
Out of the Fog
Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse
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Narrated by:
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Dana Morningstar
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By:
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Dana Morningstar
About this listen
The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.
However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going.
The FOG is one of the main reasons that people stay "stuck" in abusive relationships for so long, why they continue to get involved with abusive people, why they feel they are the problem, and why they tend to feel that the abuse is somehow their fault. When a person is being manipulated, they have a hard time figuring out who has the problem, what is normal, what is problematic, and if their wants, needs, and feelings are valid. The disastrous effects of being lost in the FOG are confusion, crazy-making, people-pleasing, and an erosion of boundaries. What makes this well-intended bad advice so damaging is that, on the surface, it seems like good advice - especially if it's coming from people who seem to have our best interests in mind, such as friends, family, church members, support-group members, or a therapist.
Some examples of this well-intended bad advice that comes from other people is: "Who are you to judge?", "No one is perfect", "You need to forgive them", "She's your mother, you need to have a relationship with her...she's not getting any younger you know", and "Commitment is forever".
This audiobook dives into these and other commonly confused topics such as:
- "Who are you to judge" vs. being discerning
- "You need to forgive them" vs. keeping yourself safe
- A parent vs. a predator
- Commitment vs. codependency
- Self-love vs. selfishness
- A person acting the part vs. a person actually changing
- Gut instincts vs. hypervigilance
- A friend vs. someone being friendly
- Caring vs. caretaking
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Story
The quality of your life depends largely on the degree of self-awareness that you have. If your life isn't running as smoothly as you'd like, then perhaps taking a few steps back and asking yourself some thought-provoking questions will help. This audiobook includes over 150 questions organized by different facets of your life: Personal, emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial. Get the clarity you need in order to move forward and create the best life possible.
By: Dana Morningstar
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Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD (4 Books in 1)
- Workbook and Guide to Overcome Trauma, Toxic Relationships, ... and Recover from Unhealthy Relationships)
- By: Linda Hill
- Narrated by: S. L. Albert, Vicky David, Alene Sorensen
- Length: 12 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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This groundbreaking book includes four books that will teach you from start to finish, everything you need to know about Narcissistic Abuse, Gaslighting, Codependency and Complex PTSD, as well as how to recover from each one of them.
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Better understanding and clarity
- By Amber Glover on 02-15-23
By: Linda Hill
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What a Narcissist Does at the End of a Relationship
- Dealing with and Understanding the Aftermath of a Narcissistic Relationship
- By: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 1 hr and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Breaking up in normal circumstances is hard enough. If you throw a narcissist into the equation, it makes it all the more difficult. If you're looking to listen to this audiobook, you're likely heartbroken and looking for some guidance, support, or understanding. As someone who has been through the hell of a narcissistic relationship, I can offer you all three, and I hope this audiobook can help you make sense of this heartbreaking time.
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Horrible! Read if you want to become a narcissist!
- By DJ on 01-21-21
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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Dear Dana: FAQs About Dating After Narcissistic Abuse
- How to Avoid the Wrong People, Have a Wildly Fulfilling Relationship with the Right One, and Learn to Love Yourself Along the Way
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 3 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Dating is challenging enough in general, but if you’ve been through the emotional meat grinder of a toxic relationship, then it is even more difficult. You may struggle with fear and self-doubt, and you may wonder if it’s even possible for you to trust again, let alone fall in love. You may get all kinds of well-intended or invalidating bad advice, such as “you need to let down your guard and love like you’ve never been hurt” or “not every man (or woman) out there is like your ex”.
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Examples given
- By Amazon Customer on 04-30-25
By: Dana Morningstar
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"Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility
- By: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
- Narrated by: Ramani S. Durvasula PhD
- Length: 19 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult, or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized.
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Excellent reality check
- By Lisa Rose on 10-11-19
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30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics: How Manipulators Take Control in Personal Relationships
- By: Adelyn Birch
- Narrated by: Kitty Hendrix
- Length: 1 hr and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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Identifying covert emotional manipulation is tricky. You sense something is wrong, but you can't quite put your finger on the problem. This powerful book will reveal to you if manipulation is at play in your relationships. It will open your eyes. You will learn 30 tactics manipulators use to get what they want. You will also learn to spot the warning signs within yourself that expose covert manipulation is taking place, even if you can't identify the specific tactics being used.
