Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me)
Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions and Hurtful Acts
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Narrated by:
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Marsha Mercant
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Joe Barrett
About this listen
Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell? Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception - how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.
©2008 Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson (P)2010 Audible, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Story
Romi Neustadt is passionate about helping others build lucrative direct sales and network marketing businesses that help create lives with more freedom and flexibility, greater purpose, and a lot more fun. In this book she offers you the same direct, no-BS coaching she's given to tens of thousands to help you acquire the skills to build this sucker and teach your team to do the same. And, equally important, she'll work on your mindset so you stop over complicating it all and stop letting the negative voices in your head win.
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Horribly Misleading unless you are an MLM person
- By Kris McPeak on 03-23-18
By: Romi Neustadt
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Twelve and a Half
- Leveraging the Emotional Ingredients Necessary for Business Success
- By: Gary Vaynerchuk
- Narrated by: Gary Vaynerchuk
- Length: 5 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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In his sixth business book, best-selling author, entrepreneur, and investor Gary Vaynerchuk explores the 12 essential emotional skills that are integral to his life - and business - success and provides today’s (and tomorrow’s) leaders with critical tools to acquire and develop these traits.
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Cult Leader Gary Vee Peddles Conjecture Porn
- By David J Hovsepian on 04-11-22
By: Gary Vaynerchuk
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No Happy Endings
- A Memoir
- By: Nora McInerny
- Narrated by: Nora McInerny
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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No Happy Endings is an audiobook for people living life after life has fallen apart. It’s an audiobook for people who know they’re moving forward, not moving on. It’s an audiobook for people who know life isn’t always happy, but it isn’t the end: There will be unimaginable joy and incomprehensible tragedy. As Nora reminds us, there will be no happy endings - but there will be new beginnings.
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Feminist crap
- By Jeri LeAnne Howard on 08-24-19
By: Nora McInerny
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This Will Be Funny Later
- A Memoir
- By: Jenny Pentland
- Narrated by: Jenny Pentland
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Growing up, Jenny Pentland’s life was a literal sitcom. Many of the storylines for her mother’s smash hit series, Roseanne, were drawn from Pentland’s early family life in working-class Denver. But that was only the beginning of the drama. Roseanne Barr’s success as a comedian catapulted the family from the Rockies to star-studded Hollywood—with its toxic culture of money, celebrity, and prying tabloids that was destabilizing for a child in grade school.
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Nepotism baby’s self pity party
- By Summer Sundae on 08-23-22
By: Jenny Pentland
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10% Happier
- How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found a Self-Help That Actually Works
- By: Dan Harris
- Narrated by: Dan Harris
- Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
After having a nationally televised panic attack on Good Morning America, Dan Harris knew he had to make some changes. A lifelong nonbeliever, he found himself on a bizarre adventure, involving a disgraced pastor, a mysterious self-help guru, and a gaggle of brain scientists.
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Mandatory read before trying any self-help books
- By Patrick on 04-08-14
By: Dan Harris
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Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Third Edition
- Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts
- By: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
- Narrated by: Carol Tavris, Elliot Aronson
- Length: 12 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right - a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong. Backed by years of research and delivered in energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception.
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If you're a liberal hater - this book's for you
- By MRN on 11-13-20
By: Carol Tavris, and others
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Get Over Your Damn Self
- The No-BS Blueprint to Building a Life-Changing Business
- By: Romi Neustadt
- Narrated by: Romi Neustadt
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Romi Neustadt is passionate about helping others build lucrative direct sales and network marketing businesses that help create lives with more freedom and flexibility, greater purpose, and a lot more fun. In this book she offers you the same direct, no-BS coaching she's given to tens of thousands to help you acquire the skills to build this sucker and teach your team to do the same. And, equally important, she'll work on your mindset so you stop over complicating it all and stop letting the negative voices in your head win.
-
-
Horribly Misleading unless you are an MLM person
- By Kris McPeak on 03-23-18
By: Romi Neustadt
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Twelve and a Half
- Leveraging the Emotional Ingredients Necessary for Business Success
- By: Gary Vaynerchuk
- Narrated by: Gary Vaynerchuk
- Length: 5 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
In his sixth business book, best-selling author, entrepreneur, and investor Gary Vaynerchuk explores the 12 essential emotional skills that are integral to his life - and business - success and provides today’s (and tomorrow’s) leaders with critical tools to acquire and develop these traits.
