
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
An Unconventional Heroes Publisher's Pack
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Narrated by:
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Fred Berman
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By:
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L. G. Estrella
About this listen
Contains Books 1 and 2 of the Unconventional Heroes series.
Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf, book 1:
Two necromancers, a bureaucrat, and an elf - it sounds like the start of a bad joke, only the joke is on Timmy.
Timothy Walter Bolton - better known as Timmy - has spent most of his life as a necromancer. When he isn't terrorising his enemies, he's plotting inside his castle, which is built on top of lightless chasms filled with nameless horrors and beings of a generally malevolent and megalomaniacal nature. But after one of his latest creations, a zombie hydra-dragon-bear, tries to eat him, he decides that maybe it's time to find a new, less dangerous, career.
But that's easier said than done. He's a wanted criminal with no shortage of powerful (and crazy) enemies, and he has a bone or two to pick with the Everton Council of Mages.
It's a good thing that he's got some help: an obnoxious 10-year-old apprentice who thinks that pink glasses are appropriate for a budding necromancer and a bumbling bureaucrat who may or may not make it through their first real fight without puking his guts up. Wonderful.
Two Necromancers, an Army of Golems, and a Demon Lord, book 2:
Two necromancers, an army of golems, and a demon lord - it sounds like a recipe for trouble, and for Timmy, it definitely is.
To earn his pardon and avoid horrible torture and/or gruesome execution, Timmy has to complete every mission the Council throws his way, most of which seem to involve extremely scary things trying to kill him. At least he’s got help - sort of. His help consists of an apprentice with designs on his castle (and her plans may or may not involve overthrowing him), a bureaucrat whose two greatest skills are fainting in the face of trouble and using people (usually Timmy) as human shields, and an elf with the world's worst case of pyromania and enough magic to level a mountain.
Somehow, Timmy's got to get this bunch of unconventional heroes to work together. Trouble is coming, and it's trouble of the kind that only a necromancer like Timmy could possibly find himself in the middle of.
©2014 L. G. Estrella (P)2020 Podium AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
In October of 2013, Drew Hayes began posting a story to his website. Written over the thirteen days leading up to Halloween, when each chapter ended the next step was chosen by the readers. Sometimes this led to great discoveries and triumphs, other paths led to Dead Ends, though even in those there was much to be gleaned. For ten years, this tradition occurred, until in the year of 2022, the readers chose a finale. This is their story: a tale of deaths and decisions that spanned a decade.
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Did not disappoint
- By Liz on 10-27-24
By: Drew Hayes
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Forging Hephaestus
- Villains' Code Series, Book 1
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: Amy Landon
- Length: 26 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Gifted with meta-human powers, Tori Rivas kept away from the limelight, preferring to work as a thief in the shadows. But when she's captured trying to rob a vault that belongs to a secret guild of villains, she's offered a hard choice: prove she has what it takes to join them or be eliminated. Apprenticed to one of the world's most powerful (and supposedly dead) villains, she is thrust into a strange world where the lines that divide superheroes and criminals are more complex than they seem.
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A Nice Surprise with some Really Fun Characters
- By Small Mountain on 09-29-17
By: Drew Hayes
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Clovenhoof
- By: Heide Goody, Iain Grant
- Narrated by: Matthew Lloyd Davies
- Length: 12 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Charged with gross incompetence, Satan is fired from his job as prince of Hell and exiled to that most terrible of places: English suburbia. Forced to live as a human under the name of Jeremy Clovenhoof, the dark lord not only has to contend with the fact that no one recognizes him or gives him the credit he deserves but also has to put up with the bookish war-gamer next door and the voracious man-eater upstairs.
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This Series Is Phenomenal
- By Marcus on 10-27-19
By: Heide Goody, and others
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Witches Be Crazy
- By: Logan J. Hunder
- Narrated by: James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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The beloved King Ik is dead, and there was barely time to check his pulse before the royal throne was supporting the suspiciously shapely backside of an impostor pretending to be Ik's beautiful, long-lost daughter. With the land's heroic hunks busy drooling all over themselves, there's only one man left who can save the kingdom of Jenair. His name is Dungar Loloth, a rural blacksmith turned innkeeper, a surly hermit, and an all-around nobody oozing toward middle age, compensating for a lack of height, looks, charm, and tact with guts and an attitude.
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perfect nonsense
- By Jen on 09-04-20
By: Logan J. Hunder
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The Squire
- Blood of Kings, Book 1
- By: Duncan M. Hamilton
- Narrated by: John Lee
- Length: 13 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Conrad lives a quiet rural life with his parents in the Northlands. During one fated night, his world is turned on its head, as nightmares become reality. While his Northlands blood cries out for revenge, Conrad’s head tells him surviving is the best he can do. Rescued by a motley band of mercenaries, Conrad embarks on a life he could barely have imagined. As new challenges, friends, and enemies present themselves, Conrad knows that one day he will have to face the evil that so altered his life, and when that day comes, he must be ready.
