Not a Match
My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters
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Narrated by:
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Ax Norman
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By:
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Brian Donovan
About this listen
Forty million people in the US have tried Internet dating, which means 40 million people have probably gone on some pretty crappy dates. Not a Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters is about one guy who experienced more than his fair share. Brian Donovan, a writer and comedian whose work has appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, NPR, and Chapelle's Show, has been on over 100 Internet dates in a genuine search for love and happiness.
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Editorial reviews
Brian Donovan’s comic tale of his history with Internet dating might seem mean-spirited if the criticism weren’t, in large part, self-deprecating. Donovan, who’s written for Late Night With Jimmy Fallon and Chapelle’s Show, mines the deep well of comedic gold that is Internet dating by going on an exorbitant amount of dates with all sorts of women - and a few that he couldn’t even be sure were women. Ax Norman delivers Donovan’s chronicles in a personal tone that feels both instructional and confessional. If you’re one of the millions of people who’ve experienced online dating for yourself, or if you’re a curious outsider, prepare yourself for an insider's look at the widely popular phenomenon and all of the insights into human relationships it provokes.
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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The Todd Glass Situation
- A Bunch of Lies about My Personal Life and a Bunch of True Stories about My 30-Year Career in Standup Comedy
- By: Todd Glass, Jonathan Grotenstein
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up in a Philadelphia suburb in the 1970s was an easy life. Well, easy as long as you didn't have dyslexia or ADD, or were a Jew. And once you added gay into the mix, life became more difficult. So Todd Glass decided to hide the gay part, no matter how comic, tragic, or comically tragic the results. Now, Todd has written an open, honest, and hilarious memoir in an effort to help everyone - young and old, gay and straight - breathe a little more freely.
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Worth It
- By Heather on 11-17-14
By: Todd Glass, and others
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Single State of Mind
- By: Andi Dorfman
- Narrated by: Andi Dorfman
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Andi Dorfman, breakout star of ABC's The Bachelorette and New York Times best-selling author of It's Not Okay, returns with this new collection of her adventures as a still-single gal surviving and thriving in New York City.
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Shallow
- By c63989 on 01-10-18
By: Andi Dorfman
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You Lost Him at Hello
- From Dating to 'I Do': Secret Strategies from One of America’s Top Dating Coaches
- By: Jess McCann
- Narrated by: Julia Farhat
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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She used to make the same mistakes we've all made with men - until she realized that the winning formula to attracting the right guy lay in skills she already had. As a successful saleswoman, Jess has practiced the techniques in promoting a product, finding the right approach, making the pitch, and closing deal after deal. Once she started to apply these same techniques to the dating scene, her love life made a complete 180, and she found herself with more interested men than she knew what to do with.
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great book
- By Barbara on 04-24-13
By: Jess McCann
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I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends
- Confessions of a Reality Show Villain
- By: Courtney Robertson, Deborah Baer
- Narrated by: Courtney Robertson
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Complete with stories, tips, tricks, and advice from your favorite Bachelor alumni, and filled with all the juicy details Courtney fans and foes alike want to know, I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends is a must-listen for every member of Bachelor nation.
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I didn't come here to make friends
- By Carolyn on 06-10-15
By: Courtney Robertson, and others
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She Memes Well
- By: Quinta Brunson
- Narrated by: Quinta Brunson
- Length: 8 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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From comedian Quinta Brunson (creator and star of Abbott Elementary) comes a deeply personal and funny collection of essays about trying to make it when you're struggling, the importance of staying true to your roots, and how she's redefined humor online. In her debut essay collection, Quinta applies her trademark humor and heart to discuss what it was like to go from a girl who loved the World Wide Web to a girl whose face launched a thousand memes. This special Audible edition includes never-before-heard details about the making of Abbott Elementary.
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That moment you know you’re a TEACHER…
- By chrissybrown on 09-19-22
By: Quinta Brunson
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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Crash and Burn
- By: Artie Lange, Anthony Bozza
- Narrated by: Sean Runnette
- Length: 10 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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At a high point in his career, Artie Lange performed a sold-out show in Carnegie Hall-and he did it with a pocketful of heroin. In the midst of a deep, self-destructive depression, addicted to heroin, cocaine, and prescription drugs, he lashed out at everyone around him-from his cohosts on The Howard Stern Show to celebrity guests and even his longtime friends. Then came his legendary meltdown on-air, with 6 million people listening, after which Lange pulled himself together enough to go to a buddy's bachelor party in Amsterdam.
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[Narrator Fail] Comic Genius+Depression+Drugs=Mess
- By Hilary on 11-07-13
By: Artie Lange, and others
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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Was It Something I Said
- The Answer to All Your Dating Dilemmas
- By: Jess McCann
- Narrated by: Julia Farhat
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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It's not unusual for Jess McCann to receive a frantic late-night call from one of her clients, asking for advice while out on a date. And every single girl knows the frustration of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and wishing she could take it back and say something better. Well, now you can get it right the first time around with McCann's indispensable dating survival guide.
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Not as good as "You lost him at hello"
- By Lorenza on 11-23-15
By: Jess McCann
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
What listeners say about Not a Match
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Rae Hill
- 03-03-14
It was fine.
Was Not a Match worth the listening time?
Not a Match was moderately entertaining. It did not make me laugh even once, but it wasn't bad. If your time is valuable, you aren't missing anything if you pass this book up, but if you need something light to listen to while you paint your bedroom it is perfect.
