
You're Wearing That?
Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $12.58
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Deborah Tannen
-
By:
-
Deborah Tannen
About this listen
Deborah Tannen's #1 New York Times bestseller You Just Don’t Understand revolutionized communication between women and men. Now, in her most provocative and engaging book to date, she takes on what is potentially the most fraught and passionate connection of women’s lives: the mother-daughter relationship.
It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same language–but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the right balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other’s power and underestimates her own. Why do daughters complain that their mothers always criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut them out? Why do mothers and daughters critique each other on the Big Three–hair, clothes, and weight–while longing for approval and understanding? And why do they scrutinize each other for reflections of themselves?
Deborah Tannen answers these and many other questions as she explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your daughter. She examines every aspect of this complex dynamic, from the dark side that can shadow a woman throughout her life, to the new technologies like e-mail and instant messaging that are transforming mother-daughter communication. Most important, she helps mothers and daughters understand each other, the key to improving their relationship.
With groundbreaking insights, pitch-perfect dialogues, and deeply moving memories of her own mother, Tannen untangles the knots daughters and mothers can get tied up in. Listeners will appreciate Tannen’s humor as they see themselves on every page and come away with real hope for breaking down barriers and opening new lines of communication. Eye-opening and heartfelt, You’re Wearing That? illuminates and enriches one of the most important relationships in our lives.
“Tannen analyzes and decodes scores of conversations between moms and daughters. These exchanges are so real they can make you squirm as you relive the last fraught conversation you had with your own mother or daughter. But Tannen doesn't just point out the pitfalls of the mother-daughter relationship, she also provides guidance for changing the conversations (or the way that we feel about the conversations) before they degenerate into what Tannen calls a mutually aggravating spiral, a 'self-perpetuating cycle of escalating responses that become provocations'." – The San Francisco Chronicle
©2006 Deborah Tannen (P)2006 Random House, Inc. Random House Audio, a division of Random House, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
-
You Just Don't Understand
- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Barbara Rosenblat
- Length: 11 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Dr. Tannen illustrates how the best intentions can go painfully awry between spouses, family members, co-workers and friends. With You Just Don't Understand, you'll recognize yourself and your own efforts to be understood - and gain valuable insight to help you communicate better.
-
-
Deborah Tannen...
- By Douglas on 02-18-14
By: Deborah Tannen
-
That's Not What I Meant
- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Deborah Tannen
- Length: 1 hr and 23 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
You know the feeling: You thought you said exactly what you wanted to, but somehow a different message comes across. You end up feeling misunderstood...and the relationship that you're building -- at home, on the job, on a date, or in an interview -- slips a little further out of your control.
-
-
Miscommunicated Title
- By Sara on 04-20-20
By: Deborah Tannen
-
That's Not What I Meant
- The Sociolinguistics of Everyday Conversation - The Modern Scholar
- By: Professor Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Deborah Tannen
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The following series of lectures draws on linguistics, or the scientific study of language, to show the many ways in which language has a profound effect upon human relationships. These lectures address the various aspects and implications of what Professor Tannen calls "conversational style". It also looks at the dynamics of specific situations such as the workplace and classroom where the role of conversational style is of particular importance.
-
-
Awful
- By Maroy on 11-08-08
-
I Only Say This Because I Love You
- How the Way We Talk Can Make or Break Family Relationships Throughout Our Lives
- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Patricia Mulholland
- Length: 12 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? Linguist Deborah Tannen reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic - even when we're all adults. Searching for signs of acceptance, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages.
By: Deborah Tannen
-
You're the Only One I Can Tell
- Inside the Language of Women's Friendships
- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Deborah Tannen
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Best friend, old friend, good friend, BFF, college roommate, neighbor, workplace confidante: women's friendships are lifelines in times of trouble and support systems for daily life. A friend can be like a sister, daughter, mother, mentor, therapist, or confessor - or she can be all of these at once. She's seen you at your worst and celebrates you at your best. Figuring out what it means to be friends is, in the end, no less than figuring out how we connect to other people.
-
-
Diluted Tannen at best
- By Grace M-T on 06-04-17
By: Deborah Tannen
-
The Dance of Connection
- By: Harriet Lerner
- Narrated by: Harriet Lerner
- Length: 4 hrs and 38 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say).
-
-
Listen at 1.5x speed
- By Tanya on 12-08-15
By: Harriet Lerner
-
You Just Don't Understand
- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Barbara Rosenblat
- Length: 11 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Dr. Tannen illustrates how the best intentions can go painfully awry between spouses, family members, co-workers and friends. With You Just Don't Understand, you'll recognize yourself and your own efforts to be understood - and gain valuable insight to help you communicate better.
-
-
Deborah Tannen...
- By Douglas on 02-18-14
By: Deborah Tannen
-
That's Not What I Meant
- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Deborah Tannen
- Length: 1 hr and 23 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
You know the feeling: You thought you said exactly what you wanted to, but somehow a different message comes across. You end up feeling misunderstood...and the relationship that you're building -- at home, on the job, on a date, or in an interview -- slips a little further out of your control.
