In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...
. . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy
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Narrated by:
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Adam Carolla
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By:
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Adam Carolla
About this listen
"A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, 'You've got to be kidding me, son.' The bartender replied, 'New policy. Everyone has to show their ID.' Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II."
It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back.
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.
Adam Carolla is a radio and television host, comedian, and actor. He is the host of the "Adam Carolla Podcast", before which he hosted a weekday morning radio program broadcast from Los Angeles, and syndicated by CBS Radio. Besides these shows, Carolla is well known as the co-host of the radio show "Loveline" (and its television incarnation on MTV), as the co-creator and co-host of Comedy Central's The Man Show, and as the co-creator and the performer on Comedy Central and MTV's Crank Yankers and is a frequent contributor and contestant on ABC's top-rated program Dancing with the Stars. Carolla also starred in, co-wrote, and co-produced the award-winning independent film, The Hammer. He currently lives in Los Angeles with his wife and their two children.
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- Narrated by: Paula Poundstone
- Length: 5 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
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What do the lives of Lincoln, Helen Keller, Joan of Arc, and other historical figures have in common with Paula Poundstone? In the hands of this wryly observant and self-deprecating comedian, the answer is outrageously funny and unexpectedly touching. Poundstone compares her crazy life to theirs, as she holds forth on her children, her career, and the time in her life when it appeared she would lose them both.
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More!
- By Evelyn on 02-11-07
By: Paula Poundstone
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Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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Is This Anything?
- By: Jerry Seinfeld
- Narrated by: Jerry Seinfeld
- Length: 6 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Since his first performance at the legendary New York nightclub “Catch a Rising Star” as a 21-year-old college student in fall of 1975, Jerry Seinfeld has written his own material and saved everything. “Whenever I came up with a funny bit, whether it happened on a stage, in a conversation, or working it out on my preferred canvas, the big yellow legal pad, I kept it in one of those old school accordion folders,” Seinfeld writes. “So I have everything I thought was worth saving from 45 years of hacking away at this for all I was worth.”
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Joke, joke, joke. Boring, boring, boring.
- By ECMILLER on 10-11-20
By: Jerry Seinfeld
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Wanna Bet?
- A Degenerate Gambler's Guide to Living on the Edge
- By: Artie Lange
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 6 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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The two-time best-selling author, comedian, actor, and radio icon explains the philosophy that has kept his existence boredom-free since the age of 13 - the love of risk. An avid sports better and frequent card player, Lange believes that the true gambler gets high not from winning, but from the chaotic unknown of betting itself. He recounts some of his favorite moments, many of which haven't involved money at all. In this candid and entertaining memoir, he looks back at the times he's wagered the intangible and priceless things in life: his health, his career, and his relationships.
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who needs Artie (to read)
- By B. Wenners on 08-24-18
By: Artie Lange
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Lawn Boy
- By: Jonathan Evison
- Narrated by: P. J. Ochlan
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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For Mike Muñoz, a young Chicano living in Washington State, life has been a whole lot of waiting for something to happen. Not too many years out of high school and still doing menial work - and just fired from his latest gig as a lawn boy on a landscaping crew - he knows that he's got to be the one to shake things up if he's ever going to change his life. But how?
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CATEGORY AND SUMMARY MISLEADING
- By Gretchen on 05-01-18
By: Jonathan Evison
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I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
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Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker
- A Memoir in Essays
- By: Damon Young
- Narrated by: Damon Young
- Length: 8 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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For Damon Young, existing while Black is an extreme sport. The act of possessing Black skin while searching for space to breathe in America is enough to induce a ceaseless state of angst where questions such as “How should I react here, as a professional black person?” and “Will this white person’s potato salad kill me?” are forever relevant. What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker chronicles Young’s efforts to survive while battling and making sense of the various neuroses his country has given him.
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Reviewed by a B![c# @$$ White Boy
- By netusera on 04-13-19
By: Damon Young
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I Regret Nothing
- A Memoir
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling author Jen Lancaster has lived a life based on re-invention and self-improvement. From Bitter Is the New Black to The Tao of Martha, she’s managed to document her (and her generation’s) attempts to shape up, grow up, and have it all - sometimes with disastrous results...Mistakes are one thing; regrets are another. After a girls’ weekend in Savannah makes her realize that she is - yikes! - middle-aged (binge watching is so the new binge drinking), Jen decides to make a bucket list and seize the day.
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The Smug Is Strong With This One
- By T. Filowitz on 05-24-15
By: Jen Lancaster
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Easy for You to Say
- By: John Melendez
- Narrated by: John Melendez
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Easy For You To Say is "Stuttering" John Melendez's memoir of his childhood being bullied in school for his stutter; his years as an on-air personality with The Howard Stern Show; and his subsequent 10-year career as a writer and on-air announcer for Jay Leno's Tonight Show. It details his famously acerbic relationships with celebrities he interviewed/insulted (Raquel Welch once punched him in the face). In the audiobook, Howard Stern emerges as a surprisingly mean, stingy, and megalomaniacal boss - and Jay Leno as a seeming sufferer from OCD.
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Was expecting more
- By Amazon Customer on 10-25-18
By: John Melendez
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Hyena
- By: Jude Angelini
- Narrated by: Jude Angelini
- Length: 3 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Hyena is a collection of autobiographical stories by Jude Angelini, which takes the listener on his journey of heartbreak, depravity, and hilarity, deftly moving between his adult life and his childhood growing up in a factory town outside of Detroit. Each story is told with brutal honesty yet maintains a gallows humor that will leave you shaking your head in disbelief.
