Fault Lines
Fractured Families and How to Mend Them
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Narrated by:
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Sean Pratt
About this listen
Real solutions to a hidden epidemic: family estrangement.
Estrangement from a family member is one of the most painful life experiences. It is devastating not only to the individuals directly involved - collateral damage can extend upward, downward, and across generations. More than 65 million Americans suffer such rifts, yet little guidance exists on how to cope with and overcome them. In this book, Karl Pillemer combines the advice of people who have successfully reconciled with powerful insights from social science research. The result is a unique guide to mending fractured families.
Fault Lines shares for the first time findings from Dr. Pillemer's 10-year groundbreaking Cornell Reconciliation Project, based on the first national survey on estrangement; rich, in-depth interviews with hundreds of people who have experienced it; and insights from leading family researchers and therapists. He assures people who are estranged, and those who care about them, that they are not alone and that fissures can be bridged.
Through the wisdom of people who have "been there", Fault Lines shows how healing is possible through clear steps that people can use right away in their own families. It addresses such questions as: How do rifts begin? What makes estrangement so painful? Why is it so often triggered by a single event? Are you ready to reconcile? How can you overcome past hurts to build a new future with a relative?
Tackling a subject that is achingly familiar to almost everyone, especially in an era when powerful outside forces such as technology and mobility are lessening family cohesion, Dr. Pillemer combines dramatic stories, science-based guidance, and practical repair tools to help people find the path to reconciliation.
This program includes a downloadable PDF that contains the Appendix from the book.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2020 Karl Pillemer (P)2020 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Rifts and ruptures upend tens of millions of families, leaving a trail of sorrow and despair. But in this wise and moving book, Karl Pillemer combines academic rigor and practical advice to show us how to move toward reconciliation. Fault Lines is a book that will change lives." (Daniel H. Pink, New York Times best-selling author of When, Drive, and A Whole New Mind)
"Chronic, seemingly intractable estrangement blights many families in our stressed and fragmented culture. In this thoughtful, compassionate book Karl Pillemer shows that it need not be permanent and his perceptive, gentle guidance lights the way to reconciliation." (Gabor Maté, MD, author, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction)
"Fault Lines is a masterful study of the causes family estrangements, the reasons to heal, and the ways to make it happen. Don't waste a minute. Read this book and get back together." (Jane Isay, author of Walking on Eggshells)
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- By: Jan Yager Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby
- Length: 7 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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We’ve all had friendships that have gone bad. Whether it takes the form of a simple yet inexplicable estrangement or a devastating betrayal, a failed friendship can make your life miserable, threaten your success at work or school, and even undermine your romantic relationships. Finally there is help. In When Friendship Hurts, Jan Yager, recognized internationally as a leading expert on friendship, explores what causes friendships to falter and explains how to mend them - or end them.
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Boring and patronizing
- By KDS on 11-17-22
By: Jan Yager Ph.D.
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The Good Karma Divorce
- Avoid Litigation, Turn Negative Emotions into Positive Actions, and Get On with the Rest of Your Life
- By: Judge Michele F. Lowrance
- Narrated by: Judge Michele F. Lowrance
- Length: 4 hrs and 20 mins
- Abridged
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The average divorce takes two years with a median cost of $30,000. Yet the true cost of divorce is more than time or money; it is the legacy of the decisions made during the process. No matter how long two people have been married, whether there are children or not, divorce often leads to bad choices that can forever alter a family's life. But what if you could reverse the stereotype and move regret-free through this process?
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Thanks for the great advice!
- By Tom Clemente on 11-09-16
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Toxic Parents
- Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life
- By: Craig Buck, Susan Forward
- Narrated by: Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents---and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
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Its worth a listen.
- By Amanda on 08-20-12
By: Craig Buck, and others
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The Family Crucible
- The Intense Experience of Family Therapy
- By: Augustus Y. Napier PhD, Carl A. Whitaker MD - contributor
- Narrated by: Derek Shoales
- Length: 10 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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This extraordinary book presents scenarios of one family's therapy experience and explains what underlies each encounter. You will discover the general patterns that are common to all families - stress, polarization and escalation, scapegoating, triangulation, blaming, and the diffusion of identity - and you will gain a vivid understanding of the intriguing field of family therapy.
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Family therapy
- By BossDiva on 12-16-21
By: Augustus Y. Napier PhD, and others
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30 Lessons for Living
- Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans
- By: Karl Pillemer Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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More than 1,000 extraordinary Americans share their stories and the wisdom they have gained on living, loving, and finding happiness. After a chance encounter with an extraordinary 90-year-old woman, renowned gerontologist Karl Pillemer began to wonder what older people know about life that the rest of us don't. His quest led him to interview more than one thousand Americans over the age of 65 to seek their counsel on all the big issues- children, marriage, money, career, aging.
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Solid advice, however memory may bias it
- By Glenn on 10-08-12
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Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin
- How to Recognize and Set Healthy Boundaries
- By: Anne Katherine MA
- Narrated by: Pam Ward
- Length: 6 hrs
- Unabridged
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Have you recently walked away from a date or a conversation feeling uncomfortable or violated? Are you looking for ways to set limits with your spouse, kids, parents, or boss? This essential guide to setting and respecting boundaries is for anyone wanting to better understand themselves and others. Just as a cut in our skin causes pain and injury, a breach of any of our physical, emotional, or sexual boundaries can be very harmful to our bodies and minds.
