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Failure
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 1 hr and 24 mins
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Publisher's summary
Raymond is such a failure, he can't even kill himself and get it right. Cindy just plain doesn't care; she'll get on her knees for anyone beneath the football field bleachers to score a nickel bag hit. And Sal is a frustrated goon with a hook nose and an attitude so sour he can't nail a girl, even with the lure of free dope and a getaway car.
When these three desperate teens meet Aaron, a failed practitioner of the dark arts, who offers them the best high they've ever smoked in exchange for kinky sex play, things only go from bad to worse. Aaron hopes to ensnare and re-birth the spirit of a late witch to capture her power from beyond the grave for his own.
Soon, they'll all learn the darkest, bloodiest, most terrifying definition of failure.
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The cozy little town of Pine Deep buried the horrors of its past a long time ago. Thirty years have gone by since the darkness descended and the Black Harvest began, a time when a serial killer sheared a bloody swath through the quiet Pennsylvania village. The evil that once coursed through Pine Deep has been replaced by cheerful tourists getting ready to enjoy the country’s largest Halloween celebration in what is now called “The Spookiest Town in America.”
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Love Joe Ledger Series? Avoid This Trainwreck.
- By Kathleen on 10-21-13
By: Jonathan Maberry
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The Winterfox Journals Book One: Autobiography of a Werewolf Hunter
- By: Brian P. Easton
- Narrated by: Basil Sands
- Length: 10 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Among the Northern Cheyenne of the Great Plains lives a boy named Winterfox, whose family has fought monsters since the days of the Spanish conquistadors. In the aftermath of Westward Expansion, he has become the sole heir to their blood feud against the Beast. Winterfox comes of age in the long shadows of the American frontier, a time when magic has not yet passed into myth. It is a place where the mundane and fantastic still walk side by side, and the warrior society of the Rédo’osnin Dog Men will be remembered a little while longer.
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Counting Coup and Taking Scalps
- By Derek M. Grebner on 11-11-19
By: Brian P. Easton
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13 Bullets
- A Vampire Tale
- By: David Wellington
- Narrated by: Bernadette Dunne
- Length: 11 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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All the official reports say they are dead—extinct since the late ’80s, when a fed named Arkeley nailed the last vampire in a fight that nearly killed him. But Arkeley knows what most people don’t: there is one left. In an abandoned asylum she is rotting, plotting, and biding her time in a way that only the undead can. When state trooper Laura Caxton calls the FBI looking for help in the middle of the night, it is Arkeley who gets the assignment.
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HER LARYNX ROTTED AWAY YEARS AGO
- By Jim "The Impatient" on 10-20-16
By: David Wellington
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Krampus
- The Yule Lord
- By: Brom
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 16 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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One Christmas Eve in a small hollow in Boone County, West Virginia, struggling songwriter Jesse Walker witnesses a strange spectacle: seven devilish figures chasing a man in a red suit toward a sleigh and eight reindeer. When the reindeer leap skyward, taking the sleigh, devil men, and Santa into the clouds, screams follow. Moments later, a large sack plummets back to earth, a magical sack that thrusts the down-on-his-luck singer into the clutches of the terrifying Yule Lord, Krampus.
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5 stars
- By colleen on 11-17-12
By: Brom
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Bleeding Violet
- By: Dia Reeves
- Narrated by: Suzy Jackson
- Length: 9 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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With a head plagued by hallucinations, a medicine cabinet full of pills, and a closet stuffed with frilly, violet dresses, Hanna's tired of being the outcast, the weird girl, the freak. So she runs away to Portero, Texas, in search of a new home. But Portero is a stranger town than Hanna expects. She discovers secrets that would terrify any normal soul. Good thing for Hanna, she's far from normal. As this crazy girl meets an even crazier town, only two things are certain: Anything can happen, and no one is safe.
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Didn't like it. Sorry, not sorry
- By Cii'Em on 02-15-16
By: Dia Reeves
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Carniepunk
- By: Rachel Caine, Rob Thurman, Kevin Hearne, and others
- Narrated by: Candace Thaxton, Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 14 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Come one, come all! The Carniepunk Midway promises you every thrill and chill a traveling carnival can provide. But fear not! Urban fantasy's biggest stars are here to guide you through this strange and dangerous world....
