"I Hate Your Time Machine"
A Fiction-Fueled Guide to Some of the Worst Tropes of Fantasy & Science Fiction
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Get 2 free audiobooks during trial.
Buy for $19.95
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Christopher Harbour
-
By:
-
Jeff Mach
About this listen
Take a space-pirate, inspired by a long-ago Dark Lord. Take a long period of quarantine within the tiny confines of a stolen starship.
Now, take 42 busted, broken, or overbearing tropes of fantasy and science fiction. One by one, the Dark Lord twists each into a strange shape and uses it to tell a new story - many of them disgracefully funny, some rather dark, and none of them suitable for vulnerable minds such as yours. So you should stay away from this book - far, far away - lest the words break the confines of their bibliographic prison and come forth to vent their endless rage and their even more endless snark.
Jeff Mach, author of the best-selling There and Never, Ever Back Again, brings tight, interesting, usually satirical, often quite twisted stories, to light a fire in your belly like whiskey, and light a whiskey on fire, like an idiot who brought the wrong tools to a pub brawl.
©2020 Jeff Mach (P)2021 Jeff Mach, Dark LordListeners also enjoyed...
-
Starter Villain
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Inheriting your uncle's supervillain business is more complicated than you might think. Particularly when you discover who's running the place. Charlie's life is going nowhere fast. A divorced substitute teacher living with his cat in a house his siblings want to sell, all he wants is to open a pub downtown, if only the bank will approve his loan. Then his long-lost uncle Jake dies and leaves his supervillain business (complete with island volcano lair) to Charlie. But becoming a supervillain isn't all giant laser death rays and lava pits.
-
-
Volcanic Lairs, Death Rays & Cats… Oh My! 😼
- By C. White on 09-19-23
By: John Scalzi
-
There and NEVER, EVER Back Again
- By: Jeff Mach
- Narrated by: Jordan Reader
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Set in a fantasy world of unmanageable magics and questionable cosmology, There and NEVER, EVER Back Again: A Dark Lord's Journal is the peculiar, blackly satirical tale of the Dark Lord, who is amassing an army of Things of the Night, and awaiting likely death at the hands of the Elves, the Dwarves, the Armies of Man, and the White Wizard: Embodiment of all that is good and right; just ask him. And: The Chosen One: Victim - sorry, meant to say "Hero" - of a glorious prophecy....
-
-
The story is delightful, narrator needs work
- By Neir on 01-16-20
By: Jeff Mach
-
Paranormal Real Estate
- Dirk Cooper, Book 1
- By: Matthew Howry
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello
- Length: 9 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The problems in Dirk Cooper's life were ghosts, money and the Mob. The solution was real estate. Join notable hobo Dirk Cooper as he lies, cheats and steals his way through life, desperate to recover the things he lost during the housing crash of 2008. When he is approached by a wealthy and powerful man with haunted houses to sell, Dirk thinks his troubles are over. Things are not as they seemed, however, and soon he is caught up in a web of dark magic and danger the likes of which he has never encountered before.
-
-
really refreshing, can't wait for more
- By riley on 05-13-22
By: Matthew Howry
-
BuyMort: Grand Opening: How I Became the Accidental Warlord of Arizona
- Shopocalypse Saga, Book 1
- By: Damien Hanson, Joseph Phelps
- Narrated by: Wayne Mitchell
- Length: 16 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After the arrival of the multiversal monopoly BuyMort, life got brutal. All systems were through BuyMort. All currency was through BuyMort. All sales were through BuyMort. You could resist, you could compete, but it didn’t really matter because in the end you used BuyMort—or you perished. BuyMort be praised. But not everyone’s happy with the new system. Some, even, want to see it destroyed. It’s quick. It’s convenient. And it will help people kill you and your family as readily as it will help them sell you knickknacks for a quick mortie.
-
-
Funny
- By Mandymomof3boyz on 05-20-23
By: Damien Hanson, and others
-
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
- An Unconventional Heroes Publisher's Pack
- By: L. G. Estrella
- Narrated by: Fred Berman
- Length: 13 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.
