If at Birth You Don't Succeed
My Adventures with Disaster and Destiny
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Narrated by:
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Zach Anner
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By:
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Zach Anner
About this listen
Comedian Zach Anner opens his frank and devilishly funny book, If at Birth You Don't Succeed, with an admission: He botched his own birth. Two months early, underweight and underprepared for life, he entered the world with cerebral palsy and an uncertain future. So how did this hairless mole rat of a boy blossom into a viral Internet sensation who's hosted two travel shows, impressed Oprah, driven the Mars Rover, and inspired a John Mayer song? (It wasn't "Your Body is a Wonderland".)
Zach lives by the mantra: When life gives you a wheelchair, make lemonade. Whether recounting a valiant childhood attempt to woo Cindy Crawford, encounters with zealous faith healers, or the time he crapped his pants mere feet from Dr. Phil, Zach shares his fumbles with unflinching honesty and characteristic charm. By his 30th birthday, Zach had grown into an adult with a career in entertainment, millions of fans, a loving family, and friends who would literally carry him up mountains.
If at Birth You Don't Succeed is a hilariously irreverent and heartfelt memoir about finding your passion and your path even when it's paved with epic misadventure. This is the unlikely but not unlucky story of a man who couldn't safely open a bag of Skittles but still became a fitness guru with fans around the world. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll fall in love with the Olive Garden all over again and learn why cerebral palsy is, definitively, "the sexiest of the palsies".
©2016 Zachary Dean Anner (P)2016 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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WHAT A LOSER
- By Amazon Customer on 01-26-19
By: Chris Gethard
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
- Length: 7 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
- By Amazon Customer on 09-01-22
By: Ayser Salman, and others
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The Todd Glass Situation
- A Bunch of Lies about My Personal Life and a Bunch of True Stories about My 30-Year Career in Standup Comedy
- By: Todd Glass, Jonathan Grotenstein
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 6 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Growing up in a Philadelphia suburb in the 1970s was an easy life. Well, easy as long as you didn't have dyslexia or ADD, or were a Jew. And once you added gay into the mix, life became more difficult. So Todd Glass decided to hide the gay part, no matter how comic, tragic, or comically tragic the results. Now, Todd has written an open, honest, and hilarious memoir in an effort to help everyone - young and old, gay and straight - breathe a little more freely.
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Worth It
- By Heather on 11-17-14
By: Todd Glass, and others
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Coreyography
- By: Corey Feldman
- Narrated by: Corey Feldman
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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In this brave and moving memoir, Corey Feldman is revealing the truth about what his life was like behind the scenes: His is a past that included physical, drug, and sexual abuse, a dysfunctional family from which he was emancipated at age fifteen, three high-profile arrests for drug possession, a nine-month stint in rehab, and a long, slow crawl back to the top of the box office.
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Didn't like the Two Coreys, but liked this.
- By ricketsj on 04-29-14
By: Corey Feldman
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A Little Bit Wicked
- Life, Love, and Faith in Stages
- By: Kristin Chenoweth
- Narrated by: Kristin Chenoweth
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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In this frank and funny memoir, the Tony Award-winning star of stage and screen shares her journey from small-town Oklahoma to big-time Broadway, vamping on what it takes to stand firmly on a foundation of family and faith while wearing a hot pair of Jimmy Choo platform sling-backs.
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Salt of the Earth + Sparkles
- By Holly on 10-01-09
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Wildflower
- By: Drew Barrymore
- Narrated by: Drew Barrymore
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Wildflower is a portrait of Drew's life in stories as she looks back on the adventures, challenges, and incredible experiences of her earlier years. It includes tales of living on her own at 14 (and how laundry may have saved her life), getting stuck in a gas station overhang on a cross-country road trip, saying good-bye to her father in a way only he could have understood, and many more adventures and lessons that have led her to the successful, happy, and healthy place she is today.
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Hold the shrieking !
- By Dawne on 11-27-15
By: Drew Barrymore
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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Why I Hate Green Beans
- And Other Confessions About Relationships, Reality TV, and How We See Ourselves
- By: Lincee Ray
- Narrated by: Lincee Ray
- Length: 4 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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If there is one thing Lincee Ray has learned over the years, it's that the majority of women on the planet struggle with insecurities. Our skinny jeans mock us. Our just-trying-to-help mothers are just driving us crazy. Our social media feeds taunt us with everyone else's picture-perfect lives. It's enough to send you on a gummy-bear bender while binge-watching Friends reruns and not showering for a week. Lincee knows. She's been there. Right there, in fact. Gummy bears and all.
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Perfect in every way!
- By Anonymous User on 10-19-22
By: Lincee Ray
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I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends
- Confessions of a Reality Show Villain
- By: Courtney Robertson, Deborah Baer
- Narrated by: Courtney Robertson
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Complete with stories, tips, tricks, and advice from your favorite Bachelor alumni, and filled with all the juicy details Courtney fans and foes alike want to know, I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends is a must-listen for every member of Bachelor nation.
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I didn't come here to make friends
- By Carolyn on 06-10-15
By: Courtney Robertson, and others
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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I'm Hosting as Fast as I Can!
- By: Tom Bergeron
- Narrated by: Tom Bergeron
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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In I'm Hosting as Fast as I Can!, Tom elaborates on the process by which he is able to sit calmly and patiently, without being distracted, at any time, no matter how hectic, as well as respond quickly (and hilariously) when Marie Osmond faints at his feet on live TV. Haven't seen it? Check it out on YouTube. The man is always in control.
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A wonderful "read"
- By Chrys on 04-29-09
By: Tom Bergeron
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I Don’t Care about Your Band
- What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I’ve Dated
- By: Julie Klausner
- Narrated by: Julie Klausner
- Length: 6 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care about Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love - and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care about Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls.