-
-
Cult Leader Gary Vee Peddles Conjecture Porn
- By David J Hovsepian on 04-11-22
By: Gary Vaynerchuk
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No Happy Endings
- A Memoir
- By: Nora McInerny
- Narrated by: Nora McInerny
- Length: 7 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
No Happy Endings is an audiobook for people living life after life has fallen apart. It’s an audiobook for people who know they’re moving forward, not moving on. It’s an audiobook for people who know life isn’t always happy, but it isn’t the end: There will be unimaginable joy and incomprehensible tragedy. As Nora reminds us, there will be no happy endings - but there will be new beginnings.
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Feminist crap
- By Jeri LeAnne Howard on 08-24-19
By: Nora McInerny
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This Will Be Funny Later
- A Memoir
- By: Jenny Pentland
- Narrated by: Jenny Pentland
- Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Growing up, Jenny Pentland’s life was a literal sitcom. Many of the storylines for her mother’s smash hit series, Roseanne, were drawn from Pentland’s early family life in working-class Denver. But that was only the beginning of the drama. Roseanne Barr’s success as a comedian catapulted the family from the Rockies to star-studded Hollywood—with its toxic culture of money, celebrity, and prying tabloids that was destabilizing for a child in grade school.
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Nepotism baby’s self pity party
- By Summer Sundae on 08-23-22
By: Jenny Pentland
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10% Happier
- How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found a Self-Help That Actually Works
- By: Dan Harris
- Narrated by: Dan Harris
- Length: 7 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
-
Story
After having a nationally televised panic attack on Good Morning America, Dan Harris knew he had to make some changes. A lifelong nonbeliever, he found himself on a bizarre adventure, involving a disgraced pastor, a mysterious self-help guru, and a gaggle of brain scientists.
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Mandatory read before trying any self-help books
- By Patrick on 04-08-14
By: Dan Harris
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Selfless
- The Social Creation of “You”
- By: Brian Lowery
- Narrated by: Aaron Goodson
- Length: 6 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Social psychologist and Professor at the Stanford Graduate School of Business Brian Lowery argues for the radical idea that the “self” as we know it, does not exist. The self—that “voice in your head”—is a social construct, created in our relationships and social interactions. We are unique because our individual pattern of relationships is unique. We change because our relationships change. Your self isn’t just you, it’s all around you.
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starts off with a bang
- By Andrew Burke on 06-18-23
By: Brian Lowery
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Burn
- New Research Blows the Lid Off How We Really Burn Calories, Lose Weight, and Stay Healthy
- By: Herman Pontzer PhD
- Narrated by: P.J. Ochlan
- Length: 11 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Pontzer's groundbreaking studies with hunter-gatherer tribes show how exercise doesn't increase our metabolism. Instead, we burn calories within a very narrow range: nearly 3,000 calories per day, no matter our activity level. This was a brilliant evolutionary strategy to survive in times of famine. Now it seems to doom us to obesity. The good news is we can lose weight, but we need to cut calories. Refuting such weight-loss hype as paleo, keto, anti-gluten, anti-grain, and even vegan, Pontzer discusses how all diets succeed or fail: For shedding pounds, a calorie is a calorie.
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Went from Science to Psuedo Science
- By Brad on 03-10-21
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Optimal Outcomes
- Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life
- By: Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler
- Narrated by: Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler
- Length: 5 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Where can you turn when your attempts to resolve conflict fail? Most approaches emphasize collaboration. You are supposed to sit down, calmly talk through your differences, and find a solution. But what if nothing seems to work, no matter what you do? When situations resist resolution, the Optimal Outcomes Method teaches us conflict freedom. Optimal Outcomes reveals eight groundbreaking practices proven to help people everywhere free themselves from conflict.
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You're Invited
- The Art and Science of Connection, Trust, and Belonging
- By: Jon Levy
- Narrated by: Jon Levy
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Regardless of what you want to accomplish, from growing your business, creating a great company culture, championing a social cause, or affecting your habits, you can’t do it alone. The people around you define your success (whatever that means for you) and they have the potential to change the course of your life.
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You’re invited...if you’re liberal
- By Anonymous on 05-19-21
By: Jon Levy
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Conflicted
- How Productive Disagreements Lead to Better Outcomes
- By: Ian Leslie
- Narrated by: Matthew Lloyd Davies
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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In an increasingly polarized world, our only chance for coming together and moving forward is to learn from those who have mastered the art and science of disagreement. In this much-needed book, Ian Leslie explores what happens to us when we argue, why disagreement makes us stressed, and why we get angry. By drawing together the lessons he learns from different experts, he proposes a series of clear principles that we can all use to make our most difficult dialogues more productive—and our increasingly acrimonious world a better place.