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This book can change your life!
- By Cat O. on 04-04-18
By: Adelyn Birch
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Trauma Bonding: Understanding and Overcoming the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship
- Narcissistic Relationship Recovery, Book 1
- By: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and feel like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. If, in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too - because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex.
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Not relevant for everyone dealing with trauma bonding
- By Alesia Braund on 11-18-20
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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When Love Is a Lie
- Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda
- By: Zari L Ballard
- Narrated by: Lisa Bunting
- Length: 4 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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When our partner is a narcissist, only those who've actually experienced the madness will ever understand what we're going through. When Love Is a Lie is a straight-up, tell-all book about narcissism in relationships that skips the clinical bullshit to focus solely on the personal experience. A narrative that holds nothing back, Zari Ballard's story will educate, enlighten, and empower you to evaluate (and fully understand) the mind-boggling dysfunction in your own relationship.
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Greatfull to have found this!
- By Joy on 03-13-17
By: Zari L Ballard
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It's Not You
- Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People
- By: Ramani Durvasula PhD
- Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD, Maria Shriver
- Length: 11 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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It’s not always easy to tell when you’re dealing with a narcissist. One day they draw you in with their confidence and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-confidence, and leave you wondering, What could I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani Durvasula reveals in It's Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing. Just as a tiger can’t change its stripes, a narcissist won’t stop manipulating and invalidating you. To heal in the aftermath of their abuse and protect yourself from future harm, you first have to accept that you are not to blame.
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I needed this
- By Austin E. Jonas Jr. on 03-02-24
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Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare
- How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 19 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Although clinical research has been conducted on narcissism as a disorder, less is known about its effects on victims who are in toxic relationships with partners with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Individuals with this disorder engage in chronic devaluation and manipulation of their partners, a psychological and emotional phenomenon known as "narcissistic abuse". Unfortunately, the full extent of what narcissistic abuse entails is not taught in any psychology class or diagnostic manual.
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Finally
- By zero on 12-08-16
By: Shahida Arabi
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If Only I'd Known!
- How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth
- By: Chelsey Brooke Cole
- Narrated by: Chelsey Brooke Cole
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Narcissistic abuse creates a tidal wave of confusion, hypervigilance, and overthinking. You have trouble thinking clearly, remembering things, or taking in new information. And because these changes are happening to you, you begin to wonder: What's wrong with me? Why can't I make this relationship work? Am I fundamentally broken? And that's exactly how narcissistic abuse works—it happens so subtly that you believe the insecurities you're experiencing are "you" instead of "what's happening" to you. This audiobook covers unique information related to narcissistic abuse.
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This book is amazing.
- By Juan Servin on 01-03-24
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Narcissistic Ex
- How to Get Over a Toxic Relationship, Deal With an Abusive Ex and Become Free of the Controlling Sociopath
- By: Lauren Kozlowski
- Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
- Length: 2 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse that ensures victims are left emotionally drained, mentally exhausted, and devoid of any self-worth or self-esteem...ending a relationship with a narcissist isn’t that easy. In this audiobook, I want to offer you some guidance on this rarely-talked about aspect of an abusive relationship: how to deal with a narcissist when they’re your ex.
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thank you so much!!
- By jeff gipson on 12-30-19
By: Lauren Kozlowski
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The Power of Chowa
- Finding Your Inner Strength Through the Japanese Concept of Balance and Harmony
- By: Akemi Tanaka
- Narrated by: June Angela
- Length: 6 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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The Japanese wisdom of chowa (pronounced like power) offers a fresh approach to being, showing us how to create space and symmetry at work, at home, and in our relationships. Chowa is an ancient philosophy and set of practices that enable us to discover what matters most in our individual lives, and help us transform our way of thinking about ourselves and others.
