
Let's Pretend This Never Happened
A Mostly True Memoir
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Narrated by:
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Jenny Lawson
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By:
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Jenny Lawson
About this listen
Audie Award Nominee, Humor, 2013
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut.
Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes listeners on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.
Chapters include: "Stanley the Magical, Talking Squirrel", "A Series of Angry Post-It Notes to My Husband", "My Vagina Is Fine. Thanks for Asking", and "And Then I Snuck a Dead Cuban Alligator on an Airplane".
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Editor's Pick
Alas, poor Jenny…
"Just like the taxidermized, Yorick-like mouse on the cover, Let's Pretend This Never Happened is awkward, weird, and hilarious—as is the writer, Jenny Lawson, of The Bloggess fame. Her narration, too, makes this listen truly sing—quite literally when she belts out the chapter titles like a manic, singsong opera star. The whole package is so genuine and vulnerable that I frequently laughed to the point of tears as she regaled her experiences dealing with anxiety, depression, and social missteps. This is a title that could only be written by Lawson herself."
—Sean T., Audible Editor
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- Length: 9 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Kenya Curtis is only eight years old, but she knows that she's different, even if she can't put her finger on how or why. It's not because she's black - most of the other students in the fourth-grade class at her West Philadelphia elementary school are, too. Maybe it's because she calls her father - a housepainter-slash-philosopher - "Baba" or because her parents' friends gather to pour out libations "from the Creator, for the Martyrs" and discuss "the community".
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Loved It!!!
- By ayodele higgs on 05-20-15
By: Asali Solomon
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In Search of Cleo
- How I Found My Pussy and Lost My Mind
- By: Gina Gershon
- Narrated by: Gina Gershon
- Length: 3 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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In Search of Cleo follows Gina’s desperation and despair when her assistant loses her beloved cat, Cleo. Gina spends two months roaming the back streets of Los Angeles at all hours of the night, searching for Cleo and meeting several quirky and outrageous characters who help or hinder her in different ways, including Ellen DeGeneres, who searches with Gina and recommends her pet psychic, Sonia; Arthur, the newspaper delivery man who gives her advice; and the mysterious fortune-teller....
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Loved it!!!
- By Kathryn Prusick Gould on 03-15-16
By: Gina Gershon
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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A Necessary End: A Novel
- By: Holly Brown
- Narrated by: Khristine Hvam, James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 12 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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At nineteen Leah bears a remarkable resemblance to the young woman Adrienne once was. Which is why Adrienne knows the baby Leah is carrying is meant to be hers. But Leah's got ideas of her own: Her baby's going to get a life in California; why shouldn't she? All she wants is to live in Adrienne's house for a year after the baby's born and get a fresh start. It seems like a small price for Adrienne to pay to get their baby. And with Gabe suddenly onboard, what could possibly go wrong?
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Long time audible listener.
- By Cherith DuBois on 07-11-15
By: Holly Brown
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The Hour I First Believed
- A Novel
- By: Wally Lamb
- Narrated by: George Guidall
- Length: 25 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When high-school teacher Caelum Quirk and his wife, Maureen, move to Littleton, Colorado, they both get jobs at Columbine High School. In April 1999, while Caelum is away, Maureen finds herself in the library at Columbine, cowering in a cabinet and expecting to be killed. Miraculously, she survives. But when Caelum and Maureen flee to an illusion of safety on the Quirk family's Connecticut farm, they discover that the effects of chaos are not easily put right.
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excellent all around yarn
- By G. on 01-10-09
By: Wally Lamb
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True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness
- A Feminist Coming of Age
- By: Christine Lahti
- Narrated by: Christine Lahti
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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For decades, actress and director Christine Lahti has captivated the hearts and minds of her audience through iconic roles in Chicago Hope, Running on Empty, Housekeeping, And Justice for All, Swing Shift, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, God of Carnage, and The Blacklist. Now, in True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness, this acclaimed performer channels her creativity inward to share her own story for the first time.
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Christine Lahti, Actress, Activist and A+ Author!