-
-
Sound Editing Needed
- By Robert on 05-29-20
By: L. G. Estrella
-
Overlord, Vol. 1
- The Undead King
- By: Kugane Maruyama, so-bin
- Narrated by: Chris Guerrero
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For 12 years, the virtual world of Yggdrasil has served as the playground and battlefield for the skeletal lord Momonga and his guild of fellow monsters, Ainz Ooal Gown. But the guild's glory days are over, and the game is shutting down permanently. When Momonga logs in one last time just to be there when the servers go dark, something happens - and suddenly, fantasy is reality. A rogues' gallery of fanatically devoted NPCs is ready to obey his every order, but the world Momonga now inhabits is not the one he remembers.
-
-
Great but some translation errors
- By Erebar on 09-15-21
By: Kugane Maruyama, and others
-
Starter Villain
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Inheriting your uncle's supervillain business is more complicated than you might think. Particularly when you discover who's running the place. Charlie's life is going nowhere fast. A divorced substitute teacher living with his cat in a house his siblings want to sell, all he wants is to open a pub downtown, if only the bank will approve his loan. Then his long-lost uncle Jake dies and leaves his supervillain business (complete with island volcano lair) to Charlie. But becoming a supervillain isn't all giant laser death rays and lava pits.
-
-
Volcanic Lairs, Death Rays & Cats… Oh My! 😼
- By C. White on 09-19-23
By: John Scalzi
-
There and NEVER, EVER Back Again
- By: Jeff Mach
- Narrated by: Jordan Reader
- Length: 7 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Set in a fantasy world of unmanageable magics and questionable cosmology, There and NEVER, EVER Back Again: A Dark Lord's Journal is the peculiar, blackly satirical tale of the Dark Lord, who is amassing an army of Things of the Night, and awaiting likely death at the hands of the Elves, the Dwarves, the Armies of Man, and the White Wizard: Embodiment of all that is good and right; just ask him. And: The Chosen One: Victim - sorry, meant to say "Hero" - of a glorious prophecy....
-
-
The story is delightful, narrator needs work
- By Neir on 01-16-20
By: Jeff Mach
-
Paranormal Real Estate
- Dirk Cooper, Book 1
- By: Matthew Howry
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello
- Length: 9 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The problems in Dirk Cooper's life were ghosts, money and the Mob. The solution was real estate. Join notable hobo Dirk Cooper as he lies, cheats and steals his way through life, desperate to recover the things he lost during the housing crash of 2008. When he is approached by a wealthy and powerful man with haunted houses to sell, Dirk thinks his troubles are over. Things are not as they seemed, however, and soon he is caught up in a web of dark magic and danger the likes of which he has never encountered before.
-
-
really refreshing, can't wait for more
- By riley on 05-13-22
By: Matthew Howry
-
BuyMort: Grand Opening: How I Became the Accidental Warlord of Arizona
- Shopocalypse Saga, Book 1
- By: Damien Hanson, Joseph Phelps
- Narrated by: Wayne Mitchell
- Length: 16 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After the arrival of the multiversal monopoly BuyMort, life got brutal. All systems were through BuyMort. All currency was through BuyMort. All sales were through BuyMort. You could resist, you could compete, but it didn’t really matter because in the end you used BuyMort—or you perished. BuyMort be praised. But not everyone’s happy with the new system. Some, even, want to see it destroyed. It’s quick. It’s convenient. And it will help people kill you and your family as readily as it will help them sell you knickknacks for a quick mortie.
-
-
Funny
- By Mandymomof3boyz on 05-20-23
By: Damien Hanson, and others
-
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
- An Unconventional Heroes Publisher's Pack
- By: L. G. Estrella
- Narrated by: Fred Berman
- Length: 13 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.
