Patricia Wants to Cuddle
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By:
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Samantha Allen
About this listen
The contestants of a reality television dating show compete for love--and their lives--in this pulse-pounding and viciously funny fiction debut from the GLAAD Award-winning author of Real Queer America.
When the final four women in competition for an aloof, if somewhat sleazy, bachelor’s heart arrive on a mysterious island in the Pacific Northwest, they mentally prepare themselves for another week of extreme sleep deprivation, invasive interviews, and of course, the salacious drama that viewers nationwide tune in to eagerly devour. Each woman came on The Catch for her own reasons--brand sponsorships, followers, and yes, even love--and they’ve all got their eyes steadfastly trained on their respective prizes.
Enter Patricia, a temperamental but woefully misunderstood local, living alone in the dark, verdant woods and desperate to forge a connection of her own. As the contestants perform for the cameras that surround them, Patricia watches from her place in the shadows, a queer specter haunting the bombastic display of heterosexuality before her. But when the cast and crew at last make her acquaintance atop the island’s tallest and most desolate peak, they soon realize that if they’re to have any hope of making it to the next Elimination Event, they’ll first have to survive the night.
A whirlwind romp careening toward a last-girl-standing conclusion and a scathing indictment of contemporary American media culture, Patricia Wants to Cuddle is also a love story: between star-crossed lesbians who rise above their intolerant town, a deeply ambivalent woman and her budding self-actualization, and a chosen family of misfit islanders forging community against all odds.
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Four teens across the country have only one thing in common: A girl named Leila. She crashes into their lives in her absurdly red car at the moment they need someone the most. There's Hudson, a small-town mechanic who is willing to throw away his dreams for true love. And Bree, a runaway who seizes every Tuesday - and a few stolen goods along the way. Elliot believes in happy endings…until his own life goes off-script. And Sonia worries that when she lost her boyfriend, she also lost the ability to love.
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Great story!
- By Snigdha on 05-18-16
By: Adi Alsaid
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Fear: 13 Stories of Suspense and Horror
- By: R. L. Stine - editor
- Narrated by: MacLeod Andrews, Fred Berman, Rachel Butera, and others
- Length: 6 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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In this collection of 13 fabulously chilling stories from 13 true masters of suspense, including five New York Times best sellers and a number of Edgar Award nominees, all edited by none other than R. L. Stine, nothing is what it seems. From cannibalistic children, to an unwitting date with a vampire, to a crush on a boy who just might be a werewolf, no scary stone is left unturned. A must-have for all fans of the genre!
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Its cute
- By Jill on 07-27-13
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The American Girl
- A Novel
- By: Kate Horsley
- Narrated by: Julia Whelan, Nan McNamara
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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On a quiet summer morning, 17-year-old American exchange student Quinn Perkins stumbles out of the woods near the small French town of St. Roch. She is barefoot, bloodied, and unable to say what has happened to her; Quinn's appearance creates quite a stir, especially since the Blavettes - the French family with whom she's been staying - have mysteriously disappeared. Now the media, and everyone in the idyllic village, are wondering if the American girl had anything to do with her host family's disappearance.
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Oh well...
- By Leigh on 08-10-16
By: Kate Horsley
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Allison Hewitt Is Trapped
- A Zombie Novel
- By: Madeleine Roux
- Narrated by: Piper Goodeve
- Length: 11 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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One woman's story as she blogs about - and fights back against - the zombie apocalypse.
Allison Hewitt and her five colleagues at the Brooks and Peabody Bookstore are trapped together when the zombie outbreak hits. Allison reaches out for help through her blog, writing on her laptop. It may also be her only chance to reach her mother. But as the reality of their situation sinks in, Allison's blog becomes a harrowing account of her edge-of-the-seat adventures.