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Its A Separate 14 Short Stories
- By Hassan on 07-27-13
By: Rachel Caine, and others
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The Reckoning
- By: Lili St. Crow
- Narrated by: Alyssa Bresnahan
- Length: 10 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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Nobody expected Dru Anderson to survive this long. Not Graves. Not Christophe. Not even Dru. She's battled killer zombies, jealous djamphirs, and bloodthirsty suckers straight out of her worst nightmares. But now that Dru has bloomed into a full-fledged svetocha — rare, beautiful, and toxic to all vampires — the worst is yet to come. Because getting out alive is going to cost more than she's ever imagined. And in the end, is survival really worth the sacrifice?
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What?!?
- By Crazyone on 08-08-12
By: Lili St. Crow
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Insidious
- The Marked Mage Chronicles, Book 1
- By: Victoria Evers
- Narrated by: Jennifer O'Donnell
- Length: 14 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Since moving to Mystic Harbor, Maine, I've made it my life's mission to avoid Reese Blackburn at all costs. Sure, he has cheekbones that could cut glass, not to mention bedroom eyes that could melt any girl into a puddle on the floor. Too bad that doesn't change the fact he's completely stab-worthy. When a fun night out on the town turns deadly, I quickly discover the quaint little hamlet of Mystic Harbor houses more than sandy beaches and adorable B&Bs. Beneath the New England charm rests a world where shifters, demons, vampires, and angelic hunters all vie for power.
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Awesome series start!!
- By Leyla on 10-24-17
By: Victoria Evers
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NOS4A2
- A Novel
- By: Joe Hill
- Narrated by: Kate Mulgrew
- Length: 19 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Victoria McQueen has an uncanny knack for finding things: a misplaced bracelet, a missing photograph, answers to unanswerable questions. When she rides her bicycle over the rickety old covered bridge in the woods near her house, she always emerges in the places she needs to be. Vic doesn't tell anyone about her unusual ability, because she knows no one will believe her. She has trouble understanding it herself.
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Gripping performance by Kate Mulgrew....
- By Leslie on 05-06-13
By: Joe Hill
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Real Vampires Don't Sparkle
- By: Amy Fecteau
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 17 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Matheus Taylor didn't ask to be murdered. To be fair, the percentage of people actually asking to be murdered is probably small enough to be safely ignored, but he felt it was worth stating regardless. His life might have been ordinary, but it was his life and he wasn't done with it yet. Quin didn't care. A 1,700-year-old Roman, Quintus Livius Saturnius had a different view of morality than most people. Killing Matheus and hijacking his undead existence seemed perfectly acceptable to him.
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Not sure if it's the narrator or just bad writing
- By MD on 06-20-17
By: Amy Fecteau
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Feral
- A Novel of Werewolf Horror
- By: Matt Serafini
- Narrated by: Matt Godfrey
- Length: 11 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Jack and Allen need a break. They’ve decided to spend the summer before their senior year of college out in Western Massachusetts. But their quest for rest and relaxation comes to an end when they arrive in Greifsfield, MA. Their friendship is tested by a mysterious beauty and her razor-sharp smile, then broken when they’re caught up in a rash of mysterious disappearances. How will these two friends cope with the truth behind a town that craves raw meat? And how will they survive beneath the glow of the full moon?
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Infestation
- By Julia Oberhardt on 08-21-18
By: Matt Serafini
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Zombies: More Recent Dead
- By: Neil Gaiman, Carrie Vaughn, Caitlin R. Kiernan, and others
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt, Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 20 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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The living dead are more alive than ever! Zombies have become more than an iconic monster for the 21st century: They are now a phenomenon constantly revealing as much about ourselves - and our fascination with death, resurrection, and survival - as our love for the supernatural or post-apocalyptic speculation. Our most imaginative literary minds have been devoured by these incredible creatures and produced exciting, insightful, and unflinching new works of zombie fiction.
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A well blended mix
- By The Lone Mopper on 07-30-15
By: Neil Gaiman, and others
What listeners say about Failure
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- erobbins33
- 10-05-15
Screwed up! Loved it!
So, this story is a creepy, horrific, testament to a sick, warped mind. Teenagers tend to have very little impulse control. When the creepy sorcerer offers them a bunch of the best weed they've ever smoked, if they'd be willing to conduct a sexual ritual, they jump on the opportunity. Depravity and gore ensue. As with other books I've heard by this narrator,he does a great job, and has a clear, concise voice with excellent inflection and boyish charm. I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
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- Barks Books
- 11-08-17
A wee bit confusing at first
I received a copy of this audiobook from the publisher/author/narrator via Audio Book Blast in exchange for an honest review and that's what you're getting.
