The Narc Decoder: Understanding the Language of the Narcissist
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Narrated by:
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Rebecca Roberts
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By:
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Tina Swithin
About this listen
Divorcing a narcissist? You are probably left feeling baffled and shaken by the communication that you receive from the narcissist. In my mid-20s, I contemplated learning multiple foreign languages. I envisioned dabbling in French to successfully make my way around Paris or Irish Gaelic to explore the rich history of Ireland along with my deep ancestral roots in that country. My day dreams about learning new languages always went hand in hand with the imagery of world travel. The thought of exploring exotic and old world places far away from home intrigued me. My mind summoned several foreign adventures, but never did I think I would need to learn a foreign language to navigate my own life.
In 2008, I heard the words, "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" (NPD) to describe my then-husband, Seth. It took a couple years for the reality of those three little words to really sink in. Looking back, the red flags had been waving in the wind since our very first date. Those flags grew taller and more vibrant in color during our marriage. As it turns out, those same red flags that had been lining my path for years were dipped in a highly flammable mixture of kerosene. I realized the danger only when they exploded near the end of my marriage. Like any unexpected explosion, I was unprepared and left nursing deep, emotional, third-degree burns. In my research, I discovered a new language which took quite a bit of studying and insight on NPD to understand.
As it turns out, the reason that I was so bewildered by Seth's communication style was that we were speaking completely different languages. I spoke the English version of "human" while he was speaking the non-human, "Narc-ish". I am convinced there is a Narc-ish dictionary or manual hidden deep in a dark, musty hole somewhere in a faraway land with step-by-step instructions on how to inflict fear, confusion and despair. From this land, narcissists hail.
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In Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships, Dr. Laura Schlessinger calls for a return to traditional courtship. Courtship allows couples and their families to get acquainted with each other over a longer period of time, and provides structure and guidelines for that important process.
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No brainer ideas that we can forget
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I needed this.
- By james p weiss on 09-07-17
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This is a book about men. Not all men, just emotionally unhealthy men. The ones who make you question, "Is it him or is it me? Am I making too big a deal out of this? I try to tell him how I feel, but he says I'm overreacting or needy or it's all my fault". Relationships are hard work, but how hard should they be? When do you know you are struggling too hard to make a relationship succeed?
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I Cried Thru The First Thirty Minutes...
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The Breakup Bible
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Psychotherapist and breakup expert Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she's conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven three-phase process for healing from a breakup.
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lifesaver!
- By Dawson on 11-30-17
By: Rachel Sussman
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Gratitude and Trust
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Paul Williams is an alcoholic. Tracey Jackson is not. But together, these two close friends have written Gratitude and Trust, a book designed to apply the principles of the recovery movement to the countless people who are not addicts but nevertheless need effective help with their difficulties and pain. Williams, the award-winning songwriter, actor, and performer, has embraced a traditional alcoholism recovery plan for more than two decades of sobriety.
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Just what I needed!
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In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents---and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
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Its worth a listen.
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For open minds and hearts.
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Superheroes don't start from glorious beginnings. Their origins are almost always marked by traumatic events that leave them helpless and scared. Batman witnessed his parents' murder. Superman was sent away from his dying planet with no one to guide him as he grew up. Orphaned Catwoman was forced to steal food to survive on the streets of Gotham. What makes these superheroes super is their determination to not be defined by helplessness. They embrace their origins, their flaws, and their mistakes and strive every day to become the best versions of themselves.
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A wonderful book filled with empathy and humanity.
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Crazy-Stressed
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Peel back the cheerful façade that parents present, and you'll find that many are worried about their teens. Mood swings, impulsiveness, poor judgment, and other problems peak in these years. Add stressors such as screen addiction, cyberbullying, increasing academic demands, and time-consuming athletic commitments...and it's no surprise that today's teenagers rank as the most anxious in 50 years.
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The title got me hooked
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The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?
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Coupling stories of abused women and abusive men from her own case studies, Patricia Evans here gives you the tools you need to transform your relationship. Most important, she assures you that such a transformation is possible—given the right circumstances. Evans also helps you determine if your abuser really has changed—or if he’s merely creating the illusion of change. And if he hasn’t changed, Evans helps you decide whether it’s time to leave the relationship—and what to do when it is.
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A gift to the emotionally violated
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Two very different women with this in common: Each harbors her own secret, her own reason why she can't just let this go. Neither can yield, not before they've dredged up all that's hidden, even if it has the power to shatter all they've built.
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Pettiness Turn Twisted!
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What listeners say about The Narc Decoder: Understanding the Language of the Narcissist
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- GJ
- 02-27-17
True experiences and heartfelt help!
Tina has been in the trenches and does an excellent job of explaining and also holding your hand as you navigate your way back towards the light!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Dale E
- 04-05-17
Relatable
Great book. It's nice to gain knowledge on such a confusing subject. So many of us deal with these types of people in our lives.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Pomfritz
- 05-12-23
Great Help
This book was a fantastic addition to Tina’s previous books. Having some real life examples on how to decode these types of e-mails and letters is invaluable.
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- Jennifer Burman
- 09-20-20
Soon to be single mom
This was a much needed perspective on reading and understandings all the chaos in my soon-to-be ex’s emails, texts and phone calls. It had me laughing at the absurdity of what is now my reality. It is helping through this incredibly difficult time to be one of less trauma because I now can see what is really being said in the relentless emails and communications.
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1 person found this helpful
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- valeria
- 11-03-22
Loved this book!!!
Everyone who knows a narcissist (aka satan’s servants in this world) should read this book
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- HML17
- 03-08-20
Snap fizzle pop get a a little old. And I wish my ex narc made 1/10th as many stupid comments as hers did.
Would love to be able to have an open opportunity to question his character between his threats of control and revenge and litigation and punishment.
The concept is good. But her ex was a bit of a D.A. No drivers license, etc. would have been good to hear how to read through a narc with teeth and at least a perceived clean image and plenty of money, lies with an ongoing list of bunk evidence to seemingly back his lies up , charisma, & influence, to make whatever he threatened happen.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Blue Heeler was not Interested
- 04-29-22
My favorite book from Tina so Far
Anyone going through a divorce or a custody battle with a narcissistic partner can benefit from this book. I have had many hard days trying to make sense of my ex husband’s behavior. I found myself throughout this book feeling like Tina was looking in on my life. So many of the same conversations and messages I have heard and seen. I love her insight on how she responded to her ex husband. Some days it’s really hard to know what I need to do or say in a given situation. She has reset my mind and given me the understanding I needed in order to productively communicate with my ex husband. I think this book has been my favorite by Tina so far. I highly recommend.
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- Darren E from Toronto
- 05-22-16
Find validation after suffering invalidation
This is a light-hearted way to to experience some validation when relating to others experiences of having been in a relationship with a narcissist.
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6 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 07-07-18
Well worth it!
Although I have not read any of Tinas other books, as I do not have children with my narcissist. The decoding of the narcissistic language is absolutely hilarious and was a bright spot in each day when I got in the car and listen to the book over three day. It is a short book, but funny and And truly enlightening.
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- Tesa's Porch
- 08-22-20
Should be in print
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PUT THIS BOOK IN PRINT! I learned so much from this and even though it is the story of her life and her dealings with her ex, it is something that every lawyer, attorney And anybody involved in family court needs to hear and read.
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