100% Match
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Narrated by:
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Joe Hempel
About this listen
"What The One Minute Manager was to business, 100% Match is to relationships." (PC3 Books)
Bart is 30. He is bald. He is overweight. He wears glasses. He is a fry cook. He hates cats. And kids. Bart occasionally does very bad things. He is looking for his perfect match. He has done his research.
"Depraved, deranged, and blackly hilarious. PC3 does what he does best here, and doesn't hold back. I suspect 89.3% of you will love this story. The other 10.7% are humorless prudes." (Chris Miller, author of Dust and Dub-Town Blues)
"Vile, repulsive, and smart, with a kick-in-the-ass ending. You know, all the stuff we've come to love about PC3" (Rayne Havok, author of Necrosis)
"Get ready to squirm, cringe, and maybe even laugh! Patrick C. Harrison III's prose is as slick as it is sick, and 100% Match is one you won't want to miss. Especially if you're deranged and looking for love." (Judith Sonnet, author of No One Rides for Free)
"If you like your fiction sick and twisted, this one will be a 100% match for you. PC3 gives us a glimpse into the mind of the truly depraved, and despite the nature of spending time in such a nasty headspace, the story is entertaining as hell. Just don’t read it on a full stomach." (Robert Essig, author of The Circus Oasis and Tweaker Creatures)
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Freshly disengaged from her fiancé and feeling that life has not turned out quite the way she planned, 30-year-old Ruth quits her job, leaves town, and arrives at her parents' home to find that situation more complicated than she'd realized. Her father, a prominent history professor, is losing his memory and is only erratically lucid. Ruth's mother, meanwhile, is lucidly erratic.
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Hello Sweet Sweet Book
- By Syd Young on 08-06-17
By: Rachel Khong
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Autobiography of a Fat Bride
- True Tales of a Pretend Adulthood
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In Autobiography of a Fat Bride, Laurie Notaro tries painfully to make the transition from all-night partyer and bar-stool regular to mortgagee with plumbing problems and no air conditioning. Laurie finds grown-up life just as harrowing as her reckless youth, as she meets Mr. Right, moves in, settles down, and crosses the toe-stubbing threshold of matrimony.
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Hilarious
- By MissSusie66 on 05-10-12
By: Laurie Notaro
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My Planet
- Finding Humor in the Oddest Places
- By: Mary Roach
- Narrated by: Angela Dawe
- Length: 4 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Follow New York Times best-selling author Mary Roach - but be careful not to trip - as she weaves through personal anecdotes and everyday musings riddled with her uncanny wit and amazingly analytical eye. These essays, which found a well-deserved home within the pages of Reader's Digest as the column "My Planet," detail the inner workings of hypochondriacs, hoarders, and compulsive cheapskates. (Did we mention neurotic interior designers and professional list makers?) For Roach, humor is hidden in the most unlikely places, which means that nothing is off limits.
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Narrator drove me crazy
- By Ann on 04-23-14
By: Mary Roach
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The Body in the Attic
- A Jazzi Zanders Mystery, Book 1
- By: Judi Lynn
- Narrated by: Devon Sorvari
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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House-flipper Jazzi Zanders and her cousin Jerod have found their latest project. The property, formerly owned by the late Cal Juniper, is filled with debris that must be cleared before the real renovation begins. But a trip to the attic reveals something more disturbing than forgotten garbage - a skeleton wearing a locket and rings that Jazzi recognizes. Tests confirm that the bones belong to Jazzi’s aunt Lynda, who everyone assumed moved to New York years ago after breaking up with Cal. Soon enough, the whole family is involved, sifting through memories and rumors....
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Entertaining
- By Beatrice on 07-04-19
By: Judi Lynn
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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is it amateur hour?
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By no choice of his own, Harvey Sutton embarked on a life of crime. After spending years scrounging around in the gutter, he is seduced by a life-changing drug experience. A bad trip that pulls back the curtain of reality, leaving him with more questions than answers. The subsequent vision haunting his memory speaks to him, taking him on an odyssey of depravity, transgression, and violence.
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Hearing commanding voices.
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Through the Eyes of Desperation
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At Shadows Casino, this isn’t just a phrase, it’s a grim reality. Far from prying eyes is a world of decadent pleasure, and unimaginable pain, where only the desperate or the rich dare to tread. Cee is the leader of the sinister establishment, but that hasn’t always been her story. Long before she'd ever heard of a parlay or letting it ride, Cee was just a little girl with a daddy who liked to gamble. And when her daddy brought her into Shadows, he made a bet that changed both of their lives forever.
