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Assume Nothing
A Story of Intimate Violence
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Narrated by:
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Tanya Selvaratnam
About this listen
Award-winning filmmaker Tanya Selvaratnam bravely recounts the intimate abuse she suffered from former New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, using her story as a prism to examine the domestic violence crisis plaguing America.
When Tanya Selvaratnam met then New York State Attorney General Eric Schneiderman at the Democratic National Convention in July 2016, they seemed like the perfect match. Both were Harvard alumni; both studied Chinese; both were interested in spirituality and meditation, both were well-connected rising stars in their professions - Selvaratnam in entertainment and the art world; Schneiderman in law and politics.
Behind closed doors, however, Tanya’s life was anything but ideal. Schneiderman became controlling, mean, and manipulative. He drank heavily and used sedatives. Sex turned violent, and he called Tanya - who was born in Sri Lanka and grew up in Southern California - his “brown slave”. He isolated and manipulated her, even threatening to kill her if she tried to leave.
Twenty-five percent of women in America are victims of domestic abuse. Tanya never thought she would be a part of this statistic. Growing up, she witnessed her father physically and emotionally abuse her mother. Tanya knew the patterns and signs of domestic violence, and did not see herself as remotely vulnerable. Yet what seemed impossible was suddenly a terrifying reality: she was trapped in a violent relationship with one of the most powerful men in New York.
Sensitive and nuanced, with the gripping power of a dark psychological thriller, Assume Nothing details how Tanya’s relationship devolved into abuse, how she found the strength to leave - risking her career, reputation, and life - and how she reclaimed her freedom and her voice. In sharing her story, Tanya analyzes the insidious way women from all walks of life learn to accept abuse, and redefines what it means to be a victim of intimate violence.
Supplemental enhancement PDF accompanies the audiobook.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2021 Tanya Selvaratnam (P)2021 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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Riveting and an essential timely conversation-starter, Nobody's Victim invites listeners to join Carrie on the front lines of the war against sexual violence and privacy violations as she fights for revenge porn and sextortion laws, uncovers major Title IX violations, and sues the hell out of tech companies, schools, and powerful sexual predators. Her battleground is the courtroom; her crusade is to transform clients from victims into warriors.
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Everyone should read this book
- By Alexander on 09-06-19
By: Carrie Goldberg, and others
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A Mind Spread Out on the Ground
- By: Alicia Elliott
- Narrated by: Kyla Garcia
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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The Mohawk phrase for depression can be roughly translated as a mind spread out on the ground. In this urgent, visceral work, Alicia Elliott explores how apt a description that is for the ongoing effects of the personal, intergenerational, and colonial traumas experienced by her so many Native people. Elliott's deeply personal writing details a life spent between Indigenous and White communities - a divide reflected in her own family - and engages with such wide-ranging topics as race, parenthood, love, art, mental illness, poverty, sexual assault, gentrification, and representation.
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Well written, heartfelt, revealing
- By KWK on 07-15-24
By: Alicia Elliott
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The Survivors
- A Story of War, Inheritance, and Healing
- By: Adam Frankel
- Narrated by: Adam Frankel, Rob Shapiro
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Adam Frankel’s maternal grandparents survived the Holocaust and built new lives, with new names, in Connecticut. Though they tried to leave the horrors of their past behind, the pain they suffered crossed generational lines - a fact most apparent in the mental health of Adam’s mother. When Adam sat down with her to examine their family history in detail, he learned another shocking secret, this time one that unraveled Adam’s entire understanding of who he is.
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Amazing story
- By Alissa on 12-26-19
By: Adam Frankel
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The Girls
- An All-American Town, a Predatory Doctor, and the Untold Story of the Gymnasts Who Brought Him Down
- By: Abigail Pesta
- Narrated by: Elisabeth Rodgers
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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The Girls is a profound exploration of trust, ambition, betrayal, and self-discovery. Award-winning journalist Abigail Pesta unveils this deeply reported narrative at a time when the nation is wrestling with the implications of the MeToo movement. How do the women who grew up with Nassar reconcile the monster in the news with the man they once trusted? In The Girls, we learn that their answers to that wrenching question are as rich, insightful, and varied as the human experience itself.
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Don’t waste a credit
- By Timothy McCarthy on 11-12-19
By: Abigail Pesta
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Tied Up in Knots
- How Getting What They Wanted Has Made Women Miserable
- By: Andrea Tantaros
- Narrated by: Andrea Tantaros
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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In this shocking, funny, and bluntly honest tour of today's gender discontents, Andrea Tantaros, one of Fox News' most popular and outspoken stars, exposes how the rightful feminist pursuit of equality went too far, and how the unintended pitfalls of that power trade have made women (and men!) miserable.