-
-
Sound Editing Needed
- By Robert on 05-29-20
By: L. G. Estrella
-
Overlord, Vol. 1
- The Undead King
- By: Kugane Maruyama, so-bin
- Narrated by: Chris Guerrero
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
For 12 years, the virtual world of Yggdrasil has served as the playground and battlefield for the skeletal lord Momonga and his guild of fellow monsters, Ainz Ooal Gown. But the guild's glory days are over, and the game is shutting down permanently. When Momonga logs in one last time just to be there when the servers go dark, something happens - and suddenly, fantasy is reality. A rogues' gallery of fanatically devoted NPCs is ready to obey his every order, but the world Momonga now inhabits is not the one he remembers.
-
-
Great but some translation errors
- By Erebar on 09-15-21
By: Kugane Maruyama, and others
-
Wrath of the Wendigo
- By: Clay Martin
- Narrated by: Terry Schappert
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Thinly veiled fiction, Wrath of the Wendigo is the story of America 2.0, how a crumbling empire gave birth to a new republic. Wendigo General Eric Hansen has undertaken a mission to personally deliver a message to the rulers of the old world. Still powerful, still dangerous, and still locked onto the throat of the fledgling republic.
-
-
Phenomenal Work of Art
- By John W Kulp on 11-03-23
By: Clay Martin
-
Savage Rage of Fallen Gods
- Savage Falls Series, Book 1
- By: JA Huss
- Narrated by: Tad Branson, Molly Glenmore
- Length: 9 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Love. When mutual, it's Heaven on Earth. When one-sided, it can tear you apart. There is no greater weapon than the heartsick soul. That is the power I wield, for I am the God of Love. No one has power like me. No one can poison a heart and pollute a mind the way I can. That is why the gods kicked me out. That is why they made me fall. But then a door appears on the side of my hill. The opportunity to ruin kings and destroy gods is mine once more. I can crush the whole wicked world if I can just get back the power I lost. But this magic of mine requires sacrifice.
-
-
Great Narration
- By Lisa Burdick on 11-20-23
By: JA Huss
-
Physics of the Apocalypse 1
- Physics of the Apocalypse, Book 1
- By: Dimitrios Gkirgkiris
- Narrated by: Eric Jason Martin
- Length: 28 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Leading astrophysicist Liam Jackson is participating in a scientist exchange program in Germany when a curveball of universal proportions is thrown at him. Planes fall from the sky, cars explode, and strange particles rain down from the heavens as monsters appear out of thin air. The laws of physics have changed in the world. The fundamental forces of the universe are behaving differently, and Liam needs to understand them if he wants to survive.
-
-
Meh... falls prey to the foibles of a mediocre intelligence trying to portray a superhuman one.
- By Amazon Customer on 11-25-23
-
Marvel Super Heroes: Secret Wars
- By: Alex Irvine, Marvel
- Narrated by: Richard Rohan, Full Cast
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The fate of the entire Marvel Universe hangs in the balance as Earth's mightiest heroes face their greatest challenge! Summoned across the stars by the mysterious and unbelievably powerful Beyonder, the Avengers, Spider-Man, the Fantastic Four, and the X-Men are set against their deadliest foes on the mysterious planet known as Battleworld - with the winner promised the ultimate prize. But as battle lines are drawn, new alliances are forged, and old enemies clash, one among them is not willing to settle for anything less than godhood.
-
-
An amazing way to enjoy a comic book
- By Michael S. Carranza on 07-01-20
By: Alex Irvine, and others
-
First Dangle and Other Stories
- By: Kevin Hearne
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 4 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Archdruid Owen Kennedy and his sloth, Slomo, are off to see the world when Coriander, Herald Extraordinary of the First among the Fae, interrupts to ask for the tiny favor of solving a supernatural murder. That sets the pair off on a trail that leads from Granada, Spain, to London, England and then to Austin, Texas. Owen and Slomo will have to outwit an Irish goddess of wisdom, some nasty spriggans, and streak across the Kew Gardens to find the culprit. They're going to see the world after all - just not the way they thought.
-
-
Please, please don’t go political!