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Very gag-inducing (you've been warned)
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Underwhelming “extreme” horror
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Bones crushed, pulled-out guts, candy, and homicidal nuts! What do a brilliant child killer, a hopeful special effects artist, a duo of budding teen spree killers, a student-screwing teacher, and a mutated maniac missing his lower jaw have in common? They're all out this Halloween...How will their paths cross? Who will be butchered? Can anyone survive this bloodbath, or are they all destined to drown in a pool of warm red? This slasher nightmare gives you a seat right beside the killer, but don't get too comfortable. There's a Scary Bastard on the loose....
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So sick I had to stop several times
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After the death of her estranged father, Tracey returns to the remote cabin she grew up in. As a traumatized veteran of the Vietnam War, Tracey’s father subjected her to rigorous survival training under brutal conditions, believing it was for her own good. She escaped and never looked back. Now in her fifties with a criminal record, Tracey returns to claim the property she’s inherited.
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It's that special day. The day when everything's supposed to be perfect. The day when everyone is supposed to drink too much and party like it's 1999. A day when family and friends show their support for the beginning of a beautiful bond. But what if someone wasn't there just to celebrate and have fun? What if the extravagant, isolated destination was chosen for a more nefarious reason than assumed? What if most everyone at the celebration had unknowingly attended a Wedding Day Massacre?
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An absolute bloodbath!
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All Smiles Until I Return
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Andy’s last day on Earth came sooner than he ever imagined. After becoming entangled in a random act of violence, what began as another mundane day in a cubicle, abruptly transitions into an otherworldly odyssey. This macabre and perverse journey shatters religious dogmas, answers impossible questions, and pulls back the curtain on man’s true and twisted purpose.
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Exactly what I expected, and I'm happy about that
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Exquisite Corpse
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To serial slayer Andrew Compton, murder is an art, the most intimate art. After feigning his own death to escape from prison, Compton makes his way to the United States with the sole ambition of bringing his “art” to new heights. Tortured by his own perverse desires, and drawn to possess and destroy young boys, Compton inadvertently joins forces with Jay Byrne, a dissolute playboy who has pushed his “art” to limits even Compton hadn’t previously imagined.
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Killers on the Road!
- By Char on 01-02-21
By: Poppy Z. Brite
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Blood and Blasphemy
- By: Gerri R Gray, George Alan Bradley, Aron Beauregard, and others
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If you enjoy your horror dipped in buckets of blood and sprinkled with generous amounts of blasphemy, then you've come to the right place!
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who approved narration?
- By Brittany on 11-16-23
By: Gerri R Gray, and others
What listeners say about 100% Match
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- AshleY
- 07-28-23
Why did I wait so long?!
I have had this sick little shorty on my list forever. I tend to go for audiobooks due to my schedule. So when I found out it was being released to Audible and I got the opportunity to listen, I jumped so fast! I am glad I did. I loved this little story. The statistics cracked me up. Bart’s got it all down, every stat you can imagine and where he stands. I would giggle every time “an incident” was mentioned. I felt the need to gag a few times, which is rare for me. It takes a lot to gross me out but Bart is just so gross and disgusting... I am thoroughly impressed and can’t wait to read more from Patrick. 100% Match is funny, vile and deranged. Joe’s narration is superb and I loved every second. The ending was great… did Bart find his match?? You know you want to know!!
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- draco malfoy
- 06-13-24
Lol that was wild!
I laughed,gagged and felt repulsed! It was a funny,weird and fulfilling short read! Warning..Don’t eat while listening
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- charie wyatt
- 07-26-24
👍🏽
i loved it. it was disturbing and had a twisted ending. very short so i listened to it twice for any missing parts i may have forgotten. definitely recommend listening to but its not for the weak
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- Amanda Hill
- 08-20-24
Sick and fun
I really enjoyed how short and gross and fun this was to listen to. I highly recommend it.
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- Juan Angel
- 02-05-24
Not what I was expecting
What a great modern horror story. Very disturbing (to say the least) with a bit of a predictable ending but totally gut-wrenching throughout.
It felt like a modern take on American Psycho's concept.
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- Amazon Customer
- 04-09-24
100% deliciously disturbing.
What the actual F did I just read? Beyond gross , incredibly disturbing, I can't count the number of times I almost threw up. It was phenomenal. I have never been so grossed out and completely captivated all at the same time. The voice actor is incredible. loved every second, the shock factor is perfect. Such a strange little story. I really enjoyed it.
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- Robyn
- 04-05-24
strange and disturbing
as my title indicates this story is strange and disturbing as well as weird as hell
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- Patrick R. McDonough
- 06-13-24
Gah!
Strongly suggest not eating while listening to this one!
Funny, off the wall, and well written.
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- Travis mocco
- 09-26-24
Vocal performance
Just not my bag. I can see where some people would dig it, the voice actor was great though. Could totally picture the main character throughout
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- Amazon Customer
- 11-22-24
Bizarre
What on earth did I just read? Definitely interesting lol. Mind blown 😳 Wild listen! Wow
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