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One of the best books of the year
- By chris boutte on 03-19-21
By: Ian Leslie
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The Neurogeneration
- The New Era in Brain Enhancement That Is Revolutionizing the Way We Think, Work, and Heal
- By: Tan Le
- Narrated by: Tan Le
- Length: 9 hrs and 40 mins
- Unabridged
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The human brain is perhaps the most powerful and mysterious arrangement of matter in the known universe. New discoveries that unravel this mystery and let us tap into this power offer almost limitless potential - the ability to reshape ourselves and our thought processes, to improve our health and extend our lives, and to enhance and augment the ways we interact with the world around us. In The NeuroGeneration, award-winning inventor Tan Le explores exciting advancements in brain science and neurotechnology that are revolutionizing the way we think, work, and heal.
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Chock full of eye opening information!
- By pondo on 02-29-20
By: Tan Le
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The Social Skills Guidebook
- Manage Shyness, Improve Your Conversations, and Make Friends, Without Giving Up Who You Are
- By: Chris MacLeod MSW
- Narrated by: Chris Abell
- Length: 9 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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You think your social life could be better. You've felt shy as long as you can remember. Your conversations have more awkward moments than you'd like. Maybe you don't need a ton of friends, but you'd like to have some people to hang out with on occasion. You want to make changes, but you don't know where to start. Lots of people have been in your shoes, so you're hardly a lost cause, and it's never too late to turn things around. The Social Skills Guidebook gives you insights into your interpersonal struggles, and offers hands-on advice for developing and improving....
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A lot of good, sensible information.
- By rocky49152 on 01-02-21
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The Greatest Story Ever Told - So Far
- Why Are We Here?
- By: Lawrence M. Krauss
- Narrated by: Lawrence Krauss
- Length: 10 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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In this grand poetic vision of the universe, Lawrence Krauss tells the dramatic story of the discovery of the hidden world that underlies reality - and our place within it. Reality is not what you think or sense - it’s weird, wild, and counterintuitive, and its inner workings seem at least as implausible as the idea that something can come from nothing. With his trademark wit and accessible style, Krauss leads us to realms so small that they are invisible to microscopes, to the birth and rebirth of light, and into the natural forces that govern our existence.
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Mean spirited rant against religion
- By A Kindle Customer on 08-06-18
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Hardcore Self Help: F**k Depression
- By: Robert Duff
- Narrated by: Robert Duff
- Length: 4 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Hardcore Self Help: F**k Depression is the follow-up to the best-selling F**K Anxiety. In this book I take the information, tips, and insights that I have gained as a psychologist and translate them into language that doesn't suck. This is the self-help book for people who don't usually like self-help books. In Hardcore Self Help: F**K Depression, I talk to you like a friend. That means I speak directly to you, without psychobabble. Instead I tell you why your brain is such a troll.
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beginner level help
- By JAF on 08-15-17
By: Robert Duff
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Unstoppable Teams
- The Four Essential Actions of High-Performance Leadership
- By: Alden Mills
- Narrated by: David Marantz
- Length: 5 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Unstoppable Teams show managers at every level, at both large and small organizations, including private, public, and nonprofit, how to inspire, motivate, and lead the people around them.
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Insight from a real team leader.
- By Barry Moniak on 05-01-19
By: Alden Mills
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The Upside of Stress
- Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It
- By: Kelly McGonigal
- Narrated by: Kelly McGonigal
- Length: 8 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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More than 44 percent of Americans admit to losing sleep over stress. And while most of us do everything we can to reduce it, Stanford psychologist and best-selling author Kelly McGonigal, PhD, delivers a startling message: Stress isn't bad. In The Upside of Stress, McGonigal highlights new research indicating that stress can, in fact, make us stronger, smarter, and happier - if we learn how to embrace it.
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Bedtime Reading for Insomniacs
- By Rich on 11-26-17
By: Kelly McGonigal
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Call Me Tuesday
- Based on a True Story
- By: Leigh Byrne
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 7 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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At eight years old, Tuesday Storm's childhood is forever lost when the death of her older sister Audrey sends her family spiraling out of control into the darkest of dysfunction. In the wake of the tragedy, Tuesday's mother, distraught and looking for a scapegoat, singles Tuesday out from her siblings to take on the blame for Audrey's death, and then targets her for unspeakable abuse.
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loved it, so glad she shared her story.
- By Olivia Telles on 05-01-16
By: Leigh Byrne
What listeners say about Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me)
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- Cynthia
- 10-06-12
No Mistake buying this Audio
This book has a very interesting premise: that most of the problems we face in life are because we do not accept responsibility for our actions. People spend a great deal of time engaged in self-justification for hurtful actions.
