
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
An Unconventional Heroes Publisher's Pack
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Narrated by:
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Fred Berman
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By:
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L. G. Estrella
About this listen
Contains Books 1 and 2 of the Unconventional Heroes series.
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf, book 1:
Two necromancers, a bureaucrat, and an elf - it sounds like the start of a bad joke, only the joke is on Timmy.
Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.
But that's easier said than done. He's a wanted criminal with no shortage of powerful (and crazy) enemies, and he has a bone or two to pick with the Everton Council of Mages.
It's a good thing that he's got some help: an obnoxious 10-year-old apprentice who thinks that pink glasses are appropriate for a budding necromancer and a bumbling bureaucrat who may or may not make it through their first real fight without puking his guts up. Wonderful.
Two Necromancers, an Army of Golems, and a Demon Lord, book 2:
Two necromancers, an army of golems, and a demon lord - it sounds like a recipe for trouble, and for Timmy, it definitely is.
To earn his pardon and avoid horrible torture and/or gruesome execution, Timmy has to complete every mission the Council throws his way, most of which seem to involve extremely scary things trying to kill him. At least he’s got help - sort of. His help consists of an apprentice with designs on his castle (and her plans may or may not involve overthrowing him), a bureaucrat whose two greatest skills are fainting in the face of trouble and using people (usually Timmy) as human shields, and an elf with the world's worst case of pyromania and enough magic to level a mountain.
Somehow, Timmy's got to get this bunch of unconventional heroes to work together. Trouble is coming, and it's trouble of the kind that only a necromancer like Timmy could possibly find himself in the middle of.
©2014 L. G. Estrella (P)2020 Podium AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Performance
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For years, Thom Darkfell has used his cartography skills to advise Lomair's king of the country's shifting borders. A valued academic, Thom is excluded from the military drafts until whispers of dark abominations and mass casualties reach the king's ears. The resulting conscription thrusts Thom into Lomair's losing army. A realist, Thom ignores the wild myths circling through the ranks-until a monster's jaws snap through the folds of reality and crush a man before Thom's eyes. With his dying breath, the Realm Walker passes an impossible task to Thom.
By: Amanda Wright
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Shadowcroft Academy for Dungeons
- Year One
- By: James Hunter, Aaron Michael Ritchey
- Narrated by: Henry Kramer
- Length: 13 hrs
- Unabridged
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Wounded Army vet Logan Murray thought mimics were the stuff of board games and dungeon manuals...right up until one ate him. In a flash of snapping teeth, Logan suddenly finds himself on the doorstep to another world. He’s been unwittingly recruited into the Shadowcroft Academy for Dungeons - the most prestigious interdimensional school dedicated to training the monstrous guardians who protect the Tree of Souls from so-called heroes. Heroes who would destroy the universe if it meant a shot at advancement.
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I wish it were enjoyable
- By Brandon on 06-28-21
By: James Hunter, and others
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Paranormal Real Estate
- Dirk Cooper, Book 1
- By: Matthew Howry
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello
- Length: 9 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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The problems in Dirk Cooper's life were ghosts, money and the Mob. The solution was real estate. Join notable hobo Dirk Cooper as he lies, cheats and steals his way through life, desperate to recover the things he lost during the housing crash of 2008. When he is approached by a wealthy and powerful man with haunted houses to sell, Dirk thinks his troubles are over. Things are not as they seemed, however, and soon he is caught up in a web of dark magic and danger the likes of which he has never encountered before.
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really refreshing, can't wait for more
- By riley on 05-13-22
By: Matthew Howry
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The Sidekicks Initiative: A Comedy Superhero Adventure
- By: Barry J. Hutchison
- Narrated by: Phil Thron
- Length: 11 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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When sworn protectors of Earth, the Justice Platoon, are all horribly killed, their former arch-enemies come crawling out of the woodwork. Outnumbered, outgunned, and out of options, the US government has no choice but to activate the Sidekicks Initiative, dragging the Platoon's middle-aged ex-sidekicks out of retirement. Now these three reluctant, out of shape former child-wonders must work together to stop the rising tide of supervillainy, avenge their former mentors' deaths, and bring the world back from the brink of destruction.
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All hail THE Butterfly King! Ummm... I mean Randy😜
- By C. White on 02-20-19
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Minimum Wage Magic
- By: Rachel Aaron
- Narrated by: Emily Woo Zeller
- Length: 9 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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The DFZ, the metropolis formerly known as Detroit, is the world’s most magical city with a population of nine million and zero public safety laws. That’s a lot of mages, cybernetically enhanced chrome heads, and mythical beasties who die, get into debt, and otherwise fail to pay their rent. When they can’t pay their bills, their stuff gets sold to the highest bidder. That’s when they call me. I’m a Cleaner: a freelance mage employed by the DFZ to sort through the mountains of magical junk people leave behind. It’s not a pretty job, or a safe one....