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lots of potential but disappointing
- By Linda B on 04-29-11
By: Madeleine Roux
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Edge of Sight
- By: Roxanne St. Claire
- Narrated by: Violet Grey
- Length: 11 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Fan-favorite author Roxanne St. Claire launches a daring new series that deftly combines action, mystery, and romance. After bearing witness to a journalist’s brutal murder, law student Samantha Fairchild is stunned when she is denied police protection.
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Absolutely Outstanding!!!
- By M. Davis on 07-29-11
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Croak
- By: Gina Damico
- Narrated by: Jessica Almasy
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Fed up with her wild behavior, 16-year-old Lex’s parents ship her off to upstate New York to live with her Uncle Mort for the summer, hoping that a few months of dirty farm work will whip her back into shape. But Uncle Mort’s true occupation is much dirtier than shoveling manure. He’s a Grim Reaper. And he’s going to teach Lex the family business. She quickly assimilates into the peculiar world of Croak, a town populated by reapers who deliver souls from this life to the next.
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Juvenile
- By Mark Faine on 09-23-13
By: Gina Damico
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Where Sea Meets Sky
- By: Karina Halle
- Narrated by: Angela Dawe, Nelson Hobbs
- Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
Joshua Miles has spent his early 20s spinning his wheels. Working dead-end jobs and living at home has left him exhausted and uninspired, with little energy to pursue his passion for graphic art. All that changes when he meets Gemma Henare, a vivacious out-of-towner from New Zealand. What begins as a one-night stand soon becomes a turning point for Josh. He can't get Gemma out of his head, even after she has left for home, and finds himself throwing caution to the wind for the first time in his life.
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Narration great, story boring
- By Desiree on 09-27-20
By: Karina Halle
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Starry Eyes
- By: Jenn Bennett
- Narrated by: Amy Melissa Bentley
- Length: 11 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Ever since last year's homecoming dance, best friends-turned-best enemies Zorie and Lennon have made an art of avoiding each other. It doesn't hurt that their families are the modern day, Californian version of the Montagues and Capulets. But when a group camping trip goes south, Zorie and Lennon find themselves stranded in the wilderness. Alone. Together. What could go wrong? With no one but each other for company, Zorie and Lennon have no choice but to hash out their issues via witty jabs and insults as they try to make their way to safety.
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Great story
- By Allyn Sweetapple on 04-18-22
By: Jenn Bennett
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Halcyon
- A Thriller
- By: Rio Youers
- Narrated by: George Newbern
- Length: 13 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Halcyon is the answer for all Americans who want to escape, but paradise isn't what it seems. A beautiful island in the middle of Lake Ontario - a self-sustaining community made up of people who want to live without fear, crime, or greed. Halcyon is run by Valerie Kemp, aka Mother Moon, benevolent and altruistic on the outside, but hiding an unimaginable darkness inside. She has dedicated her life to the pursuit of Glam Moon, a place of eternal beauty and healing. And she believes the pathway there can only be found at the end of pleasure.
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Intense and mesmerizing
- By Andrea on 09-25-18
By: Rio Youers
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Alaska Twilight
- By: Colleen Coble
- Narrated by: Rachel Dulude
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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For some people, Alaska is full of light and beauty. For Haley, it is a dangerous world of dark and tortured memories. She's here to document wildlife activist Kipp Nowak's bear encounters. But her real reason is to unearth the truth about a past murder. The suspense mounts when another body turns up, and Haley begins to wonder if the tragedies she experienced in the past are connected to the dangers and mysterious incidents of the present. Alaska Twilight is the story of a young woman's emergence from the shadows of past sorrow into the light of forgiveness and grace.
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Good story line with interesting characters.
- By Mimi on 05-21-19
By: Colleen Coble
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Ten
- By: Gretchen McNeil
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
It was supposed to be the weekend of their lives - an exclusive house party on Henry Island. Best friends Meg and Minnie are looking forward to two days of boys, booze, and fun-filled luxury. But what starts out as fun turns twisted after the discovery of a DVD with a sinister message: Vengeance is mine. And things only get worse from there. When a mysterious killer begins picking them off one by one, there's no escape. As the deaths become more violent and the teens turn on one another, can Meg find the killer before more people die?
