What Do You Say?
How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home
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Narrated by:
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Ned Johnson
About this listen
A guide to effectively communicating with teenagers by the best-selling authors of The Self-Driven Child
If you're a parent, you've had a moment - maybe many of them - when you've thought, "How did that conversation go so badly?" At some point after the sixth grade, the same kid who asked "why" nonstop at age four suddenly stops talking to you. And the conversations that you wish you could have - ones fueled by your desire to see your kid not just safe and healthy, but passionately engaged--suddenly feel nearly impossible to execute. The good news is that effective communication can be cultivated, learned, and taught. And as you get better at this, so will your kids.
William Stixrud, PhD, and Ned Johnson have 60 years combined experience talking to kids one-on-one, and the most common question they get when out speaking to parents and educators is: What do you say? While many adults understand the importance and power of the philosophies behind the books that dominate the parenting bestseller list, parents are often left wondering how to put those concepts into action. In What Do You Say?, Johnson and Stixrud show how to engage in respectful and effective dialogue, beginning with defining and demonstrating the basic principles of listening and speaking. Then they show new ways to handle specific, thorny topics of the sort that usually end in parent/kid standoffs: delivering constructive feedback to kids; discussing boundaries around technology; explaining sleep and their brains; the anxiety of current events; and family problem-solving. What Do You Say? is a manual and map that will immediately transform parents' ability to navigate complex terrain and train their minds and hearts to communicate ever more successfully.
©2021 Ned Johnson and Bill Stixrud (P)2021 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“In an age when childhood anxiety, depression, and suicide are on the rise, parents need, more than ever, tools for communicating effectively with children. What Do You Say? could not have arrived at a better time and is essential reading for today’s parents.” (Booklist)
"Full of easy-to-implement tips, this is a resource parents will return to." (Publishers Weekly, starred review)
“A must-read for any parent who finally wants to stop arguing, bickering, and negotiating with their kids, but who also wants their children to succeed and do well in life. Stixrud and Johnson provide clear, actionable guidance on how to motivate kids to do well school, to conquer their fears and anxieties, and ultimately to pursue activities that bring joy and happiness. The advice in this book has already helped me become a kinder, more effective mom.” (Michaeleen Doucleff, New York Times best-selling author of Hunt, Gather, Parent)
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While most parenting programs are designed to coerce kids to change, Parenting Without Power Struggles does something innovative, showing you how to help your children awaken their natural instincts to cooperate, rather than employing threats or bribes, which inevitably fuels their resistance. By staying calm and being the confident "captain of the ship" your child needs, you will learn how to parent from a place of strong, durable connection, and you'll be better able to help your kids navigate the challenging moments of growing up.
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Highly recommended.
- By Nothing really matters on 10-13-13
By: Susan Stiffelman
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Differently Wired
- Raising an Exceptional Child in a Conventional World
- By: Deborah Reber
- Narrated by: Deborah Reber
- Length: 8 hrs and 19 mins
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Today millions of kids are stuck in a world that doesn't respect, support, or embrace who they really are - these are what Deborah Reber is calling the “differently wired” kids, the one in five children with ADHD, dyslexia, Asperger’s, and other neurodifferences. Their challenges are many. But now there’s hope. Written by Deborah Reber, a best-selling author and mother in the midst of an eye-opening journey with her son who is twice exceptional (he has ADHD, Asperger’s, and is highly gifted), Differently Wired is a how-to, a manifesto, a book of wise advice, and more.
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very well thought out but not for everyone
- By Trudy Owens on 01-01-19
By: Deborah Reber
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WHY Do They Act That Way?
- A Survival Guide to the Adolescent Brain for You and Your Teen
- By: David Walsh, Nat Bennett
- Narrated by: Kaleo Griffith
- Length: 9 hrs and 2 mins
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Even smart kids do stupid things. It's a simple fact of life. No one makes it through the teenage years unscathed - not the teens and not their parents. But now there's expert help for both generations in this groundbreaking new guide for surviving the drama of adolescence. In WHY Do They Act That Way? nationally renowned, award-winning psychologist Dr. David Walsh explains exactly what happens to the human brain on the path from childhood into adolescence and adulthood.
