I Suck at Girls
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Narrated by:
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Sean Schemmel
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By:
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Justin Halpern
About this listen
Audie Award Nominee, Humor, 2013
"Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier."
Fans of the number-one best seller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through this hysterical new audiobook. The story begins when Justin announces that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel f**king universe."
But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters.
Full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom, it's also full of new characters just as funny—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals, to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today.
©2012 Justin Halpern (P)2012 HarperCollinsPublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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Mishna Wolff grew up in a poor black neighborhood with her single father, a white man who truly believed he was black. "He strutted around with a short perm, a Cosby-esque sweater, gold chains and a Kangol---telling jokes like Redd Fox, and giving advice like Jesse Jackson. You couldn't tell my father he was white. Believe me, I tried," writes Wolff. And so from early childhood on, her father began his crusade to make his white daughter down.
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I stopped listening an hour in....
- By Casey on 11-07-09
By: Mishna Wolff
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The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club
- True Tales from a Magnificent and Clumsy Life
- By: Laurie Notaro
- Narrated by: Hillary Huber
- Length: 5 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends - and that's before she even puts on a bra. For the past 10 years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.
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Sweet and funny
- By Julia Valentin on 12-19-20
By: Laurie Notaro
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God-Shaped Hole
- A Novel
- By: Tiffanie DeBartolo
- Narrated by: Rachael Warren
- Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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When Beatrice Trixie Jordan replies to a personal ad, she meets Jacob Grace, a charming, effervescent 30-something free-spirit writer passionately seeking life. He possesses his own turns of phrase and ways of thinking and feeling that dissonantly harmonize with Trixie's off-center vision. As they rollercoaster through the joys and furies of their wrenching romance, they try to come to terms with the hurt brought about by both of their distant fathers who, in different ways, forsook them.
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To see a fortune teller or not to see one...
- By Renee on 08-08-18
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Looking for Alaska
- By: John Green
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 6 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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Miles Halter is fascinated by famous last words - and tired of his safe life at home. He leaves for boarding school to seek what the dying poet François Rabelais called the “Great Perhaps”. Much awaits Miles at Culver Creek, including Alaska Young, who will pull Miles into her labyrinth and catapult him into the Great Perhaps.
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I am concussed dot-dot-dot
- By Bren McKenna on 10-01-19
By: John Green
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I Am Not Myself These Days
- A Memoir
- By: Josh Kilmer-Purcell
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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I Am Not Myself These Days follows a glittering journey through Manhattan's dark underbelly---a shocking and surreal world where alter egos reign and subsist (barely) on dark wit and chemicals...a tragic romantic comedy where one begins by rooting for the survival of the relationship and ends by hoping someone simply survives.
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depressing
- By Barry Morrison on 08-02-16
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Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See
- By: Juliann Garey
- Narrated by: Dan Butler
- Length: 11 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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In her tour-de-force first novel, Juliann Garey takes us inside the restless mind, ravaged heart, and anguished soul of Greyson Todd, a successful Hollywood studio executive who leaves his wife and young daughter and for a decade travels the world giving free reign to the bipolar disorder he's been forced to keep hidden for almost 20 years.
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Psychosis or Syphilis?
- By Vira on 04-02-13
By: Juliann Garey
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Domestic Violets
- A Novel
- By: Matthew Norman
- Narrated by: Todd McLaren
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
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Tom Violet always thought that by the time he turned 35, he’d have everything going for him. Fame. Fortune. A beautiful wife. A satisfying career as a successful novelist. A happy dog to greet him at the end of the day. The reality, though, is far different. He’s got a wife, but their problems are bigger than he can even imagine. And he’s written a novel, but the manuscript he’s slaved over for years is currently hidden in his desk drawer while his father, an actual famous writer, just won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. His career, such that it is, involves mind-numbing corporate buzzwords....
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What a rollicking ride!
- By Pamela Harvey on 08-13-11
By: Matthew Norman
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Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
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Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
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Rats Saw God
- By: Rob Thomas
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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By his senior year, Steve York has come through the worst two years of his life. His parents have divorced, and his girlfriend has betrayed him. Worse yet, after running away to live with his mother in San Diego, forays into the drug culture have turned his A-average into a thing of the past. Steve's only hope to graduate on time and avoid summer school is to write a 100-page paper for his guidance counselor. Unfortunately, he has to write about something he knows, and all he knows well are the last two years of his life.