Failure follows three teens around as they momentously screw up their lives. It’s kind of fun to watch this disaster because, let’s be real, none of them are very nice people. The boys have no respect for girls and the girl has no respect for herself. But I’m not here to judge . . .
So, based on the promise of an epic high and some potentially epic sex, the three agree to meet and perform an occult sex ceremony for a kinky old guy who wants to watch (so he says). Even when he whips out the “pain chains” they don’t get suspicious. Nothing bad could possibly go wrong here, right?
The story is written in such a way that I thought it was a sequel. It’s told by various character points of view and it flips back between the days leading up to the ceremony to the present day situation and I was very confused in the beginning. Perhaps that’s due to my listening to the story on audio or perhaps it’s due to my limited brain power? I don’t really know, but it all began to make sense eventually. The narration is great. Joe Hempel sounds appropriately young for the characters, doesn’t give the females a creepy falsetto and he gives the old man the sinister vibe he deserved.
It was quick, brutal and gory but nothing new or groundbreaking. Just some ugly people doing ugly things and getting their comeuppance. It kind of felt like an 80’s throwback with sex crazed teens doing what they do and a plot that felt achingly familiar. Still, I kind of liked that about the book! 3 ½ stars
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- Brian M
- 10-20-15
Failure Is A Bloody Good Time
What did you love best about Failure?
I really enjoyed the mix of horror, gore, and psycho-sexual circumstances that the author managed to cram into the hour and 20 minute listen and how well the narrator was able to communicate it vocally.
What did you like best about this story?
I kind of addressed this in the previous question but I liked the way that Everson weaves a blood-soaked tale of general nastiness with enough style to keep it from just being disgusting.
What about Joe Hempel’s performance did you like?
I appreciated how he was able to deliver a great performance to match the story he was reading, how he commanded attention while glossing over the blood and ritualistic sexual behavior never losing it in the story.
If you could take any character from Failure out to dinner, who would it be and why?
Probably Emily, because she's the least bonkers of the bunch. Raymond would be interesting as well, we could discuss personal failures.
Any additional comments?
I received this audiobook from the narrator in exchange for an honest review and would recommend it to anyone with a bit of a strong stomach and an appetite for somewhat-extreme horror.
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- Bill
- 10-07-15
Good Time Gore
Good time gore and satanic sex ritual and some kick ass weed! Everson delivers it all in this novelette. I read this one a while back and enjoyed the read quite a bit. The audio version is even better. Narrator Joe Hempel really nailed the tone of this one and made the pages come to life. Very well done and highly recommended.
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- Jim
- 10-09-15
Visceral and disturbing
"Failure" is anything but...
I listened to this in one sitting, amazed by the author's ability to weave words so eloquently. The read was so well done, too, Mr. Hempel's voice nearly dripping the story out, not just speaking it. The story is, in a word, horrible, but I only mean that in terms of the horror evoked. It was engaging, as each character is brought to you easily and recognizably, making it easy to fall into the story. It was disturbing, finding out what drives the characters to the actions they take. It was visceral, literally making my guts clench a couple of times.
I'm looking forward to reading more of Everson's work and listening to more of Hempel's narration.
"This audiobook was provided by the author, narrator, or publisher at no cost in exchange for an unbiased review courtesy of AudiobookBlast dot com."
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- Melissa Weller
- 10-01-15
Excellent!
Loved it all, even though it was short, it was very exciting to listen to and enjoyable. I love John Everson books, they are always a pleasure to read and keeps my interest. 😊
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- Midwestbonsai
- 10-07-15
intriguing mash-up of horror, kink, and magic
John Everson’s Failure is an intriguing mash-up of horror, kink, and magic, but one that ultimately fell a little bit flat. If you’ve read the description for this title, then you know what you’re getting into. Sadly, there’s little else beyond the synopsis to capture in terms of depth or plot.
Now, that said, this one is a quick and breezy listen, clocking in just shy of 90 minutes and there are many, many worse things to while away a few car-rides between work and home. Once the story gets all revved up and gunning for the climax, I found myself enjoying the story quite a bit more.
The gist of Failure is stupid teens making one very large bad choice all in the name of good drugs and sex, not quite believing or realizing they’re being lulled into a much darker ritual of ancient magic. By the time they realize how wrong things have gone, it’s six months later and Aaron, the old mage who duped them, is out for blood in order to finish his ritual.
