I Want My Epidural Back
Adventures in Mediocre Parenting
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Narrated by:
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Karen Alpert
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By:
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Karen Alpert
About this listen
Now that I'm a mom, I know the most painful part isn't getting something giant through your hooha. It's having a real live child.
If you are the kind of mom who shapes your kiddo's organic quinoa into reproductions of the Mona Lisa, do not listen to this book. If you stayed up past midnight to create posters for your PTO presidential campaign, do not listen to this book. If you look down your nose at parents who have Domino's pizza on speed dial, do not listen to this book.
But if you are the kind of parent who accidentally goes ballistic on your rugrats every morning because they won't put their shoes on and then you feel super guilty about it all day so you take them to McDonalds for a special treat but really it's because you opened up your freezer and panicked because you forgot to buy more frozen pizzas, then absolutely listen to this book.
I Want My Epidural Back is a celebration of mediocre parents and how awesome they are and how their kids love them just as much as children with perfect parents. Karen Alpert's honest but hilarious observations, stories, and quips will have you nodding your head and peeing in your pants. Or on the toilet if you're smart and listen to it there.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying reference material will be available in your Library section along with the audio.©2016 Karen Alpert (P)2016 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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Seduction and Snacks
- By: Tara Sivec
- Narrated by: Romy Nordlinger
- Length: 10 hrs
- Unabridged
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Claire is a 20-something, single mom who grudgingly helps her best friend sell sex toys while she attempts to make enough money to start her own business to give her foul-mouthed, but extremely loveable (when he's asleep) toddler a better life. When Carter, the one-night-stand from her past that changed her life forever, shows up in her hometown bar without any recollection of her besides her unique chocolate scent, Claire will make it a point that he remembers her this time. With Carter's undisguised shock at suddenly finding out he has a four-year-old son and Claire's panic that her stretch marks and slim-to-none bedroom experience will send the man of her dreams heading for the hills, the pair will do whatever they can to get their happily ever after.
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3 1/2 stars
- By Vinity on 08-01-13
By: Tara Sivec
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The Meaning of Maggie
- By: Megan Jean Sovern
- Narrated by: Therese Plummer
- Length: 5 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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As befits a future President of the United States of America, Maggie Mayfield has decided to write a memoir of the past year of her life. And what a banner year it's been! During this period she's Student of the Month on a regular basis, an official shareholder of Coca-Cola stock, and defending Science Fair champion. Most importantly, though, this is the year Maggie has to pull up her bootstraps (the family motto) and finally learn why her cool-dude dad is in a wheelchair, no matter how scary that is.
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Wonderful narration
- By M. Jackson on 04-17-24
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My Inappropriate Life
- Some Material Not Suitable for Small Children, Nuns, or Mature Adults
- By: Heather McDonald
- Narrated by: Heather McDonald
- Length: 5 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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In her hilarious New York Times best seller You’ll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again, Heather McDonald recounted her adventures as an unwilling virgin in Hollywood. Now happily married with three wonderful kids, she shows that life as a grown-up - even a pretend grown-up - has its challenges. Heather’s a working mom with parents who live next door, a sister who keeps asking for one of her still-fertile eggs, and friends who are up to more hijinks than even Heather can handle.
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Irritating
- By TrishS on 04-23-13
By: Heather McDonald
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I Can Barely Take Care of Myself
- Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids
- By: Jen Kirkman
- Narrated by: Jen Kirkman
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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"You'll change your mind." That's what everyone says to Jen Kirkman - and countless women like her - when she confesses she doesn't plan to have children. But you know what? It's hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control.
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Funny. Not fall down laughing funny, but funny
- By david on 05-22-13
By: Jen Kirkman
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Dear Girls Above Me
- Inspired by a True Story
- By: Charles McDowell
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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When Charlie McDowell began sharing his open letters to his noisy upstairs neighbors - two impossibly ditzy female roommates in their mid-twenties - on Twitter, his feed quickly went viral. His followers multiplied and he got the attention of everyone from celebrities to production studios to major media outlets such as Time and Glamour.
Now Dear Girls breaks out of the 140-character limit as Charlie imagines what would happen if he put the wisdom of the girls to the test.
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An Enjoyable Listen
- By Elle W on 11-05-13
By: Charles McDowell
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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club
- True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends - and that's before she even puts on a bra. For the past 10 years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.
