The Gardener and the Carpenter
What the New Science of Child Development Tells Us About the Relationship Between Parents and Children
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Narrated by:
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Erin Bennett
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By:
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Alison Gopnik
About this listen
Caring deeply about our children is part of what makes us human. Yet the thing we call "parenting" is a surprisingly new invention. In the past 30 years, the concept of parenting and the multibillion-dollar industry surrounding it have transformed child care into obsessive, controlling, and goal-oriented labor intended to create a particular kind of child and therefore a particular kind of adult.
In The Gardener and the Carpenter, pioneering developmental psychologist and philosopher Alison Gopnik argues that the familiar 21st-century picture of parents and children is profoundly wrong - it's not just based on bad science, it's bad for kids and parents, too. Drawing on the study of human evolution and her own cutting-edge scientific research into how children learn, Gopnik shows that although caring for children is profoundly important, it is not a matter of shaping them to turn out a particular way. Children are designed to be messy and unpredictable, playful and imaginative, and very different both from their parents and from each other. The variability and flexibility of childhood lets them innovate, create, and survive in an unpredictable world. "Parenting" won't make children learn - but caring parents let children learn by creating secure, loving environments.
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Nobody affects us as deeply as our brothers and sisters - not parents, not children, not friends. From the time we - and they - are born, our siblings are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and cautionary tales. They teach us how to resolve conflicts and how not to, how to conduct friendships and when to walk away.
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This is the only book I never finished
- By Rob on 06-25-12
By: Jeffrey Kluger
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Parenting Beyond Pink & Blue
- How to Raise Your Kids Free of Gender Stereotypes
- By: Christia Spears Brown PhD
- Narrated by: Stina Nielsen
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
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In this practical guide, developmental psychologist (and mother of two) Christia Spears Brown uses science-based research to show how over-dependence on gender can limit kids, making it harder for them to develop into unique individuals. With a humorous, fresh, and accessible perspective, Parenting Beyond Pink & Blue addresses all the issues that contemporary parents should consider - from gender-segregated birthday parties and schools to sports, sexualization, and emotional intelligence.
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Not a parenting guide but a description of norms.
- By Anonymous User on 08-15-20
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Attack of the Teenage Brain
- Understanding and Supporting the Weird and Wonderful Adolescent Learner
- By: John Medina
- Narrated by: John Medina
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
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In accessible language and with periodic references to Star Trek, motorcycle daredevils, and near-classic movies of the '80s, developmental molecular biologist John Medina explores the neurological and evolutionary factors that drive teenage behavior and can affect both achievement and engagement. Then he proposes a research-supported counterattack: a bold redesign of educational practices and learning environments to deliberately develop teens' cognitive capacity to manage their emotions, plan, prioritize, and focus.
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Wish I knew years ago
- By John Wernecke on 05-30-18
By: John Medina
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Blueprint
- The Evolutionary Origins of a Good Society
- By: Nicholas A. Christakis
- Narrated by: Nicholas A. Christakis
- Length: 14 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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For too long, scientists have focused on the dark side of our biological heritage: our capacity for aggression, cruelty, prejudice, and self-interest. But natural selection has given us a suite of beneficial social features, including our capacity for love, friendship, cooperation, and learning. Beneath all our inventions - our tools, farms, machines, cities, nations - we carry with us innate proclivities to make a good society.
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Many interesting thoughts
- By Jonas Blomberg Ghini on 06-01-19
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The Bond
- Connecting Through the Space Between Us
- By: Lynne McTaggart
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 10 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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From the best-selling author of The Intention Experiment and The Field comes a groundbreaking new work---a book that uses the interconnectedness of mind and matter to demonstrate that the key to life is in the relationship between things. We are always connected with others, hardwired at our most elemental level---from the quantum level to the cellular, from personal relationships to business and societal structures.
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Horrible narrator
- By Cotran on 09-19-11
By: Lynne McTaggart
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The Dolphin Way
- A Parent's Guide to Raising Healthy, Happy, and Motivated Kids - without Turning into a Tiger
- By: Shimi Kang
- Narrated by: Karen Saltus
- Length: 9 hrs and 26 mins
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The Dolphin Way walks readers through Dr. Kang’s four-part method for cultivating self-motivation. The audiobook makes a powerful case that we are not forced to choose between being permissive or controlling. The third option—the option that will prepare our kids for success in a future that will require adaptability - is the dolphin way.
