Just Add Water, Money Back Guarantee and Optical Delusion [Dramatized Adaptation]
Mail Order Massacres
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By:
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Hunter Shea
About this listen
Open your eyes with “X-ray” vision!
Put on a pair of “X-Ray” glasses and things will never look the same! These almost magical specs will make you the hit of the party! Astonishing three-dimensional X-ray visions of what your friends - and girls - look like under their clothes! And all for just one dollar. After his son gives him a pair as a gift, Martin Blackstone tries them on just for the hell of it - and all they do is give him a headache...until he sees things he can’t possibly be seeing. Glimpses of things on the other side of a wall or beneath someone’s clothing. He wants to believe it’s just his overactive imagination, but the “X-ray” specs actually work. Then the fun novelty becomes a waking nightmare when the glasses burn into his face and he starts seeing horrifying apocalyptic visions no mortal man was ever meant to see. Images that alter his very personality - from a husband and father to a bloodthirsty homicidal maniac.... Because sometimes you can see too much.
Grow amazing live sea serpents!
It’s fun! It’s easy! They only cost $4.99. Just clip out the ad in your comic book. Then ask Mom to mail it in. A few weeks later, receive a packet of instant Sea Serpent dust. Then: Just add water...and watch them grow! Just ask David and Patrick. Their “instant pets” are instant duds. They don’t hatch, they don’t grow, they don’t do anything. So they dump them into the sewer where their dad pours toxic chemicals.... It’s been a couple days since David and Patrick thought about those Sea Serpents. But now, small animals are disappearing in the neighborhood. Strange slimy creatures are rising from the sewers. And once the screaming starts, David and Patrick realize that their childhood pets really did come to life. With a vengeance. They’re enormous...and have a ravenous hunger for human flesh....
Your money back or your life....
Protect America’s shores with your very own nuclear submarine! Constructed from durable fiberboard material, this submersible is large enough for two kids! Sail off into imaginative international intrigue for just five dollars! If this toy doesn’t float your boat, return it for a full refund! With her son’s heart set on piloting his own nuclear submarine, Rosemary Lanchester orders the craft advertised on the back of a comic book. What arrives is more substandard than submarine, but her son loves the cheap piece of cardboard. Until he and a friend nearly drown when they take the sub for a deep sea dive in the swimming pool. Enraged, Rosemary reports the toy’s manufacturer to the Better Business Bureau. The company’s customer service center retaliates with threatening phone calls. Then her son and husband mysteriously disappear. To save her family, Rosemary tracks down the company’s headquarters with the help of her brother - a survivalist with enough toys of his own to wage an all-out war. And she still wants her five dollars.
Performed by Scott McCormick, Scott Graham, Amanda Forstrom, Matthew Keenan, Paul Reisman, Chris Stinson, Dylan Lynch, KenYatta Rogers, Harley Gordon, Marni Penning, Terence Aselford, Yasmin Tuazon, Jonathon Church, Zeke Alton, Al Twanmo, Alejandro Ruiz, Nathanial Perry, Tony Nam, Lynette Rathnam, Eric Messner, Matthew Bassett, Michael Glenn, Jonathon Church, Matthew Schleigh, Joe Mallon, Bruce Alan Rauscher, Christopher Walker, Eva Wilhelm, Jacob Yeh, Yasmin Tuazon, Zeke Alton, Dani Stoller, Colleen Delany, Evan Casey, Michael John Casey, Bradley Smith, Ken Jackson, Tia Shearer, Marni Penning, David Jourdan, Drew Kopas, Nanette Savard, Chris Stinson, Katy Carkuff.
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Duchess Day Radley is a 13-year-old self-proclaimed outlaw. Rules are for other people. She is the fierce protector of her five-year-old brother, Robin, and the parent to her mother, Star, a single mom incapable of taking care of herself, let alone her two kids. Walk has never left the coastal California town where he and Star grew up. He may have become the chief of police, but he’s still trying to heal the old wound of having given the testimony that sent his best friend, Vincent King, to prison decades before. And he's in overdrive protecting Duchess and her brother.
