
The Gardener and the Carpenter
What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children
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Narrated by:
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Erin Bennett
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By:
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Alison Gopnik
About this listen
Caring deeply about our children is part of what makes us human. Yet the thing we call "parenting" is a surprisingly new invention. In the past 30 years, the concept of parenting and the multibillion-dollar industry surrounding it have transformed child care into obsessive, controlling, and goal-oriented labor intended to create a particular kind of child and therefore a particular kind of adult.
In The Gardener and the Carpenter, pioneering developmental psychologist and philosopher Alison Gopnik argues that the familiar 21st-century picture of parents and children is profoundly wrong - it's not just based on bad science, it's bad for kids and parents, too. Drawing on the study of human evolution and her own cutting-edge scientific research into how children learn, Gopnik shows that although caring for children is profoundly important, it is not a matter of shaping them to turn out a particular way. Children are designed to be messy and unpredictable, playful and imaginative, and very different both from their parents and from each other. The variability and flexibility of childhood lets them innovate, create, and survive in an unpredictable world. "Parenting" won't make children learn - but caring parents let children learn by creating secure, loving environments.
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Good, but too optimistic about what it can achieve
- By Robin H. on 05-06-16
By: Kelly Brogan M.D., and others
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The Book of Mistakes
- By: Skip Prichard
- Narrated by: Skip Prichard
- Length: 4 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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The Book of Mistakes will take you on an inspiring journey, following an ancient manuscript with powerful lessons that will transform your life. You'll meet David, a young man who with each passing day is more disheartened and stressed. Despite a decent job, apartment, and friends, he just feels hollow...until one day he meets a mysterious young woman and everything starts to change. In this self-help tale wrapped in fiction, you'll learn the nine mistakes that prevent many from achieving their goals. You'll learn how to overcome these hurdles and reinvent your life.
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Good points, corny story
- By Easy Rider on 04-17-18
By: Skip Prichard
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The Gift of Failure
- How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed
- By: Jessica Lahey
- Narrated by: Jessica Lahey
- Length: 7 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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In the tradition of Paul Tough's How Children Succeed and Wendy Mogel's The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, this groundbreaking manifesto focuses on the critical school years when parents must learn to allow their children to experience the disappointment and frustration that occur from life's inevitable problems so that they can grow up to be successful, resilient, and self-reliant adults.
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Just Ok
- By MB34 on 12-18-19
By: Jessica Lahey
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How to Listen
- Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication
- By: Oscar Trimboli
- Narrated by: Oscar Trimboli
- Length: 7 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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At a time when we are more technologically linked than ever, our conversations have never been more distracted and disconnected—because most don’t know how to truly listen. The result? You constantly fight to be “heard” over all the noise and distraction. In How to Listen, Oscar Trimboli, host of the Apple-award-winning podcast Deep Listening, shows you how to unlock your listening superpowers. Trimboli shares practical and pragmatic insights to help you notice when you aren’t listening—and what to do about it.
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A transformative journey
- By Amazon Customer on 11-03-22
By: Oscar Trimboli
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The Smartest Kids in the World
- And How They Got That Way
- By: Amanda Ripley
- Narrated by: Kate Reading
- Length: 7 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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How do other countries create "smarter" kids? In a handful of nations, virtually all children are learning to make complex arguments and solve problems they've never seen before. They are learning to think, in other words, and to thrive in the modern economy.What is it like to be a child in the world's new education superpowers? In a global quest to find answers for our own children, author and Time magazine journalist Amanda Ripley follows three Americans embedded in these countries for one year.
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a Wanna-be fiction writer avoids the subject
- By Niall on 11-23-13
By: Amanda Ripley
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The Art of Making Memories
- How to Create and Remember Happy Moments
- By: Meik Wiking
- Narrated by: Meik Wiking
- Length: 4 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Memories are the cornerstones of our identity, shaping who we are, how we act, and how we feel. In his work as a happiness researcher, Meik Wiking has learned that people are happier if they hold a positive, nostalgic view of the past. But how do we make and keep the memories that bring us lasting joy? The Art of Making Memories examines how mental images are made, stored, and recalled in our brains, as well as the "art of letting go" - why we tend to forget certain moments to make room for deeper, more meaningful ones.
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Pineapple
- By Mary on 12-25-22
By: Meik Wiking
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The Brave Learner
- Finding Everyday Magic in Homeschool, Learning, and Life
- By: Julie Bogart, Susan Wise Bauer - foreword
- Narrated by: Julie Bogart
- Length: 10 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Parents who are deeply invested in their children's education can be hard on themselves and their kids. When exhausted parents are living the day-to-day grind, it can seem impossible to muster enough energy to make learning fun or interesting. Author Julie Bogart distills decades of experience - homeschooling her five now grown children, developing curricula, and training homeschooling families around the world - to teach parents how to make education an exciting, even enchanting, experience for their kids, whether they're in elementary or high school.
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Audio Version is Challenging
- By SAG Victor on 05-11-19
By: Julie Bogart, and others
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This One Wild and Precious Life
- The Path Back to Connection in a Fractured World
- By: Sarah Wilson
- Narrated by: Sarah Wilson
- Length: 13 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Many of us are living with the sense that things are not right with the world, as global problems like the pandemic, the climate crisis, polarization, and social injustice mount, leaving us in a state of spiritual PTSD. We have retreated, morally and psychologically; we are experiencing a crisis of disconnection—from one another, from our true values, from joy, and from life as we feel we are meant to be living it. Sarah Wilson argues that this sense of despair and disconnection is ironically what unites us—that deep down, we are all feeling that same itch for a new way of living.
