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The Fantastically Underwhelming Epic
- Narrated by: Kevin Kemp
- Length: 22 hrs and 7 mins
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Publisher's summary
George is a legendary hero...wait, no. George is an incredibly powerful sorcerer...also no?
Okay, fine. George is an unremarkable human bard who made a promise a long time ago. A promise that set him on a path to find the remains of Simantiar, the greatest wizard who ever lived. Though all that was left were bones, Simantiar was still very much alive and quite...underwhelming.
This is their story: The Fantastically Underwhelming Epic of a dead wizard and an average bard.
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Performance
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As niece of the king, Elise Lysander cares about two things: sneaking into gambling dens, and avoiding an advantageous marriage at all costs. When her uncle holds the life of her deathly ill father over her head, reluctantly, Elise puts her fate into the hands of Legion Grey, the handsome and mysterious dowry negotiator. He may be arrogant and infuriating, but soon Legion incites a blistering, forbidden passion she can’t ignore.
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Great concept, poor execution on the writing side
- By Kel on 11-24-22
By: LJ Andrews
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Sundered Soul
- Sundered Soul, Book 1
- By: Rick Scott
- Narrated by: Maks Daniels
- Length: 11 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Kenji's only dream in life is to become a great rebirther like his father. But with no talent for the mystic arts, the age-old tradition of cultivating essence by returning things to their newborn state, to grow a second and third time, is far beyond his grasp. Worse still, he is yet to be rebirthed himself and stands a dullard of a giant among his diminutive peers. Relegated to working the orchards as a common laborer, Kenji settles into a life of lowered expectations; with no chance for advancement and no chance of pursuing the woman he loves.
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Very disappointed.
- By Randy Smith on 02-13-20
By: Rick Scott
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Flight to Eden
- Cradleland Chronicles #1
- By: Douglas Hirt
- Narrated by: Michael Taylor
- Length: 16 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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A dark power is at work, intent on gaining complete control of the CradleLand, the birthplace of the still-young world. All that stands in the Power's way is one troublesome line of humans: descendants of Seth. They are of the only remaining clan clinging to an all-but-dead faith. And yet it's from that faith that a prophecy threatens all plans of world dominion.
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Great story, buy the book instead.
- By Joshua on 07-23-11
By: Douglas Hirt
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The Oremere Chronicles Omnibus
- The Complete Series
- By: Helen Scheuerer
- Narrated by: Angele Masters
- Length: 52 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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At 16, Bleak lost the only person she cared for when her mentor died at sea. Now 19, she still misses him terribly. She needs him more than ever. That’s why Bleak drinks. But the haze of the mead and wine has hidden something from her. Her powers have grown more than she knows. Others have noticed. When the king sends his top commander to take her, Bleak is too hungover to resist. But he isn’t the only one who needs her for their plans. What does he want?
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“Whut?”
- By Anonymous User on 02-08-23
By: Helen Scheuerer
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Markswoman
- Asiana, Book 1
- By: Rati Mehrotra
- Narrated by: Emily Woo Zeller
- Length: 11 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Kyra is the youngest Markswoman in the Order of Kali, a highly trained sisterhood of elite warriors armed with telepathic blades. Guided by a strict code of conduct, Kyra and the other Orders are sworn to protect the people of Asiana. But to be a Markswoman, an acolyte must repudiate her former life completely. Kyra has pledged to do so, yet she secretly harbors a fierce desire to avenge her dead family. When Kyra's beloved mentor dies in mysterious circumstances, and Tamsyn, the dangerous Mistress of Mental Arts, assumes control, Kyra is forced on the run.
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Everything I look for in a fantasy series!
- By Shawscribbles on 02-11-18
By: Rati Mehrotra
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A Song of Wraiths and Ruin
- By: Roseanne A. Brown
- Narrated by: Jordan Cobb, A. J Beckles
- Length: 12 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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For Malik, the Solstasia festival is a chance to escape his war-stricken home and start a new life with his sisters in the prosperous desert city of Ziran. But when a vengeful spirit abducts his younger sister, Nadia, as payment to enter the city, Malik strikes a fatal deal - kill Karina, Crown Princess of Ziran, for Nadia’s freedom. But Karina has deadly aspirations of her own. Her mother, the Sultana, has been assassinated; her court threatens mutiny; and Solstasia looms like a knife over her neck. Grief-stricken, Karina decides to resurrect her mother through ancient magic.
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A truly unique and beautiful tale....
- By Anonymous User on 08-18-20
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Nightglass
- By: Liane Merciel
- Narrated by: Eric Michael Summerer
- Length: 9 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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In the grim nation of Nidal, carefully chosen children are trained to practice dark magic, summoning forth creatures of horror and shadow. Isiem is one such student, a promising young shadowcaster whose powers are the envy of his peers. Upon coming of age, he's dispatched on a mission of genocide against the winged humanoids of Devii's Perch. Yet as the body count rises and Isiem comes face to face with the people he's exterminating, lines begin to blur, and the shadowcaster must ask himself who the real monsters are....
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Riveting
- By david on 11-23-15
By: Liane Merciel
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Rise of the Ranger
- The Echoes Saga, Book 1
- By: Philip C. Quaintrell
- Narrated by: Steven Brand
- Length: 15 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Mankind has lorded over the land of Illian for a thousand years, building on the ruins left by the elves, as if it were their birthright. A thousand years is a long time for an immortal race to see the truth of things, a truth that has remained unsaid for a millennium - elves are superior. They are faster, stronger, and connected to the magical realm in a way that man could never grasp. Illian should belong to them.