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Think "And then there were none" for teens
- By Kevin on 03-02-20
By: Gretchen McNeil
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Wild Montana Skies
- Montana Rescue, Book 1
- By: Susan May Warren
- Narrated by: Cynthia Farrell
- Length: 12 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Search-and-rescue pilot Kacey Fairing is home on leave in Mercy Falls, Montana, 12 years after she joined the military to escape the mistakes of her past. With a job waiting for her as the new lead pilot of Peak Rescue in Glacier National Park, Kacey hopes to reconnect with the now-teenage daughter she sees only between deployments. What she doesn't realize is that someone else is also back in town.
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This narrator practically ruined the book
- By Carol on 05-03-18
By: Susan May Warren
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Speechless
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You will cry it’s so dull
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A collection of original short stories offers an intimate and dark portrait of life in the United States as they journey through California seeking answers to our changing world, dealing with such topics as jealousy, AIDS, sex, and Jim Morrison. A new reissue of Babitz’s collection of nine stories that look back on the 1980s and early 1990s - decades of dreams, drink, and glimpses of a changing world. Black Swans further celebrates the phenomenon of Eve Babitz, cementing her reputation as the voice of a generation.
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Torrid affairs @ Chateau Marmont
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At nineteen, she was an Instagram celebrity. Now, at thirty-five, she works behind the cosmetic counter at the "black and white store," peddling anti-aging products to women seeking physical and spiritual transformation. She too is seeking rebirth. She's about to undergo the high-risk, elective surgery Aesthetica, a procedure that will reverse all her past plastic surgery procedures, returning her, she hopes, to a truer self. Provided she survives the knife.
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Welcome to 1990s Norway. White picket fences run in neat rows, and Christian conservatism runs deep. But as the Artist considers her work, things start stirring themselves up. In a corner of Oslo, a coven of witches begin cooking up some curses. A time-traveling Edvard Munch arrives in town to join a death-metal band, closely pursued by the teenaged subject of his painting Puberty, who has murder on her mind. Meanwhile, out deep in the forest, a group of school girls get very lost and things get very strange. And awful things happen in aspic.
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A Fascinating Voice that edges too close to the Absurd
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Lucy has been writing her dissertation on Sappho for nine years when she and her boyfriend break up in a dramatic flameout. After she bottoms out in Phoenix, her sister in Los Angeles insists Lucy dog-sit for the summer. Annika's home is a gorgeous glass cube on Venice Beach, but Lucy can find little relief from her anxiety - not in the Greek chorus of women in her love addiction therapy group, not in her frequent Tinder excursions, not even in Dominic the foxhound's easy affection.
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When Ralph and Abby Lamb move in with Ralph’s mother, Laura, Abby hopes it’s just what she and her mother-in-law need to finally connect. After a traumatic childhood, Abby is desperate for a mother figure, especially now that she and Ralph are trying to become parents themselves. Abby just has so much love to give—to Ralph, to Laura, and to Mrs. Bondy, her favorite resident at the long-term care home where she works. But Laura isn’t interested in bonding with her daughter-in-law. She’s venomous and cruel, especially to Abby, and life with her is hellish.
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The Book of X tells the tale of Cassie, a girl born with her stomach twisted in the shape of a knot. From childhood with her parents on the family meat farm, to a desk job in the city, to finally experiencing love, she grapples with her body, men, and society, all the while imagining a softer world than the one she is in. Twining the drama of the everyday - school-age crushes, paying bills, the sickness of parents - with the surreal-rivers of thighs, men for sale, and fields of throats - Cassie's realities alternate to create a blurred, fantastic world of haunting beauty.
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Now I feel like I’m tied up in a not
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Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus
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Dr. Victor Frankenstein, an ambitious young scientist, is consumed by a fanatic desire to create a living being. He fashions an eight-foot-tall creature and succeeds in animating him, but, horrified by his visage, perceives his creation to be a monster and frightens him away. The monster, wandering in search of human companionship, is spurned and repulsed by all he approaches and learns to hate and to kill.