-
-
Miscommunicated Title
- By Sara on 04-20-20
By: Deborah Tannen
-
That's Not What I Meant
- The Sociolinguistics of Everyday Conversation - The Modern Scholar
- By: Professor Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Deborah Tannen
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The following series of lectures draws on linguistics, or the scientific study of language, to show the many ways in which language has a profound effect upon human relationships. These lectures address the various aspects and implications of what Professor Tannen calls "conversational style". It also looks at the dynamics of specific situations such as the workplace and classroom where the role of conversational style is of particular importance.
-
-
Awful
- By Maroy on 11-08-08
-
I Only Say This Because I Love You
- How the Way We Talk Can Make or Break Family Relationships Throughout Our Lives
- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Patricia Mulholland
- Length: 12 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Why does talk in families so often go in circles, leaving us tied up in knots? Linguist Deborah Tannen reveals why talking to family members is so often painful and problematic - even when we're all adults. Searching for signs of acceptance, we find signs of disapproval and rejection. Why do the seeds of family love so often yield a harvest of criticism? In I Only Say This Because I Love You, Tannen shows how important it is, in family talk, to learn to separate word meanings, or messages, from heart meanings, or metamessages.
By: Deborah Tannen
-
You're the Only One I Can Tell
- Inside the Language of Women's Friendships
- By: Deborah Tannen
- Narrated by: Deborah Tannen
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Best friend, old friend, good friend, BFF, college roommate, neighbor, workplace confidante: women's friendships are lifelines in times of trouble and support systems for daily life. A friend can be like a sister, daughter, mother, mentor, therapist, or confessor - or she can be all of these at once. She's seen you at your worst and celebrates you at your best. Figuring out what it means to be friends is, in the end, no less than figuring out how we connect to other people.
-
-
Diluted Tannen at best
- By Grace M-T on 06-04-17
By: Deborah Tannen
-
The Dance of Connection
- By: Harriet Lerner
- Narrated by: Harriet Lerner
- Length: 4 hrs and 38 mins
- Abridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say).
-
-
Listen at 1.5x speed
- By Tanya on 12-08-15
By: Harriet Lerner
-
The Amazing Development of Men, Expanded 2nd Edition: Every Man's Journey from Knight to Prince to King
- By: Alison A. Armstrong
- Narrated by: Alison A. Armstrong
- Length: 3 hrs and 23 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Making sense of men's evolution... The stages of development describe the lifelong process by which a man's sense of self evolves. Predictable and unavoidable, these stages determine what men live for and what they can't live without. Understanding the differences between knights, princes, and kings is critical for success in romantic relationships, raising sons, and working effectively with men.
-
-
Why isn't this taught in every highschool?!
- By Eat My Star Dust on 11-23-15
-
Untangled
- Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood
- By: Lisa Damour Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Lisa Damour Ph.D.
- Length: 8 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lisa Damour, PhD, director of the internationally renowned Laurel School's Center for Research on Girls, pulls back the curtain on the teenage years and shows why your daughter's erratic and confusing behavior is actually healthy, necessary, and natural. Untangled explains what's going on, prepares parents for what's to come, and lets them know when it's time to worry.
-
-
I was “forced” to read this book!
- By Jenna U. on 07-15-19
-
Under Pressure
- Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls
- By: Lisa Damour Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Lisa Damour Ph.D.
- Length: 7 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The New York Times best-selling author of Untangled presents an urgently needed guide to the alarming increase in anxiety and stress experienced by girls from elementary school through college.
-
-
Everyone should read/listen to this book.
- By Amazon Customer on 03-10-19
-
Boundary Boss
- The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free
- By: Terri Cole MSW LCSW
- Narrated by: Terri Cole MSW LCSW
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The most successful and satisfied people on the planet have one thing in common: the ability to create and communicate clear, healthy boundaries. This ability is, hands down, the biggest game changer when it comes to creating a healthy, happy, self-determined life. In Boundary Boss, psychotherapist Terri Cole reveals a specific set of skills that can help you stop abandoning yourself for the sake of others (without guilt or drama) and get empowered to consciously take control of every aspect of your emotional, spiritual, physical, personal, and professional life.
-
-
Buy the hard cover book
- By Luxor on 05-05-21
-
The Greatest Love Story Ever Told
- An Oral History
- By: Megan Mullally, Nick Offerman
- Narrated by: Nick Offerman, Megan Mullally
- Length: 6 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
At last, the full story behind Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman's epic romance, including stories, portraits, and the occasional puzzle. How did they do it? They came from completely different families, endured a significant age difference, and were separated by the gulf of several social strata. Megan loved books and art history; Nick loved hammers. But much more than these seemingly unsurpassable obstacles were the values they held in common: respect, decency, the ability to mention genitalia in almost any context, and an abiding obsession with the songs of Tom Waits.
-
-
Not sure if I like or not.
