You Will Not Recognize Your Life
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Narrated by:
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Micaela Blei
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By:
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Micaela Blei
About this listen
Can you really conjure the life of your dreams? And what if you say the wrong spell?
It’s 2006. After a string of rejections from men who tell her they could never, ever, ever see her “that way,” awkward third-grade teacher Micaela Blei signs up for a mysterious course called “The Divine Feminine,” and feels like she might have found the key to the perfect life.
Turns out if you’re an A student, you can get an A in anything–including men. Pretty soon she’s learning to "conjure" her desires with vision boards, flirtations, and even a daring jumbotron viewing party for her, ahem ... "divine center." But the more Micaela aces her assignments, and watches her most unlikely dreams come true, the more she wonders: Is her perfect new life the real thing, or is there a hidden cost to getting everything she thought she wanted?
Women have put themselves through a lot of f*cked up situations to feel valued and lovable. This is a sharply funny, often painfully relatable true story featuring the great tropes of early 2000s romantic comedies: self-discovery, dating disasters, epic makeover montages, and finding love where you never thought to look.
Praise for Micaela’s storytelling:
"Ms. Blei’s story was magical and riveting ... in the end, you really wanted her to be your teacher." (Lara O’Brien, MV Times)
“Micaela is a storytelling wizard. She transforms the stuff of everyday life into profound stories that move people–and make them laugh.” (Tyler Wetherall, author of No Way Home: A Memoir of Life on the Run and Amphibian)
“Micaela Blei's storytelling is fresh, hilarious, and surprisingly moving.” (Sarah Moore, Theatre Is Easy)
©2024 Micaela Blei (P)2024 Audible Originals, LLC.About the Creator & Performer
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SHELVED explores the history and drama behind albums that were deemed too controversial, too far from the beaten path, or too ahead of their time for public consumption. Through interviews with musicians, producers, record executives, and journalists, as well as archival audio, key music and personal storytelling, each episode examines the “shelved” album’s place in musical history, and the spectacles behind each missed or nearly missed release.
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For Real Music Lovers & Music Heads
- By Kait Walsh on 12-11-24
By: Emrys Maxwell, and others
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Hack your Body, Heal your Mind
- By: BBC Studios
- Narrated by: Kimberley Wilson
- Length: 2 hrs and 41 mins
- Original Recording
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Have you ever noticed that when you do something positive to your body, your mood lifts too? Our minds and bodies are more connected than you could ever imagine and the latest science is proving just that. In this podcast, Psychologist Kimberley Wilson explores a range of activities that can help to boost your focus, energy and overall mental wellbeing. And she’ll reveal her easy take-home tips and tricks that you can add to your daily routine to help you get started right away - whether you want to reboot with a nap, take a cold water splash, or reap the benefits of a burst of morning sun.
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Good advice
- By Rusty on 01-17-25
By: BBC Studios
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Alex Newell and the Gospel of a Diva
- By: Alex Newell
- Narrated by: Alex Newell
- Length: 1 hr and 3 mins
- Original Recording
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From a breakout role in the smash-hit Glee to breaking barriers as the first nonbinary-identifying Tony Award winner for their featured performance in Shucked, Alex Newell is no stranger to the spotlight. Now, listen to the talented trailblazer as you’ve never seen them before in their intimate new show, Alex Newell and the Gospel of a Diva. Alex shares untold stories from their remarkable life and career alongside a selection of their favorite tunes.
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An Entertainer's Entertainer
- By Phoebe Stratton on 12-13-24
By: Alex Newell
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The History of Toys, 1900 to the Present
- By: Chris Byrne, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Chris Byrne
- Length: 2 hrs and 55 mins
- Original Recording
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Toys and games have long been a part of childhood, but the 20th century saw the rise of an entire industry devoted to the business of play, one that would constantly evolve over the years. In the six lectures of The History of Toys, 1900 to the Present, consultant and toy industry expert Chris Byrne—also known as The Toy Guy®—will take you on a journey through the world of toys from the Edwardian era to our current moment. Beginning with the birth of the mass-market toy industry, you’ll trace the many transformations of toys and our shifting theories of play and childhood development.
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Well played
- By Filson Family on 01-03-25
By: Chris Byrne, and others
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San Miguel Kidnappings
- By: Erick Galindo, Roger Vela
- Narrated by: Karla Souza
- Length: 4 hrs and 50 mins
- Original Recording
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The close knit community in San Miguel de Allende Mexico was plagued by a string of sophisticated kidnappings for nearly a decade. When the police finally made an arrest the townspeople were shocked by who was accused of masterminding the criminal enterprise. It's everyone's favorite neighbor and a pillar of the community, Ramon Guerra. Except Ramon isn't who he says he is.