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Real
- By Mary on 06-26-09
By: Rob Thomas
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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The Secret Side of Empty
- By: Maria E. Andreu
- Narrated by: Eileen Stevens
- Length: 6 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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What's it like to be undocumented? High school senior M.T. knows all too well. With graduation and an uncertain future looming, she must figure out how to grow up in the only country she's ever called home... a country in which she's "illegal". M.T. was born in Argentina and brought to America as a baby without any official papers. And as questions of college, work, and the future arise, M.T. will have to decide what exactly she wants for herself, knowing someone she loves will unavoidably pay the price for it.
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Heavy topics handled well but just fell short 4 me
- By AudioBookHoe on 07-30-17
By: Maria E. Andreu
What listeners say about I Suck at Girls
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-21-12
A decent follow up
What did you like best about I Suck at Girls? What did you like least?
The performance is great. Love the "voice" of Dad.
Could you see I Suck at Girls being made into a movie or a TV series? Who should the stars be?
no
Any additional comments?
The first book was great. While this one had some laugh out loud moments it wasn't quite as good. Nevertheless glad I "read" it.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Nascar Pryncess
- 01-31-13
Not as good as the first
What did you like best about I Suck at Girls? What did you like least?
I Suck at Girls had great moments but it wasn't the laugh out loud, side hurting entertainment that the first book was. I thought the narration was perfect.
If this book were a movie would you go see it?
No.
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- Don Juanson
- 12-18-18
Funny
It was most funny when his dad spoke, the story itself was alright, in my opinion.
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- Keven Jacques
- 07-17-18
Amazing
Found myself laughing out loud listening to this book. A story that attracts the attention. Loved it
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- GH
- 08-20-15
The Dad is side-splitting funny
This book is hysterically funny for the first half and just plain funny in the second half. The father's advice is uproarious and the counter point of the mother just can't be topped. I was on a crowded Amtrak train coming back from NYC and I was laughing so hard, I thought the conductor was going to put me off midway. This book is really about the travails of the author finding and figuring out whether he should or should not propose to his girlfriend.
This book is going to appeal far more to men than to woman. It isn't that the book is sexist, it's because it written from a very male point of view. Think sophomoric humor. If you like that type of humor and gutter language, you'll be fine.
For me, I found it funny. If you liked his first book and the TV show, you'll like his second. Thumbs up.
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12 people found this helpful
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- Jay
- 05-23-12
Funny but nowhere like the the first book.
Any additional comments?
Wanted more of his dad in the book. If was funny, but not want I was expecting.
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6 people found this helpful
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- Rob
- 06-16-15
Great book
Funny book i would suggest this book to anyone anyone who likes a good comedy should read it
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- Ryan
- 11-07-18
I thought not, not again anyway
I just knew the author couldn't compare to his first novel, Shit My Dad Says. To write another book with similar subject matter as his first book had to be a bad idea like the terrible sequel movie attempt to a wonderful I've time great film. Was I ever wrong, it was a perfect follow-up if not perfect all by itself! I was laughing so hard at one point during the bathroom incident while his future wife stood guard I couldn't drive from the tears in my eyes and pain in my side. Another homerun from Justin and his father. I wish he could've been my father too.
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- Nancy Hartmann
- 07-04-17
Sooo funny
I loved this book!!!! It could have been my Father he was talking about. My father was cut and dried, to the point, cussed constantly even when we 4 were tots. I've grown to be the same way. The narrator was perfect!!!
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- Elliot
- 08-09-12
Okay "sequel" to SMDS
I thoroughly enjoyed Halpern's first book as well as Sean Schemmel's performance. Of course, Halpern's infamous father appears in this book as well, but now in much much more of a supporting role to the narrator.
Schemmel still does a pretty good job of bringing life to the stories, though I do remember him making every female character sound like a stereotypical "dumb girl." Though, maybe those are the only kinds of girls Halpern has any real interaction with? Eh.
I found myself not being able to keep my attention during a lot of the anecdotes, which I found to be filled with "more of the same". And I don't even mean the same stuff from Halpern's first book. No, no, but more of the same in terms of vaguely entertaining stories of Halpern hooking up with hot co-workers who inexplicably dump him and all seem to disappear. Watching a teen movie will deliver the same punch-lines, but Halpern's book at least is a little bit more mature. I suppose the title is pretty damn accurate, so in that case... it delivers!
it's a nice light read if you want to chuckle inside, a little bit, and get a self esteem boost if you're feeling like you too have troubles with the opposite sex. But, don't get the wrong impression, Halpern gets plenty. Though, the book only gets 3.
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1 person found this helpful