Untrue
Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free
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Narrated by:
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Wednesday Martin
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By:
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Wednesday Martin
About this listen
From the number-one New York Times best-selling author of Primates of Park Avenue, a bold, timely reconsideration of female infidelity that will upend everything you thought you knew about women and sex.
What do straight, married female revelers at an all-women's sex club in LA have in common with nomadic pastoralists in Namibia who bear children by men not their husbands? Like women worldwide, they crave sexual variety, novelty, and excitement.
In ancient Greek tragedies, Netflix series, tabloids, and pop songs, we've long portrayed such cheating women as dangerous and damaged. We love to hate women who are untrue. But who are they really? And why, in this age of female empowerment, do we continue to judge them so harshly?
In Untrue, feminist author and cultural critic Wednesday Martin takes us on a bold, fascinating journey to reveal the unexpected evolutionary legacy and social realities that drive female faithlessness, while laying bare our motivations to contain women who step out.
Blending accessible social science and interviews with sex researchers, anthropologists, and real women from all walks of life, Untrue challenges our deepest assumptions about ourselves, monogamy, and the women we think we know. From recent data suggesting women may struggle more than men with sexual exclusivity to the revolutionary idea that females of many species evolved to be "promiscuous" to Martin's trenchant assertion that female sexual autonomy is the ultimate metric of gender equality, Untrue will change the way you think about women and sex forever.
©2018 Wednesday Martin (P)2018 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"Scientifically literate and sexually cliterate...an exuberant unfettering of female sexuality that challenges us to 'think outside her box.' Viva la Vulva!" (Ian Kerner, sex therapist and author of She Comes First)
"Wednesday Martin understands female sexuality - from the #MeToo movement and polyamory to women's prehistoric and cultural heritage. She goes far beyond our current psychological understanding of women's infidelity to tell the real story of women's ubiquitous, tenacious, and primordial sexual strategies. And her writing is not only informative, timely, and refreshing but wonderfully engaging. Brava, Wednesday." (Helen Fisher, author of The First Sex and Why We Love)
If you have ever felt different, other, or just weird when it comes to love, sex, or intimacy, read Untrue. In it, Wednesday Martin bulldozes the sexual stereotypes that have silenced and constrained us for centuries, bringing the voices of women who love in a range of ways to the surface. Dazzling." (Rachel Simmons, cofounder of Girls Leadership and author of Enough as She Is and Odd Girl Out)
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Poets, philosophers and artists have been trying to explain romantic love for centuries, but it remains one of the most complex and intimidating terrains to navigate. Most people are afraid to be open and honest about their relationships...until now. For Love Understood, Laura Mucha has interviewed hundreds of strangers, from the ages of 8 to 95 in more than 40 countries, asking them to share their most personal stories, feelings and insights about love.
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Insightful, informative, and thought provoking
- By James on 03-05-19
By: Laura Mucha
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The End of Men
- And the Rise of Women
- By: Hanna Rosin
- Narrated by: Laural Merlington
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Men have been the dominant sex since - well, the dawn of mankind. And yet, as journalist Hanna Rosin discovered, that long-held truth is no longer true. At this unprecedented moment, women are no longer merely gaining on men; they have pulled decisively ahead by almost every measure. Already "the end of men" - the phrase Rosin coined - has entered the lexicon as indelibly as Simone de Beauvoir’s "second sex", Betty Friedan’s "feminine mystique", Susan Faludi’s "backlash", and Naomi Wolf’s "beauty myth" have.
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Great book, don't care for the reader's style
- By Darren on 12-05-12
By: Hanna Rosin
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Unhooked
- How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love, and Lose at Both
- By: Laura Sessions Stepp
- Narrated by: Ellen Archer
- Length: 9 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Here's an eye-opening examination of the "hookup" culture, seen through the experiences of high-school- and college-age women who confront the hard lessons of dating, love, and sex. Stepp follows three groups of young women and comes away with some disturbing insights. Relationships and romance are seen as messy and time-consuming, and love is postponed or, worse, seen as impossible. Many young women can't handle this, and they're being battered physically and emotionally by the new dating landscape.
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Essential Reading for Parents
- By Elton on 04-19-07
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The Conversation
- How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships
- By: Harper Hill
- Narrated by: Kevin Free
- Length: 7 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling, award-winning author, actor, and motivational speaker Hill Harper invites listeners to join the conversation about the breakdown of the African-American family. The black community of past generations found strength in families, but today’s black children have less than a one in three chance of being raised in a two-parent household. Harper’s search for answers to this phenomenon is an enlightening and empowering journey.