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Not What I Thought It Would Be
- By Kevin on 05-06-16
By: Andrea Tantaros
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My Grandfather's Son
- A Memoir
- By: Clarence Thomas
- Narrated by: Clarence Thomas
- Length: 11 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Provocative, inspiring, and unflinchingly honest, My Grandfather's Son is the story of one of America's most remarkable and controversial leaders, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, told in his own words.
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Wonderful read
- By Amazon Customer on 10-17-21
By: Clarence Thomas
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Start by Believing
- Larry Nassar's Crimes, the Institutions that Enabled Him, and the Brave Women Who Stopped a Monster
- By: John Barr, Dan Murphy
- Narrated by: John Barr, Dan Murphy, Chloe Cannon
- Length: 9 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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For decades, osteopathic physician Larry Nassar built a sterling reputation as the go-to doctor for America's Olympians while treating countless others at his office on Michigan State University's campus. It was largely within the high-pressure world of competitive gymnastics that Nassar exploited young girls, sexually assaulting hundreds of them under the guise of medical treatment. In Start by Believing, John Barr and Dan Murphy confront Nassar's acts, which represent the largest sex abuse scandal to impact the sporting world.
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Pronunciation Matters
- By Sara K on 10-28-20
By: John Barr, and others
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We're Better Than This
- My Fight for the Future of Our Democracy
- By: Elijah Cummings, James Dale
- Narrated by: Nancy Pelosi, Laurence Fishburne, Maya Rockeymoore Cummings
- Length: 10 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Baltimore Congressman Elijah Cummings was known for saying, “We’re better than this.” He said it in Baltimore, a city on the verge of explosion over police treatment of citizens. He said it in Congress when microphones were shut down, barring free speech. He said it when the president flaunted his power and ignored the Constitution. He said it when the president resorted to bullying, name-calling, and feeding racial divisions. We are better than this. He continued to say it until his final days last October.
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The most inspiring piece of work I’ve heard in my adult life.
- By Jaraun on 01-29-21
By: Elijah Cummings, and others
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The Education of an Idealist
- A Memoir
- By: Samantha Power
- Narrated by: Samantha Power
- Length: 21 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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In her memoir, Power offers an urgent response to the question "What can one person do?" and a call for a clearer eye, a kinder heart, and a more open and civil hand in our politics and daily lives. The Education of an Idealist traces Power’s distinctly American journey from immigrant to war correspondent to presidential Cabinet official. In 2005, her critiques of US foreign policy caught the eye of newly elected senator Barack Obama, who invited her to work with him on Capitol Hill and then on his presidential campaign.
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Sam's Power: Privilege in U.S. Politics
- By RelizzScholar27 on 11-09-19
By: Samantha Power
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Airhead
- The Imperfect Art of Making News
- By: Emily Maitlis
- Narrated by: Emily Maitlis
- Length: 7 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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As anchor for the BBC's key political news programme, Newsnight, Emily Maitlis has interviewed some of the most powerful and controversial figures on the political scene. She plans each interview meticulously, knowing what she wants to ask and where she wants it to go, but as one of the most experienced journalists in her field she knows that no interview will ever go to plan....
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Amazing. Absolutely amazing
- By Amazon Customer on 08-29-23
By: Emily Maitlis
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Uprising
- Who the Hell Said You Can't Ditch and Switch? - The Awakening of Diamond and Silk
- By: Diamond and Silk
- Narrated by: Diamond and Silk
- Length: 10 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Who are Diamond and Silk? Donald Trump’s biggest fans. A national treasure. A force of nature. A political awakening that can’t be stopped. And a natural antidepressant. Diamond and Silk are all that and more. The very sight and sound of these insightful and ebullient ladies lifts spirits and opens minds. Diamond and Silk are a unique phenomenon impossible to pigeonhole - or to control. And now they tell their own story for the first time.
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Great American Story! ** GET THIS BOOK**
- By kathy on 11-06-20
By: Diamond and Silk
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Secrets and Wives
- The Hidden World of Mormon Polygamy
- By: Sanjiv Bhattacharya
- Narrated by: Sanjiv Bhattacharya
- Length: 15 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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What do we really know about modern practicing polygamists - not fictional ones like the Henrickson family on HBO’s Big Love? We’ve seen the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the news, the underage brides in pioneer dresses on a Texas ranch. But the FLDS is just one of many groups that have broken with mainstream Mormonism to follow those parts of Joseph Smith’s doctrine disavowed by the LDS Church. Gaining unprecedented access to these communities, journalist Sanjiv Bhattacharya reveals a shadow country....