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Horrible narrator in this audible book
- By M. patton on 03-03-21
By: Chris Whitaker
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When a Stranger Comes to Town
- By: Michael Koryta
- Narrated by: Cindy Kay, Janina Edwards, Fajer Al-Kaisi, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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It's been said that all great literature boils down to one of two stories—a man takes a journey, or a stranger comes to town. While mystery writers have been successfully using both approaches for generations, there's something undeniably alluring in the nature of a stranger: the uninvited guest, the unacquainted neighbor, the fish out of water. In the newest collection of stories by the Mystery Writers of America, each author weaves a fresh tale surrounding the eerie feeling that comes when a stranger enters our midst, featuring stories by prolific mystery writers.
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The narrators are outstanding here.
- By Jennifer Baratta She/Her on 05-16-21
By: Michael Koryta
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Graverobbers Wanted: No Experience Necessary
- An Andrew Mayhem Thriller, Book 1
- By: Jeff Strand
- Narrated by: Joe Hempel
- Length: 5 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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When you’re desperate for money, searching for a little adventure, and aren’t the most responsible person in the world, you can end up doing some outrageous things. Which is how Andrew Mayhem, a married father of two, ends up accepting $20,000 to find a key - a key buried with a body in a shallow grave. But what he finds in the grave isn’t quite what he expected, and what begins as a simple evening of morally questionable manual labor turns into a really good way to die.
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Tried to get through it.
- By Samantha on 05-23-21
By: Jeff Strand
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Sharks in the Time of Saviors
- By: Kawai Strong Washburn
- Narrated by: Jolene Kim, Kaleo Griffith, G. K. Bowes, and others
- Length: 10 hrs and 38 mins
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In 1995 Kailua-Kona, Hawaii, on a rare family vacation, seven-year-old Nainoa Flores falls overboard a cruise ship into the Pacific Ocean. When a shiver of sharks appears in the water, everyone fears for the worst. But instead, Noa is gingerly delivered to his mother in the jaws of a shark, marking his story as the stuff of legends. Nainoa’s family, struggling amidst the collapse of the sugarcane industry, hails his rescue as a sign of favor from ancient Hawaiian gods - a belief that appears validated after he exhibits puzzling new abilities.
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Glad This Was Free
- By Shad Huddleston on 04-01-20
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Project Hail Mary
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Ray Porter
- Length: 16 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Ryland Grace is the sole survivor on a desperate, last-chance mission - and if he fails, humanity and the Earth itself will perish. Except that right now, he doesn't know that. He can't even remember his own name, let alone the nature of his assignment or how to complete it. All he knows is that he's been asleep for a very, very long time. And he's just been awakened to find himself millions of miles from home, with nothing but two corpses for company.
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Bazinga
- By Davidgonzalezsr on 05-04-21
By: Andy Weir
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George Orwell’s 1984
- An Audible Original adaptation
- By: George Orwell, Joe White - adaptation
- Narrated by: Andrew Garfield, Cynthia Erivo, Andrew Scott, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Original Recording
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It’s 1984, and life has changed beyond recognition. Airstrip One, formerly known as Great Britain, is a place where Big Brother is always watching, and nobody can hide. Except, perhaps, for Winston Smith. Whilst working at the Ministry of Truth, rewriting history, he secretly dreams of freedom. And in a world where love and sex are forbidden, where it’s hard to distinguish between friend and foe, he meets Julia and O’Brien and vows to rebel.
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A Revelation!
- By wotsallthisthen on 04-07-24
By: George Orwell, and others
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Starter Villain
- By: John Scalzi
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Inheriting your uncle's supervillain business is more complicated than you might think. Particularly when you discover who's running the place. Charlie's life is going nowhere fast. A divorced substitute teacher living with his cat in a house his siblings want to sell, all he wants is to open a pub downtown, if only the bank will approve his loan. Then his long-lost uncle Jake dies and leaves his supervillain business (complete with island volcano lair) to Charlie. But becoming a supervillain isn't all giant laser death rays and lava pits.