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San Miguel Kidnappings
- By zulu1yankee2 on 01-14-25
By: Erick Galindo, and others
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Why Memoir Matters: Learning from the Lives of Others
- By: Tahneer Oksman, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Tahneer Oksman
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Original Recording
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In the six lessons of Why Memoir Matters: Learning from the Lives of Others, associate professor and author Tahneer Oksman guides you through enduring categories and themes within the genre of memoir, exploring how these deeply personal stories work and why they are so impactful. The course also addresses the ethical responsibilities of the memoir writer, in terms of writing about personal life details and what it means to tell the truth as a writer while sharing personal memories, shocking events, and even family secrets.
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More than five stars
- By all our stories on 01-12-25
By: Tahneer Oksman, and others
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The Thin Line
- Hope vs. Reality in the Era of Weight-Loss Drugs
- By: Scaachi Koul
- Narrated by: Scaachi Koul
- Length: 4 hrs and 31 mins
- Original Recording
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Over the next five years, millions of more Americans are expected to take Ozempic and other GLP-1 weight-loss drugs, which are rapidly being recognized as the miracle drugs of this century. If you’re not on them, you’ll probably know someone who is. What are the implications of the widespread use of these drugs, both on our bodies and our society? In this show, you’ll meet people across America who are either taking the jab or thinking about it, and the shocking intentional and unintentional results they are seeing.
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More balanced than expected and very comprehensive
- By Summer Rodriguez on 01-03-25
By: Scaachi Koul
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Find Your Creative Courage
- Transform Your Life Using Everyday Creativity
- By: Clare Bowditch
- Narrated by: Clare Bowditch, Jay Mueller
- Length: 3 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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FIND YOUR CREATIVE COURAGE: Transform Your Life Using Everyday Creativity is a six-part course in everyday creativity for everyone…
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The presentation was SO annoying
- By Susan Loucks on 12-21-24
By: Clare Bowditch
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Episodes
- The True Story of Two Friends & One Diagnosis
- By: Mara Altman, Kat Alexander
- Narrated by: Mara Altman, Kat Alexander
- Length: 7 hrs and 5 mins
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In Episodes, lifelong best friends Kat and Mara take listeners on an unfiltered journey through friendship, mental illness, and survival. Kat, a successful professional, is preparing for marriage and motherhood. On her fourth round of IVF, it happened—a frantic call to Mara. Mara comes over to find Kat, her friend of 25 years—the one who'd always been levelheaded, hilarious, and over-the-top thoughtful—trying to jump through a window.
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Just listen!
- By AJ on 11-17-24
By: Mara Altman, and others
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Alive and Well Enough Continues
- By: Jeff Daniels
- Narrated by: Jeff Daniels
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
- Original Recording
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Jeff Daniels returns with more skits, more songs, and more boundless audio storytelling in Season 2 of Alive and Well Enough. Again, Daniels begins in the middle of all the action and traipses back and forth, up and down, and side to side in the timeline of his life to figure out how he ended up where he did. But this time, he delves even deeper into his craft. He considers himself one of the few actors who didn’t want to direct, but instead to write, and write abundantly.
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Emotionally..a roller coaster
- By Dorotha K. Thurner on 12-12-24
By: Jeff Daniels
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The Signal
- By: Eric Buchman, Gabriel Urbina, Sarah Shachat
- Narrated by: Paget Brewster, full cast
- Length: 2 hrs and 39 mins
- Original Recording
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Two astronomers have detected a strange, pulsing signal from deep space. Within hours, the US government goes into lockdown, restricting airspace and scrubbing scientific data. Was the signal an intercepted communication revealing alarming plans for an enemy’s military strike? Or has humanity at long last found proof of extraterrestrial life?
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it did a good job keep me listening but disappointed at the ending
- By Tristan M. on 12-21-24
By: Eric Buchman, and others
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The King of the Peso
- A Father’s Legacy of Crime and Corruption
- By: Louise Abbou
- Narrated by: Harvey Guillén, Peter Stormare, Teresa Ruiz
- Length: 4 hrs and 10 mins
- Original Recording
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Step into the twisted universe of The King of the Peso, a pioneering Original series that blends intense storytelling with unparalleled immersion into a world of corruption on both sides of the border. Picho, voiced by the sagacious Harvey Guillén, serves as our guide through the intricate tapestry of frauds woven by his intimidating con man of a father, Pietro La Greca, played with captivating charm by the one and only Peter Stormare.