- By L. Cat Schultz on 10-26-18
By: Christine Lahti
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The World's Largest Man
- A Memoir
- By: Harrison Scott Key
- Narrated by: Harrison Scott Key
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Harrison Scott Key was born in Memphis, but he grew up in Mississippi, among pious, Bible-reading women and men who either shot things or got women pregnant. At the center of his world was his larger-than-life father - a hunter, a fighter, and a football coach. Harrison, with his love of books and excessive interest in hugging, couldn't have been less like Pop, and when it became clear that he was not able to kill anything very well or otherwise make his father happy, he resolved to become everything his father was not.
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I laughed every day to and from work. Loved it!
- By KufRN on 06-06-18
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Get Lucky
- By: Katherine Center
- Narrated by: Morgan Hallett
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Filled with wit and heart, Get Lucky by Katherine Center explores the deep bonds of sisterhood. Sarah Harper’s whole world revolved around her job at a New York advertising agency before an email snafu got her fired. Now she’s seeking refuge at her sister Mackie’s home in Houston. But Mackie, who’s unable to get pregnant, is also down-and-out these days. So Sarah decides to do something good and becomes a surrogate mother.
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Long monotonous boring
- By Sita on 03-16-25
By: Katherine Center
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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An Abundance of Katherines
- By: John Green
- Narrated by: Jeff Woodman
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton’s type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has $10,000 in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy-loving best friend riding shotgun - but no Katherines.
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struggled to finish listening
- By Daniel on 03-11-20
By: John Green
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Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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I Can Barely Take Care of Myself
- Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids
- By: Jen Kirkman
- Narrated by: Jen Kirkman
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
"You'll change your mind." That's what everyone says to Jen Kirkman - and countless women like her - when she confesses she doesn't plan to have children. But you know what? It's hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control.
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Funny. Not fall down laughing funny, but funny
- By david on 05-22-13
By: Jen Kirkman
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If you like Mindy, you'll enjoy this listen.
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Girl Walks into a Bar...
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Anyone who saw an episode of Saturday Night Live between 1999 and 2006 knows Rachel Dratch. She was hilarious! So what happened to her? After a misbegotten part as Jenna on the pilot of 30 Rock, Dratch was only getting offered roles as "Lesbians. Secretaries. Sometimes secretaries who are lesbians." Her career at a low point, Dratch suddenly had time for yoga, dog- sitting, learning Spanish - and dating. After all, what did a forty-something single woman living in New York have to lose?
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Flowing comedic reality
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The Things We Wish Were True
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From the outside, Sycamore Glen, North Carolina, might look like the perfect all-American neighborhood. But behind the white picket fences lies a web of secrets that reach from house to house. Up and down the streets, neighbors quietly bear the weight of their own pasts - until an accident at the community pool upsets the delicate equilibrium. And when tragic circumstances compel a woman to return to Sycamore Glen after years of self-imposed banishment, the tangle of the neighbors' intertwined lives begins to unravel.
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horrible narration
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Quietly Hostile
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Samantha Irby’s career has taken her to new heights. She dodges calls from Hollywood and flop sweats on the red carpet at premieres (well, one premiere). But nothing is ever as it seems online, where she can crop out all the ugly parts. Irby got a lot of weird emails about Carrie Bradshaw, and not only is there diarrhea to avoid, but now—anaphylactic shock. She is turned away from restaurants for being inappropriately dressed and looks for the best ways to cope, i.e., reveling in the offerings of QVC and adopting a deranged pandemic dog.
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Extremely disappointed
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What listeners say about Let's Pretend This Never Happened
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- Kim
- 04-19-12
SO FREAKIN' AWESOME !!
I am only halfway through this book but I don't need to listen to the rest to say it's the funniest damn thing I've listened to in my entire life. I'm a big fan of Jenny Lawson's blog (The Bloggess) so I knew what to expect and was looking forward to this book for months. I am so glad I chose audio rather than the print version because hearing her read it is the epitome of awesome. I'm saving the second half to listen to at work tomorrow and then I'm going to be so sad because it will be over. Her humor is really twisted and may not be appropriate for those with tender ears or sensitive f-bomb detectors - so if you are uptight or too "mature" to enjoy anecdotal hilarity peppered with foul language then steer clear of this one.
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- Whitesage
- 04-12-13
OMG! Do NOT drive your car while listening!!
