harder when you find yourself in the international limelight as the advocate wife of a Christian hero imprisoned for his faith.
The worst part is fearing that, if you did share this secret, it might devastate the lives of your family and close friends, alienate tens of thousands of active supporters, and cause persecuted people around the world to become even more vulnerable.
Naghmeh Abedini Panahi lived in constant tension from the irreconcilable realities playing out in her own life, in her family life, in the conduct of others, and on the worldwide stage as she interacted with power brokers and well-known religious leaders. Tension involving:
- Steadfastly honoring God versus being carried away by the tide of circumstances
- Personal reality versus public persona
- Genuine faith versus hypocritical religion
- Truth and caring versus the end justifying the means
- Obedience to God versus loyalty to others
For Naghmeh, it all came to a breaking point, and the only way through it was to die. Not physically, but in experiencing a death and rebirth in her understanding of God, her faith, and her identity as a woman. “I can't tell you how I was able to make it through, because I didn’t,” she writes. “Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, the new me emerged from the catastrophe of my marriage.”
I Didn’t Survive: Emerging Whole After Deception, Persecution, and Hidden Abuse is Naghmeh’s firsthand story, which takes you from war-torn Tehran to the quiet Midwestern U.S. to the halls of power in Washington D.C. It vividly describes the Islamic upbringing that shaped her, her unexpected conversion to Christianity, and the events that led to her marriage to Saeed Abedini, a magnetic pastor in the Iranian underground church. The book details Saeed’s arrest and imprisonment for preaching the gospel, her fateful decision to share the truth about her husband, her betrayal and abandonment by former supporters, and the new life of advocacy for women that has arisen from the brokenness.
Through the pain, abuse, and loss, Naghmeh clearly demonstrates what it means for us to find our true identity in God, discover the protective care God has for His children, and participate in sharing the love and healing He desires to bring to the world.
©2023 Naghmeh Abedini Panahi and Eugene Bach (P)2023 One AudiobooksListeners also enjoyed...
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Paranormal Activity
- True Tales of Possession
- By: Paramount Pictures
- Narrated by: Micah Sloat, Katie Featherston
- Length: 4 hrs and 43 mins
- Original Recording
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You may know Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat from Paranormal Activity, the 2007 found-footage horror film that launched a blockbuster franchise. Now, inspired by the fictional haunting that brought them together, the friends and former co-stars are examining real-life stories of demonic possession, tracing the phenomenon from its earliest known accounts to its modern-day headlines.
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Great stories, great hosts!
- By AmandaJM on 08-02-24
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Super Attractor
- Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams
- By: Gabrielle Bernstein
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Bernstein
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Ready to turn what you want into the life that you live? The number-one New York Times best-selling author of The Universe Has Your Back shows you how. In Super Attractor, Gabrielle Bernstein lays out the essential methods for manifesting a life beyond your wildest dreams. This book is a journey of remembering where your true power lies. You'll learn how to co-create the life you want. You'll accept that life can flow, that attracting is fun, and that you don't have to work so hard to get what you want.
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Not a huge fan
- By Pamela H on 09-30-19
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Medieval Myths & Mysteries
- By: Dorsey Armstrong, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Dorsey Armstrong
- Length: 5 hrs and 6 mins
- Original Recording
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The 10 enlightening (and often humorous) lectures of Medieval Myths and Mysteries will show you how far from the “dark” times of legend these centuries were. Uncover the facts about the Knights Templar. Reveal the truth behind the tales of legendary creatures like the Questing Beast and the unicorn. Trace the events of the Black Death and the ways it altered the world in its wake, and much more. With Professor Armstrong, you will dig deep into the ways that later generations reshaped the narrative of the medieval years and perpetuated the myths.