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Not exactly for tailored for the Male reader
- By Matt on 04-26-22
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Loving People
- How to Love and Be Loved
- By: John Townsend
- Narrated by: Matthew Josdal
- Length: 7 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Best-selling author Dr. John Townsend teaches you that love can actually be learned and gives you the steps and tools to become skilled in love. Using his trademark stories to flesh out the important principles, Dr. Townsend covers receiving love, connecting love, healing love, confronting love, romantic love, and surrendering love. Through his teaching, listeners will discover - and start enjoying - the words, actions, and experiences of authentic love.
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Very insightful
- By Amazon Customer on 05-17-19
By: John Townsend
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Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents
- Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy
- By: Lindsay C. Gibson PsyD
- Narrated by: Suzie Althens
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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In this important sequel to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, author Lindsay Gibson offers powerful tools to help you step back and protect yourself at the first sign of an emotional takeover, make sure your emotions and needs are respected, and break free from the coercive control of emotionally immature parents.
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Asinine
- By Amazon Customer on 07-14-20
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The Journey of the Heroic Parent
- Your Child's Struggle & The Road Home
- By: Brad M. Reedy Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 8 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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When a child is hurting, it can be the most painful challenge a parent will face. With compassion and perspective, Dr. Brad Reedy offers hope and wisdom for children who struggle and the parents who love them. The Journey of the Heroic Parent will take you on a journey to a happier, healthier relationship with your struggling child - and yourself. Through lessons learned, mother, father, and child will achieve greater understanding, love, and humanity - no matter what the outcome.
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Loved it! Will read over again and again!
- By wooplicity on 06-21-15
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Putting Children First
- Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce
- By: JoAnne Pedro-Carroll
- Narrated by: Karen Saltus
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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As Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll explains with clarity and compassion in this powerful book, parents can positively alter the immediate and long-term effects of divorce on their children. The key is proven, emotionally intelligent parenting strategies that promote children's emotional health, resilience, and ability to lead satisfying lives. Over the past three decades, Pedro-Carroll has worked with families in transition, conducted research, and developed and directed award- winning, court-endorsed programs that have helped thousands of families navigate divorce and its aftermath.
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PERFECT RESOURCE FOR SEPARATED/DIVORCED
- By Ly on 10-13-16
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I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better
- Six Practical Principles That Empower Others to Solve Their Own Problems While Enriching Your Relationships
- By: Gary Lundberg, Joy Lundberg
- Narrated by: Stephen R. Thorne
- Length: 7 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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In their weekly radio show and in their popular workshops, Gary and Joy Lundberg have already helped thousands of people and their families to communicate more effectively. Now, the Lundbergs address an all too common dilemma that arises when others expect you to solve their problems for them, telling listeners how they can shed the no-win role of "fixer" and empower people to solve their own problems through validation - a simple yet profound communication tool that is essential to any healthy relationship.
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Emotional Intelligent!
- By GLSwanger on 12-12-23
By: Gary Lundberg, and others
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Talk to Me Like I'm Someone You Love, Revised Edition
- Relationship Repair in a Flash
- By: Nancy Dreyfus PsyD
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 5 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Talk to Me like I'm Someone You Love is a brilliant interactive relationship tool that can help couples stop arguing and begin healing. This revised edition features two new sections - one on making love and another on deepening trust - containing more than 25 new "flash cards for real life", statements that hold the power to express what we wish we could say to the person we love but for which we can't find either the right words or the right tone in which to say them.
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Is there a companion PDF with the flashcards one could print?
- By Brandy Fagan on 09-13-22
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Let Go of the Guilt
- Stop Beating Yourself Up and Take Back Your Joy
- By: Valorie Burton
- Narrated by: Valorie Burton
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Even women who feel fulfilled often struggle to meet the demands of modern life. Both working and stay-at-home moms agree that the expectations of women have risen dramatically in recent decades. As a result, many women overcompensate and over-apologize while the guilt dampens the joy of motherhood, relationships, and professional accomplishments. Let Go of the Guilt helps you peel back the layers of emotional, cultural, and spiritual expectations that make it difficult to navigate your multiple roles, dreams, and daily demands on your life.
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Not meant for non-religious people
- By Anna Amuse on 09-20-21
By: Valorie Burton
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The Happy Stepmother
- By: Rachelle Katz
- Narrated by: Gayle Hendrix
- Length: 8 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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You found the love of your life, and you vowed to have, to hold, and to stepmother. You always thought that in time you'd grow to be the perfect, loving family. So why does it seem that the harder you try, the more unappreciated you feel? As a stepmother, therapist, and founder of the popular stepsforstepmothers.com, Dr. Rachelle Katz knows all too well how challenging stepmotherhood can be. Based on thousands of in-depth interviews and the latest research, she's created a powerful program to help you.