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Awesome book, would steal it
- By Dylan S on 09-20-17
By: Jude Angelini
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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The Kings of Cool
- A Prequel to 'Savages'
- By: Don Winslow
- Narrated by: Holter Graham
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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In Savages, Don Winslow introduced Ben and Chon, twentysomething best friends who risk everything to save the girl they both love, O. Now, in his high-octane prequel, Winslow reaches back in time to tell the story of how Ben, Chon, and O became the people they are. Spanning from 1960s Southern California to the recent past, it is a tale of family in all its forms. As the younger generation does battle with drug dealers and crooked cops, they learn that their future is inextricably linked with their parents' history.
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The truth always come home...
- By Darwin8u on 09-28-17
By: Don Winslow
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Be a Man
- The Ultimate Guide
- By: The Be a Man Guy
- Narrated by: The Be a Man Guy, John Fiore
- Length: 3 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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On Tik Tok, Instagram, and his podcast, The Be a Man Guy discusses what it takes to be a man. Now, this funny and insightful book showcases all new stories, vignettes, anecdotes, and pearls of wisdom.
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I didn't find much lasting value.
- By I Ate Your Pug For Lunch and It was Tasty on 07-07-23
By: The Be a Man Guy
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Funnyman Adam Carolla is known for two things: hilarious rants about things that drive him crazy and personal stories about everything from his hardscrabble childhood to his slacker friends to the hypocrisy of Hollywood. He tackled rants in his first book, and now he tells his best stories and debuts some never-before-heard tales as well. Adam Carolla started broke and blue collar and has now been on the Hollywood scene for over 15 years. Yet he never lost his underdog demeanor.
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Must have for any Adam Carolla Fan!
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In I’m Your Emotional Support Animal, Adam Carolla examines how our culture went careening off a cliff. We used to have one that created real warriors who fought world wars. Now it spawns social justice warriors who fight Twitter wars. He takes on those who are traumatized by Trump and “emotional support animal” owners who proclaim their victimhood at every airport. He stands up for the collateral damage of the #MeToo movement and for freedom of speech on “safe space” filled college campuses.
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A little more crass than I was expecting
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More than just hilarious
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Adam Carolla: An Angry, Middle-Aged White Guy
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Quite entertaining, but repetitive...
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What listeners say about In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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- Jessica Maris
- 02-25-13
Not bad
Any additional comments?
This is a fun book.... Usually. Yes, I agree, every story cant be hilarious but sometimes he just gets on a tangents that sound very unpolished - like an angry rant that isnt even part of a comedy bit.... which is both good and bad. I'm a fan of the story and that it is narrated by Adam, he does a decent job. Overall, I think I would only recommend this to few certian people. Personally I liked about 75% of the book which in my opinion is enough to give it a great rating :)
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1 person found this helpful
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Overall
- A.E.
- 12-28-10
Pure vitriolic bliss
Those not familiar with the podcast should know that Adam Carolla's rants range so far and wide that he's sure to offend at some point, but his humor is worth the occasional sting.
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1 person found this helpful
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- SeattleFan206
- 02-09-11
Every man should read this!!
Amazingly honest! Great book, should be given to sons, brothers, dads and any man in your life. Corolla gets it, he tells it like it is.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Matt Y.
- 11-08-18
fabulous
Moments in audiobook made me cry with laughter, so hard, that I had to pull over, dry my tears, in order continue driving throughout forsaken Alabama.
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- Wes F.
- 08-07-12
Hilarious
Where does In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks... rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
Among comedy, there is no equal in audiobooks. This had me dying of laughter the entire duration.
What was one of the most memorable moments of In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...?
It's hard to name a single one. I really liked his truck kill switch.
What about Adam Carolla’s performance did you like?
It's natural. You can tell he isn't reading it to you. He is ranting and storytelling ad hoc and that makes it more enjoyable.
Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
It's hit or miss. Be warned you will most likely be offended or off put by some of his comments. A lot makes sense but some might make you cringe. I believe he flat out says men are smarter than women and that we should send kids with peanut allergies to an island. If you can brush that off and realize he is a just a comedian with exagerated opinions, some parts really are true/wise. It's just intermingled with half baked opinions.
Any additional comments?
Hilarious but depends on the listener. Feminists, homosexuals, etc enter at your own risk.
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- slav
- 08-11-17
A bucket of gold nuggets for life's lessons!
The title doesn't do justice to the simple yet obvious subjects covered. It's a take on life of a man who changed his direction in life fueled by the failures of his parents, poverty and neverending obstacles. The way he thinks, and how he came to those conclusions is why I enjoyed this book. Not right or left it's does it work or not!
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- Angela Gerring
- 06-02-14
Goat cheese is great!
If you know Adam Carolla's work from the Man Show, Love Line, and his Pod Casts, you will find nothing new or groundbreaking here. But, in typical Adam Carolla fashion, he rants and raves on a variety of topics, and says a lot of many of us are thinking, but afraid to say. Of course, I cannot agree with his hating of Goat Cheese - I love the stuff!
Good, funny book, narrated very well.
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- Al
- 03-27-12
As good as the podcase
What made the experience of listening to In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks... the most enjoyable?
Great and funny content read in an enjoyable way.
What about Adam Carolla’s performance did you like?
It was true to how he is and a blast.
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- Andrew
- 01-24-15
nothing but the truth
anyone who didn't thoroughly enjoy this is an idiot and a direct reason of why the book was written and why Adam Carolla has so much to complain. great job ace man thank you for the good word!
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- EraiT
- 08-06-12
Very Funny!!!
Where does In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks... rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
One of the best audiobooks I have listened to in a long time.
What other book might you compare In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks... to and why?
Not Taco Bell Material also by Adam Corolla. Even funnier.
What does Adam Carolla bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
The Adam Corolla mannerisms and you get additional material because of all the hilarious digressions.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?
The title says it all.
Any additional comments?
Great listen for a long road trip.
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