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Interesting, but centered on Britain
- By Ximena on 04-10-20
By: Dorsey Armstrong, and others
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Neville Goddard: The Complete Reader
- By: Neville Goddard
- Narrated by: Barry J. Peterson
- Length: 14 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Neville Goddard: The Complete Reader, Includes all 10 of Neville Goddard's Spiritual Classics: At Your Command, Awakened Imagination & the Search, Feeling is the Secret, Freedom For All, Out of This World, Prayer, The Art of Believing, Seedtime and Harvest, The Law and The Promise, The Power of Awareness, and Your Faith Is Your Fortune. If you are familiar with the great American mystic, this will be a goldmine of wisdom in one book. If you are new to his work, you are in for a spiritual journey.
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Hidden Gem
- By TrauntsiePants on 05-22-18
By: Neville Goddard
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The Sophia Code
- A Living Transmission from the Sophia Dragon Tribe
- By: Kaia Ra
- Narrated by: Kaia Ra
- Length: 15 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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A declaration of your sovereign divinity, The Sophia Code is a visionary, sacred text for the Divine Feminine Christ movement sweeping the planet now. This book is a living transmission encoded with direct revelations to activate your important role as a revolutionary wayshower for humanity's awakening.
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It’s not the complete book.
- By Kevin Swanstrom on 12-02-18
By: Kaia Ra
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Buddhism for Beginners
- By: Thubten Chodron, His Holiness the Dalai Lama - foreword
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 4 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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This user’s guide to Buddhist basics takes the most commonly asked questions - beginning with “What is the essence of the Buddha’s teachings?” - and provides simple answers in plain English. Thubten Chodron’s responses to the questions that always seem to arise among people approaching Buddhism make this an exceptionally complete and accessible introduction - as well as a manual for living a more peaceful, mindful, and satisfying Life.
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Amazing introduction to Buddhism
- By chad d on 07-02-15
By: Thubten Chodron, and others
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In Captive in Iran, Maryam and Marziyeh recount their 259 days in Evin. It’s an amazing story of unyielding faith - when denying God would have meant freedom. Of incredible support from strangers around the world who fought for the women’s release. And of bringing God’s light into one of the world’s darkest places - giving hope to those who had lost everything, and showing love to those in despair.
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From the outside looking in, Jennifer Pan seemed like a model daughter living a perfect life. The ideal child, the one her immigrant parents saw, was studying to become a pharmacist at the University of Toronto. But there was a dark, deceptive side to the angelic young woman. In reality, Jennifer spent her days in the arms of her high-school sweetheart, Daniel. In an attempt to lead the life she dreamed of, she would do almost anything. For many years she led this double life. But when her father discovered her web of lies, his ultimatum was severe. And so, too, was her revenge.
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Good Story - Odd Formating
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In the 1990s, a “purity industry” emerged out of the white evangelical Christian culture. Purity rings, purity pledges, and purity balls came with a dangerous message: girls are potential sexual “stumbling blocks” for boys and men, and any expression of a girl’s sexuality could reflect the corruption of her character. This message traumatized many girls - resulting in anxiety, fear, and experiences that mimicked the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder - and trapped them in a cycle of shame.
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I expected a different ending I suppose
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Women Who Risk
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Explore the incredible work of the Lord in the hearts and lives of women in the Muslim world! In these gripping stories of Christ's presence straight from the underground church, Pastor Tom Doyle and his wife, JoAnn, show you how women in Saudi Arabia, Syria, and Iran are leading their communities to faith in Jesus—and how you can too!
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Fire for God!!!
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Sorry, but
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From the outside looking in, Jennifer Pan seemed like a model daughter living a perfect life. The ideal child, the one her immigrant parents saw, was studying to become a pharmacist at the University of Toronto. But there was a dark, deceptive side to the angelic young woman. In reality, Jennifer spent her days in the arms of her high-school sweetheart, Daniel. In an attempt to lead the life she dreamed of, she would do almost anything. For many years she led this double life. But when her father discovered her web of lies, his ultimatum was severe. And so, too, was her revenge.
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Good Story - Odd Formating
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Can’t wait for more from this Author!
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When Time Stopped
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In this remarkably moving memoir Ariana Neumann dives into the secrets of her father’s past: years spent hiding in plain sight in war-torn Berlin, the annihilation of dozens of family members in the Holocaust, and the courageous choice to build anew.
