Squeeze Me
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Scott Brick
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By:
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Carl Hiaasen
About this listen
NEW YORK TIMES BEST SELLER • A hilarious novel of social and political intrigue, set against the glittering backdrop of Florida’s gold coast, from the author of Skinny Dip and Razor Girl
“If you could use some wild escapism right now, Hiaasen is your guy.” —The New York Times
WITH A NEW EPILOGUE
At the height of Palm Beach’s charity ball season, Kiki Pew Fitzsimmons, a prominent member of geriatric high society, suddenly vanishes during a swank gala. Kiki Pew was a founding member of the Potussies, a group of women dedicated to supporting the President, who spends half the year at the “Winter White House” just down the road. Meanwhile, Angie Armstrong, wildlife wrangler extraordinaire, is called to the island to deal with a monster-sized Burmese python that has taken residency in a tree. But the President is focused on the disappearance of Kiki Pew. Never one to miss an opportunity to play to his base, he immediately declares her a victim of rampaging immigrant hordes. This, it turns out, is far from the truth, which now lies in the middle of the road, where a bizarre discovery brings the First Lady’s motorcade to a grinding halt. Irreverent, ingenious, and uproariously entertaining, Squeeze Me perfectly captures the absurdity of our times.
©2020 Carl Hiaasen (P)2020 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Carl Hiaasen remains the undefeated, unscored-upon conscience of Florida, maybe the conscience of the whole country. I laughed and laughed and laughed while I read Squeeze Me - until I remembered, hey, I live in Palm Beach! Oh yeah, spoiler alert - the python did it.” (James Patterson)
"By the evidence of the scabrous and unrelentingly hilarious Squeeze Me, the Trump era is truly Carl Hiaasen’s moment... Just dive in and have a wonderful time." (Richard Lipez, The Washington Post)
"Novelists, like the rest of us, can’t look away from the Trump administration. Unfortunately, they haven’t found much interesting to say about it. Carl Hiaasen’s thriller Squeeze Me is, blessedly, an exception ... Hiaasen is clear-eyed: He meets the president on his subterranean level ... Squeeze Me is funny, but as with Hiaasen’s best work, it’s grounded in genuine outrage over the corruption that increasingly defines American political and cultural life. And it turns out there’s no better place to invoke that outrage than the wealthy swamps of Florida." (Alex Shephard, The New Republic)
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- Unabridged
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Nobody knows what happened to Sarah Cook. The beautiful blonde teenager disappeared 15 years ago, the same night her parents were brutally murdered in their suburban Ohio home. Her boyfriend, Brad Stockton - black and from the wrong side of the tracks - was convicted of the murders and is now on death row. Though he's maintained his innocence all along, the clock is running out. His execution is only weeks away when his devoted sister insists she spied Sarah at an area gas station.
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Alcoholic PI
- By Karwyn on 05-17-18
By: Kristen Lepionka
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First Cut
- By: Judy Melinek, T.J. Mitchell
- Narrated by: Amanda Dolan
- Length: 10 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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For San Francisco’s newest medical examiner, Dr. Jessie Teska, it was supposed to be a fresh start. A new job in a new city. A way to escape her own dark past. Instead, she faces a chilling discovery when an opioid-overdose case contains hints of something more sinister. Jessie’s superiors urge her to close the case, but as more bodies land on her autopsy table, she uncovers a constellation of deaths that point to an elaborate plot involving drug dealers and Bitcoin brokers.
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Why???
- By Blu on 02-20-20
By: Judy Melinek, and others
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Love and Theft
- A Novel
- By: Stan Parish
- Narrated by: Angelo Di Loreto
- Length: 7 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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When Alex and Diane meet, there are instant, undeniable sparks. Both are single parents living in wealthy suburbia: independent, highly competent, and seemingly settled in their comfortable lives. She runs a successful catering business. He's a detail-oriented, rough-hewn thief who robs banks, casinos, and jewelry stores. They're immediately drawn to each other, but neither realizes initially that their lives have overlapped once before, under dangerous circumstances. Soon their shared history and burgeoning relationship will threaten everything they love.