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What's a Lonely Creature to Do?
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Not Good for Maidens
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Beneath the streets of York, the goblin market calls to the Wickett women—the family of witches that tends to its victims. For generations, they have defended the old cobblestone streets with their magic. Knowing the dangers, they never entered the market—until May Wickett fell for a goblin girl, accepted her invitation, and became inextricably tied to the world her family tried to protect her from. The market learned her name, and even when she and her sister left York for Boston to escape it, the goblins remembered.
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Hidden Gem
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Mrs. S
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In an elite English boarding school where the girls kiss the marble statue of the famous dead author who used to walk the halls, a butch antipodean outsider arrives to take up the antiquated role of “matron.” Within this landscape of immense privilege, where difference is met with hostility, the matron finds herself unsure of her role, her accent and her body.
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Extraordinary
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What listeners say about Patricia Wants to Cuddle
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Lauren🌙
- 04-13-24
Not what I expected but in the best way possible
I came into this with a totally open mind when someone from my book club recommended this for the month. I honestly went into it thinking this was going to be a romance of some sort but thats further from the truth. There is a tiny romance piece but that’s it. I would say this has more of a horror element to it.
With that said, this book really is fun. It’s a pretty quick read and is great for people that love dating shows like “The Bachelor”. It also has a queer element to it which was a super adorable cherry on top.
The only thing holding me back from that 5th star is that I wish the ending wasn’t so rushed feeling. I wanted to know more… about her of course. I wanted to know more!! It just felt like it was missing some information that I could have really gotten into and that just didn’t happen which bummed me out.
Overall though, if you like fun, pretty tame horror stories this is a good one! I wasn’t expecting to like it as much as I did. I would recommend!
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-16-24
Bachelor with a hint of true crime
I loved the narrator, I loved the storyline, I just felt like it was very rushed. But it’s a parody based off of our reality and o truly enjoyed it
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- Andrew Rosenthal
- 07-27-22
A tad violent and dark but aside from that…
The book was a little dark but quite listenable Not really my taste. Not sure what the remaining characters motivations were, which makes them seem mostly crazy.
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- Kalie Lyn
- 09-26-24
Unique
Fun, graphic, unique read! Definitely will recommend for a mindless listen. Narrators are great as well!
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- Ashley R.
- 08-14-23
An interesting read
This book really surprised me. I wasn't expecting that type of an ending. It was a pretty good read overall.
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- Pierre Crevier
- 10-23-24
Really interesting story!
I was definitely not expecting some of the stuff that happened in this book - in a good way! Really fun read!
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- jmitch
- 06-28-22
CUDDLE ME ALREADY
Patricia gets what Patricia wants and we want more audiobooks like this!
Playfully deadpan narration juxtaposed beautifully with Allen’s clever writing style and fatalistic wit. You’ll hang on every moment, gush on every reveal, just dying to be a lucky few standing for that rose ceremony. Light the candles, pour a glass, and draw my warm bubble bath because true love awaits, my friends, if you’re willing to risk it all!
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4 people found this helpful
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- Miss M
- 10-17-24
Clever and Entertaining
Really clever and unexpected story. It was funny and entertaining, even if it was very self aware of its cleverness. A good satire about Bachelor Nation.
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- Christie
- 04-14-23
Unique premise but underwhelming follow-thru
Less funny and much more gory than I anticipated. Pacing also felt off throughout. it's not without it's charms, but overall, I was left unsatisfied
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- Ben
- 02-03-23
Entertaining - but gruesome
I love books with twists and turns, satire, dry humor, and lots of quirky moments… And if the twist hadn’t been gory horror (not my thing), then it would have been fine. Except for the fact that the ending felt rushed and not much conclusion was drawn or satisfying ending produced. All in all, it was cleverly written, I just could have done without the gore (personal preference).
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