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Worth it
- By Ali on 03-24-18
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Finding Real Magic
- Relic Diver, Book 1
- By: Shawn Keys
- Narrated by: Erin Bateman
- Length: 12 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Zahn’s life has been anything but ordinary. While hunting archaic relics infused with magic from continent to continent, his latest search brings him to Hollywood, and then face-to-face with a movie star he has idolized for years. Until now, he has only cared about the quest. But as lust and love break into his life, Zahn is caught up in a violent competition to retrieve one of the most powerful magical creations of all time from its ancient resting place.
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Pretty good
- By Andrew M. S. on 05-26-20
By: Shawn Keys
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Greek Mythology Explained
- A Deeper Look at Classical Greek Lore and Myth
- By: Marios Christou, David Ramenah
- Narrated by: Derek Perkins
- Length: 10 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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A fascinating take on classical Greek stories: Discover six classic Greek myths in this exciting retelling that paints both famous and lesser known characters in a whole new light. Follow the likes of Odysseus, Lamia, Bellerophon, Icarus, Medusa, and Artemis as their fates are revealed through bloody trials, gut-wrenching betrayals, sinister motives, and broken hearts.
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Adults only
- By Morgen La on 01-21-22
By: Marios Christou, and others
What listeners say about The Fantastically Underwhelming Epic
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Saeed Ajaib
- 05-05-22
Impressive debut!
I really enjoyed this debut by Kian N. Ardalan.
The world felt rich and lived in, the characters fleshed out and it had compelling prose!
I would love to see more stories in this world!
The narrator did a great job keeping me engaged and all the characters had a distinct voice.
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- Anonymous User
- 04-07-22
Fantastic work
The story has so much life, the performance is absolutely fantastic with never not knowing who’s speaking at any time. The voices are great!
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- Anonymous User
- 08-11-21
ok
it was an ok story i liked it but it did have dome twists i did not like. The narrator was on point very good. i can say give it a read or listen. it is worth it.
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- Trixy Mischief
- 08-06-21
FLAWLESS
This is a must-listen for any fantasy fan. It is beautifully written and the narrator is incredible! The story is joyful and yet realistic in a unique way. I don't want to spoil anything, simply give it a listen because this was the first listen in years that I was sad to have end.
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- Sagi ayalon
- 08-07-23
definitely enjoyed listening to it
the book have his strengths and weaknesses in my perception so the strengths are the sense of humor used the imagination the magical lands creatures and the way everything came together
some of the things that I had some difficulty with
are things such as did the story did not stitch correctly the sum of the sense to try to use did not make sense if you pay attention to the story some of the fights winning and losing it seems just the thing that they offer I needed to make it happen but they didn't make it sensible to the characters and the progression
making boundless magic been creating boundaries can be a bit challenging so perhaps some guided rules concepts ideas and building something would have been advisable
enjoy the jokes and the sense of humor but would have liked more of it
some of the depths of some of the characters could have been in a bit deeper
the narrator made the wizard sound like the old guy that is kind of a pedophile in family Guy that was slightly amusing but maybe get tiring after a while
all together it was a fascinating world that may have a lot of different ways to be expressed and grown I would have been interested to hearing more about that universe and the way the magic with the grow there and not necessarily with the need of custodials despair and lots of violence though the world many good words of wisdom there
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- Benny Woodcock
- 08-19-22
Fantastically Underwhelming Epic
One of the finest listening experiences I have had the pleasure of enjoying.
Respectfully,
Benny Woodcock
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- Linda Evans
- 05-15-23
Too sweet!
Leaves you hungry for more adventures. Perfect character development, sappy and thoughtful. Miss that skull
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- Mark
- 08-27-22
Endearingly Underwhelming
The Fantastically Underwhelming Epic of a Dead Wizard and an Average Bard, written by Kian N. Ardalan, lives up to its title at times, yet at other times is quite a fun story... so I'm torn. Ultimately I think it's a good story, and as the chapters progress, it gets more interesting... but occasionally, it flounders, and I can't help but think some more aggressive editing could have tightened up the story.
Set in a land in a time after magic has left the world, we follow the adventure of an unremarkable bard named George. He has a life goal of finding a forgotten, maybe mythical, place where the heart's desire can be granted.
He's fairly sure it exists. He has a magical talking skull tucked away in his rucksack that proves at least part of the myth is true... so surely the rest of it is.
The skull, a long, long dead wizard named Simantiar who lived in the time of magic. The most powerful wizard who ever existed but has since lost all of his memories and subsists on a diet of snarky remarks.
The narration by Kevin Kemp was well done. I could have lived without the slight whistle behind Simantiar's voice, but after a while, it stopped bothering me as much. The characters are all quite endearing, well, most of them, and Kemp does a great job voicing them as such.
Overall, I think I'll listen to this one again in the future. It was enjoyable enough to revisit, even if there were parts I thought dragged on a bit.
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1 person found this helpful
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- BoozeCrafts
- 07-24-21
Fantastic? Yes! Underwhelming? Nope!
This story drew me into it's world, a wholly realized world with fully fleshed out characters (pun intended)! I found myself entranced with the magical aspects and laughing at the banter between the main characters as they journeyed through the dangerous forest together.
I loved how the characters' back stories were woven into the main story, it felt natural and not like a large jump or abrupt insertion of information.
The narration was phenomenal in my opinion, giving life to each character while maintaining a smooth and and comfortable narration throughout.
I hope the author allows us more opportunities to visit this world, with or without returning characters!
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- Megan Welborn
- 11-11-21
Slow paced
If you like a LOT of backstory, you'll love this. I found the pacing extremely slow due to constantly returning to backstory. For a while, we couldn't even get through a chapter before heading back in time.
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