- By Oberon on 01-17-20
By: Kevin Hearne
-
Enemy of the World
- Main Character Hides His Strength, Book 1
- By: Road Warrior, OppaTranslations - Translator
- Narrated by: Nick Podehl
- Length: 13 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Those in power do not believe in the possibility of triumph against the will of the gods, and instead squander their time and effort in indulging their needs and desires as the world quickly rots away around them. Mankind’s only hope rests on the shoulders of a man they hate the most. A man who has taken every possible measure, both accepted and forbidden, to attain power. Sungchul Kim, the man who reached the pinnacle of strength, now stands alone against the Calamities. Not because he is a hero, but because of a promise.
-
-
It was alright...
- By Christopher on 03-06-21
By: Road Warrior, and others
-
The Enigma Cube
- Alien Artifact, Book 1
- By: Douglas E. Richards
- Narrated by: Dan Bittner
- Length: 13 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Dr. Kelly Connolly is part of a top-secret team studying the most important find in human history - the Enigma Cube, an alien artifact of incomprehensible power. A cube whose technology can catapult civilization to dizzying heights - or destroy it entirely. After years of failed attempts to unlock the cube's secrets, all hell suddenly breaks loose. Kelly and a black-ops commando, Justin Boyd, are soon fighting against all odds to stay alive, and to keep the cube out of enemy hands.
-
-
Stupid
- By Kindle Customer on 05-07-20
-
Dreamstate: A Conspiracy Theory (The Dreamstate Trilogy) (Volume 2)
- By: Jed McKenna
- Narrated by: Eric Vincent
- Length: 8 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
If life is but a dream, to what do we awake? The central premise of this book is the admittedly ridiculous but incontrovertibly true assertion that the universe does not exist. This is something you can understand conceptually, like watching a documentary about Antarctica, or experientially, like moving to Antarctica. There's also a related phenomenon where you fall asleep watching the documentary and wake up in the frozen wasteland.
-
-
Jed does it to me again
- By Harold on 01-26-18
By: Jed McKenna
-
The Prince Has No Pants
- Ben's Damn Adventure, Book 1
- By: Matthew Howry
- Narrated by: Johnathan McClain
- Length: 9 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
All life on Earth has been stolen away by The System. It was transported to another world at the behest of a distant galactic empire that lives in terror of humanity's potential. Ben - just a normal, if not slightly above average guy - had been about to go on the first real vacation of his adult life. But plans changed. Now, he must contend with danger and mystery in a world full of monsters, magic, and treasure. Armed with nothing but his wits and a special item given to him by The System, he embarks on a damn good adventure.
-
-
Ignore any reviews below 3 stars... and probably the 5 star ones too.
- By Christopher on 02-06-21
By: Matthew Howry
-
Galaxy on Fire: Publisher's Pack
- By: Craig Robertson
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello
- Length: 13 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jon Ryan was supposed to be dead. He wanted to be dead. But Jon wakes up in the far future with an alien burrowing in his chest for salvage. Someone was going to pay for this. Check that. Lots of people were going to pay for this. Jon was the first astronaut to download to an android host to find the population of doomed Earth a new home. But that was so long time ago. He is now literally lost in time.
-
-
For kids
- By Carl on 07-08-19
By: Craig Robertson
-
How Not to Kill Yourself
- The Good Life Series
- By: Set Sytes, Faith G. Harper PhD LPC-S ACS - foreword
- Narrated by: Tim Bruce, Erin Bennett - foreword
- Length: 2 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Are you inclined to escape the crumminess of everyday life into fantasy worlds? Are you smart and imaginative in a way that isn't really suited to your surroundings? Are you definitely misunderstood, likely angry, and almost certainly depressed? Set Sytes, hailing from the UK, would prefer you stay alive and sort things out rather than the alternative, thanks. He figures there are better opportunities for you out there and lays it all out in a way that's compelling, funny, sharp, and useful.
-
-
Like a self-care refresher, with humor and example
- By Mikey on 09-07-20
By: Set Sytes, and others
-
The Plainswalker
- Plainswalker Series, Book 1
- By: M.A. Rothman
- Narrated by: Tim Campbell
- Length: 6 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
STAG, the Special Technologies Analysis Group, is a clandestine government operation headquartered 50 feet under Marine Base Quantico, and they're looking for someone with the right stuff. Peabo Smith, an ex-Special Forces soldier, volunteers to participate in a mission that gives him an opportunity to maybe get back into the action. When things don't go quite like Peabo had planned, he realizes that the experiment may end up changing his life forever.