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LOVE!!
- By Amazon Customer on 05-11-23
By: David Walsh, and others
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The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness
- Five Steps to Help Kids Create and Sustain Lifelong Joy
- By: Edward M. Hallowell MD
- Narrated by: Pete Larkin
- Length: 8 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Edward M. Hallowell, MD, father of three and a clinical psychiatrist, has thought long and hard about what makes children feel good about themselves and the world they live in. Now, in The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, he shares his findings with all of us who care about children. We don't need statistical studies or complicated expert opinions to raise children. What we do need is love, wonder, and the confidence to trust our instincts.
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Love this book and will be listening again
- By Jenny on 09-15-22
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Disconnected
- How to Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids
- By: Thomas Kersting
- Narrated by: Jonathan Coleman
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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We see it everywhere: at the park, in restaurants, and inside our homes and cars - kids connected to handheld devices and disconnected from the world around them. According to the latest research, the average 13-year-old spends eight hours per day, seven days a week, glued to a screen. Yes, this is problematic, but for every problem there is a solution. In Disconnected, renowned psychotherapist and longtime school counselor Tom Kersting explores the device-dependent world our children live in and how it is impacting their mental and emotional well-being.
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A must read MORE THAN ONCE ‼️
- By james on 08-16-20
By: Thomas Kersting
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Parenting ADHD Now!
- Easy Intervention Strategies to Empower Kids with ADHD
- By: Elaine Taylor-Klaus, Diane Dempster
- Narrated by: Eliza Foss
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
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In Parenting ADHD Now!, Diane and Elaine combine their practical know-how and professional expertise to offer immediate, actionable strategies you can use to guide and support your ADHD child compassionately and effectively.
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wonderful strategies
- By Niki Stein on 04-19-19
By: Elaine Taylor-Klaus, and others
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The Gentle Sleep Book
- For Calm Babies, Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers
- By: Sarah Ockwell-Smith
- Narrated by: Katy Sobey
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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The Gentle Sleep Book offers gentle, no-tears sleep solutions for exhausted parents of newborns to five-year-olds. A large percentage of parents find their young children's sleep - or lack of - challenging. This new audiobook from Sarah Ockwell-Smith, founder of BabyCalm, will be an indispensable guide for parents, whatever challenges they are facing with their child's sleep - from the day they bring their newborn home until their child is settled in at school.
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It's fine but not much about 2-4 years
- By Patrick on 02-12-18
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Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety
- Raising Happy, Healthy Humans Ages 8 to 24
- By: Dr. John Duffy
- Narrated by: Anne Cross
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
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No parent experienced their teen years the way that children do today. This guide provides strategies and tips for actively learning the world of our children.
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Every parent should read this!!
- By Kitty Kitty on 10-20-19
By: Dr. John Duffy
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It's OK to Go up the Slide
- Renegade Rules for Raising Confident and Creative Kids
- By: Heather Shumaker
- Narrated by: Laurel Lefkow
- Length: 9 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Heather Shumaker has sparked much discussion with her "renegade rules for raising competent and compassionate kids". In this follow-up book, she takes on new hot-button issues like banning homework, technology use, and skipping kindergarten. Shumaker offers broader guidance on how parents can control their own anger and move from an overscheduled life to one of more free play.
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Amazing resource for parents and teachers
- By Ahmed on 05-11-16
By: Heather Shumaker
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Raising Girls
- By: Steve Biddulph
- Narrated by: Damien Warren-Smith
- Length: 7 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys was a global phenomenon. The first book in a generation to look at boys' specific needs, parents loved its clarity and warm insights into their sons' inner world. But today, things have changed. It's girls that are in trouble. There has been a sudden and universal deterioration in girls' mental health, starting in primary school and devastating the teen years. Steve Biddulph's Raising Girls is both a guidebook and a call to arms for parents.
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Really helpful and Grounded
- By KFluke on 01-26-23
By: Steve Biddulph
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Your Turn
- How to Be an Adult
- By: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Narrated by: Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Length: 20 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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What does it mean to be an adult? In the 20th century, psychologists came up with five markers of adulthood: finish your education, get a job, leave home, marry, and have children. Since then, every generation has been held to those same markers. Yet so much has changed about the world and living in it since that sequence was formulated. All of those markers are choices, and they’re all valid, but any one person’s choices along those lines do not make them more or less an adult.
