Shadow Daughter
A Memoir of Estrangement
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Narrated by:
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Harriet Brown
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By:
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Harriet Brown
About this listen
A riveting, provocative, and ultimately hopeful exploration of mother-daughter estrangement, woven with research and anecdotes, from an award-winning journalist.
The day of her mother's funeral, Harriet Brown was 5,000 miles away. To say that Harriet and her mother had a difficult relationship is a wild understatement; the older Harriet grew, the more estranged they became. By the time Harriet's mom died at age 76, they were out of contact. Yet Harriet felt her death deeply, embarking on an exploration of what family estrangement means - to those who cut off contact, to those who are estranged, to the friends and family members who are on the sidelines.
Shadow Daughter tackles a subject we rarely discuss as a culture: Family estrangements, especially those between parents and adult children. Estrangements - between parents and children, siblings, multiple generations - are surprisingly common, and even families that aren't officially estranged often have some experience of deep conflicts. Estrangement is an issue that touches most people, one way or another, one that's still shrouded in secrecy, stigma, and shame. In addition to her personal narrative, Harriet employs interviews with others who are estranged, as well as the most recent research on family estrangement, for a brave exploration of this taboo topic. Ultimately, Shadow Daughter is a thoughtful, deeply researched, and provocative exploration of the ties that bind and break, forgiveness, reconciliation, and what family really means.
©2018 Harriet Brown (P)2018 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Children today live in an unpredictable, disruptive, and often violent world. Many of them live in two different homes with different sets of expectations. They face bullying at school and online. They hear news of school shootings, and racially or religiously motivated violence. They may have lost a friend or a loved one. As parents, the impulse to protect our children is strong, but that very protection can end up handicapping them for life. Rather than seek to save them from the hard things, parents must teach their kids how to cope with and rise above their problems.
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So helpful for so many situations
- By Natalie on 10-03-18
By: Kevin Leman
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Beyond Tears
- Living After Losing a Child, Revised Edition
- By: Carol Barkin, Barbara J. Goldstein, Audrey Cohen, and others
- Narrated by: Pam Ward
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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The death of a child is that unimaginable loss no parent ever expects to face. In Beyond Tears, nine mothers share their individual stories of how to survive in the darkest hour. They candidly share with other bereaved parents what to expect in the first year and long beyond.
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Comforting and familiar
- By Jeanne on 01-12-17
By: Carol Barkin, and others
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The Four Things That Matter Most 10th Anniversary Edition
- A Book About Living
- By: Ira Byock MD
- Narrated by: Barry Abrams
- Length: 6 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Four simple phrases - "Please forgive me", "I forgive you", "Thank you", and "I love you" - carry enormous power to mend and nurture our relationships and inner lives. These four phrases and the sentiments they convey provide a path to emotional well-being, guiding us through interpersonal difficulties to life with integrity and grace. Dr. Ira Byock, an international leader in palliative care, explains how we can practice these life-affirming words in our day-to-day lives.
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A must read
- By Light Seeker on 03-14-21
By: Ira Byock MD
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How Can I Forgive You?
- The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To
- By: Janis A. Spring, Michael Spring
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
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Overall
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Story
Until now, we have been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Spring, a gifted therapist and the award-winning author of After the Affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives - without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for genuine forgiveness - one that asks as much of the offender as it does of us.
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I'm a Christian
- By jelady on 06-14-19
By: Janis A. Spring, and others
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The Girls Who Went Away
- The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade
- By: Ann Fessler
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 12 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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In this deeply moving and myth-shattering work, Ann Fessler brings out into the open for the first time the astonishing untold history of the million and a half women who surrendered children for adoption due to enormous family and social pressure in the decades before Roe v. Wade.
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Sad but True ... and Helpful
- By Kim Kavanagh on 01-05-17
By: Ann Fessler
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Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers
- Finding Freedom from Hurt and Hate
- By: Jill Hubbard, Leslie Leyland Fields
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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"If our families are to flourish, we will need to learn and practice ways of forgiving those who have had the greatest impact upon us: our mothers and fathers." Through the authors' own compelling personal stories combined with a fresh look at the Scriptures, Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers illustrates and instructs in the practice of authentic forgiveness, leading you away from hate and hurt toward healing, hope, and freedom.
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Powerful
- By Amazon Customer on 07-28-16
By: Jill Hubbard, and others
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Strong Mothers, Strong Sons
- Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men
- By: Meg Meeker
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 12 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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From the moment a mother holds her newborn son, his eyes tell her that she is his world. But often, as he grows up, the boy who needs her simultaneously pushes her away. Calling upon thirty years of experience as a pediatrician, Meg Meeker, MD, a highly sought-after national speaker, assistant professor of clinical medicine, and mother of four, shares the secrets that every mother needs to know in order to strengthen-or rebuild-her relationship with her son.