-
-
Very good but too short.
- By Steelgator on 08-12-21
By: M.A. Rothman
Related to this topic
-
CivCEO
- Accidental Champion Series, Book 1
- By: Andrew Karevik
- Narrated by: Neil Hellegers
- Length: 7 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Charles Morris is forced into retirement, the old multinational company CEO has to accept that it is all over. The days of running his financial empire have finally come to an end. All because of a stupid heart attack. While Charles is attending a fundraiser, however, something happens and he's transported into a strange medieval world where magic is real and legendary heroes coexist with mythical monsters. Follow him as he builds roads and shops, hires heroes, develops alliances with neighboring villages...but also fights terrible foes.
-
-
No world building
- By Timothy Dove on 12-19-20
By: Andrew Karevik
-
Scythe
- By: Neal Shusterman
- Narrated by: Greg Tremblay
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A world with no hunger, no disease, no war, no misery: Humanity has conquered all those things and has even conquered death. Now Scythes are the only ones who can end life - and they are commanded to do so in order to keep the size of the population under control. Citra and Rowan are chosen to apprentice to a scythe - a role that neither wants. These teens must master the "art" of taking life, knowing that the consequence of failure could mean losing their own.
-
-
Teenage Thumbs up
- By Lila R on 04-01-17
By: Neal Shusterman
-
A Game of Villains
- World of Karik, Book 1
- By: Anton Emelianov, Sergei Savinov
- Narrated by: Tristan Morris
- Length: 15 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Our hero entered the store that fateful evening and became involved in a life-or-death game arranged by a mysterious creature. He survived, but instead of being on Earth, he now appeared to be in a different world, with other people who had passed a similarly deadly test. Some made it through by using force, some by using their cunning.... Everyone has their own story, but they all have one thing in common - there are no good people among them.
-
-
I have no idea what this is...
- By Erik on 02-28-20
By: Anton Emelianov, and others
-
Mortality Bites: Publisher's Pack
- By: Ramy Vance
- Narrated by: Candace Thaxton
- Length: 12 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Katrina Darling’s only real friend has been murdered. And not just murdered - ritually sacrificed by a serial killer. Kat is sure more death will follow. She should know...she used to be the monster plunging the blade in. Trouble is, after 300 years of being a vampire, Kat has forgotten what it means to be human. One thing she does remember is that friends matter. Now she's determined to find whoever - or whatever - killed her friend before more victims surface. But just as the hunt begins, a mysterious young man discovers exactly what she was.
-
-
Ugh
- By MsNing on 05-12-22
By: Ramy Vance
-
The Godking's Legacy
- By: Virlyce
- Narrated by: Mare Trevathan
- Length: 16 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A legendary sword is left behind by his master, the Godking. Trapped for millennia, the sword's spirit awaits the day he'll be set free. Will his new master be worthy of inheriting the Godking's legacy?
-
-
Most Implausible Idiocy You'll Ever Love
- By Dustin on 06-15-18
By: Virlyce
-
Gateway
- By: Frederik Pohl
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman, Robert J. Sawyer
- Length: 8 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When prospector Bob Broadhead went out to Gateway on the Heechee spacecraft, he decided he would know which was the right mission to make him his fortune. Three missions later, now famous and permanently rich, Robinette Broadhead has to face what happened to him and what he is...in a journey into himself as perilous and even more horrifying than the nightmare trip through the interstellar void that he drove himself to take!
-
-
A human-focused SF classic
- By Ryan on 12-05-13
By: Frederik Pohl
-
CivCEO
- Accidental Champion Series, Book 1
- By: Andrew Karevik
- Narrated by: Neil Hellegers
- Length: 7 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Charles Morris is forced into retirement, the old multinational company CEO has to accept that it is all over. The days of running his financial empire have finally come to an end. All because of a stupid heart attack. While Charles is attending a fundraiser, however, something happens and he's transported into a strange medieval world where magic is real and legendary heroes coexist with mythical monsters. Follow him as he builds roads and shops, hires heroes, develops alliances with neighboring villages...but also fights terrible foes.