- By KJ1022 on 10-03-18
By: Megan Mullally, and others
-
The 5 Love Languages of Children
- The Secret to Loving Children Effectively
- By: Gary Chapman, Ross Campbell
- Narrated by: Chris Fabry
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Every child has a unique way of feeling loved. When you discover your child's love language - and how to speak it - you can build a solid foundation for your child to trust you and flourish as he or she grows. In this audiobook for parents, teachers, single parents, and more, Drs. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell offer practical advice for how to discover and speak your child's love language - in dozens of ways!
-
-
"good content beware, heavy on religion "
- By Langenbergs on 02-15-20
By: Gary Chapman, and others
-
Healing Trauma
- Restoring the Wisdom of the Body
- By: Peter A. Levine
- Narrated by: Peter A. Levine
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Original Recording
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Are you experiencing physical or emotional symptoms that no one is able to explain? If so, you may be suffering a traumatic reaction to a past event, teaches Levine.
-
-
Somewhat misleading. Unfortunately.
- By Gwendolyn on 11-30-10
By: Peter A. Levine
-
It. Goes. So. Fast.
- The Year of No Do-Overs
- By: Mary Louise Kelly
- Narrated by: Mary Louise Kelly
- Length: 7 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Ever since she became a parent, Mary Louise Kelly has said “next year.” Next year will be the year she makes it to her son James’s soccer games (which are on weekdays at 4 p.m., right when she is on the air on NPR’s All Things Considered, talking to millions of listeners). Drive carpool for her son Alexander? Not if she wants to do that story about Ukraine and interview the secretary of state. Like millions of parents who wrestle with raising children while pursuing a career, she has never been cavalier about these decisions.
-
-
Privilege.
- By Amazon Customer on 08-23-24
-
The Emotional Lives of Teenagers
- Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents
- By: Lisa Damour Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Lisa Damour Ph.D.
- Length: 6 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In teenagers, powerful emotions come with the territory. And with so many of today’s teens contending with academic pressure, social media stress, worries about the future, and concerns about their own mental health, it’s easy for them—and their parents—to feel anxious and overwhelmed. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With clear, research-informed explanations alongside illuminating, real-life examples, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers gives parents the information they need to steady their teens through the bumpy yet transformational journey into adulthood.
-
-
Only at introduction and…
- By Amy on 02-21-23
-
Together
- The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World
- By: Vivek H. Murthy
- Narrated by: Vivek H. Murthy
- Length: 10 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Humans are social creatures: In this simple and obvious fact lies both the problem and the solution to the current crisis of loneliness. In his groundbreaking audiobook, the 19th surgeon general of the United States Dr. Vivek Murthy makes a case for loneliness as a public health concern: a root cause and contributor to many of the epidemics sweeping the world today from alcohol and drug addiction to violence to depression and anxiety.
-
-
Losing 7 Friends to Suicide, I’m Glad I Read This
- By Amit Bhuta on 05-04-20
By: Vivek H. Murthy
-
The Teenage Brain
- A Neuroscientist's Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults
- By: Frances E. Jensen, Amy Ellis Nutt
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert, Frances E. Jensen
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Drawing on her research, knowledge, and clinical experience, internationally respected neurologist--and mother of two boys--Frances E. Jensen, MD, offers a revolutionary look at the adolescent brain, providing remarkable insights that translate into practical advice both for parents and teenagers.
-
-
Preachy and Uninformative
- By endlessemma on 05-16-16
By: Frances E. Jensen, and others
-
Why Won't You Apologize?
- Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts
- By: Harriet Lerner PhD
- Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell
- Length: 4 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Renowned psychologist and best-selling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language - I'm sorry - and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.
-
-
I'm sorry
- By D. Thomas on 10-19-17
Critic reviews
"The 'metamessages'--implications behind the spoken words--she decodes in You're Wearing THAT? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation are so familiar, it hurts when you laugh." --Cathleen Medwick, O Magazine
Deborah Tannen's groundbreaking book You Just Don't Understand improved male-female relationships about, oh, 100 percent. Now she's poised to do the same for moms and daughters in You're Wearing THAT? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation. Listen, and get ready to make peace! --Kimberly Tranell, Glamour
"The illuminating extracts from mother-daughter colloquies that she cites bring to life both the soothing ointment and the ripped-open scars possible in interchanges on ... age-old sources of conflict for this extraordinarily intense kind of relationship." --Whitney Scott
What listeners say about You're Wearing That?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
- Sandra
- 03-09-09
"You're Wearing That?"
Wow! It was great not what I expected at all. It helped me understand myself and why certain words and phrases carries more weight than otheres to me. I gained a better unsderstanding of perhaps why my husband does or does not react in the manner he does. Very insightful.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- James E. VanHootegem
- 03-08-25
Still Reverent
I like that it still reverent today in 2025. I was surprised about the content about the different relationships between mothers and daughters that that I didn’t know existed before. It made me remember times how I felt and put some normalcy into my emotions and I no longer feel guilty.
I’m glad I purchased the book on the recommendation of a podcast. I listen to the featured the author on Hidden Brain on NPR.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!