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Similar Feel to Wolf of North + Society of Sword
- By Samuel Hudnet on 05-01-21
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The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant (Dramatized Adaptation)
- By: Drew Hayes
- Narrated by: full cast, Christopher Walker, Nora Achrati, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
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Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort. One fateful night, Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world.
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No Kirby means No Fred
- By Rubin S. Bashir on 01-04-21
By: Drew Hayes
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Dungeons Just Wanna Have Fun: An Isekai LitRPG
- Dungeons Just Wanna Have Fun, Book 1
- By: Christopher Hall, Maxlex
- Narrated by: Rachel Leblang
- Length: 14 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Being a small dungeon on the outskirts of town in the backwaters of an unimportant kingdom isn't easy, but Kelsey's done her best to level up and become the best dungeon she can be: Digging a hole of ever-increasing depth and complexity. Creating an undead atmosphere that would make a necromancer proud. Spawning monsters and treasure. Killing adventurers. But lately, things have gotten a bit stale.
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Ok with some flaws
- By Roy on 04-24-24
By: Christopher Hall, and others
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The Dungeon That Walks Like a Man
- A LitRPG Yagacore Adventure (Mimic Dungeon, Book 1)
- By: Alex Raizman
- Narrated by: Sierra Kline
- Length: 15 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Zaria was just a normal woman, living a simple life—until demons burst through her door and ate her heart. Reborn from tragedy, Zaria rises from the ashes as a Core, but with a twist. A rare mutation has turned her into a Mutant Core, destined to explode unless she forms a bond with a human witch to become a Striga. Her mutation? Legs. With the power of a full dungeon compressed into a walking house that is her body, Zaria sets out on a journey to find her Striga and avoid detonation. Along the way, she battles demons, builds her dungeon, and feeds her mimic mobs.
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I just wanted to read a dungeon core book.
- By Guy on 12-14-23
By: Alex Raizman
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The Song of the First Blade
- The Bladeborn Saga, Book 1
- By: T.C. Edge
- Narrated by: Steven Brand
- Length: 28 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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In the heart of Vandar, as dark forces close in, Elyon, a gifted Bladeborn knight, fights for his family's survival in a world on the brink of war. In the beleaguered northlands of Tukor, a servant girl with a mysterious past is forced on the run by a treacherous lord, propelling her on a journey that will change her world forever. From the Shadowfort, an ancient power is unleashed, one that will set into motion a series of events that will bring the world to its knees.
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Wow, this was a chore.
- By Captain Spanky Of Nazareth on 11-30-21
By: T.C. Edge
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The (Sort of) Dark Mage
- Waldo Rabbit Series, Book 1
- By: Nelson Chereta
- Narrated by: Gary Furlong
- Length: 10 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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The (Sort of) Dark Mage is the story of a young man named Waldo who grows up in a world where monsters, the undead, and dark magic are part of everyday life. He is forced to go on a journey to prove himself and soon discovers that his beliefs don't fit into the wider world.
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Engaging, but has no ending.
- By Ryan on 07-30-17
By: Nelson Chereta
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Paranormal Real Estate
- Dirk Cooper, Book 1
- By: Matthew Howry
- Narrated by: Scott Aiello
- Length: 9 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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The problems in Dirk Cooper's life were ghosts, money and the Mob. The solution was real estate. Join notable hobo Dirk Cooper as he lies, cheats and steals his way through life, desperate to recover the things he lost during the housing crash of 2008. When he is approached by a wealthy and powerful man with haunted houses to sell, Dirk thinks his troubles are over. Things are not as they seemed, however, and soon he is caught up in a web of dark magic and danger the likes of which he has never encountered before.
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really refreshing, can't wait for more
- By riley on 05-13-22
By: Matthew Howry
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Wizard for Hire
- By: Obert Skye
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Fourteen-year-old Ozzy lives near Portland, Oregon, and is desperate for help. His scientist parents have been kidnapped after discovering a formula that enables mind control. Their work was so top secret that Ozzy is afraid to go to the police, but without help, he fears he'll never find his parents. Then he stumbles across a classified ad in the local newspaper that says "Wizard for Hire. Call 555-SPEL." Ozzy has read about wizards in books like Harry Potter, but wizards couldn't exist today, could they? After Ozzy meets the wizard Labyrinth - a.k.a. Rin - he's even more skeptical.