-
-
No world building
- By Timothy Dove on 12-19-20
By: Andrew Karevik
-
Scythe
- By: Neal Shusterman
- Narrated by: Greg Tremblay
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A world with no hunger, no disease, no war, no misery: Humanity has conquered all those things and has even conquered death. Now Scythes are the only ones who can end life - and they are commanded to do so in order to keep the size of the population under control. Citra and Rowan are chosen to apprentice to a scythe - a role that neither wants. These teens must master the "art" of taking life, knowing that the consequence of failure could mean losing their own.
-
-
Teenage Thumbs up
- By Lila R on 04-01-17
By: Neal Shusterman
-
A Game of Villains
- World of Karik, Book 1
- By: Anton Emelianov, Sergei Savinov
- Narrated by: Tristan Morris
- Length: 15 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Our hero entered the store that fateful evening and became involved in a life-or-death game arranged by a mysterious creature. He survived, but instead of being on Earth, he now appeared to be in a different world, with other people who had passed a similarly deadly test. Some made it through by using force, some by using their cunning.... Everyone has their own story, but they all have one thing in common - there are no good people among them.
-
-
I have no idea what this is...
- By Erik on 02-28-20
By: Anton Emelianov, and others
-
Mortality Bites: Publisher's Pack
- By: Ramy Vance
- Narrated by: Candace Thaxton
- Length: 12 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Katrina Darling’s only real friend has been murdered. And not just murdered - ritually sacrificed by a serial killer. Kat is sure more death will follow. She should know...she used to be the monster plunging the blade in. Trouble is, after 300 years of being a vampire, Kat has forgotten what it means to be human. One thing she does remember is that friends matter. Now she's determined to find whoever - or whatever - killed her friend before more victims surface. But just as the hunt begins, a mysterious young man discovers exactly what she was.
-
-
Ugh
- By MsNing on 05-12-22
By: Ramy Vance
-
The Godking's Legacy
- By: Virlyce
- Narrated by: Mare Trevathan
- Length: 16 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A legendary sword is left behind by his master, the Godking. Trapped for millennia, the sword's spirit awaits the day he'll be set free. Will his new master be worthy of inheriting the Godking's legacy?
-
-
Most Implausible Idiocy You'll Ever Love
- By Dustin on 06-15-18
By: Virlyce
-
Gateway
- By: Frederik Pohl
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman, Robert J. Sawyer
- Length: 8 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When prospector Bob Broadhead went out to Gateway on the Heechee spacecraft, he decided he would know which was the right mission to make him his fortune. Three missions later, now famous and permanently rich, Robinette Broadhead has to face what happened to him and what he is...in a journey into himself as perilous and even more horrifying than the nightmare trip through the interstellar void that he drove himself to take!
-
-
A human-focused SF classic
- By Ryan on 12-05-13
By: Frederik Pohl
-
Stonefather
- By: Orson Scott Card
- Narrated by: Emily Janice Card
- Length: 3 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
When Runnel leaves his mountain valley to head for the great city of the water mages, he has no idea of his own magical talents. But he soon finds that without meaning to, he complicates and then endangers the lives of everyone he comes to know and care about. For when it comes to magic, there are rules and laws, and the untrained mage-to-be must be careful not to tap into deep forces and ancient enmities. Otherwise, other people might end up paying the price for his mistakes.
-
-
Familiar and unique--a breath of fresh air
- By Scott on 03-10-09
By: Orson Scott Card
-
Morningwood: Everybody Loves Large Chests (Vol.1)
- By: Neven Iliev
- Narrated by: Jeff Hays
- Length: 8 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Large chests are said to encompass all manner of hopes and dreams. Men covet them. Women envy them. But one fact holds true - everyone wants to get their hands on some big ones. The same holds true for one intrepid adventurer - a strapping young lad by the name of Himmel. Armed with his grandfather's trusty longsword and the dream of being the strongest, he sets out on the journey of a lifetime!