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yesterday as fresh as today
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The Bravest Voices
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Ida and Louise Cook are two ordinary Englishwomen, seemingly destined never to stray from their quiet London suburb and comfortable jobs—Ida as a budding romance novelist and Louise as a civil service typist. But in 1923, a chance hearing of an aria from Madame Butterfly sparked a passion for opera in the sisters that led to the formation of friendships with some of Europe's leading singers and their network, many of them Jewish. As the Nazis rose to power, Ida and Louise began working with the opera world's insiders to save members of the community from persecution and death.
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Such humble bravery
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Raised in the Christian patriarchy movement, Cait West was homeschooled and could only wear clothes her father deemed modest. She was five years old the first time she was told her swimsuit was too revealing, to go change. There would be no college in her future, no career. She was a stay-at-home daughter and would move out only when her father allowed her to become a wife. She was trained to serve men, and her life would never be her own.
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Compelling narrative and beautifully written
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Newlywed American missionary Darlene Deibler Rose survived four years in a notorious Japanese prison camp set deep in the jungles of New Guinea. Thinking she was never to see her husband again, Darlene Rose was forced to sign a false confession and face the executioner's sword, only to be miraculously spared.
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Solid faith in tumultuous times
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Princess
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Princess describes the life of Princess Sultana Al Sa'ud, a princess in the royal house of Saudi Arabia. Hidden behind her black veil, she is a prisoner, jailed by her father, her husband, and her country. Sultana tells of appalling oppressions, everyday occurrences that in any other culture would be seen as shocking human rights violations: 13-year-old girls forced to marry men five times their age; young women killed by drowning, stoning, or isolation in the "women's room". Princess is a testimony to a woman of indomitable spirit and courage.
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Good story but...
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Baptistland
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When Christa Brown first spoke out about the sexual abuse she endured in her Texas childhood church, she never imagined it would expose the ethical chasm at the core of the Southern Baptist Convention: male religious leaders so focused on institutional protection that they sacrifice the safety of children. A book about speaking out and speaking up, Baptistland weaves together Christa’s revealing story of hope amid Southern patriarchy and religious fundamentalism.
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It was very boring.
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Unstoppable
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Unstoppable is the ultimate immigrant story and an epic David-and-Goliath adventure. While American teens were socializing in ice cream parlors, Siggi was suffering beatings by Nazi hoodlums for being a Jew and was soon deported along with his family to the darkest place the world has ever known: Auschwitz. Siggi used his wits to stay alive, pretending to have trade skills the Nazis could exploit to run the camp. After two death marches and near starvation, he was liberated from camp Mauthausen and went to work for the US Army hunting Nazis.
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Incredible!
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By: Joshua M. Greene
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Wurmbrand
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- Unabridged
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On February 29, 1948, Richard Wurmbrand was arrested by the secret police. His crimes? Leading Christian worship and witnessing—both of which were illegal under the atheistic Communist regime of Romania. Richard spent fourteen years in prison. He was tortured, beaten, and locked into a solitary confinement cell. Sabina Wurmbrand spent three years in a labor camp,nearly freezing to death as she and other prisoners worked on the Danube Canal. She was repeatedly told her husband had died behind bars.
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Every Christian should read this book
- By Amazon Customer on 01-25-21
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Disobedient Women
- How a Small Group of Faithful Women Exposed Abuse, Brought Down Powerful Pastors, and Ignited an Evangelical Reckoning
- By: Sarah Stankorb
- Narrated by: Suehyla Young
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- Unabridged
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In this national bestseller, journalist Sarah Stankorb outlines how access to the internet—its networks, freedom of expression, and resources for deeply researching and reporting on powerful church figures—allowed women to begin dismantling the false authority of evangelical communities that had long demanded their submission.
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To many generalizations without balance
- By Lisa N. on 05-28-24
By: Sarah Stankorb
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My Name Is Mahtob
- The Story That Began in the Global Phenomenon Not Without My Daughter Continues
- By: Mahtob Mahmoody
- Narrated by: Kristin James
- Length: 9 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Taking listeners from Michigan to Iran and from Ankara, Turkey, to Paris, France, My Name Is Mahtob depicts the profound resilience of a wounded soul healed by faith in God's goodness and in his care and love. And Mahmoody reveals the secret of how she liberated herself from a life of fear, learning to forgive the father who had shattered her life and discovering the joy and peace that comes from doing so.