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Very easy way to understand complicated subject
- By Nhat on 11-05-18
By: Shimi Kang
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Before You Know It
- The Unconscious Reasons We Do What We Do
- By: John Bargh PhD
- Narrated by: George Newbern
- Length: 11 hrs and 17 mins
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For more than three decades, Dr. John Bargh has been responsible for the revolutionary research into the unconscious mind, research that informed best sellers like Blink and Thinking Fast and Slow. Now, in what Dr. John Gottman said "will be the most important and exciting book in psychology that has been written in the past 20 years", Dr. Bargh takes us on an entertaining and enlightening tour of the forces that affect everyday behavior while transforming our understanding of ourselves in profound ways.
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Political jab
- By Brad on 10-20-17
By: John Bargh PhD
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Now You See It
- How the Brain Science of Attention Will Transform the Way We Live, Work, and Learn
- By: Cathy N. Davidson
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 13 hrs and 53 mins
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When Duke University gave free iPods to the freshman class in 2003, critics said they were wasting their money. Yet when the students in practically every discipline invented academic uses for the music players, suddenly the idea could be seen in a new light - as an innovative way to turn learning on its head. Using cutting-edge research on the brain, Cathy N. Davidson show how attention blindness has produced one of our society's greatest challenges.
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3 Reasons to Read
- By Joshua Kim on 05-06-12
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Bright from the Start
- The Simple, Science-Backed Way to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind from Birth to Age 3
- By: Jill Stamm, Paula Spencer
- Narrated by: Coleen Marlo
- Length: 9 hrs and 40 mins
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Should you really read to your baby? Can teaching a baby sign language boost IQ? Should you pipe classical music into the nursery? Dr. Jill Stamm translates the latest neuroscience findings into clear explanations and practical suggestions, demonstrating the importance of the simple ways you interact with your child every day. It isn't the right edutainment that nurtures an infant's brain. It is as simple as attention, bonding, and communication, and it's within every parent's ability to provide.
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Very helpful book
- By Esteban on 09-30-20
By: Jill Stamm, and others
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The Element
- How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything
- By: Ken Robinson Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Ken Robinson Ph. D., Lou Aronica
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The Element shows the vital need to enhance creativity and innovation by thinking differently about human resources and imagination. It is an essential strategy for transforming education, business, and communities to meet the challenges of living and succeeding in the 21st century.
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Not Great
- By Samantha on 04-02-12
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Bozo Sapiens
- Why to Err Is Human
- By: Michael Kaplan, Ellen Kaplan
- Narrated by: Victor Bevine
- Length: 9 hrs and 46 mins
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Our species, it appears, is hardwired to get things wrong in myriad different ways. Why did recipients of a loan offer accept a higher rate of interest when a pretty woman's face was printed on the flyer? Why did one poll on immigration find the most despised aliens were ones from a group that did not exist? What made four of the Air Force's best pilots fly their planes, in formation, straight into the ground?
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A tour de force
- By Ivan on 07-05-11
By: Michael Kaplan, and others
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Perception
- How Our Bodies Shape Our Minds
- By: Dennis Proffitt, Drake Baer
- Narrated by: Angela Dawe
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
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Perception marries academic rigor with mainstream accessibility. The research presented and the personalities profiled will show what it means to not only have, but be, your unique human body. The positive ramifications of viewing ourselves from this embodied perspective include greater athletic, academic, and professional achievement, more nourishing relationships, and greater personal well-being. The better we can understand what our bodies are - what they excel at, what they need, what they must avoid - the better we can live our lives.
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The body-mind connection well explained
- By Lucy A. Pithecus on 12-11-22
By: Dennis Proffitt, and others
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One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out - in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships - is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands and digital distractions, showing up for your child might sound like a tall order. But as best-selling authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson reassuringly explain, it doesn’t take a lot of time, energy, or money. Instead, showing up means offering a quality of presence.