-
-
Really Entertaining
- By HeatherY on 11-23-17
By: Neven Iliev
-
Player Reached the Top
- Player Reached the Top Series, Book 1
- By: Rick Scar, Anastasia Koptelova - translator
- Narrated by: James Fouhey
- Length: 11 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
2044. The world of games changed long ago. "Ascension" has become one of the most popular VRMMO games. It is a huge world divided into a hundred Floors, with each Floor a boundless location with its own countries, tribes, and millions of players. The object of the game is to unlock all the gates and conquer the top. Having joined the game, Will Thomson doesn't realize that he is all by himself. Then he accepts the first quest...Cursed Rat: level 46....
-
-
Holy Crap!!!
- By Robert Woods Jr. on 03-27-21
By: Rick Scar, and others
-
Ishmael
- An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit
- By: Daniel Quinn
- Narrated by: Anthony Heald
- Length: 2 hrs and 54 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
One of the most beloved and best-selling novels of spiritual adventure ever published, Ishmael has earned a passionate following. This special 25th anniversary edition features a new foreword and afterword by the author.
-
-
Unabridged PLEASE!
- By Eric on 01-12-08
By: Daniel Quinn
-
The Uncommon Rider
- By: Sarah Noffke, Michael Anderle
- Narrated by: Dara Rosenberg
- Length: 13 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The first dragonrider in over a hundred years has been born...and it’s a girl. Never before has a female been chosen to ride a dragon. The Elite, a guild comprised exclusively of dragonriders, is dead according to most. No one has seen a rider in decades. The problems they used to fight overwhelm the world. Dragons are thought to be near extinction. However, the Elite aren’t dead...It’s just that a bunch of crusty old men who do nothing that benefits the world at large are easy to mistake as useless corpses. Sophia Beaufont is about to change all of that.
-
-
Not Much of a Story
- By Small Mountain on 10-01-20
By: Sarah Noffke, and others
-
Keeping It Real
- Quantum Gravity, Book 1
- By: Justina Robson
- Narrated by: Khristine Hvam
- Length: 12 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In 2015 the Quantum Bomb exploded. An accident at an atom-smasher has fractured reality and opened Earth - now called Otopia - to waves of immigration from other dimensions, home to demons, fairies, elves and elementals. It is now 2021 and Lila Black, a special operative condemned to live as a cyborg after losing her limbs on a dangerous mission, has been assigned as bodyguard to Zal, a charismatic elven rock star.
-
-
I made to the end....barely
- By pakkmom on 04-14-09
By: Justina Robson
-
Lilith: A Snake in the Grass
- The Four Lords of the Diamond, Book 1
- By: Jack L. Chalker
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 10 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Aliens are spying on Earth from one of the four worlds that make up the Warden Diamond. But it is impossible to send agents to any of the four worlds because of unique microscopic symbionts that make it impossible for visitors to leave the Diamond. Seeking a unique solution, each of the four worlds making up the Diamond is sent a person whose mind has been stripped of everything and who is now controlled by an agent of the Confederacy. Lilith is the first planet to be visited.
-
-
A great series if read in its entirety
- By Onix Harbinger on 08-21-18
By: Jack L. Chalker
-
Demon's Throne
- Demon's Throne, Book 1
- By: K.D. Robertson
- Narrated by: Stephanie Savannah
- Length: 15 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Rys awakes to the smell of blood and nearly two thousand years of dust. Maybe he overslept a little too long. Once, he was a great champion and general in the demonic empire that ruled the world. Now, he’s been erased from history. He’ll need to remind the world of the price of forgetfulness. Now is the time to build his own empire, as the ancient powers of his time are long gone. Rys has an archipelago to conquer, women interested in extending their bloodline with him, and a mysterious labyrinth that holds the secret to why he was sealed away to begin with.
-
-
Solid Start of a Fantasy for the Older.