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Update of wording in your book is required
- By danamc on 08-27-18
By: Meg Meeker
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Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed
- Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids
- By: Meghan Daum
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller, Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 7 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
One of the main topics of cultural conversation during the last decade was the supposed "fertility crisis" and whether modern women could figure out a way to have it all - a successful, demanding career and the required 2.3 children - before their biological clocks stopped ticking. Now, however, conversation has turned to whether it's necessary to have it all (see Anne-Marie Slaughter) or, perhaps more controversial, whether children are really a requirement for a fulfilling life.
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Am I the only sane childfree woman in here?
- By J. Malouin on 09-29-15
By: Meghan Daum
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Love Is a Choice
- The Definitive Book on Letting Go of Unhealthy Relationships
- By: Dr. Robert Hemfelt, Dr. Frank Minirth, Dr. Paul Meier
- Narrated by: Christopher Solimene
- Length: 11 hrs and 20 mins
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In Love Is a Choice, best-selling doctors Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirth, and Paul Meier walk you through their 10 proven stages to recovery from codependency that results from external circumstances. Humans are susceptible to codependency because of our sinful tendency to use defense mechanisms to fool ourselves. In codependent relationships, deceitful games are played, and important Christian principles are often taken out of context and abused.
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Great book, horrible Performance
- By Jeff on 03-15-18
By: Dr. Robert Hemfelt, and others
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Trapped in the Mirror
- Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self
- By: Elan Golomb
- Narrated by: Angela Brazil
- Length: 11 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Story
The difficulties experienced by adult children of narcissists can manifest themselves in many ways - for example, physical self-loathing that takes the form of overeating, anorexia, or bulimia; a self-destructive streak that causes poor job performance and rocky personal relationships; or a struggle with the self that is perpetuated in the adult's interaction with his or her own children. These dilemmas are both common and correctable, Elan Golomb tells us.
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Convoluted
- By Caligirl on 08-25-17
By: Elan Golomb
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George Anderson's Lessons from the Light
- Extraordinary Messages of Comfort and Hope from the Other Side
- By: George Anderson, Andrew Barone
- Narrated by: Chris Sorensen
- Length: 13 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In his years working with bereaved families to communicate with lost loved ones, George Anderson has earned an international reputation for his astonishing abilities. Now, for the first time, Anderson offers a vivid and intimate account of his spiritual communications. He explains what it's like to be a psychic, what he experiences, and what it means. He directly answers the many questions most commonly asked of him.
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Absolutely LOVED this book!!!
- By Tasha on 06-13-19
By: George Anderson, and others
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Us
- Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
- By: Terrence Real
- Narrated by: Terrence Real, Bruce Springsteen
- Length: 10 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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At a time when toxic individualism is rending our society at every level, bestselling author and renowned marriage counselor Terrence Real sees how it poisons intimate relationships in his therapy practice, where he works with couples on the brink of disaster. The good news: Warmer, closer, more passionate relationships are possible if you have the right tools. In his transformative new book Us, Real brilliantly observes how our winner-takes-all culture infiltrates families with devastating results.
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I preferred Fierce Intimacy
- By Jose on 06-23-22
By: Terrence Real
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Crazy Time, Revised Edition
- Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life
- By: Abigail Trafford
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In this intelligent and insightful book, Abigail Trafford charts the emotional journey of a breakup of a marriage, identifying the common phases in the evolution from marriage to separation to divorce, and eventually to a new life. This revised edition includes the most up-to-date research on the personal and economic effects of divorce in adults and children's lives, addresses the special challenges of becoming single again in the age of the Internet, and broadens the experience of divorce to the breakup of all committed relationships.
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Better as an additional book
- By Ethan on 09-18-19
By: Abigail Trafford
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This resonates so much with my own situation 🙏
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Not worth tour time...
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When your parents are pathologically self-centered, manipulative, or emotionally abusive, the pain they cause is deep and often difficult to put into words. You may experience anxiety, depression, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), low self-esteem, addiction, or other mental health conditions as an adult. But it was not your fault, and there are tools you can use to heal the trauma caused by your childhood.
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Validation
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But It’s Your Family...
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But It’s Your Family is a remarkable account of what it means to cut ties to toxic family abuse and thrive in the aftermath. Loving someone doesn’t always mean having a relationship with them, just like forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. Reconciling, in many cases, only sets people up for more abuse. A significant part of healing comes with accepting that this is a part of life; there are some relationships that are so poisonous that they destroy one’s ability to be healthy and function best.