What made the experience of listening to Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) the most enjoyable?
The performance of the narrator is fantastic and so is the story line.
It's funny LOL, so much so tears were flowing and a tragic story, one that is all to familiar (well somewhat). I loved it so much, I bought copies for my friends and family.
Thank you for your witty story and voice to tell this. Much appreciated.
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19 people found this helpful
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- Sean Tulien
- 12-20-18
Alas, Poor Jenny...
From the cover featuring a taxidermized, Yorick-like mouse to the silly asides peppered throughout the listening experience, Let's Pretend This Never Happened is always on-brand, awkward, and hilarious. Jenny performs the narration herself (emphasis on "perform"), adding personal flourishes which truly make this book sing—quite literally in that she belts out the chapter titles like a manic, singsong opera star. Sound effects and musical transitions further add to the absurdist charm, elevating the horrible yet hilarious stories from her childhood to larger-than-life status. Because Jenny is so genuine, intimate, and vulnerable, you'll be laughing with her—not at her—and possibly to the point of tears (I'm looking at you, "Stanley the Magical, Talking Squirrel"). This audiobook is the perfect gift for anyone who grapples with anxiety or other neuroatypical issues—but it's also a great choice for the minimally afflicted individuals in your life.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Brandin
- 12-02-13
I love a book I can listen to more than once....
I like to vary my listening....deep dramas give way to campy mysteries... Political bestsellers give way to hilarious memoirs.
Having just finished "Double Down" (((well, I'm halfway thru it....it's basically 1 million hours, so I'll get there eventually))) I needed something funny with an edge. Double Down is almost freakishly dry compared to the movie version of the first book, Game Change. Maybe the first time I've encountered a movie that was waaaaay better than the book.
Let's Pretend was the perfect listen to wash away all the self-important B.S. that droned on during my Double Down listen. Jenny Lawson's voice sounds just as you would imagine it if you actually *read* the book. In fact, I'm not sure this book should be read. The rambling nature of Jenny's writing style seriously lends itself to the whole audiobook thing. ....and i use the term "rambling" in the best possible sense :) Her ramblings are what make the book so damn funny.
In a year or so, when I'm looking for a new listen, I'm sure I'll replay this one. And then again, in another couple years. Money well spent!
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1 person found this helpful
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- T. Redwood
- 01-29-16
Good, at first
Is there anything you would change about this book?
This book is what it is. There's nothing I would really change about it. At first, I had a problem with the author dropping the F-bomb so much, but she actually defines that in the beginning, so it's one with the character.
Would you ever listen to anything by Jenny Lawson again?
Probably not.
Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Jenny Lawson?
The author, hopefully, is the only one that could and should get away with this.
Was Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) worth the listening time?
A friend recommended this title. It's funny and cute at first, and I can clearly see the talents of an established blogger and writer here. But, after you get into it and realize how it's really not so funny anymore because the author is seriously mentally ill, the cute-factor vanishes and I was left hoping that her friends, husband and daughter will be ok in the future. Mental illness is not funny and cute.
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- ErinMc
- 07-15-16
cannot get enough of Jenny Lawson
Live all J Jenny Lawson's work. waiting for more great stuff. already read everything out
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- Heather Y. Atwood
- 01-21-21
Fantastic story and the author is great
I love listening to Jenny Lawson's stories and how she "survives" in life. I laugh and cry along with her. She is terrific. I have "listened" to her other books and they are all great. I would surely recommend.
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- Kindle Customer
- 08-18-21
Loved it.
Laughed my a** off! Great book. Highly recommend to any one who needs a good laugh.
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- Amazon Customer
- 06-18-18
Not what I expected
Kudos to the author for telling or not telling her story. I found it very difficult to listen to the childish tone of the author's voice; the stories are cute - and some even relatable - but I couldn't even finish the book due to her voice. It's grating; like nails on a chalkboard. Sorry; wasn't for me. I really wanted to like this book - and maybe if I read it it would be different - highly unlikely now that I have her voice in my head.
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- Nae.Nae
- 05-20-16
Hilarious, cringe worthy, listen again and again!
I would recommend this to everyone. It's messy, crazy, heart wrenching and beautiful.
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