- By AmalgaMat1on on 11-23-22
By: K.D. Robertson
-
The Anime Trope System: Stone vs. Viper, Book 1
- A LitRPG (ATS)
- By: Alvin Atwater
- Narrated by: David Reimer
- Length: 6 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
At the mercy of an unknown entity, Clyde gets tossed into the anime world. Yes, it exists, we just don't know it. There, he's declared the Stone, the anime main character. One day, he must kill the Viper, or else it's good-bye, Earth. This is the comedic tale of a young man vs. cliche anime tropes.
-
-
Potential squandered. Good concept, bad writing.
- By David on 01-26-20
By: Alvin Atwater
-
The Enigma Cube
- Alien Artifact, Book 1
- By: Douglas E. Richards
- Narrated by: Dan Bittner
- Length: 13 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Dr. Kelly Connolly is part of a top-secret team studying the most important find in human history - the Enigma Cube, an alien artifact of incomprehensible power. A cube whose technology can catapult civilization to dizzying heights - or destroy it entirely. After years of failed attempts to unlock the cube's secrets, all hell suddenly breaks loose. Kelly and a black-ops commando, Justin Boyd, are soon fighting against all odds to stay alive, and to keep the cube out of enemy hands.
-
-
Stupid
- By Kindle Customer on 05-07-20
-
The Age of Ra
- Pantheon, Book 1
- By: James Lovegrove
- Narrated by: Andy Cresswell
- Length: 10 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Ancient Egyptian gods have defeated all the other pantheons and claimed dominion over the earth, dividing it into warring factions. Lt. David Westwynter, a British soldier, stumbles into Freegypt, the only place to have remained independent of the gods’ influence. There, he encounters the followers of a humanist leader known as the Lightbringer, who has vowed to rid mankind of the shackles of divine oppression. As the world heads towards an apocalyptic battle, there is far more to this freedom fighter than it seems.
-
-
Fun but trite
- By Patrick Quinn on 02-10-21
By: James Lovegrove
-
Star Trek: Discovery: Desperate Hours
- By: David Mack
- Narrated by: Susan Eisenberg
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Aboard the Starship Shenzhou, Lieutenant Michael Burnham, a human woman raised and educated among Vulcans, is promoted to acting first officer. But if she wants to keep the job, she must prove to Captain Philippa Georgiou that she deserves to have it.
-
-
Could Have Been Great
- By Rick on 11-13-17
By: David Mack
What listeners say about "I Hate Your Time Machine"
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Customer
- 11-29-21
Unique
A bunch of short stories, some connected, some not - that makes one think. I highly recommend this for someone who is tired of the same types of stories where one knows how it's going to end.
I was given this audiobook by the narrator for free and have voluntarily left this review.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Shanna Tidwell
- 05-19-23
Unique and different
Great narration by Christopher Harbour .
Many stories intertwine and come together in a unique and entertaining way.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Aurora Dawn
- 01-21-22
An Irreverent Look at Fantastic Realms & Rules
Dragons and Dark Lords, Gods and Mythical Beings, Mages and Monsters - there's not much that doesn't catch Jeff Mach's attention or invoke his commentary in this irreverent, sardonic and often laugh out loud funny look at the world and denizens of the worlds of Science Fiction and Fantasy. As a long time fan, I loved this book. There were times when I could hear Mach giggling (maniacally) as he tapped away at his keyboard, creating short vignettes to illustrate the points in his discussions of the character and plot types so common in modern SF&F.
Kudos to narrator Christopher Harbour who managed to capture that light-hearted, playful tone while maintaining a serious and professional narration style. I'm sure there must have been a few retakes when a snort or a chuckle snuck out unbidden, but the narration perfectly matched the subject matter and made a well written and thoroughly enjoyable book an even better audio experience.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Kindle Customer
- 12-07-21
A whimsical mix of fantasy an science fiction
I enjoyed most of the stories, especially the development of the chosen one. It was however, the lists between the stories that made me chuckle the most. If you like Monty Python, you should give this a go too.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!