Dick-Nose Audiobook By Matt Shaw cover art

Dick-Nose

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Dick-Nose

By: Matt Shaw
Narrated by: Matt Shaw
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Jeremy Jumper isn’t like normal people. Jeremy has a medical condition which causes a large mass to grow on the end of his nose. It starts as a red mark and, over the following days, balloons to ridiculous size. Strangers stop and stare while others dive for cover, worried it’s about to explode.

Of course, Jeremy has a close group of friends around him who are nothing but supportive of him and his condition. Whenever it flares up, they have his back and...oh who am I trying to kid? Jeremy’s friends are assholes and tease him relentlessly. But, as the mass grows, so too does Jeremy’s temper, and it’s only a matter of time before something explodes.

The question is: what will pop first? The lump, or the violent rage brewing within him?

NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH.

©2024 Matt Shaw Publications (P)2025 Matt Shaw Publications Anthologies & Short Stories Horror Short Stories
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This story is about a man who is insecure. Through his bouts of depression, he finds a way to truly become secure and find what makes him fill secure.
Never have I heard something close to as romantic as this. Matt Shaw went above and beyond to create a tale that will leave you realizing that romance is far from dead. Because we all know that Matt Shaw truly writes about beauty and harmony.

Kudos, Matt. Romeo and Juliet have nothing on this epic novelette.

What a sweet and endearing saga.

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The actual story was extremely short. It has some gross stuff and some scenes that are mostly reprehensible(which I can be fine with), but the story was weak. There's a semi-viral video where a woman tells a street- interviewer about something she did to an ex of hers that's pretty disgusting but funny at the same time.

This book starts out by setting the scene with the main character. At first you'd think this was going to be about a poor man with a horrible disfigurement being tormented until he's pushed over the edge, but instead it turns out this guy is just a terrible person and has a gross fetish involving his disfigurement. There's a lot of juvenile jokes that would even make teenagers cringe, yet it's supposed to be adult male banter. I'm a veteran and my buddies and I poke fun at each other often, and if one of us spoke like these guys they'd never hear the end of it. It's similar to how I'd imagine Stephen King trying to write modern teenage girl drama, it would be a train wreck to read.
Anyways, so the gross fetish guy suddenly just becomes violent, as far as in his thoughts at least, and then it never goes anywhere. Another character tells the exact story from that semi- viral street interview and he goes "yeah" and then pulls an unimaginative prank that we've seen in a million different stories, movies, shows, etc.

The narrator wasn't terrible but wasn't good either, and I couldn't imagine having to read this out loud. If this reaction was due to how disgusting or terrifying the book was, I'd view that as a complement to the author (who I do typically enjoy reading) but this is just gross, full of cringe, and has no payoff. It's literally the "P-word" being used in a juvenile manner as well as a few smatterings of men telling their other male co-workers about things they did to the other's mother last night. That's literally how witty this gets.

It was cheap, so I'm not angry, but it is still 2 hours I'm not getting back. I wish I'd started the next Dungeon Crawler Carl book instead.

Feels like it was written by an edgy teenager

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