You Will Not Recognize Your Life Audiobook By Micaela Blei cover art

You Will Not Recognize Your Life

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You Will Not Recognize Your Life

By: Micaela Blei
Narrated by: Micaela Blei
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About this listen

Can you really conjure the life of your dreams? And what if you say the wrong spell?

It’s 2006. After a string of rejections from men who tell her they could never, ever, ever see her “that way,” awkward third-grade teacher Micaela Blei signs up for a mysterious course called “The Divine Feminine,” and feels like she might have found the key to the perfect life.

Turns out if you’re an A student, you can get an A in anything–including men. Pretty soon she’s learning to "conjure" her desires with vision boards, flirtations, and even a daring jumbotron viewing party for her, ahem ... "divine center." But the more Micaela aces her assignments, and watches her most unlikely dreams come true, the more she wonders: Is her perfect new life the real thing, or is there a hidden cost to getting everything she thought she wanted?

Women have put themselves through a lot of f*cked up situations to feel valued and lovable. This is a sharply funny, often painfully relatable true story featuring the great tropes of early 2000s romantic comedies: self-discovery, dating disasters, epic makeover montages, and finding love where you never thought to look.

Praise for Micaela’s storytelling:

"Ms. Blei’s story was magical and riveting ... in the end, you really wanted her to be your teacher." (Lara O’Brien, MV Times)

“Micaela is a storytelling wizard. She transforms the stuff of everyday life into profound stories that move people–and make them laugh.” (Tyler Wetherall, author of No Way Home: A Memoir of Life on the Run and Amphibian)

“Micaela Blei's storytelling is fresh, hilarious, and surprisingly moving.” (Sarah Moore, Theatre Is Easy)

©2024 Micaela Blei (P)2024 Audible Originals, LLC.
Love, Dating & Attraction Women Funny Witty
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About the Creator & Performer

Micaela Blei, Ph.D., has been teaching, studying and performing true, personal storytelling worldwide since 2012. She's a two-time Moth GrandSLAM winner and the former founding Director of Education at The Moth. You can hear her stories on This American Life, The Moth Radio Hour, and more. Micaela lives in Portland, Maine, where she’s just started learning to play piano, and she can already play several Tom Petty songs very badly. Find out more, learn about storytelling and say hello at micaelablei.com.

What listeners say about You Will Not Recognize Your Life

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Perfect storytelling

Micaela is one of my favorite Moth storytellers so I was really excited to hear about this - and it did not disappoint! Laugh out loud funny from the very outset, it’s also heartwarming, moving, and often brutally honest. But behind the totally charming experience of listening, the story also operates on another deeper thematic level, as an examination of the expectations put on women, how we internalize these toxic dogmas about how we should look and act, and on this level Micaela’s story stands as a redemptive and brilliant antidote. I hope everyone listens!

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Superb storytelling, funny and poignant

Micaela is an incredible storyteller, with great delivery. It feels like listening to a close friend recount some epic adventures and the lessons she learned from them. I loved how she combined the challenges of dating with managing a chronic illness, and simply trying to figure out who she wanted to be. I’m recommending to all my friends.

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3 people found this helpful

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Felt like a deep and funny conversation with a friend

My only complaint is that I wish it was longer — I was so sad when it ended that I didn’t get to spend any more time in Micaela’s company! This story is so wonderful and funny and charming that its depth almost sneaks up on you. It’s an incisive critique of the self-help industry but feels just like a phone call from your best friend. A lot of this is due to the author’s wonderful, natural and conversational narration.

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Maybe the weirdest story I ever loved

If you can get past the first 10 minutes of the P word, this is a fun story with a good message. But the narration and the way the story is told was definitely my favorite part

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This is about real life.

Micaela writes about real experiences that people can relate to. I live how she talks about over coming her bodily hang ups in the moment. I know the time passes but she meets herself where she is at. I think we could use a little more love of our pussies.

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Loved this so much

I almost signed up for the School of the Womanly Arts in 2011, but I was raised in a hippie cult, so I didn’t do it but had friends who did. What a honest, funny, clear eyed take on it figuring out how to love the skin you’re in. Love you very much. Big hugs.

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ABSOLUTELY a must read!

For anyone who's ever felt like they weren't "enough," anyone who enjoys laughing hysterically, remembering hard times and how you overcame them, for anyone who enjoys remembering you are NOT ALONE! Thank you for this brilliant, brutally honest memoir about loving yourself (no, really figuring out how to do it and being brave about all the pain and ugliness that comes up along the way). READ THIS NOW! You will love it!

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Pu**y Power?

The concept of this book was so far fetched that I had to keep reminding myself that it was a true story!!

It was well written and verbalized so well, and I could relate to the character in so many ways, which made me truly proud of her for what she was able to overcome by changing her mindset.

I only wish that the story was longer and she talked more about when she came to the realization that she wasn’t being her authentic self and how/if she were able to be more authentic and still use her new found power.

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Great life advice

I loved the “plot twist”! It all made sense at the end. I think all of us older women get the gist of this story.

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A gift for your ears

You know the feeling of staying up late reading a good book? Losing track of time, watching page numbers just float by? This is the audio book equivalent. I quite literally couldn’t stop. As somebody in my mid-twenties, having recently lived in NYC, this story resonated on many, MANY levels (although no Jumbotron for me). It’s a gift for your ears.

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