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- Marsha
- 04-23-14
Not My Cup of Humor
Is there anything you would change about this book?
Hmmm, it's a tough balance to write insults that are funnier than they are insulting. This pretty much erred on the insulting side to me without being clever enough to really make me laugh.
Was Not a Match worth the listening time?
I wouldn't buy it again or recommend it. I got it as a freebie or twofer or something.
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- slj
- 03-02-14
Nasal narration.
Would you recommend this book to a friend? Why or why not?
No. Not worth the time.
Was Not a Match worth the listening time?
The narration grated on my ears. He sounded like a 14-year-old geek. I guess it made it more believable that he "needed" those 100 on-line dates.
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- Felicia
- 06-19-14
Cute for a short flight
What made the experience of listening to Not a Match the most enjoyable?
this was a cute story and very funny. He had a couple of "oh that happened to me too." moments that made a connection for the listener
If you’ve listened to books by Brian Donovan before, how does this one compare?
this is my first on
What does Ax Norman bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
the tone and sarcasm fit into the store well.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
it was funny I laughed and wanted to share this book with my single girlfriends.
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- gil nevo
- 02-16-15
so so...
narrators performance doesn't fit the writing style and hurts the book which already feels outdated as it is. ..
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- Rachel
- 03-05-14
Pretty good for a free book
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Yes, I thought it was funny.
What was one of the most memorable moments of Not a Match?
He has some pretty funny stories.
Did Ax Norman do a good job differentiating all the characters? How?
He didn't really have to do any other characters because of the way the story is written.
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- Carolina
- 05-30-14
Funny but not extremely
Originally published at: A Girl that Likes Books
Why I read this book
Every once in a while, Audible is very generous and gives you free books! Off course, not always you find something that looks interesting, but this time I found this book and decided to give it a try.
What the book is about
For a bit more than 2 hours we learn about Donovan's experiences in dating online mostly through Match. The book alternates between chapters about a specific dating experience and chapters with hints or tips for the online dating world.
First impressions
We decided to listen to this book, together with my boyfriend while commuting to work. It felt like a light, fun book to start and end the working day with, and we were not mistaken.
Final thoughts
Was it a fun book? Yes, a couple of times I burst into laughter at the nonsense happening. Was it light? Yes, the book is unpretentious and very relaxed and with a good amount of funny situations. I don't think I would've bought this book on my own I have to say. Ax Norman has a nice rhythm and tone, but it is hard to say anything else about him as a narrator with this particular book.
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- Melody
- 11-19-21
Not funny!
I am pretty sure this book so supposed to be funny... it wasn't. The author tried way too hard and the jokes don't land at all. I also found the narrator annoying. The book was pointless and really just boring. Instead of enjoying it, I couldn't wait for it to end.
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- John P. DERMODY
- 11-30-14
Such a hot topic with zero empathy
Would you try another book from Brian Donovan and/or Ax Norman?
Over a thousand reviews of this book - and why? Internet dating is huge today, so this book looked just as hot. But no. Donovan rates women like cattle at an auction and himself - deservedly - as shallow and unworthy of women everywhere. I felt more empahy choosing a masseuse through a window in Bangkok than this guy could even begin to feel. Does he represent a norm for his generation? I hope not.
Would you ever listen to anything by Brian Donovan again?
Donovan must be a sociopath with a budding flair for comedy. Why would anyone read a second book? It's hard to say unless, like me, they recognize that the guy says stuff the rest of us are afraid to say, so.....
Would you be willing to try another one of Ax Norman’s performances?
Az Norman was the perfect choice to reflect the geeky, shalow author. He sounded like a late-twenties-something frat boy with enough residual autism to be nearly totally blind to the souls and values of fellow humans. Imagine a young Mitt Romney reading such a book.Some of the writing was truly funny, but would have been better "timed" through the use of a reader with a successful comedian's credentials.
Do you think Not a Match needs a follow-up book? Why or why not?
Actually yes. Donovan might atone for Not a Match with a book revealing greater depth -- on so many levels.
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- Erin - Audible
- 08-13-13
Dating in New York is a Horrible Crapshoot.
I pre-ordered Not a Match because like many twenty-somethings living in the New York metropolitan area, I have tried internet dating. It's the the only way I to meet people and successfully filter out the creeps and crazies 100% of 75% of the time. If the cosmopolitan mating call of dark, expensive cocktail soaked lounges with too-loud music after 9 doesn't appeal to you, and for some reason your best friend's mother won't set you up with a nice Jewish boy... yeah, the internet is where its at. There are a lot of sites, a lot of members, a lot of weirdos, a lot of liars, and somewhere... SOMEWHERE... is your perfect match.
Just do the math. Literally. Brian Donovan wrote an equation for you (kind of.)
I've been on a lot of disastrous, semi-disastrous, or dull dates (and will likely go on many more), and I wish they'd been half as entertaining as Brian Donovan. His prose is sardonic, his wit dry, and his writing style entertaining.
Ax Norman was a great narrator; effusive where necessary, sarcastic in the right spots. He embodied the voice of Donovan's New York-style of storytelling very well. I kept reaching for my coffee thinking it was a cocktail and remembering I was in the office, and not a bar in the village, on a first date, listening to his stories.
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6 people found this helpful