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One Of My Favorite Authors
- By Connor on 02-14-19
By: Rachel Aaron
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Accidental War Mage: A Steampunk Military Fantasy
- Accidental War Mage, Book 1
- By: Tomas J. McIntee
- Narrated by: Jay Aaseng
- Length: 13 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Hailing from a rural village, Mikolai was an army mechanic with modest ambitions: keep his head down and stay out of trouble. But then he had the misfortune of finding himself in the wrong place at the wrong time . . .Mistaken for a steam knight, Mikolai is drafted into a task force with an intimidating casualty rate led by the notorious war mage known as the Butcher of Belz. Suddenly the unwitting commander of a small squad, the former civilian is tasked with leading his troops into battle to stamp out the resistance in the name of imperial rule.
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great start to a series
- By PluTonyum on 05-09-25
By: Tomas J. McIntee
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A Decade of Death and Decisions
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Matt Godfrey
- Length: 17 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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In October of 2013, Drew Hayes began posting a story to his website. Written over the thirteen days leading up to Halloween, when each chapter ended the next step was chosen by the readers. Sometimes this led to great discoveries and triumphs, other paths led to Dead Ends, though even in those there was much to be gleaned. For ten years, this tradition occurred, until in the year of 2022, the readers chose a finale. This is their story: a tale of deaths and decisions that spanned a decade.
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Did not disappoint
- By Liz on 10-27-24
By: Drew Hayes
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Natural Magic
- The Last Magus, Book 1
- By: DB King
- Narrated by: Alex Knox
- Length: 7 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Alec began his 18th birthday with the temple monks. By day's end, he discovers he possesses magical abilities. Except his magic is unique. He doesn't require grimoires and incantations to cast spells. Alec's magic is entirely natural. He can, somehow, absorb the elements from objects and manipulate them according to his will. This power is incredible, but difficult to master. If he's going to learn how to use his natural magic, it'll take the tutelage of Archmage Diamondspear, one of the most adept magic users in the kingdom.
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Kinda Cringey
- By Billy on 03-14-22
By: DB King
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The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant (Dramatized Adaptation)
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: full cast, Christopher Walker, Nora Achrati, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
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Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night, Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world.
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No Kirby means No Fred
- By Rubin S. Bashir on 01-04-21
By: Drew Hayes
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The Coming of God of Death, Book 1
- By: Dmitry Dornichev, Anna Allen - translator
- Narrated by: Christian Leatherman
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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I led a quiet life, peacefully ruling the underworld until that mother of *** showed up with her people and angels. They destroyed everything I'd built with so much effort and nearly killed me. But I managed to return! Wait . . . My only disciple and candidate for a new body is a sick kid who's about to die? Are you serious?!
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the weird sexual nonsense
- By Hunter on 04-08-25
By: Dmitry Dornichev, and others
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NPCs
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Roger Wayne
- Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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What happens when the haggling is done and the shops are closed? When the quest has been given, the steeds saddled, and the adventurers are off to their next encounter? They keep the world running, the food cooked, and the horses shoed, yet what adventurer has ever spared a thought or concern for the Non-Player Characters? In the town of Maplebark, four such NPCs settle in for a night of actively ignoring the adventurers drinking in the tavern when things go quickly and fatally awry.
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Enjoyable if you manage your expectations
- By Miachi on 01-23-15
By: Drew Hayes
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Will Save the Galaxy for Food
- By: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Narrated by: Yahtzee Croshaw
- Length: 10 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Space travel just isn't what it used to be. With the invention of quantum teleportation, space heroes aren't needed anymore. When one particularly unlucky ex-adventurer masquerades as famous pilot and hate figure Jacques McKeown, he's sucked into an ever-deepening corporate and political intrigue. Between space pirates, adorable deadly creatures, and a missing fortune in royalties, saving the universe was never this difficult!
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Great
- By K. F. on 03-09-17
By: Yahtzee Croshaw
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The Authorities
- By: Scott Meyer
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 9 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Sinclair Rutherford is a young Seattle cop with a taste for the finer things. Doing menial tasks and getting hassled by superiors he doesn't respect are definitely not "finer things". Good police work and bad luck lead him to crack a case that changes quickly from a career-making break into a high-profile humiliation when footage of his pursuit of the suspect - wildly inappropriate murder weapon in hand - becomes an Internet sensation.
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If you liked Magic 2.0, get this book
- By Elizabeth J Grogan on 02-10-16
By: Scott Meyer
A large part of what makes the story entertaining is the parental/humorous tone, off beat world, and interesting characterization. It has a slice of life feel which I found to be a good change of pace from similar stories. Also there is a decent amount of meat on the bone as book 3 is ~15 hours and is quality as well.
The main gripes I had with the book are that the dialogue and character behavior can be repetitive. For instance, there seems to be a reference to how awful Timmy's old master was about every hour. Also the voice of Katie by Fred Berman I found grating. Despite these criticisms, I highly recommend this book. A publisher's pack done right!
Excellent Compilation: Publisher's Pack Done Right
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Love these 2 Necromancers
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Silly, popcorn comedy fantasy
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Entertaining
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extreme enjoyable
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Quirky story
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book amazing!
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Very enjoyable listen
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it's not gonna change your view of the world or make you think, but this book will be a better way to spend your time than most shows on TV these days.
Fred Berman has a wide variety of voices and keep them both consist and destinct. he was a joy to listen to
a great comedy with better characters
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The funny side of necromancy.
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