One of the primary examples is what happened with the pre-school sex abuse scandals in the 90's. One of the most infamous started with accusations by a woman whom, it was later discovered, was mentally ill. Other parents at the school believed her, and children recounted improbable stories of abuse at the urging and direction of therapists and law enforcement.
"Mistakes Were Made" discusses the falibility of memory, and source confusion. In the example of the children making the accusations, leading questions became facts for the children. The same type of source confusion happens to adults.
When the therapists and law enforcement investigated the alleged abuse, they failed to notice that the children's stories were improbable. The investigators self-justified their failure to correlate the facts, and so many lives were ruined.
There is an extensive discussion of cognitive disonance, which is worth an entire book on its own. False memories are sometimes created to resolve cognitive disonance.
I did question the concept of "self-justification" as it applies to organizations, such as companies and countries. The authors treated those groups as if the groups were an individual entity. I didn't see any support for the position that a group somehow develops a consciousness and works to reduce cognitive disonance.
The performance was good. It's the first Audible Book I have listened to with two narrators that worked well.
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15 people found this helpful
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- Teadrinker
- 02-13-14
Overall Good Book
This is a good book but it starts out with politics and a presumption that everyone feels the way the authors do, a common academic mistake - why do we make such mistakes? Anyhow, I think of the book frequently - getting past the politics, it was good.
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7 people found this helpful
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- Russell
- 07-18-15
We All Make Mistakes It's How We Handle Them After
This book helped me back away from an argument where someone needed to justify their actions. I realized they were emotionally invested in what they did and a logical discussion of it was going to be rejected. It saved me some frustration and that was okay because the episode was a minor one. If that was all I took from this book then it would have failed.
The key is (But Not By Me). We really need to examine how we can convince ourselves our bad decision was a good one when actually it wasn't. We are predisposed to rationalize our actions and sometimes this hurts others and more importantly sometimes this hurts ourselves.
I rarely stop listening to a book on a long walk, but for this one after a chapter that inspired a eureka moment I had to. It wouldn't do to hear the next chapter when I needed to work out some things inspired by what I had just heard.
I liked the scientific approach in discussing how mistakes were made and the part that resonated the most was the repressed memory fad in the 1990's. A lot of people were harmed by that and a lot of experts who did not adhere to the scientific method compounded that damage. I was most impressed with the one repressed memory expert who parted company with her contemporaries and admitted mistakes. After reading this book, I want to emulate that courageous lady.
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5 people found this helpful
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- MariaD
- 02-07-15
Great perspectives
A really good look at how justification of our mistakes can lead to all sorts of bad outcomes. Every thing from the corporate world to the criminal justice system.
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1 person found this helpful
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- K. Vogt
- 11-17-17
SO many great points and examples!
Great narrating voices. Easy to follow and understand. Promotes introspection. I think everyone can take at least one thing away.
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- Tyler J.
- 08-14-15
insight to self and others
Where does Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me) rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
It ranks in the top 10%. I have read several other books that cover the same general topic, but this book boils down what most of us see every day in ourselves and others. Understanding why we or others struggle to take responsibility for our actions and perceptions is key in being able to change it and not be as critical of ourselves and others by taking responsibility and facing reality.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?
Wasn't me.
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- Acteon
- 04-23-14
Deep and illuminating
Where does Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me) rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
Among the very best, and among the most important.
What did you like best about this story?
It gives deep insight into the way our mind works and goes very far in helping us understand why people behave as they do.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
It made me very excited for glimpsing certain aspects of human nature than I had not understood until now, notably why people who are not psychopaths can sometimes behave in inhuman ways. And yes — I wanted to buy a hundred copies and send it to everyone I know.
Any additional comments?
I consider this one of the most important books I have ever read (listened to), and I have read many books on psychology in my life. The title in my opinion does not entirely do justice to its richness; after buying it, I did not listen to it for almost a year because the title made me think it was a kind of self-help book when in fact it is one of the best and deepest discussions of human nature that I know. However, I am unable to suggest a better title.
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- Mortis101
- 07-20-17
amazing book
one of the most interesting books I've ever read. shows the pitfalls of self justification & how to avoid them.
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- Derek
- 10-23-19
A bit too long
As others have already suggested, the information presented in this book is extremely interesting and presented well. However, the book just feels a tad too long.
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Overall
- Merril Burke
- 06-27-15
An excellent book
This book should be read in the first person. I am nearing the end of my career and this book has helped me understand some of the decisions I and others have made that seemed irrational before I listened to this book.
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