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Good Story
- By LizzyD629 on 09-12-20
By: Obert Skye
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The Mayor of Noobtown
- Noobtown, Book 1
- By: Ryan Rimmel
- Narrated by: Johnathan McClain
- Length: 9 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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After dying and being reborn into a world that's built like a video game, Jim has found himself stuck in a very old-world style new-player zone for low-level adventurers. Unfortunately, the zone fell out of use centuries ago, and no one told the monsters they were supposed to take it easy on the Noobs. Even worse, the only new player around is Jim. Jim has been given an opportunity, and he'll do his best to take advantage of it.
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Like the land but actually finishes story lines.
- By Kaz on 09-03-19
By: Ryan Rimmel
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All the Dust That Falls
- An Isekai LitRPG Adventure
- By: zaifyr
- Narrated by: Phil Thron
- Length: 20 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Spot was summoned from his comfortable charging pad and familiar floors to a world of magic and intrigue. But after the flight of his new patrons, he is left alone to care for a filthy castle. During his quest to keep this new home clean, Spot will face demons, foreign armies, and his arch nemesis, the dreaded stairs. All those who stand before him will be swept away. Those who follow his spotless trail will find enlightenment, purity, and a world on its knees.
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A rare 5 star from me. looking forward to the next
- By Nathan Allen on 12-27-23
By: zaifyr
What listeners say about Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Army of Golems
Highly rated for:
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- Andrew
- 07-12-20
Excellent Compilation: Publisher's Pack Done Right
Normally I don't tend to like publisher's pack audiobooks because they are indicative of a story that couldn't stand by itself, a disorganized collection of stories or short stories I might find unsatisfying. That is why I was so pleasantly surprised when I listened to this publisher's pack. It artfully takes two short stories and two books and combines them into a relatively streamlined product. The combination is perfect because otherwise I would have never encountered a quality story.
A large part of what makes the story entertaining is the parental/humorous tone, off beat world, and interesting characterization. It has a slice of life feel which I found to be a good change of pace from similar stories. Also there is a decent amount of meat on the bone as book 3 is ~15 hours and is quality as well.
The main gripes I had with the book are that the dialogue and character behavior can be repetitive. For instance, there seems to be a reference to how awful Timmy's old master was about every hour. Also the voice of Katie by Fred Berman I found grating. Despite these criticisms, I highly recommend this book. A publisher's pack done right!
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20 people found this helpful
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- VJG
- 06-14-20
Love these 2 Necromancers
This is a fun listen. The quotidian comes to a fantasy world led by Timmy and his apprentice, Katie. Because Necromancers also have to deal with the town council and open bank accounts. Fred Berman's becoming one of my favorite narrators - brings out the humor and the drama perfectly and his Katie is particularly good. I didn't experience any issue with repetition mentioned in a review here - download of the audio was fine.
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16 people found this helpful
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- Ben Smith
- 02-08-21
Silly, popcorn comedy fantasy
Creative, humorous, and fun. It wants to be a fun little comedy that you don't have to take too seriously, and does that very well.
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2 people found this helpful
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- David Young
- 10-05-20
Entertaining
This was a very entertaining book. The narrator does an amazing job at conveying each character definitely give it a read/listen
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2 people found this helpful
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- Kindle Customer
- 06-15-20
extreme enjoyable
i have enjoyed listening to this book a really like the adventures that do not take themselves to seriously
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- Kindle Customer
- 08-28-21
Quirky story
The story is quirky. It is full of dark humor. It also was a lot of fun. The narrator was really good. I usually don’t read or listen to fantasy, and I’m not sure why I picked this one, but I’ll look for more by this author.
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- Litisha
- 11-24-21
book amazing!
listen to this awesome man voicing lots of characters! story is fun and engaging. still whimsical for younger peoples and those of the older generation.
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- Alex
- 01-15-21
Very enjoyable listen
This was a really fun listen and one of those books where I personally just went by the weird title and ended up getting exactly what I wanted. It has a nice story that’s easy to digest. The plot and some of the things going on may fall in to their typical tropes some times and can be a little predictable “x story probably isn’t true” “there is no way that it is true” a few paragraphs later: “omg all of that was true.” Like the title though it doesn’t take itself too seriously and it is just an enjoyable easy listen.
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- Nighteyes
- 01-17-21
a great comedy with better characters
the characters are what drives this wonderful story and each mayor addition are worthwhile, interesting and well written.
it's not gonna change your view of the world or make you think, but this book will be a better way to spend your time than most shows on TV these days.
Fred Berman has a wide variety of voices and keep them both consist and destinct. he was a joy to listen to
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- Travis
- 02-12-21
The funny side of necromancy.
I loved the banter and reminiscing of crazier times. Great characters and magic skill sets.
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