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A Spectacular immersive powder keg of a podcast
- By Leopoldo Gout on 11-29-24
By: Louise Abbou
What listeners say about You Will Not Recognize Your Life
Highly rated for:
Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- David
- 12-12-24
Humor, Humanity, and the Heart of Self-Love
Listening to this felt like tuning into an amazing podcast season. Micaela Blei’s voice is captivating, and it’s no surprise she has a background in improv performance and has won awards at The Moth. I'm so glad she performed her own story - it makes it so warm and personal!
It’s a relatable coming-of-age story for anyone who’s ever longed for a rule book to make life work, especially in a world that seems to hand out instruction manuals to everyone else. Blei’s honesty, humor, and self-awareness turn moments of pain into something deeply human—and even laughable.
Her storytelling is courageous and precise, full of the kind of grace that comes from reflecting on a time of uncertainty and self-doubt. It’s an invitation for all of us to look at those tender, messy parts of our own lives with more compassion.
The events in this memoir are often funny, but the story as a whole is not entirely "light". Blei uses humor and observations about social norms to keep up the pace and —perfect for a total listen under three hours. I devoured it in two long drives the day it was released.
This is a beautiful memoir for anyone striving to love themselves a little more.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Vikes 991
- 12-13-24
Change and growth - so relatable - and FUN
The upfront disclosure of the frequent use of the “P” word was perfect and made this such a joy to listen to! Micaela is a WONDERFUL story teller (a super power I wish I had!) and the way she describes her life experiences and how she changed is enviable. It’s so true that I believe the pendulum swings far in both directions before settling in the middle, and her sharing her “far swing” adventure from the past, and how that fit into her life now, is so relatable. Thank you for the laughs and reflection on my own life!
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4 people found this helpful
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- Samantha Herr
- 12-18-24
Laugh out loud, relatable, gem of a story
I found myself belly laughing out loud as I walked down the street listening to this utter delight of a story. Micaela courageously shares deeply relatable and at times heartbreaking struggles with self worth, body image, and love in her 20s in a way that goes down like the most riveting, interesting dinner party story you have ever heard. From the moment the story begins, you're captivated by Micaela's storytelling, right there with her, feeling both with her and for her, as she makes some truly remarkable and brave moves to be who she wants to be in the world that will leave your jaw hanging open. A truly transportive experience, and well worth the listen.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Bradford J.
- 12-15-24
Honest, Funny, Smart - a hugely open hearted book
Micaela’s story is so full of honesty and is deeply funny. Her storytelling style makes me feel like I’m hanging out with her - I even found myself responding to her out loud sometimes : ) This generous story is a perfect listen if you want to laugh while reflecting on inner strength, self trust, relationships, and how we move through the world.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Lindsay S.
- 12-17-24
Honest, familiar, and delightful
I just loved this woman. She speaks so clearly, honestly, and she made me want to tell a few stories of my own. I want all my teenagers to listen to this because Micaela makes it clear that we don't have to figure out the "one right way" to do life. Thank you for bravely talking about being human. 🩷
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2 people found this helpful
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- Robert Sacamato
- 12-18-24
Funny and authentic. Great voice
Great narration.
Very honest depiction. Funny and poignant. Loved it and hope she writes more.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 12-15-24
A pleasant surprise
A gentle and hilarious reminder to be careful what you wish or manifest for. Did not disappoint !
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2 people found this helpful
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- Lindy M.
- 01-05-25
Wonderful read
Micaela's story is a gift to anyone who has ever felt on the fringes of their own life. I loved hearing about her 90s style attempts at discovering how to love herself, cheered her successes and marvelled at how she faced dealing with chronic illness in a very spicy year. So glad to have stumbled across this life-affirming memoir.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 01-02-25
Like talking to a friend who has great advice
A really well done book, I would love to hear more from this author, she’s born to do this
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- SoFlaMom
- 12-18-24
Refreshing, Honest and Hilarious
it's not easy to put oneself out there and the author is so brave for letting us all in on something few of us would share. This story is wonderfully written and told, but mostly it's real and relatable. I really loved this and it will stay with me.
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1 person found this helpful