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The pursuit of chōwa
- By B. on 12-13-23
By: Akemi Tanaka
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Just Listen
- Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone
- By: Mark Goulston MD
- Narrated by: Arthur Morey
- Length: 7 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and coach, author Mark Goulston combines his background with the latest scientific research to help listeners turn the "impossible" and "unreachable" people in their lives into allies, devoted customers, loyal colleagues, and lifetime friends. Just Listen provides simple but powerful techniques listeners can use to really get through to people.
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Meh.
- By AnnMarie on 08-23-21
By: Mark Goulston MD
What listeners say about Out of the Fog
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- Shawn Snyder
- 10-16-21
I would highly recommend this book!
This book was so easy to listen to! I got out of a unhealthy, narcissistic relationship over 20 year ago have been in a lot of therapy to learn to trust myself again and overcome the trauma I experienced in that relationship. I am now remarried to a wonderful man who truly loves and supports me but this book showed me areas where I still have triggers and behaviors that I need to unlearn. The content was so insightful and helpful - Dana give you so many practical suggestions to help navigate the process to becoming the best version of yourself that you can be!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Keren
- 05-25-19
The BEST Book I've read on this Topic
I have read alot on the topic of nacissustic abuse, but this is by far my best read! Morningstar provides a guid to life skills that you can apply right away! Her way of presenting concepts and feelings is perfect, and her calm and lovely voice compliments the content so beautifully. The whole listening experiance is so enjoyable, as Morningstar helps you to cultivate your understanding of past and present interactions.
Thank you for this book!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Jg
- 10-21-21
Very helpful book
Anyone who has been in a relationship with an abusive person needs to listen to this book. I know I will listen to it again because there was so much good information it was hard to absorb it all the first time.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Hector Sanchez
- 03-11-21
Every word is a gold seed....
I healed more from listening this book than from several therapy sessions. Dana's voice is so warm
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1 person found this helpful
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- Sarah Couture
- 10-28-21
TRUTH! A must read for anybody coming out of a toxic relationship.
If you have dated, or were married to, an abusive person such as a sociopath, narcissist, or psychopath… you absolutely must read this book! After being gaslit, blamed and told you are a terrible worthless person for any length of time, you start to believe in their bullshit and think “maybe it really is all my fault?” Or you might be wondering “What the heck just happened to me?” Or experience intense self doubt. It is so confusing when you are trying to sort out the reality of what you just went through after being romantically involved with a disordered person. This book will give you clarity! A very helpful and relatable piece of literature :) this book will help you heal !
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1 person found this helpful
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- Jessica L
- 07-05-21
A Must-Read!
This book is a life saver and sanity saver. It is helping me recover from an abusive relationship and breakup, but I wish it was required reading in highschool, before anyone started dating. A healthy person can't fathom the thoughts and actions of the unhealthy, which makes it easy for us to blindly fall into manipulative traps by seemingly "good" people. This book explains traits to look for as a preventative and healing clarity, but also great for those supporting others to validate their experience with trauma.
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- KS
- 09-24-20
WOW!! PROFOUND!!
This book covers many emotional pitfalls. I will listen to this book over & over!!
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- Darkwing Duck
- 08-24-20
Empowering shot of clarity and courage
Thank the Almighty for Dana and this book. it is the perfect balance of support, recognition, owning our contribution and giving clarity for the road ahead. Thank you, Dana! You have made a difference in my life.
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- Share
- 04-22-22
Life Changing
I wish I had read a book like this 20 years ago. If I had this indepth knowledge and insight, back then, I would have been able to avoid many pitfalls and painful relationships. The content of this book validated a lot of my past traumas and reminded me that my past traumas do not define who I am today. With perseverance, hard work and faith in the redemptive power of Jesus Christ, my life has turned out so much better than I ever imagined. I refuse to allow those past traumas & memories to ruin my life and dictate my future. I now make good choices in who I let into my inner circle of friends & I always accept an opportunity to encourage others who have been traumatized. There is a good life available to any of us after living through traumatic relationships or childhoods. I highly recommend this book.
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- Emily Redahan
- 11-24-22
So much clarity
This book validated what I went through and explained some things I had experienced like trauma amnesia that I didn’t have a name for, highly recommend.
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