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Great stories (+), religious amateur hour (-)
- By Douglas on 09-26-13
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Your Turn
- How to Be an Adult
- By: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Narrated by: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Length: 20 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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What does it mean to be an adult? In the 20th century, psychologists came up with five markers of adulthood: finish your education, get a job, leave home, marry, and have children. Since then, every generation has been held to those same markers. Yet so much has changed about the world and living in it since that sequence was formulated. All of those markers are choices, and they’re all valid, but any one person’s choices along those lines do not make them more or less an adult.
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Not the book that was advertised
- By M. Rogers on 04-13-21
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What listeners say about Assume Nothing
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- Beach Mermaid
- 03-16-23
Beautifully Written
Thank you for sharing your story with the world! Thank you for standing up for women!
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- NOtto
- 03-06-21
Beautifully written, both personal and political in scope.
This book is a beautifully written, and although much of the content is dark (the author is a victim of abuse and generously shares her story with us), the memoir is full of light. The author is intelligent, articulate, calm, fair minded. This work, her coming forward is inspirational, the boom has has a clarity of thought and argument that allows us access to this charged material, access to this as both a personal story and a broader political one, societal one. She also brings a POV about both race and class as well as gender that can sadly be missing from conversations about feminism. The warm, gentle but fearless tone of this work in addition to the brilliant writing makes it a must read / listen for anyone who wishes to live in a more just, safer world for all.
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- Kathryn
- 09-08-24
the detail picture painted for intimate partner violence
I appreciate her brave and would read her book again. I encourage people to read her book
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- Anonymous User
- 03-26-21
Truly Insightful and Inspiring!
Tanya's story, top to bottom, is one of the most difficult and emotional reads I've ever had. From her strength to share intimate and personal details about family, to the fact she provides detailed insight on how to help others who struggle with IPV... Tanya is a true "world breaker."
I hope other men read this and understand the impact of their actions in relationships.
I hope other women read this and know there's absolutely support out there.
Thank you, Tanya!
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- Pony2018
- 02-08-25
Intense story
It’s a dificult story to listen to and horrible what she went through. I am glad she was able to get out and past this
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- MNC
- 08-16-21
Powerful and Brave
This is a very brave memoir by a bright ,very accomplished woman.
Tanya Selvaratnam courageously tells her story of
Her relationship and shocking,physical, sexual & emotional abuse by a man of huge power in the state oF NY, Eric Schneiderman - NYS AG
It’s terrifying to listen to and while you applaud her , you fear for her safety every step of the way.
Loved listening to the audible that the author narrates 🙏
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- Lisa B
- 04-16-21
A book for our time
The book, "Assume Nothing", by Tanya Selvaratnsam will haunt me. Being a domestic abuse survivor, I am a sister to intimate partner abuse . All abuse is wrong and Tanya explains why in simple and concise terms. I love how she talks about it with the " Me-Too" movement , the Black Lives Matter protest and the Trump Administration in the backdrop. It gives a totally different perspective to all of these events; a nightmare in a sea of bad dreams. Most of all I love how she constantly reminds us of where she was in her life when she was drawn in; between suffering and healing which makes it all too clear how easily one can fall into the arms of an abuser. This should be required reading for all women.
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- Jennifer Lewis
- 01-19-24
Everyone should read
We've either experienced this kind of abuse or we know someone who has. Thank you for sharing, it helps those of us who still can't share what happened.
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- ElizOF
- 04-22-21
Powerfully Shared. Disturbing and Timely.
Tanya spoke at a Women's event I attended, months before her book launched. She was transparent, engaging and clear about how important it is to share our stories. This book is important because it sheds light on how easy it is to get sucked in by charismatic men and how dangerous the outcomes can be. Everyone who reads this will remember. Warn your loved ones...better yet, tell them to read this book.
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- msk
- 07-23-21
A topic that is not often discussed but occurs often
Tanya gives a heartfelt story of her survival of being victim of adult abuse. Adult abuse is a topic that is not often discussed but occurs more often than society would like to admit.
She gives great detail of her emotional state how she overcame the abuse and how the abuse quietly began to happen.
This book is a good read for any young woman beginning her way in society as well as any woman who knows all too well this can become a part of her life. It is a story that many people do not want to hear but the story needs to be told.
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