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Volcanic Lairs, Death Rays & Cats… Oh My! 😼
- By C. White on 09-19-23
By: John Scalzi
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The Martian
- By: Andy Weir
- Narrated by: Wil Wheaton
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Six days ago, astronaut Mark Watney became one of the first people to walk on Mars. Now, he's sure he'll be the first person to die there. After a dust storm nearly kills him and forces his crew to evacuate while thinking him dead, Mark finds himself stranded and completely alone with no way to even signal Earth that he’s alive - and even if he could get word out, his supplies would be gone long before a rescue could arrive. But Mark isn't ready to give up yet.
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I love Wil Wheaton but why not R. C. Bray?
- By L. Newman on 01-11-20
By: Andy Weir
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Carver Young dreams of becoming a detective, despite growing up in an orphanage with only crime novels to encourage him. But when he is adopted by Detective Hawking of the world famous Pinkerton Agency, Carver is given not only the chance to find his biological father, he finds himself smack in the middle of a real life investigation: tracking down a vicious serial killer who has thrown New York City into utter panic.
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The Horror Stories of Robert E. Howard
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Robert E. Howard, renowned creator of Conan the Barbarian, was also a master at conjuring tales of hair-raising horror. In a career spanning only 12 years, Howard wrote more than 100 stories, with his most celebrated work appearing in Weird Tales, the preeminent pulp magazine of the era.
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Table of Contents
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Disappearing Nightly [Dramatized Adaptation]
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When bizarre magical disappearances disrupt shows around the city, Esther receives a mysterious warning not to go on with her off-Broadway show. Desperate to stay on stage rather than resort to waiting tables, Esther turns to her new BFF, Dr. Maximillian Zadok, a 350-year-old mage whose day job is protecting New York from Evil. Determined to get to the bottom of this mystery without losing her job, Esther and Max team up with a conjuring cowboy, a banker with stage aspirations, and a flock of fearless drag queens.
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A mostly cozy, slightly magical mystery
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The Warded Man
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Peter V. Brett has won accolades from critics, fans and fellow authors alike for this riveting debut novel. The Warded Man features a world where demons stalk the night, hunting humans who have long forgotten the magic of their ancestors. But all is not lost, as some hold out hope that a savior will release humanity from the demons' terrifying reign.
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Brilliant
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What listeners say about Just Add Water, Money Back Guarantee and Optical Delusion [Dramatized Adaptation]
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Literary Groupie
- 10-12-24
So good I'm on my 3rd listen!
Can't believe thus was a free book! Stories get right to the point, there's humor and creepiness which I love! One of the best graphic audio books I've ever listened to! Just wish it was longer lol!
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- Float Therapy Spa
- 08-27-24
Horror perfection!
I'm an 80s kid so I know these comic book mail order toys! And boy was this absolutely such a fun ride! Loved everything, the voice acting, the sound effects and all the stories. Even if you're not familiar with the products but you like this genre, you'll love it too!
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- Karlyssia
- 01-25-24
Great anthology!!
Kept me on my toes for sure. should be made into a movie. it would be a good one. 👍🏾
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- ELI B.
- 05-18-21
Fantastic
Liked the first story but loved the other two.
Well worth the time and listen. Get it, I'll be listening to it again.
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- kathy pappas
- 02-24-23
Excellent!
Wow this is an amazing and awesome book ! I'm halfway through but I don't want it to end !
The stories , the narrator , so entertaining! Its got a Creepshow feeling to it !
I highly recommend it!
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- Ebony
- 02-19-24
10 Stars!!!!
I enjoyed all three stories. I wish this book was even longer!!! Such a great book of short stories. I wish there were 10 more! The first one was my absolute favorite, though all three were REALLY good.
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- Liv
- 03-08-23
Addicted
picked this up as a curiosity and wasn't disappointed. if you like campy 80's horror you'll love this book. I'd say the 3rd was the weakest as the author stretched my disbelief a bit too much for my taste and was more cheesy action then horror. CW for first two: a child is attacked in the first story but unsure if he dies. second story has a lot of detailed descriptions of child and animal death.
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- Kindle Customer
- 12-11-23
The story about the X ray glasses that makes a person see too much that they go insane
Poor Marty Blackstone, Be careful what you do or you will go insane i mean litterly insane.
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