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Looking to hook a new generation of readers?
- By Meagan vR on 02-27-16
By: Mahtob Mahmoody
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You Are Your Own
- A Reckoning with the Religious Trauma of Evangelical Christianity
- By: Jamie Lee Finch
- Narrated by: Jamie Lee Finch
- Length: 3 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Rooted in her experiences growing up in an evangelical Christian family, Jamie Lee Finch’s You Are Your Own offers an overview of evangelicalism and the painful confusion and anxiety experienced under its demands. Finch explores the mechanisms of trauma and how fundamentalist denominations match the patterns connected with PTSD. She elaborates on the doubt, guilt, fear, and grief that haunt those leaving the evangelical faith and offers an approach to help them recover healthy self-worth and resilience.
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great content.
- By Corey Moore on 11-19-19
By: Jamie Lee Finch
What listeners say about I Didn't Survive
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Erin Sheeran
- 02-28-24
Interesting and Inspiring
I loved listening to the author read her story. It was interesting to hear about her family's culture. parts of her story were so sad and maddening. I wish no woman would be abused! By the end it was inspiring. a story of strength, resilience, and hope.
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- Katie W
- 12-16-23
Beautifully written, raw, and vulnerable
Incredible (albeit heartbreaking) story of a woman courageously holding on to the hope of transformation through unimaginable abuse.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Delfie
- 03-24-24
Her perseverance!!!
This story needs to be believed and told!!! There is a choice of being faithful to God or a slave to man!!! Absolutely a must read for every church leader!!!!
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- Anonymous User
- 08-16-24
How pastors treated her when she told of the abuse.
Very good. Explained some Islam/Iran values especially what is expected of their women. A shame!
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- Ma Bean
- 01-23-24
Absolutely amazing story
Hearing her story helps me understand how it is possible and frequent for women to be abused and not even know it is abuse. It’s becoming more evident that some people in our world attack the very ones that need protection from their abuser. Her story and others like hers need to be shared. She showed great restraint in not taking vengeance on her abuser. Her eyes were finally opened to see the abuse for what is was and I long for other women to as well. There will always be suffering in this world, but woe to the one causing the suffering. We all need to be better listeners and be willing to help as situations are made known. Amazing story!
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- Dorothy Cherenfant
- 11-07-24
How much she was able to bear.
It was very hard to hear about her and her father’s beatings. It was also hard to hear about the emotional abuse she endured. However, what stood out the most and what happens every day in our society is that no one stood up to Saeed. He was NEVER held accountable for his actions. There were no real and impacting consequences. That is how sin is allowed to thrive, persist and multiply; When “good men” do nothing!
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- Raelene P.
- 01-18-24
Such a persevering & brave soul! yes to all this!
I love how Nagmeh finally stood up to Saeed, his atrocious family & most importantly the despicable Iranian government all with the Good lords help! He prepares a table for us in the presence of our enemies. Her bravery toward the white western version of Christianity and specifically ccs is so commendable as well. So much love for you Nagmeh. Every single Christian woman around the world can in some way relate to your story.
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- carwinsum
- 02-06-24
Inspiring
Inspiring to see how she relied on God to make her decisions and to see how he answered her prayers.
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-25-24
I didn’t survive
What a beautiful woman and beautiful story thank you for writing this book I love it
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- Meredith
- 01-18-24
A stirring must-read for the global Church.
Nahgmeh tells her story courageously. Any time a person is set free from the bonds of abuse, we ought to find ourselves rejoicing. The victory belongs to the Lord and this book reminds us of that. Naghmeh doesn’t stay too long in any one place of her story and she graciously retells her own perspective. May God give her peace and courage as she goes forward in freedom. May He fulfill the desires of heart and hold her children in His arms.
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2 people found this helpful