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What listeners say about The Gardener and the Carpenter
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Brian
- 04-17-19
wonderful insight to children
this book had some wonderful insight into children. it helped me understand my own children, how they're growing and learning and because I now have a better understanding I can be a better parent.
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- See Reverse
- 01-18-17
Stop Parenting and Be a Parent
Would you listen to The Gardener and the Carpenter again? Why?
Yes - the book makes a strong case for being a parent to your children rather than parenting them toward your own specific end. It's definitely a message to hear and appreciate more than once.
Who was your favorite character and why?
The author talks about her experience as a grandmother throughout the book, which is a nice backdrop to the scientific understanding of the parent-child relationship.
What does Erin Bennett bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
Erin conveys some of the coy remarks well - I'm not sure they would have stood out as clearly in the text.
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
I like this book in snippets - listening all in one sitting wouldn't do it justice.
Any additional comments?
Alison Gopnik is quoted so frequently in other books. It was nice to hear her voice directly - she has a wisdom about her work that other authors miss entirely.
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6 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 11-03-18
Enlightening and enjoyable.
Dr. Gopnik makes the point that raising children involves assisting them as best we can to grow according to their needs and the needs of their time not ours. I think she's identified an essential ingredient to good parenting.
Dr. Gopnik made it obvious that if every generation takes the stage of being in charge under unique circumstances. And, if those unique circumstances require unique adaptive ingenuity to survive. Then, the place of parenting in the overall socialization process does well to acknowledge and incorporate this philosophy.
Hence the title which reflects these ideas by way of metaphor. Parents should see themselves more as gardeners than carpenters. The former lets be to the plant but protects, nurtures, and cultivates it. Optimal growth is promoted by providing an optimal growth environment. So too with children growing to become adults in work and love.
The carpenter on the other hand has a finished product in mind where conformity to the plans is valued. The metaphor here involves one of nailing and sawing and sanding and polishing children into what we their parents have determined they should be.
A truly child centered approach includes recognizing and controlling for our own fears associated with personal ignorance of emerging technology.
It will be remembered that Erikson's message on identity formation emphasizes mastery of the technology of the society involved (his studies explored how adolescent Plains and Northwest Indian tribes were differentially impacted when westward expansion and waste destroyed the Buffallo on the plains and Fishing and Barter in the Noerthwest. A recent study has published this year indicating that our children today who had hand held devices in their hands from before they could talk actually have more capacity to delay gratification in the famous Marshmallow Test.
A great book which makes an extremely complex subject enjoyable and informative.
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- Lauren L
- 07-10-17
Antidote for control freaks
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Only wish I had read this when my kids were younger. Neuroscience confirms what you perhaps knew intuitively but couldn't wholly embrace because of conflicting anxieties and compulsions bred by the pervasive ideology of modern parenting: This is the ultimate antidote to hyper-competitive, control-freakish neurotic parenting. Read it and breath a sigh of relief as your garden flourishes with nothing more than nurturing soil and light tending.
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- Felipe
- 02-15-19
sometimes too repetitive
I really liked the perspective it gives to parenting and being a parent but sometimes the story got a little repetitive. it was a good book though.
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- Todd Kimble
- 04-16-20
Life changing book
One of the top five books I’ve ever read and it certainly had an impact on me. I really relate to the Carpenter/gardener analogy. Highly recommended
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- Wayne A. Hall
- 05-11-17
An important work
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This is the best book on child development I have seen. Much of what is practice today is based on faulty assumptions and this includes the experts who are working from disproved models that are 50 years old.
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-06-16
Too much of a summary of experimental work
While the topic very interesting for parents, the material from the experimemts dominates the book way too much at the expense of possible guidelines on how parents could change their attitude once they buy into the key paradigm that gardener is better than carpenter. It opens the eyes of willing parents (which is great nits own) but leaves it with that it seems.
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- Camille
- 05-22-20
some good nuggets to think on
I found lots of insightful stories and perspectives. My spouse (psychology minor) found it all very obvious and long winded. So, 4 stars in the middle.
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- Anonymous User
- 12-28-23
gardeners and carpenters
possibly the very best book I have read about how children learn and the generational progress. I would recommend this book to anybody who loves children and wants to understand their learning patterns. A must read
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