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Not the book that was advertised
- By M. Rogers on 04-13-21
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The Available Parent
- Expert Advice for Raising Successful and Resilient Teens and Tweens
- By: John Duffy
- Narrated by: David Colacci
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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We have a tendency today to over-parent, micromanage, and underappreciate our adolescents. Dr. John Duffy's The Available Parent is a revolutionary approach to taking care of teens and tweens. The available parent of a teenager is open to discussion, offering advice and solutions but not insisting on them. He allows his child to make some mistakes, setting limits, primarily where health and safety are concerned. He never lectures - he is available but not controlling. He is neither cruel nor dismissive, ever....
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Parenting teens can be much less stressful!
- By Kathi on 06-12-14
By: John Duffy
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A diverse collection of autistic voices that highlights how parents can avoid common mistakes and misconceptions, and make their child feel truly accepted, valued, and celebrated for who they are. Most resources available for parents come from psychologists, educators, and doctors, offering parents a narrow and technical approach to autism. Sincerely, Your Autistic Child represents an authentic resource for parents written by autistic people themselves.
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Excludes cis-gendered boys
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What listeners say about What Do You Say?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amber
- 01-30-24
Very logical and loving
Great ways to show love and respect to children. Also great insight to thoughts and psychology of parental actions. i loved the book and have started implementing communication techniques with my own children, they do work. i intend on listening to it again.
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- J Tedder
- 10-25-21
Excellent science based book.
This was wonderful. I will strive to implement these lessons in my daily life.
I would like a book suggestion that applies to the relationship with spouse.
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- JP
- 05-29-24
Learned a lot
I enjoyed this book as it was full of useful tips and also included various scenarios with helpful suggestions on how to navigate those scenarios. They were very relevant to today’s parents. I implemented many of the suggestions and have already noticed improvements in how my kids and I communicate. This is a fantastic tool.
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- Danny Elfenbein
- 10-13-22
Parenting college class worth paying for
If there were a college for parenting, but the kind where you loved the curriculum and didn’t feel bored lost or preached to, this would be one of the classes you’d want to take.
Whether you think you’re a good parent or not this book is perfect for you
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- elizabeth m holladay
- 05-19-24
Actionable Advice
I really appreciate the rational approach to dealing with kids as future adults. Teaching them over telling them. Lots to work on with many examples and sample conversations/scripts. The book seems more appropriate for kids about 10 and up. Highly recommend.
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- Steven
- 07-29-24
Very good in every respect.
The book overs many aspects of the topic very well and always provides logical and implementable suggestions to address the situations being discussed. The presentation is not overly complicated or too lengthy and the material is easy to follow and incorporate in how you interact with children. I highly recommend the book.
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- AVA
- 12-08-21
Feels like the right way to parent
Excellent presentation, and an amazing resource for parents. BUT - don’t judge what you’ve heard in this book until you put it into practice. Highly recommended.
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- Ramona
- 10-23-21
Parents of tweens and teens, read it
Especially chapters 8 & 9 about technology & sleep. The basic approach echoes most other parenting books out there but specific guidance on technology is hard to find. Others may find the section on how to deal w/lying helpful. I won't follow all their advice (like letting a 12yo girl sneak out with a friend because she woke me up to ask me? Ah, no.) But most of the examples are good and most of the advice is solid.
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- Vita27
- 04-17-23
Really enjoyed
Not only high level concepts, but usable and personalized scenarios that can be replicated. I took notes!
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- Milan Hanys
- 08-17-24
Best parenting book
If you only have one parent's guide to read, this would be my choice. The book is a continuation of The Self-driven Child, where the basic principle of collaborative problem solving and autonomy education is explained. However, only here in this book a large number of typical problems and communication patterns and situations are presented, which make it possible to put the principles of education for autonomy into one's own parenting behaviour.
I recommend it to all parents, but also to professionals in the field (teachers, educators).
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