
Out of the Fog
Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse
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Narrated by:
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Dana Morningstar
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By:
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Dana Morningstar
The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.
However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going.
The FOG is one of the main reasons that people stay "stuck" in abusive relationships for so long, why they continue to get involved with abusive people, why they feel they are the problem, and why they tend to feel that the abuse is somehow their fault. When a person is being manipulated, they have a hard time figuring out who has the problem, what is normal, what is problematic, and if their wants, needs, and feelings are valid. The disastrous effects of being lost in the FOG are confusion, crazy-making, people-pleasing, and an erosion of boundaries. What makes this well-intended bad advice so damaging is that, on the surface, it seems like good advice - especially if it's coming from people who seem to have our best interests in mind, such as friends, family, church members, support-group members, or a therapist.
Some examples of this well-intended bad advice that comes from other people is: "Who are you to judge?", "No one is perfect", "You need to forgive them", "She's your mother, you need to have a relationship with her...she's not getting any younger you know", and "Commitment is forever".
This audiobook dives into these and other commonly confused topics such as:
- "Who are you to judge" vs. being discerning
- "You need to forgive them" vs. keeping yourself safe
- A parent vs. a predator
- Commitment vs. codependency
- Self-love vs. selfishness
- A person acting the part vs. a person actually changing
- Gut instincts vs. hypervigilance
- A friend vs. someone being friendly
- Caring vs. caretaking
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Throughout the relationship with my emotionally abusive partner, I read countless books on personality disorders and narcissism, hoping that the books would help me diagnose my partner as to validate my reasons for leaving.
This book, although I have read it a week after going no contact with my now abusive ex, has helped me to recognize that I don’t, and never did, have to give someone a clinical diagnosis to recognize and accept that the behavior and treatment was just... not okay. Plain and simple.
I truly believe that everyone should read this book regardless of whether you have been in an abusive romantic relationship. This book can help you understand your own patterns, how to create boundaries in general, and recognize when others (coworkers, bosses, family members, friends) are treating you poorly regardless of whether you recognize it in this moment.
Thank you for, quite literally, helping to save my life.
THE best book I’ve ever read on the subject
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This book helped me more than any of my others!
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Concrete and Educational
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Must read after Narcissist abuse
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Exactly what I needed
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Such a helpful book!
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Definitely Worth the Read
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Must Read for Anyone Impacted by Narcissists!
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Awesome book
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Thank you for clarity and the ability to heal.
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