And that’s when all kinds of stuff and things, most of it fleshy and bloody, hit both the proverbial and literal ceiling. Gore hounds should be quite happy with the story’s second-half, where the gruesomeness is the main order of business, alongside some detours flashing back to the sexual shenanigans our three teenage characters engage in under Aaron’s prodding. Things turn awfully vicious pretty quickly, and the proceedings hit a high-note for me when Everson drops the descriptive, vulgar phrase “womb syrup” during a particular mauling.
While Everson’s story, overall, didn’t quite suit my particular tastes, the narration by Joe Hempel was solid and professional, and the audio quality was clear. Hempel was pretty consistent in his mild reading of Everson’s words, but I think I would have liked a little more oomph and emoting, particularly when the story takes a turn toward the nastier side of things. It’s not much of a complaint, but the narration struck me as a little too placid.
All in all, Failure wasn’t exactly my cup of tea, and I would have liked Everson to expand on his characters and give them more depth. I didn’t feel much in the way of sympathy for any of them, with the trio of teens coming across as shallow and a bit single-minded in their highly-questionable motives. The latter half of the book manages to coalesce into some nicely wrought and descriptive horror, though, the finale is sufficiently bloody.
If nothing else, Failure, originally published in print back in 2006, has at least got me curious enough to check out this author’s more recent work to see how he’s refined his style and grown as an author.
Audiobook provided for review by the narrator.
Please find this complete review and many others at my review blog
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- DabOfDarkness
- 12-01-15
Entertaining but needs polishing
Aaron has a plan to attain greatness, but it will cost. He seeks out gullible failures to be part of a ritual that will bring back a now-dead witch, whose power he can then claim for his own. It’s going to be a hot bloody mess.
Aaron, our wannabe wizard, convinces Sal to gather other discontented teens. Sal himself is a sad sort, desperately wanting a girl to notice him. Aaron sweetens the deal by offering up some quality pot to those who come join in the ritual. Sal manages to recruit Raymond, Cindy (who goes by Cind part of the time), and Emily.
Raymond is in love with the idea of suicide but he never manages to follow through. At first I was a little confused as it sounded like he actually completed the act only to blink and find himself still alive. I was unclear throughout the story as to whether or not something supernatural was going on with Raymond.In any case, he keeps testing the boundaries. Cindy is testing a different set of boundaries, trading sex for drugs long before Sal comes to her with his proposition. Emily was a very brief character and I can’t recall what her failure was, if any.
So these teens get together at Aaron’s house and get high and then naked. Then as part of this ritual (which they know almost nothing about), the three of them have sex. There’s blood and other body fluids but they’re pretty high and remember it as some of the best sex ever. So initially, it looks like Cindy didn’t realize this ritual’s purpose was to bring back this dead witch, as she contemplates who knocked her up. But then later on it sounds like she knew from the beginning that Aaron needed her as a vessel to bring about this witch. Anyway, things get really messy when the birth is imminent.
Taken all together, it was an OK story. There’s a constant stream of action, so you’re never bored. However, there are a few points that are confusing, as already discussed. All the characters are one dimensional, but this is a short story, so that is mostly OK. The ladies are all sex objects (except the now-dead witch who never has a single line). There’s plenty of blood to satisfy the gory horror junkie, if that’s your thing. I did like that everyone in the tale lives up to the title of the book – they all fail in some way. In fact, only one gets out alive.
I won a copy of this audiobook from Audio Book Reviewer.
Narration: Joe Hempel did a pretty good job with this book. His characters voices were each distinct and his female voices were believable. I especially liked his voice for Aaron, which had a kind of gravelly old man quality to it.
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- Svea
- 05-28-24
great story
I really liked his take on high school horror. It was entertaining and very gruesome!
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- ❤️Cyndi Marie❤️🎧Audiobook Addicts🎧
- 09-21-15
Dark Short Story with Good Narration
That was a very dark, messed up, crazy book. I've never read anything by this author before so I had no idea what to expect. I guess this book was just a book to me, nothing spectacular but nothing terrible. It felt like the author was trying to write for shock value. And if that was the case he hit it out of the park. I think maybe it was too short, there was no time for details or for you to get invested in the characters at all. I would have enjoyed it more if I understood the characters better and had a little back ground on the wizard. Also, I was expecting graphic sex which I think would have also made this better. All in all it was written well and will probably stick with me for awhile as one of the darkest book I've ever listened to.
The narration was probably the best part of this experience for me. Joe Hempel did a great job and I would definitely listen to another book narrated by him. He has a great voice for narration and did a great job with changing his tone for each character and he didn't try to make his voice real high on the female voices or over dramatize the tense moments which is a big plus for me.
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9 people found this helpful