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At the top of my list of favorites
- By Victor V. Cachia on 09-29-20
By: Stan Parish
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Florida Roadkill
- By: Tim Dorsey
- Narrated by: George Wilson
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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Sunshine State trivia buff Serge A. Storms loves eliminating jerks and pests. His drug-addled partner Coleman loves cartoons. Hot stripper Sharon Rhodes loves cocaine, especially when purchased with rich dead men's money. On the other hand, there's Sean and David, who love fishing and are kind to animals - and who are about to cross paths with a suitcase filled with $5 million in stolen insurance money. Serge wants the suitcase. Sharon wants the suitcase. Coleman wants more drugs... and the suitcase.
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Its a Mad Mad Mad Florida!
- By Mark on 09-26-11
By: Tim Dorsey
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Deadly Sexy
- A Novel
- By: Beverly Jenkins
- Narrated by: Myra Lucretia Taylor
- Length: 10 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Though her Lexus may be broken down on the California freeway, Jessi Teresa Blake is no damsel in distress. Rich, smart, and beautiful, JT, or "Lady Blake," as she is called, is one of the toughest sports agents around. She's negotiated megabucks contracts for every superstar in the business, and only the most confident of men can match wits with her. Men like Reese Anthony, the impossibly sexy trucker who gives her a lift back to Oakland. But Reese isn't just a truck driver—he's a partner in his family's multi-million-dollar company, a lawyer, and a former cop.
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Phenomenally Pleasurable!!!
- By Claudette Alexander-Thomason on 06-24-21
By: Beverly Jenkins
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The Rabbit Factory
- By: Marshall Karp
- Narrated by: Tom Stechschulte, James Jenner
- Length: 14 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Marshall Karp is an acclaimed playwright known for his witty sense of humor and crackling dialogue. His debut novel The Rabbit Factory stars the irreverent LAPD detective duo of Mike Lomax and Terry Biggs. Dean Lamaar is the architect of an entertainment empire and the creator of iconic characters like Rambunctious Rabbit and McGreedy the Moose.
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Bizarre but engaging mystery.1st-rate performance.
- By MidwestGeek on 12-19-12
By: Marshall Karp
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All the Pretty Girls
- Taylor Jackson, Book 1
- By: J. T. Ellison
- Narrated by: Joyce Bean
- Length: 10 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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When a local girl falls prey to a sadistic serial killer, Nashville homicide lieutenant Taylor Jackson and her lover, FBI profiler Dr. John Baldwin, find themselves in a joint investigation pursuing a vicious murderer. The Southern Strangler is slaughtering his way through the Southeast, leaving a gruesome memento at each crime scene – the prior victim’s severed hand.
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Distracting subplot and uninteresting characters
- By Ed on 05-13-10
By: J. T. Ellison
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Best book this year!
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Wish Hiaasen would get off his political soapbox
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This novel by Carl Hiaasen, author of Tourist Season and Native Tongue, begins as most thrillers do, with a killing. But this is no everyday, hum-drum, garden variety killing. Our hero, Nick Stranahan, a 42-year-old private investigator who has killed five men and been married five times, skewers his attacker's aorta with the razor-sharp bill of a stuffed marlin.
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Skintight
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A twisted tale of murder in the world of big-stakes bass fishing tournaments. Filled with ex-wives, evangelists, and an armed pit-bull, this is a story that could only be concocted by Carl Hiaasen, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, New York Times best-selling author, and czar of Florida noir fiction.
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Not for dog lovers
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Bad Monkey
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Andrew Yancy—late of the Miami Police and soon-to-be-late of the Monroe County sheriff’s office—has a human arm in his freezer. There’s a logical (Hiaasenian) explanation for that, but not for how and why it parted from its shadowy owner. Yancy thinks the boating-accident/shark-luncheon explanation is full of holes, and if he can prove murder, the sheriff might rescue him from his grisly Health Inspector gig (it’s not called the roach patrol for nothing).