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My second purchase! Well done!
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Half of all marriages end. Unfortunately, about 20% of divorces are high-conflict, involving frequent visits to court, allegations of abuse, and chronic disagreements regarding parenting schedules. In response to this conflict, some children become aligned with one parent against the other - even a parent who has done nothing to warrant the hostile rejection of their formerly loving children. These parents are on a painful journey with an uncertain outcome. Surviving Parental Alienation fills the tremendous need for concrete help for these parents.
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Accurate, Authentic: what PA looks like & how it feels to Kids and Targets.
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Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members
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Do you have a toxic family member? Do you feel like cutting ties with this person—even as painful and scary as that may sound—would dramatically increase your well-being and improve your life? You're not alone. In Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members, psychologist and toxic family survivor Sherrie Campbell offers effective strategies for setting strong boundaries after ending contact with a toxic family member, and provides powerful tools to help you heal from shame, self-doubt, and stigma. You'll find the validation you need to embrace your decision with pride.
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Worth the listen
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Brothers, Sisters, Strangers
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Fern Schumer Chapman understands the pain of sibling estrangement firsthand. For the better part of 40 years, she had nearly no relationship with her only brother, despite many attempts at reconnection. Her grief and shame were devastating and isolating. But when she tried to turn to others for help, she found that a profound stigma still surrounded estrangement, and that very little statistical and psychological research existed to help her better understand the rift that had broken up her family. So she decided to conduct her own research....
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A helpful guide to understand unhealthy family dynamics
- By AGM Design on 11-29-22
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The Emotionally Absent Mother
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Was your mother preoccupied, distant, or even demeaning? Have you struggled with relationships - or with your own self-worth? Often, the grown children of emotionally absent mothers can't quite put a finger on what's missing from their lives. The children of abusive mothers, by contrast, may recognize the abuse - but overlook its lasting, harmful effects. Psychotherapist Jasmin Lee Cori has helped thousands of men and women heal the hidden wounds left by every kind of undermothering.
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Good book but not the audio version
- By ibekristi on 08-08-18
What listeners say about Shadow Daughter
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- Laurie Matthews
- 02-08-19
Extraordinary book about dealing with a mean parent
This is the first book I’ve ever read that made me feel like someone understands what I’ve gone through with my own parents and sister. What a relief to hear about others who have had to deal with a self absorbed mother and emotionally weak father. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Harriet.
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Overall
- Nancy Good
- 04-14-20
Mother to estranged daughter.
As the mother of an estranged daughter this book gave me a lot of insight into how to proceed, or not, in attempts to reconcile. I think we need a time apart to grow.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 01-11-24
Enlightening
I liked how the author spoke of other daughters struggles. Other mothers feeling. I started reading this book as a mom trying to find a way to connect with my estranged daughter, but I realized I was the mother who alienated the daughter.
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- Lindsay Critelli
- 06-14-24
I Needed This
I'm in healthy tears after listening to this memior. My life, in the words of someone else, telling their life. I needed this, like a community or a hug.
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- Blake
- 01-12-24
Variety of Experiences
While this book didn’t fully hit for me, there was an obvious effort by the author to encapsulate a variety of experiences. I appreciated the efforts to depict resolutions outside of reconciliation.
A particularly memorable line:
“She (the mother) wanted me to deny myself before I even knew who I was.”
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- Becky H
- 09-18-20
Good descriptive child's view
This was a good read to understand people's hearts and the view of a daughter and her estrangement with her mother. I t is a good read for someone who needs a view of the child's perspective
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 03-23-20
I thought I was alone
This book allowed me to take that step to stand firm in my decision to break away from my mother. Thanks!
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- Lori D
- 02-07-24
Beautifully put book
This felt like a warm cup of coffee for my soul, being estranged from my entire family has been so painful and hard to process. This has helped me, at the very least, feel less alone
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- private
- 02-20-19
A Worthy Read!
A Worthy Read especially if any Estrangement in your family. Gave me a lot of comfort & understanding of family estrangement.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Irishfaith
- 09-20-20
Fantastic Book for Daughters with difficult relationships with their mothers
This book has been life changing for me. I feel so understood for the first time in a long time. I have struggled with my relationship with my mother and have always wondered what is wrong with me. The validation this book provides has been a bright light of hope for me. I’m so grateful to Harriet Brown for putting into words what I couldn’t explain. This is a must read.
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2 people found this helpful