Showing results by author "Simon Haynes" in All Categories

Clunk, a clapped-out robot, is convinced he's about to be junked. Instead, his penny-pinching boss is sending him off to be refurbished. Being old and wise, Clunk knows there's a catch, but at first it doesn't seem too bad. He just has to help a freelancer pick up some cargo. Unfortunately, Hal Spacejock - the freelancer - is obstinate, over-confident, and woefully under-skilled, and he's never going to let a lowly robot fly his precious ship. Is there any chance this pair of misfits can lift off, collect the cargo and deliver it in one piece?

All three books in the first Dragon and Chips trilogy in a single omnibus edition. Tasty, fire-breathing dragons. Angry sea serpents. Sea battles, land battles, assassins, and more. Get it now!

How far would you go to make your dreams come true? On Hal Spacejock's home planet, efficient and highly intelligent robots have taken most of the jobs. Hal's one of the lucky ones, because he works as a cargo loader at a third-rate spaceport. Lucky perhaps, but not satisfied. Because instead of loading freighters, Hal wants to fly them, exploring the galaxy in his very own ship. But how can he possibly save for a spaceship? Hal can barely make rent, and he's hanging onto his job by his fingernails. It all seems like an impossible dream, until Hal intervenes in a one-sided fight in the ...

This is your pilot speaking. We have a problem in the engine bay. It's nothing to worry about, but please make your way to the escape pods. Hal Junior and Stephen 'Stinky' Binn live aboard a high-tech space station, far from the nearest planet. The rules are strict, and their lives are carefully regulated. That's why they're so excited about the camping trip to Planet Gyris ... imagine a whole week of fishing, swimming, sleeping in tents and running wild! Unfortunately, the boys crash land in the middle of a forest, and there's little chance of rescue. Is this the end of the camping trip .....

Hal and Clunk have been hired to transport artworks for a travelling exhibition. These pieces are valuable and fragile, which is strike one. The artist is highly-strung individual who takes an instant dislike to Hal, which is strike two. And Hal is determined to make a quick buck on the side, which is never going to end well. Strike three! The only question is... which will last longer, Hal or the artworks?

How far would you run to escape your past? Hal and Clunk fly halfway across the galaxy, putting their earlier mishaps, disasters and angry customers behind them. It's a chance to start anew. To rebuild their reputation. To actually complete a cargo job without destroying the lot. Unfortunately, they chose the wrong planet ... The Hal Spacejock series features humorous science fiction, adventure and action. They're clean books with very occasional swearing (mild).

A broken-down fugitive with nothing to lose, an arms dealer hiding a deadly secret and an elderly robot set to inherit a vast fortune... it's a typical cargo job for freighter pilot Hal Spacejock and his offsider, Clunk. Baker's Dough features intense rivalry, sublime double-crosses and more greed than a free buffet.

Clunk, a clapped-out robot, is convinced he's about to be junked. Instead, his penny-pinching boss is sending him off to be refurbished. Being old and wise, Clunk knows there's a catch, but at first it doesn't seem too bad. He just has to help a freelancer pick up some cargo. Unfortunately, Hal Spacejock - the freelancer - is obstinate, over-confident, and woefully under-skilled, and he's never going to let a lowly robot fly his precious ship.

It's her first day as a rookie... but will it be her last? The Peace Force is an intergalactic crime-fighting organisation with a fearsome reputation, boundless resources, and legions of well-trained officers. Harriet Walsh, 21, doesn't care about any of that. To her, it looks like a steady job with real wages, and the invitation to join could not have come at a better time. But why is the invite printed on the back of an old junk food flyer? And how come she's never seen a Peace Force officer? With the crumpled invite in hand, Harriet heads for the local branch... and discovers there's a ...

