You're Wearing That?
Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation
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Narrated by:
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Deborah Tannen
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By:
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Deborah Tannen
About this listen
Deborah Tannen's #1 New York Times bestseller You Just Don’t Understand revolutionized communication between women and men. Now, in her most provocative and engaging book to date, she takes on what is potentially the most fraught and passionate connection of women’s lives: the mother-daughter relationship.
It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same language–but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the right balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other’s power and underestimates her own. Why do daughters complain that their mothers always criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut them out? Why do mothers and daughters critique each other on the Big Three–hair, clothes, and weight–while longing for approval and understanding? And why do they scrutinize each other for reflections of themselves?
Deborah Tannen answers these and many other questions as she explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your daughter. She examines every aspect of this complex dynamic, from the dark side that can shadow a woman throughout her life, to the new technologies like e-mail and instant messaging that are transforming mother-daughter communication. Most important, she helps mothers and daughters understand each other, the key to improving their relationship.
With groundbreaking insights, pitch-perfect dialogues, and deeply moving memories of her own mother, Tannen untangles the knots daughters and mothers can get tied up in. Listeners will appreciate Tannen’s humor as they see themselves on every page and come away with real hope for breaking down barriers and opening new lines of communication. Eye-opening and heartfelt, You’re Wearing That? illuminates and enriches one of the most important relationships in our lives.
“Tannen analyzes and decodes scores of conversations between moms and daughters. These exchanges are so real they can make you squirm as you relive the last fraught conversation you had with your own mother or daughter. But Tannen doesn't just point out the pitfalls of the mother-daughter relationship, she also provides guidance for changing the conversations (or the way that we feel about the conversations) before they degenerate into what Tannen calls a mutually aggravating spiral, a 'self-perpetuating cycle of escalating responses that become provocations'." – The San Francisco Chronicle
©2006 Deborah Tannen (P)2006 Random House, Inc. Random House Audio, a division of Random House, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
"The 'metamessages'--implications behind the spoken words--she decodes in You're Wearing THAT? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation are so familiar, it hurts when you laugh." --Cathleen Medwick, O Magazine
Deborah Tannen's groundbreaking book You Just Don't Understand improved male-female relationships about, oh, 100 percent. Now she's poised to do the same for moms and daughters in You're Wearing THAT? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation. Listen, and get ready to make peace! --Kimberly Tranell, Glamour
"The illuminating extracts from mother-daughter colloquies that she cites bring to life both the soothing ointment and the ripped-open scars possible in interchanges on ... age-old sources of conflict for this extraordinarily intense kind of relationship." --Whitney Scott
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Story
In their weekly radio show and in their popular workshops, Gary and Joy Lundberg have already helped thousands of people and their families to communicate more effectively. Now, the Lundbergs address an all too common dilemma that arises when others expect you to solve their problems for them, telling listeners how they can shed the no-win role of "fixer" and empower people to solve their own problems through validation - a simple yet profound communication tool that is essential to any healthy relationship.
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Emotional Intelligent!
- By GLSwanger on 12-12-23
By: Gary Lundberg, and others
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Odd Girl Out
- By: Rachel Simmons
- Narrated by: Ruth Ann Phimister
- Length: 12 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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When boys act out, get into fights, or become physically aggressive, we can't avoid noticing their bad behavior. But it is easy to miss the subtle signs of aggression in girls: the dirty looks, the taunting notes, or the exclusion from the group, that send girls home crying.
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Compelling and informative
- By Cynthia on 10-17-04
By: Rachel Simmons
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Joint Custody with a Jerk
- Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex
- By: Judy Corcoran, Julie A. Ross, MA
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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It's a fact that parenting is hard enough in a family where two parents love and respect each other. After divorce, when the respect has diminished and the love has often turned to intense dislike, co-parenting can be nearly impossible, driving one or both parents to the brink of insanity. Joint Custody with a Jerk offers many proven communication techniques that help you deal with your difficult ex-husband or ex-wife.
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Victim blaming
- By Michelle Johann on 08-31-18
By: Judy Corcoran, and others
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The Available Parent
- Expert Advice for Raising Successful and Resilient Teens and Tweens
- By: John Duffy
- Narrated by: David Colacci
- Length: 5 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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We have a tendency today to over-parent, micromanage, and underappreciate our adolescents. Dr. John Duffy's The Available Parent is a revolutionary approach to taking care of teens and tweens. The available parent of a teenager is open to discussion, offering advice and solutions but not insisting on them. He allows his child to make some mistakes, setting limits, primarily where health and safety are concerned. He never lectures - he is available but not controlling. He is neither cruel nor dismissive, ever....
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Parenting teens can be much less stressful!