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~*AWESOME*~
- By Nevada on 08-13-10
By: Harper Hill
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Men on Strike
- Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - and Why It Matters
- By: Helen Smith PhD
- Narrated by: Susan Boyce
- Length: 5 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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American society has become anti-male. Men are sensing the backlash and are responding. They're dropping out of college, leaving the workforce, and avoiding marriage and fatherhood at alarming rates. The trend is so pronounced that a number of books have been written about this man-child phenomenon, concluding that men have taken a vacation from responsibility. But why should men participate in a system that seems to be increasingly stacked against them?
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Finally, someone said it!
- By Stephen Reid Kidd on 11-07-17
By: Helen Smith PhD
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Sex, Murder, and the Meaning of Life
- A Psychologist Investigates How Evolution, Cognition, and Complexity Are Revolutionizing Our View of Human Nature
- By: Douglas T. Kenrick
- Narrated by: Fred Stella
- Length: 7 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Between what can be learned from evolutionary psychology and cognitive science a picture emerges. In Sex, Murder, and the Meaning of Life, social psychologist Douglas Kenrick fuses these two fields to create a coherent story of human nature. In his analysis, many ingrained, apparently irrational behaviors—one-night stands, prejudice, conspicuous consumption, even art and religious devotion—are quite explicable and (when desired) avoidable.
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Rather dated and self-aggrandizing
- By Laurie Frick on 07-21-11
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Modern Romance
- An Investigation
- By: Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg
- Narrated by: Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg
- Length: 6 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love. We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection. This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago. Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history. With technology, our abilities to connect with and sort through these options are staggering. So why are so many people frustrated?
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Entertaining and informative
- By ty on 08-23-15
By: Aziz Ansari, and others
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The Feminine Mystique
- By: Betty Friedan
- Narrated by: Parker Posey
- Length: 15 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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The book that changed the consciousness of a country - and the world. Landmark, groundbreaking, classic - these adjectives barely describe the earthshaking and long-lasting effects of Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique. This is the book that defined "the problem that has no name", that launched the Second Wave of the feminist movement, and has been awakening women and men with its insights into social relations, which still remain fresh, ever since.
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A landmark book of its time and relevant now
- By Anthony on 01-23-15
By: Betty Friedan
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Committed
- A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage
- By: Elizabeth Gilbert
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Gilbert
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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At the end of her best-selling memoir Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert fell in love with Felipe, a Brazilian-born man of Australian citizenship who'd been living in Indonesia when they met. Resettling in America, the couple swore eternal fidelity to each other, but also swore to never, ever, under any circumstances get legally married. But providence intervened one day in the form of the United States government....
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Perfect timing
- By Nancy on 01-15-10
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Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives
- By: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D.
- Length: 2 hrs and 52 mins
- Abridged
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Following the tremendous success of her New York Times best sellers, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives and How Could You Do That?!, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the conscience of talk radio, now addresses the stupid things men do that diminish their lives and happiness. With real-world examples from her radio show and strikingly honest letters from her male listeners, her book reveals that many men demonstrate a level of sensitivity and insight that will surprise most women.
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Loved it!
- By Ethan on 03-21-18
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Bringing Up Girls
- Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Women
- By: James C. Dobson
- Narrated by: James C. Dobson
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on extensive research, and handled with Dr. Dobson's trademark down-to-earth approach, Bringing Up Girls will equip parents like you to face the challenges of raising your daughters to become healthy, happy, and successful women who overcome challenges specific to girls and women today and who ultimately excel in life.
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Solid concepts, poor presentation
- By honuhunter on 12-06-18
By: James C. Dobson
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Post-Romantic Stress Disorder
- What to Do When the Honeymoon Is Over
- By: John Bradshaw
- Narrated by: Joe Barrett
- Length: 5 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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John Bradshaw is arguably the most accomplished and well-known leader alive today in the addictions field. He taught us about functional and dysfunctional families, showed us how shame could become toxic and poisonous to our core selves, and helped us understand and heal the wounded, vulnerable "inner child" conceived by, and thriving in, that environment. In Post-Romantic Stress Disorder (PRSD), Bradshaw gives readers a clear explanation of the difference between falling in love, lust, and true love.
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How do you own the world, how do you own disorder?
- By Derek G. on 01-13-17
By: John Bradshaw
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What listeners say about Untrue
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- LiveFullyAlive
- 03-12-20
Thorough and Refreshing
As a guy who grew up in a strict religious home that worshipped purity culture, it was very healing and freeing to hear all these authentic accounts of women's enjoyment of sexuality and freedom, and the great need to be more sexually positive in general. This conversation is needed!
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- sittingduck
- 03-06-20
Great study spoiled by male bashing
The book starts with the premise that society accepts infidelity for men but not for women. The book then goes on to study various perfectly valid arguments as to why women cheat which is great to hear and is well written. However, the bulk of the book is about women who were somehow not sexually satisfied in their marriage; she never talks about women who are satisfied with their marriages. Do they want to cheat also? Small detail, but the one that makes the study seems incomplete.