I'm Simon Haynes, and I've been writing and publishing novels and short fiction for almost 20 years. This guide contains everything I've learned about writing a novel, both as an indie and as a trade-published author. Maybe you want to write a novel which has been on your mind for years. You don't care how long it takes, you just want to see it through to the end. Or maybe you see yourself as a career novelist - there's a real challenge - and you want to write books quickly and efficiently. I've done both, and I cover both approaches in How to Write a Novel.

Hal and Clunk answer a distress call, only to discover a fellow pilot stranded deep inside an asteroid field. Clunk is busy at the controls, dodging incoming rocks, so Hal dons a spacesuit, takes the jetbike and sets off on a heroic rescue mission. If he'd only known the trouble he was getting himself into, he wouldn't have bothered...

Clunk's lost his memories. He doesn't know who he is or where he came from. And there's nowhere to get a recharge. But fear not, because Clunk is resourceful and intelligent. He won't let marauding dragons, a bloodthirsty queen, and a vengeful champion get in his way. Not even the whopping great cast of minor characters all vying to become major players. But how's Clunk going to escape this medieval madness? How's Clunk going to get home?

What happens when you're worth more dead than alive? A decorated fighter pilot is lost in combat, and his death is used to inspire waves of fresh recruits. Recruits desperately needed to fight in the long-running war. Sam Willet is one such recruit, but she's different. Different because the missing hero is her brother, and Sam has questions. Questions nobody wants asked. Questions that will probably get her killed. Raiders is a complete, standalone novel in the Secret War series. Simon Haynes has been writing fiction for over twenty years. Raiders is his twenty-third novel.

After messing up a live fire exercise, Sam Willet is hauled before the squadron leader for punishment. Her career as a fighter pilot appears to be over before it really began. Then, without warning, the enemy launches a major attack. Against this overwhelming force, every pilot is needed... Sam included. Now is her chance to redeem herself. Now is her chance to fight back. But the enemy's ambitions go far beyond the destruction of a second-string training base. If their bold plan succeeds, it could change the entire course of the war.

Hal Spacejock’s cargo business is going so well he’s considering getting into passengers...especially the beautiful and mysterious Sonya Polarov. Clunk's certain she's up to something, but as usual Hal won't listen to a word he says.... Meanwhile, Rex Curtis runs the galaxy’s biggest freight company, and he’s sick of independent pilots stealing his cargo jobs. He’s determined to make a statement by destroying the biggest nuisance of them all: Hal Spacejock.

Laugh as your favourite characters spit in the face of danger...then run for the hills. Admire the verbal jousting and witty wordplay...or is it the other way round? Gasp as kings and queens lose their heads. "Enjoy" the groanworthy puns and suffer the slings and arrows of poorly-trained archers.

One man's deep dive into Steve Oedekerk's masterpiece "Kung Pow - Enter The Fist", minute by minute.

An unlikely trio of ghost hunters ply their trade in Victorian England. But have they met their match? London, 1871. When I applied for the position of bookkeeper with Professor Twickham and his daughter, I lied about my qualifications. In turn, they lied about the job for which I was applying. Had we not been so untruthful with each other, there might have been fewer night terrors stalking the inhabitants of the City. Fewer unexplained disappearances. Fewer deaths. Now, nobody is safe from the vengeful spirits we've unleashed. With no time to spare, we face an impossible task: we must ...

Ahh, the Old Kingdom. Come and pet our angry, fire-breathing dragons. Take a dip with mighty sea serpents in our lovely warm seas. Play catch-the-arrow with merry elven warriors. Drink beer* with the dwarves. For an unforgettable experience, the Old Kingdom is the ideal destination for your next holiday. Survival is optional, and highly unlikely. *Similarity to actual beer not guaranteed.

Hal Spacejock has a problem. His cargo hold is packed with expensive food, and the freezer equipment he bought from Bent Jimmy's bargain bin has just failed...exactly as Clunk predicted. Hal needs replacement parts before the cargo rots, and he's forced to abandon his precious ship at the spaceport to go looking for them. Which is a pity, because a secret agent has just decided Hal's ship will be ideal for her mission...with or without his permission.