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Shopping for Men at the Wrong Mall
- By Pamela Harvey on 01-02-13
By: Julie Klausner
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In the Water They Can't See You Cry
- A Memoir
- By: Amanda Beard, Rebecca Paley
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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At the tender age of 14, Amanda Beard walked onto the pool deck at the Atlanta Olympics carrying her teddy bear, Harold, and left with two silvers and a gold medal. She competed in three more Olympic games, winning a total of seven medals, and enjoyed a lucrative modeling career on the side. At one point, she was the most downloaded female athlete on the Internet. Yet despite her astonishing career and sex-symbol status, Amanda felt unworthy of all her success. Unaware that she was suffering from clinical depression, she hid the pain beneath a megawatt smile.
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I applaud Amanda - but her editor's were lame
- By Heather on 03-10-15
By: Amanda Beard, and others
What listeners say about If at Birth You Don't Succeed
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Van
- 03-22-16
Laugh out loud good time
I am pretty new to Zach. Having watched his workout Wednesday videos for only a few months now I have grown to love the way he views the world. Now I have had the pleasure of reading his book. And I loved it. Zach is someone I hope to hang out with some day. Great boon. Great story telling. And tons of fun.
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- Daniel Riojas
- 05-12-16
So wonderful
This was a great story about the ups and downs of Zach's life. I really enjoyed the way it was read.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Brigham
- 04-02-16
Encore! Encore!
Zach Anner delivers his candid and irreverent views on coming of age, finding love, and crapping your pants.
I appreciated Zach's hilarious delivery of a very personal narrative. The book chronicles Zach's incredible 30 year life. His stories inspired me like good vinyl on repeat and I will refer back to them frequently. Being as open as he was is compelling, but I often felt the urge to applaud at regular intervals. I love being around people who hunt positivity and while I don't know Zach personally, I can now have his optimism and zeal in my life at a moment's notice.
I wish him the best of luck and I want more Zach Anner. Consider this my lighter thrust in the sky as I passively beg for an encore.
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- Joseph
- 04-23-16
Inspirational, motivating, and hilarious
Last year I stumbled upon Zach Anner's YouTube page. I was instantly floored by his impeccable comedic timing. From the first "Workout Wednesday" I saw, I was hooked. This book is an extension of that plus so much more. Zach is incredibly witty and his message is so positive that you can't help but feel better about everything after listening to him. Anyone in your life will benefit from listening to this book.
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- cola40
- 03-24-16
A triumph of making the most of the life you've been given.
Great story of living the best life you can, despite obstacles. Not a boo hoo story but a triumph of making the most of it. I appreciate that the author read it himself. To the author: Through humor, your videos and this book, motivate others to be the best version of themselves and remind us to never give up. Truly an inspiration. Bravo!
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- Miki
- 04-08-16
Brimming with Contagious Optimism
Every second of this book made me smile. Thank you, Zach, for.... For being just the way you are.
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- Amanda C
- 04-19-16
Really fantastic
Zach really put his heart and soul into this book. I laughed pretty much the whole way through, and while I didn't cry like he said I might, I really enjoyed the telling of his more somber and difficult moments in life. I'm a sucker for books narrated by the author, and I don't think this book would have been as good if it had been read by anyone other than Zach. I try not to judge a person by how they look, but I did realize that I can be much better at talking to someone before assuming anything about them. Zach is super funny and optimistic, and I feel like we're kindred spirits, even if I don't have a sexy palsy.
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- Pccheong
- 04-16-17
...write a book about it.
Zach Anner portrays the ups, downs, pitfalls, pratfalls, and insanely good luck that has come upon his life. Talent can get people started, but hard work and effort is what carries people through at the end of the day, and it is clear that Anner has worked his entire life while making sure to acknowledge that the people around him worked even harder to support him.
With adequate pacing and good tone of voice, Anner is capable of being all sarcastic, optimistic, and reflective. He knows his memoir best. An excellent listen and read for people in all walks of life who may be enjoying the ups, or experiencing the lows, Anner reminds us that we are all too human and even the best of us make mistakes, have worries, and have things never go perfectly to plan. Perseverance is a keystone of life whether it involves keeping your tummy troubles in rein, mountain climbing, or trying to find love across the globe.
True rating: 4.5 stars out of 5.
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- Monika
- 08-20-18
What a positive attitude!
This past July I had the pleasure of seeing and listening to Zach as the keynote speaker at a conference in Vail, CO. I had never heard of him and had no clue what his talk would be about. Needless to say he was one terrific speaker, going into a lot of detail about his life encounters as disabled individual. It was very moving. His talk was enhanced with his YouTube videos, showing day-to-day activities and the difficulties he had to get around, all presented with a sense of humor. The one I recommend watching would be his travels to a bagel shop in NYC that offered rainbow bagels and the length of time it took him to get from one borough to another in a wheelchair. It is a real eye opener of obstacles people with wheelchairs face in getting around on a day-to-day basis, but Zach was not to be deterred. He has an incredible support system, starting with his parents, who let him be himself and not hinder him because of his disability. Needless to say, this presentation led me to listen to his book and anyone who would give it less than 4 stars does not appreciate his determination to live his life as normally as possible. I am so glad I had this opportunity. To me, the motto of his life is "don't sweat the small stuff."
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- Berthiaume
- 11-01-16
Great audible book
I loved this book! Zach Anner is a delight! He is smart, articulate, inspirational, and truly hilarious. I listened to the book while I walked our neighborhood for exercise and found myself laughing out loud. I ended up going for longer walks because I was so entertained. I hope to attend one of his speaking engagements here in Austin in the future.
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