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Flame-out fail
- By Lars on 06-16-13
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Tourist Season
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Tourist season is swinging into high gear in Miami. So are the activities of a bizarre terrorist group determined to keep the hapless "snowbirds" away. Armed with bombs, weed, and jumbled credos, they move toward their grand target, the Orange Bowl Parade, with plans to bring Miami and its tourist trade to a halt.
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CAUTION: BELLY ACHING LAUGHTER IMMINENT!
- By Tracy P. on 02-08-17
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Razor Girl
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When Lane Coolman's car is bashed from behind on the road to the Florida Keys, what appears to be an ordinary accident is anything but (this is Hiaasen!). Behind the wheel of the other car is Merry Mansfield - the eponymous Razor Girl - and the crash scam is only the beginning of events that spiral crazily out of control while unleashing some of the wildest characters Hiaasen has ever set loose.
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Best book this year!
- By green ice cream garden on 09-19-16
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Wish Hiaasen would get off his political soapbox
- By J. A. Stephenson on 09-30-23
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Skintight
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Not for dog lovers
- By Tonette on 01-21-08
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Bad Monkey
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Andrew Yancy—late of the Miami Police and soon-to-be-late of the Monroe County sheriff’s office—has a human arm in his freezer. There’s a logical (Hiaasenian) explanation for that, but not for how and why it parted from its shadowy owner. Yancy thinks the boating-accident/shark-luncheon explanation is full of holes, and if he can prove murder, the sheriff might rescue him from his grisly Health Inspector gig (it’s not called the roach patrol for nothing).
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Flame-out fail
- By Lars on 06-16-13
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Tourist Season
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CAUTION: BELLY ACHING LAUGHTER IMMINENT!
- By Tracy P. on 02-08-17
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Lucky You
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Grange, Florida, is famous for its miracles - the weeping fiberglass Madonna, the Road-Stain Jesus, the stigmata man. And now it has JoLayne Lucks, unlikely winner of the state lottery. Unfortunately, JoLayne's winning ticket isn't the only one. The other belongs to Bodean Gazzer and his raunchy sidekick, Chub, who believe they're entitled to the whole $28 million jackpot. And they need it quickly, to start their own underground militia before NATO troops invade America. But JoLayne Lucks has her own plans for the Lotto money - an Eden-like forest in Grange must be saved from strip-malling.
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Not Hiaasen's best work
- By Jimmy on 06-18-13
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Fever Beach
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“The afternoon of September first, dishwater-gray and rainy, a man named Dale Figgo picked up a hitchhiker on Gus Grissom Boulevard in Tangelo Falls, Florida. The hitchhiker, who reminded Figgo of Danny DeVito, asked for a lift to the interstate. Figgo said he’d take him there after finishing an errand.” Thus begins Fever Beach, with an errand that leads—in pure Hiaasen-style—into the depths of Florida at its most Floridian: a sun-soaked bastion of right-wing extremism, white power, greed, and corruption.
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Nature Girl
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Honey Santana, impassioned, willful, possibly bipolar, self-proclaimed "queen of lost causes", has a scheme to help rid the world of irresponsibility, indifference, and dinnertime sales calls. She's taking rude, gullible Relentless, Inc., telemarketer Boyd Shreave and his less-than-enthusiastic mistress, Eugenie, into the wilderness of Florida's Ten Thousand Islands for a gentle lesson in civility. What she doesn't know is that she's being followed by her Honey-obsessed former employer.
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Sample first!
- By Michael on 11-25-06
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Strip Tease
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Wilson
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- Unabridged
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No matter what you heard or thought about the movie version of Strip Tease, forget it. Film simply can’t catch the layers of humor, satire, and imagination that Pulitzer Prize-winning author Carl Hiaasen creates in each of his novels.
