
Sh-t My Dad Says
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
3 months free
Buy for $14.39
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Sean Schemmel
-
By:
-
Justin Halpern
After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, 28-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his 73-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is “like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair,” has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:
“That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won’t screw you. Don’t do it for them.”
“Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking.”
“The worst thing you can be is a liar...Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.”
More than a million people now follow Mr. Halpern’s philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes.
An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny’s, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns’ kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh-t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.
©2010 Justin Halpern (P)2010 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...




















Critic reviews
Featured Article: The Best Comedy Audiobooks to Get You Laughing Out Loud
It’s no secret that good comedy can lighten our spirits and brighten our lives. So if you’re looking for a hilarious new listen to liven up your work day, hit the treadmill, or unwind with some leisure time at home, we’ve got the list for you. With these listens, you can laugh along with stories from some of the world’s greatest comedians, all delivered with pitch-perfect performances. From personal memoirs to multi-cast recordings, we’ve got the perfect listen.
People who viewed this also viewed...














Really Funny! Should Be Up for an Audie Award
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Surprisingly hilarious!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Any additional comments?
This amazing book lends credit to the lineSo funny i listened 3 times
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Laugh out loud
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
I gave this book 4 Stars because the Author managed to record one anecdote after another while telling an intimate and funny autobiographical story that moved at just the right pace.
The Narration was well done and if the Character's voices sounded a bit amateurish, it only lent to the notion that I had been most fortunate to stumble across this lovely Portrait of true Americana and not a work of fiction.
Real American Humor from a Real American Family
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Funny and Full of good lessons
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Where does Sh-t My Dad Says rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
At the top of the listWhat was one of the most memorable moments of Sh-t My Dad Says?
Too many to mentionWhat about Sean Schemmel’s performance did you like?
How he explained his feelings with each event.Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
When the authors Dad was happy he was sharing his life with everyone, that he really loves him.Any additional comments?
I bought a copy for each of our children. I am sure everyone will be able to relate to one or more of the events in this book.Funny
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
Great Narration! Funny Story!
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
What made the experience of listening to Sh-t My Dad Says the most enjoyable?
the way it was narrated was spot on.What was one of the most memorable moments of Sh-t My Dad Says?
the quotes about growing up in school was the funnest.Have you listened to any of Sean Schemmel’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
this is the first time listening to Sean but i am going to look for more books that he has narrated.Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
novery very funny
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
what a great time
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.