The bigger problem with the book is the theme that women are struggling for "equality", meaning the right to be non-monogamous "just like men" keeps appearing over and over again. Men are "allowed" to cheat, but women are not. A deep vein of hatred for the male and his role in society runs through many parts of this book, and she justifies this hatred with the "male imposed" rules that suppresses the women's urge to cheat.
This assumption it is socially acceptable for men to cheat is false; infidelity is NOT acceptable for men either. "Infidelity is a male privilege" is something mentioned over and over again. It is not a privilege that men enjoy, at least not in Western societies. No one congratulates a married male for cheating on his wife. Using that premise to justify the idea that cheating is therefore OK for women is not valid.
The problem arising from this false assumption is that Wednesday Martin does not, in any part of the book, address the broken promises, lies and deception that goes with cheating. She does not address the pain that accompanies the partner who did not stray. Instead, the books says biology dictates non-monogamy, Therefore we must accept that ALL women should be allowed to cheat, and there must be no consequences. The betrayed partner has a problem with that? Well that is HIS fault; he does not understand female biology. Never mind that he too has the urge to cheat, but chooses to honor his promises instead. This is brought home in Chapter 1; she says she wanted to cheat, but did not want her male partners to cheat. She does not address the issue of WHY she does not want her male partner to cheat. Could it be that there is a biological and social reason for that also? She tells her husband "no you cannot have permission to have an affair" in the beginning of the book. Later on in the book she goes on to chide her husband for saying that she has his permission / blessing to go to a sex party alone, a party where cheating was the main activity. I DON'T need your permission, she snaps at him. The irony is lost on her.
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11 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 09-06-20
Every WOMXN needs to read this NOW!!
I no longer feel alone or weird. This book made feel like I was not unusual and I was actually the norm. Which is what I suspected but nobody else would confess. This book not only educates women about their true femininity, sexuality & libido but also empowers women and gives them the opportunity to relate in a way they never thought they could before.
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- Confused
- 07-15-23
It’s wrong…but you should still read it.
I’ve been married and monogamous for 33 years. I have thought about having sex with other women every day since. Is it boring much of the time? Yes. My wife is a great person and the love of my life. She was a virgin when we married and presumably has also remained faithful all these years. I’m sure she’s even more bored than I am, although we work at it everyday. I cherish our relationship the way it is, but I would accommodate her if she wanted a change. She doesn’t, because she knows what I know. There is meaning in sacrifice. Wednesday Martin is right about everything she says about female desire. But just because you want something doesn’t mean it’s right or good for you. Everyone should read this book in that context. On a side note: the political bias and misandry make the work way less credible. The world isn’t out to get women and that tired trope is not justification for women (with very real desires) to do whatever they want.
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- Merr Boring
- 09-10-20
Provocative Subject, Well Researched
The subject manner of this book is female infidelity, which is not necessarily something we all want to think about, especially not as "good" wives and mothers, but the author presents the facts and research that support that even "good" wives may be untrue. She presents the research of others, but also directly interviews many of those researchers for further insight, which makes the studies more relatable. The stories she tells from women, and a few men. about their own experiences with female infidelity give the book even more depth and make it an easier read. I recommend this book to women and men who are just curious or really looking for information to back up the feelings, or ideas they may already have. It will likely be a somewhat uncomfortable, but also very interesting, talk at our next women's book club.
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- Christopher Dunlock
- 11-22-22
The book was interesting.
I do worry that people my miss interpret the book to mean that monogamous relationships are wrong and if you have urges to cheat then do it which I would disagree with that thinking but it is an interesting book
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-29-24
Eye Opening, a must read!
Having read a lot of material on sex, non-monogamy and desire, it’s hard to find something new and fresh that makes me think and deepens my understanding. This book provided so much new research and insight on female desire and infidelity, challenging so many of my preconceived notions on everything from biology to heterosexuality to bonobos. Great work!
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- Amazon Customer
- 02-23-20
very informative book all women need
i cried at the end of the book because i felt such a relief
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3 people found this helpful
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- Gary C. Booker
- 12-25-20
Very important work. Everyone should read.
This book will set everyone free... men, women. Everyone should read this book. It dispells a myriad of toxic myths regarding women and sexual agency in a very erudite manner.
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- Bruce Carrick
- 09-06-21
A fascinating untangling
I have been wanting to "read" this book ever since I heard Wednesday Martin on the Savage Lovecast. And I was not disappointed. There is so much to learn and Untrue does an excellent job of breaking down so much of the science and research into understandable logic. It's changed the way I think and will be recommended reading for my friends.The section that discusses the impact the plough has had on our culture is remarkable. Highly recommend this book.
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