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Hilarious drama
- By Pam W on 11-14-13
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Basket Case
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: George Newbern
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Once a hotshot investigative reporter, Jack Tagger now bangs out obituaries for a South Florida daily, "plotting to resurrect my newspaper career by yoking my byline to some famous stiff". Jimmy Stoma, the infamous front man of Jimmy and the Slut Puppies, dead in a fishy-smelling scuba "accident", might be the stiff of Jack’s dreams - if only he can figure out what happened.
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My fav Hiaasen book
- By Karen on 11-28-16
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Squirm
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- Length: 7 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Some facts about Billy Dickens: He once saw a biker swerve across the road in order to run over a snake. Later, that motorcycle somehow ended up at the bottom of a canal. Billy isn't the type to let things go. Some facts about Billy's family: They've lived in six different Florida towns because Billy's mom insists on getting a house near a bald eagle nest. Billy's dad left when he was four and is a total mystery. Billy has just found his dad's address - in Montana.
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Great kids book
- By Helen W. on 10-13-18
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Powder Burn
- By: Carl Hiaasen, Bill Montalbano
- Narrated by: Robert Ramirez
- Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling author Carl Hiaasen teamed up with journalist Bill Montalbano for this gripping thriller. Powder Burn stars Chris Meadows, a successful Miami architect who's leaving a meeting with an ex-girlfriend when he sees a car strike his ex, killing her. But the nightmare is only just beginning. As a witness to the crime, Chris knows the car's passengers - thugs linked to Miami's deadliest drug lords - are sure to come after him next. But what can he do if the police refuse to give him protection?
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I Love Carl Hiaasen, but man this was the hard
- By Samantha on 09-30-13
By: Carl Hiaasen, and others
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Chomp
- By: Carl Hiaasen
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- Unabridged
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When Wahoo Cray’s dad - a professional animal wrangler - takes a job with a reality TV show called Expedition Survival!, Wahoo figures he'll have to do a bit of wrangling himself to keep his father from killing Derek Badger, the show's inept and egotistical star. But the job keeps getting more complicated: Derek Badger insists on using wild animals for his stunts; and Wahoo's acquired a shadow named Tuna - a girl who's sporting a shiner courtesy of her father and needs a place to hide out.
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Performance
- By Janet on 04-21-12
By: Carl Hiaasen
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Dance of the Reptiles
- Rampaging Tourists, Marauding Pythons, Larcenous Legislators, Crazed Celebrities, and Tar-Balled Beaches: Selected Columns
- By: Carl Hiaasen, Diane Stevenson - editor
- Narrated by: Arte Johnson
- Length: 12 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
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If you think the wildest, wackiest stories that Carl Hiaasen can tell have all made it into his hilarious, bestselling novels, think again. Dance of the Reptiles collects the best of Hiaasen’s Miami Herald columns, which lay bare the stories—large and small—that demonstrate anew that truth is far stranger than fiction.
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Great book. Required reading!
- By Ron on 02-12-14
By: Carl Hiaasen, and others
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Hoot
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Chad Lowe
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- Unabridged
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Everybody loves Mother Paula's pancakes. Everybody, that is, except the colony of cute but endangered owls that live on the building site of the new restaurant. Can the awkward new kid and his feral friend prank the pancake people out of town? Or is the owls' fate cemented in pancake batter?
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HOOT
- By Joseph on 12-05-03
By: Carl Hiaasen
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The Downhill Lie
- A Hacker's Return to a Ruinous Sport
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Carl Hiaasen
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Originally drawn to the game by his father, Carl Hiaasen wisely quit golfing in 1973. But some ambitions refuse to die, and as the years - and memories of shanked 7-irons - faded, it dawned on Carl that there might be one thing in life he could do better in middle age than he could as a youth. So gradually he ventured back to the dreaded driving range, this time as the father of a five-year-old son -and also as a grandfather.
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Not a Bogie but a Birdie !