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Sweet and funny
- By Julia Valentin on 12-19-20
By: Laurie Notaro
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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I'm Down
- A Memoir
- By: Mishna Wolff
- Narrated by: Mishna Wolff
- Length: 8 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Mishna Wolff grew up in a poor black neighborhood with her single father, a white man who truly believed he was black. "He strutted around with a short perm, a Cosby-esque sweater, gold chains and a Kangol---telling jokes like Redd Fox, and giving advice like Jesse Jackson. You couldn't tell my father he was white. Believe me, I tried," writes Wolff. And so from early childhood on, her father began his crusade to make his white daughter down.
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I stopped listening an hour in....
- By Casey on 11-07-09
By: Mishna Wolff
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
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There's Nothing in This Book That I Meant to Say
- By: Paula Poundstone
- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
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What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
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More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
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Pretty Much Screwed
- By: Jenna McCarthy
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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For Charlotte Crawford, the worst part about being dumped after 20 years of marriage is that her husband, Jack, doesn't want another woman; he just doesn't want her. Forty-two and clueless, Charlotte is a fish out of water in a dating pool teeming with losers. Just when she thinks she's finally put her failed marriage behind her, it comes back to bite her in the ass...hard. Without warning, Charlotte finds herself staring down the barrel of a future she wouldn't (she would totally) wish on her worst enemy.
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Meh
- By Miss Bishop on 10-31-16
By: Jenna McCarthy
What listeners say about I Want My Epidural Back
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Lane Zachary
- 04-19-16
another book already!! Karen is my new role mode!
Loved every single minute of this book, if you're even on the fence about the book just get it you will not be disappointed!!! I love this woman!!!
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- Allison M. Billet
- 04-08-16
A definite listen, for all us "mediocre" moms!!!
I very rarely will actually write a review, I usually just click the stars and move on.... But if you have any sense of humor, kids less than 6ish, and constantly wonder if you're the only bat shit crazy mom that thinks they way to do, than this book is for you!!! I swear it's like she took actual pieces of my life and put them into a book! So many truly laugh out loud moments- and very refreshing to know I'm not the only "mediocre" mommy out there! I listened to her first book also, and really enjoyed it- but this one, was absolutely hysterical!! Can't wait to read all her adventures in her next phase of parenting!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Dee
- 03-27-17
must for moms
fabulous ! Please write more books . This is for all moms who think they aren't good enough . Don't wry this will help you see your not alone .
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- PCF
- 05-19-19
Hilarious!
Loved this book! Too funny to stop listening. I listened straight through once I got it.
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- Thandi Lamprecht
- 11-10-16
Thoroughly enjoyable
Great book if you feel like something light and funny. Hilarious anecdotes, told well, so go ahead and enjoy.
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- Kristin E
- 04-07-16
Awesome
I loved it! Great follow-up to I heart my little a-holes. I thought it was hilarious. I don't have kids of my own but I do have nieces and nephews I'm around a lot so I could still relate to the stories.
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- Lynsey A
- 04-15-16
worlds okayest mom
listened on my way from chicago to arizona for vacation. so much laughter, chuckles. relatable moments. etc etc etc!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Nicole
- 11-14-18
Funny read
I enjoyed the book and love following the Babysideburns blogs.my only issue was how she dragged out parts,it just seemed like she was adding fluff to bulk the book up. Lots of laugh out loud moments so I would definitely recommend it to other moms and dads out there. #funny,#parenting,#feelgood,#satire,#mommymoments,#tagsgiving,#sweepstakes
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1 person found this helpful
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- AngS
- 05-10-16
Entertaining book about being a Mom
I went through a wide array of emotions. I didn't like some of the terms and language she used in reference to her kids, but I did like some of the ideas that she shared. It's nice to know another style of parenting and I did enjoy her bare all unfiltered narration.
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- shaun
- 04-07-16
LOVE!!
Feel like pulling your hair out? Then download this book, lock yourself in the bathroom away from the kids and hubby and start to relax while you laugh your ass off! Karen I love you! And others should also!! She is funny, caring, truthful, a little crazy. and just all around amazing!! She helps remind us parents that yes there are ups and downs in raising kids but it's okay to wonder wtf sometimes. I relate to it all so much my husband Asks if I wrote this book as he listened in lol. I feel 100% better knowing I'm not the only one that wonders if I'll make it! So thank you Karen for having the b*lls to write it all down and share with the world!!
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