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horrible
- By Marcia R on 02-07-17
By: Rachelle Katz
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Often, we may encounter unpleasant relatives who drain our energy by bringing negativity and sabotage to our moments of joy, plans, or life perspective. But there is always a reason behind their attitudes which we will dig into here. Plus, you will understand how these relatives affect your life. As you go through this book, you will be able to wisely bring closure, not to those toxic relationships but to your frustration, and give yourself the space to love those family members from a fair distance without disrespect or harmful conflicts.
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Great Information
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I'll See You Tomorrow
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We are surrounded by choices. If we want to watch a movie, we have multiple platforms we can choose from. If we grow tired of a friend or conversation, we leave them on read. It's never been easier to tune out and make a switch when something doesn't go perfectly or when we are offended. It's easy to cancel something from our lives when it comes to technology, television shows, or choices of food and drinks. But what about canceling friends or family members when we are disappointed or offended by them?
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Are relationships worth the hassle...Yes!
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Fault Lines
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Mizuki is a Japanese housewife. She has a hardworking husband, two adorable children, and a beautiful Tokyo apartment. It’s everything a woman could want, yet sometimes she wonders whether she would rather throw herself off the high-rise balcony than spend another evening not talking to her husband and hanging up laundry.
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Confused by the choice of narrator
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When Your Child Divorces You.....Estrangement
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A 43 page book written to encourage the estranged parent. The Bible speaks at length of two kinds of estrangement. Two different paths that got there, and two different paths to get out. Both David and the Prodigal Father faced estrangement from their adult child. Support, advice, and encouragement "in the waiting". Written by an estranged mother.
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Compassion, understanding, non judge mental, heart felt
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What listeners say about Fault Lines
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- A. A. Shaikh
- 09-11-21
Well worth it
What a wonderful book!
I read this as an estate planning attorney interested in the subject because I see it so much. It really all starts with family. This gives many tools to reconcile and ample reasons why you should, even (especially) in situations that were traumatizing and awful.
If you are thinking about this book, get it.
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- Kika
- 03-08-21
Solid content
The author is clearly interested in helping people resolve family estrangement issues. With a deep body of research on his side, he opens a window into the complicated world of family ties. Note he supports a wide concept of family ties, which include close friends. This book goes along with other ones on negotiation and dealing with difficult situations.
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- Augusta Olaore
- 01-11-24
Estrangement can be avoided and healed. There’s hope.
I have a strained relationship with my brother. I am working to avoid an estrangement by all means. I found Fault lines to be a practical handbook to navigate the delicate terrain of family relationships that become toxic. Setting boundaries and sticking to them stood out for me as well as seeing things from the other person’s perspective. Highly recommended.
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- victor f montoya
- 09-23-24
Everyone should listen to this, whether you are currently in an estrangement or not.
This has given me the most hope of reconciliation with my estranded son and his family.
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- Paula F. Braun
- 06-09-21
Fault Lines is a great book.
If you're struggling with estrangement this book gives one a lot to think about.
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- cjs
- 12-08-20
Excellent guide to how we can reconcile
Outstanding book, filled with the perfect blend of stories and research. I'm glad I listened all day, and I know it will help guide me as I reconcile with family members, starting with my son. I learned a lot and thank the author!
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- Suzanna Baker
- 02-03-23
A wealth of knowledge from first hand experiences
I started this book when my family experienced a rift ending in estrangement of many of its members after both of my formerly healthy parents becoming deathly ill in a matter of weeks of of each other. I turned to this book simply because I didn’t have any answers. Relationships I thought were lifelong suddenly became severed. I felt helpless and isolated. Angry and broken hearted. Hated and unheard. This book helped me understand rifts and the feeling of powerlessness that comes with closing doors and being shut out of the lives of family members. This book helped me understand that there are always two sides to every story but those sides, over time, don’t matter as much as the relationships. I felt less alone reading about others who had gone through almost identical situations if not worse. I think this book gives hope to those experiencing estrangement. If ever my family wants to mend bridges I feel like I’ll be ready on some level. Until then I found a great deal of comfort in these pages. Audible has a really great audio version.
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- Kathryn from MN
- 09-01-24
Solid advice and hope for both sides.
I am writing a book for parents who long for restoration with their estranged adult child and have read/listened to quite a few books on the topic as part of my research. This, by far, has been my favorite. It's written from the viewpoint of a sociologist who conducted in-depth interviews with all kinds of people, including those who chose the estrangement and those who long for reconciliation, those who "have no idea what they did that was so wrong" and those who took the estrangement as an opportunity for personal reflection and growth, and those that the author refers to as "the reconcilers." These are the people who decide to try again, often by processing past hurts, realizing they can live without the person in their life, learning how to set healthy boundaries, and, sometimes, by giving "one last chance." If you are estranged from a relative, I hope you'll give Fault Lines a chance, and maybe, just maybe, your relationship will be restored to something better than it ever was.
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- Tama Jones
- 01-01-21
Read worthy
Very interesting topic and definitely well structured. I found it informative and I would recommend it.
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- Anonymous User
- 03-02-21
very helpful!
loved it, good narrator,good research on this subject. i recommended it to many people i know.
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