- By G. Cernicky on 10-08-08
By: Carl Hiaasen
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The Edible Exile
- A Byliner Original
- By: Carl Hiaasen
- Narrated by: Scott Brick
- Length: 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Cuervo is a pampered Nicaraguan moneyman, funding a guerrilla war from his cushy Miami penthouse. Sixto is his hulking, pistol-packing attendant, whose job satisfaction is on the wane. When an aging mobster enters their lives with a promise to help the rebel cause - with a planeload of chickens originally intended for voodoo sacrifice - a tense situation turns combustible. From the wickedly funny mind of Carl Hiaasen comes "The Edible Exile", a raucous story of sleazeball nihilists, lovable thugs, and jungle-weary freedom fighters who collide in a battle of wills, ego, and the almighty dollar.
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A bit short
- By JC on 09-10-15
By: Carl Hiaasen
What listeners say about Squeeze Me
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- William
- 08-31-20
Good author gone bad
Carl knows how to write, and his Florida-crazy books are always entertaining. Till now. Now he's crazy with Trump-hatred. I'm returning the book.
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60 people found this helpful
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- Ronald
- 08-31-20
Hiassen has Done it Again, He had me laughing
I have read in hardcover or listened in audible to every novel Carl Hiassen has written, but Squeeze Me may be his BEST. I laughed from the beginning to the end. He creates crazy and quirky characters, always in detail. The narration was superb. I have already recommended this audible to a dozen friends. During these crazy covid times, Squeeze Me was such an refreshing and funny treat. If I could I would give this TEN STARS !! Ron C in Boston
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14 people found this helpful
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- Jessica S
- 08-31-20
So good!
Funny, timely. Exactly what I needed. And the narration is spot on. A big top hat off.
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10 people found this helpful
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- P. J. Lewis
- 09-13-20
Another Hiaasen classic!
Carl Hiaasen has been my favorite author for decades, and he really knocked it out of the park with "Squeeze Me." His timing couldn't be better for this wonderful satire that is so close to reality it's scary. I love his character Angie Armstrong, and I am thrilled to see he brought back Skink, my favorite Hiaasen character by far! I hope Carl never stops writing. I need his humor and talented story telling to get me through life.
For those who have not read all of his books, I recommend you get started now, and go through his entire collection. He has been calling for environmental and social justice from the beginning of his career. I also highly recommend his book "Team Rodent." Carl writes non-fiction just as well as he creates his wonderful stories to teach us about the fragile ecosystem in Florida.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Island Dawg
- 08-29-20
Skink & Angie
It’s all Skink & Angie. The rest is hilarious absurd BS. Laugh out loud at times and grin and bare it other times.
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5 people found this helpful
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- KDAmazon Customer
- 09-14-20
Fall on the floor funny
Really hysterical and you can visualize everything Hiaasen writes about.
Your eyes will tear up at the descriptive threats of “ waxed nutsacks”
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4 people found this helpful
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- L. Packard
- 01-10-21
A pure delight!
This book was recommended by a friend. Not having read anything by Carl Hiaasen before I wasn't prepared for the sheer delight I would experience whenever I was able to listen. Plenty of thinly veiled characters mimicking real life, mention of the pandemic, and a glimpse into the privileged life of wealthy Palm Beach patrons who hob nob with the president. Loved the writing which was truly enhanced by the reader. I know I'll be chuckling about this one for days to come.
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4 people found this helpful
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- V & D in Tampa
- 07-18-21
Fabulous Satire
If you are not a fan of 45, this book is for you. What a perfect portrayal of the idiot that occupied the White House. The humor is fantastic and very entertaining. Highly recommend for enjoyable listening.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Julie E. Poland
- 08-08-21
Laugh out loud funny
I’m a Hiaasen fan, and this book tickled me. Stupid villains, poetic justice, a reappearance by a couple of my favorite characters, and wit that skewers some of Palm Beach’s most notorious residents. Thanks, may I have another?
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1 person found this helpful
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- Ross Magill
- 06-20-21
Bwaaahaaa
Loved this book with all of the nicknames. I was wondering when Jim and Shink we’re going to make an appearance and Carl did not disappoint. Thank you Sir!!!
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1 person found this helpful