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A lot about her personal life - very long
- By Lauriloo on 11-07-21
By: Sarah Wilson
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Balanced and Barefoot
- How Unrestricted Outdoor Play Makes for Strong, Confident, and Capable Children
- By: Angela J. Hanscom
- Narrated by: Rebecca Mitchell
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Today's kids have adopted sedentary lifestyles filled with television, video games, and computer screens. But more and more, studies show that children need "rough and tumble" outdoor play in order to develop their sensory, motor, and executive functions. Disturbingly, a lack of movement has been shown to lead to a number of health and cognitive difficulties, such as attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), emotion regulation and sensory processing issues, and aggressiveness at school recess break.
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Good information, challenging to listen to as it refers to itself often.
- By Patrick R. Quinn on 08-12-16
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Mind in the Making
- The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs
- By: Ellen Galinsky
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 11 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Ellen Galinsky has spent her entire career studying early childhood development, first at Vassar College, then for 25 years at the Bank Street College of Education, and for the past 20 years as the founder and now president of the Families and Work Institute. What she has found is that there is an enormous gap between what researchers have discovered and what parents have been told about those discoveries. Mind in the Making bridges this gap, bringing the work of more than 100 scientists into a form that parents everywhere can use.
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Not too bad
- By Mauro Locarnini on 08-26-22
By: Ellen Galinsky
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No Bad Kids
- Toddler Discipline Without Shame
- By: Janet Lansbury
- Narrated by: Janet Lansbury
- Length: 3 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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For parents who are anticipating or experiencing those critical years when toddlers are developmentally obliged to test the limits of our patience and love, No Bad Kids is a practical, indispensable resource for putting respectful discipline into action.
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Boundaries lead to happiness
- By Austin on 06-12-25
By: Janet Lansbury
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Don't Make Me Count to Three!
- By: Ginger Hubbard
- Narrated by: Stephanie Richardson
- Length: 3 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Ginger’s candid approach will help moms move beyond the frustrations of not knowing how to handle issues of disobedience and into a confident, well-balanced approach to raising their children.
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A great example of how to be a Christian parent
- By Megan Leija on 08-08-23
By: Ginger Hubbard
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Outdoor Kids in an Inside World
- Getting Your Family Out of the House and Radically Engaged with Nature
- By: Steven Rinella
- Narrated by: Steven Rinella
- Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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In the era of screens and devices, the average American spends 90 percent of their time indoors, and children are no exception. Not only does this phenomenon have consequences for kids’ physical and mental health, it jeopardizes their ability to understand and engage with anything beyond the built environment. Thankfully, with the right mind-set, families can find beauty, meaning, and connection in a life lived outdoors. Here, outdoors expert Steven Rinella shares the parenting wisdom he has garnered as a father whose family has lived amid the biggest cities and wildest corners of America.
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A must read for parents
- By Zak on 05-25-22
By: Steven Rinella
wonderful insight to children
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Would you listen to The Gardener and the Carpenter again? Why?
Yes - the book makes a strong case for being a parent to your children rather than parenting them toward your own specific end. It's definitely a message to hear and appreciate more than once.Who was your favorite character and why?
The author talks about her experience as a grandmother throughout the book, which is a nice backdrop to the scientific understanding of the parent-child relationship.What does Erin Bennett bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
Erin conveys some of the coy remarks well - I'm not sure they would have stood out as clearly in the text.Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
I like this book in snippets - listening all in one sitting wouldn't do it justice.Any additional comments?
Alison Gopnik is quoted so frequently in other books. It was nice to hear her voice directly - she has a wisdom about her work that other authors miss entirely.Stop Parenting and Be a Parent
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Dr. Gopnik made it obvious that if every generation takes the stage of being in charge under unique circumstances. And, if those unique circumstances require unique adaptive ingenuity to survive. Then, the place of parenting in the overall socialization process does well to acknowledge and incorporate this philosophy.
Hence the title which reflects these ideas by way of metaphor. Parents should see themselves more as gardeners than carpenters. The former lets be to the plant but protects, nurtures, and cultivates it. Optimal growth is promoted by providing an optimal growth environment. So too with children growing to become adults in work and love.
The carpenter on the other hand has a finished product in mind where conformity to the plans is valued. The metaphor here involves one of nailing and sawing and sanding and polishing children into what we their parents have determined they should be.
A truly child centered approach includes recognizing and controlling for our own fears associated with personal ignorance of emerging technology.
It will be remembered that Erikson's message on identity formation emphasizes mastery of the technology of the society involved (his studies explored how adolescent Plains and Northwest Indian tribes were differentially impacted when westward expansion and waste destroyed the Buffallo on the plains and Fishing and Barter in the Noerthwest. A recent study has published this year indicating that our children today who had hand held devices in their hands from before they could talk actually have more capacity to delay gratification in the famous Marshmallow Test.
A great book which makes an extremely complex subject enjoyable and informative.
Enlightening and enjoyable.
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What did you like best about this story?
Only wish I had read this when my kids were younger. Neuroscience confirms what you perhaps knew intuitively but couldn't wholly embrace because of conflicting anxieties and compulsions bred by the pervasive ideology of modern parenting: This is the ultimate antidote to hyper-competitive, control-freakish neurotic parenting. Read it and breath a sigh of relief as your garden flourishes with nothing more than nurturing soil and light tending.Antidote for control freaks
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Any additional comments?
This is the best book on child development I have seen. Much of what is practice today is based on faulty assumptions and this includes the experts who are working from disproved models that are 50 years old.An important work
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Too much of a summary of experimental work
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sometimes too repetitive
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Life changing book
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some good nuggets to think on
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gardeners and carpenters
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