- By Kathi on 06-12-14
By: John Duffy
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Parenting Without Power Struggles
- Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm, and Connected
- By: Susan Stiffelman
- Narrated by: Susan Stiffelman
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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While most parenting programs are designed to coerce kids to change, Parenting Without Power Struggles does something innovative, showing you how to help your children awaken their natural instincts to cooperate, rather than employing threats or bribes, which inevitably fuels their resistance. By staying calm and being the confident "captain of the ship" your child needs, you will learn how to parent from a place of strong, durable connection, and you'll be better able to help your kids navigate the challenging moments of growing up.
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Highly recommended.
- By Nothing really matters on 10-13-13
By: Susan Stiffelman
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The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers
- Reclaiming Our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity
- By: Meg Meeker M.D.
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 10 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Friendship. Simplicity. Love. Value. Faith. Solitude. Money. Fear. Hope. Purpose. Dr. Meg Meeker has seen mothers struggle with these 10 issues for the past 25 years, and she has also learned how to help them live less stressful, happier, more fulfilling lives. The Ten Habits of Happy Mothers will show women how to reduce loneliness, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem by inspiring women to embrace more positive emotions and habits.
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Recommend the book but had hard time listening to
- By Kaletra Dispennett on 12-25-16
By: Meg Meeker M.D.
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The Curse of the Good Girl
- Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence
- By: Rachel Simmons
- Narrated by: Christina Moore
- Length: 7 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Rachel Simmons is a New York Times best-selling author and the founding director of the Girls' Leadership Institute. The Curse of the Good Girl looks into the phenomenon of the glass ceiling placed on girls who attempt to live up to the standard of being "good". Simmons then shows how parents can help build girls' self-esteem and give them the strength to pursue their goals.
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Best book for mom's of daughters that I have read
- By Wendy on 05-20-10
By: Rachel Simmons
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The Attachment Effect
- Exploring the Powerful Ways Our Earliest Bond Shapes Our Relationships and Lives
- By: Peter Lovenheim
- Narrated by: Graham Winton
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Attachment theory is having a moment. Recently covered in the New York Times Magazine, New York magazine, and elsewhere, it's also the subject of popular relationship guides. Why is this 60-year-old theory, widely accepted in psychological circles, suddenly in vogue? Because people are discovering how powerfully it sheds light on who we love - and how. Fascinated by the subject, award-winning journalist and author Peter Lovenheim went on a years-long journey to understand it from the inside out.
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Failed to Attach
- By Danielle SeCheverell on 07-21-20
By: Peter Lovenheim
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The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition
- By: Gary Chapman
- Narrated by: Chris Fabry
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Different people with different personalities express love in different ways. In fact, there are five very specific languages of love: Words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. Dr. Gary Chapman’s original best seller was first crafted with married couples in mind, but the love languages have proven themselves to be universal. The message of this audiobook is now tailored to meet the unique and real desires of single adults.
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String conservative Christian message
- By CMD on 03-24-20
By: Gary Chapman
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For Parents Only
- Getting Inside the Head of Your Kid
- By: Shaunti Feldhahn, Lisa Author Rice
- Narrated by: Shaunti Feldhahn
- Length: 3 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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What parent hasn't occasionally looked at their beloved but bewildering offspring and wondered, what in the world is he thinking, or why is my sweet little girl acting like that? In this remarkable audiobook, Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa Rice take you inside the mind of teens and preteens through the same innovative approach that seized national attention in the best-selling book For Women Only, For Men Only, and For Young Women Only.
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great points, extremely Christian
- By Kimiko Carpenter on 05-25-22
By: Shaunti Feldhahn, and others
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What Your Childhood Memories Say About You
- By: Kevin Leman
- Narrated by: Chris Fabry
- Length: 6 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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What are your earliest childhood memories? Were you afraid of the dark? Can you remember a particularly embarrassing moment? Those memories - along with the words and emotions you use to describe them - hold the key to understanding the person you are today! Drawing on examples from his own life, the lives of celebrities, as well as case studies from his private practice, renowned psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman helps you apply these same techniques to uncover why you are the way you are.
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Fun and thought provoking...
- By Gare on 07-06-09
By: Kevin Leman
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The Undervalued Self
- By: Elaine N. Aron
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Elaine Aron follows up her best sellers on the highly sensitive person with a groundbreaking new book on the undervalued self. She explains that self-esteem results from having a healthy balance of love and power in our lives. Readers will learn to incorporate love into situations that seem to require power and deal with power struggles that mask themselves as issues of love.
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Life Changing!
- By Salon Finished Dawn on 09-20-15
By: Elaine N. Aron
What listeners say about You're Wearing That?
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
- Sandra
- 03-09-09
"You're Wearing That?"
Wow! It was great not what I expected at all. It helped me understand myself and why certain words and phrases carries more weight than otheres to me. I gained a better unsderstanding of perhaps why my husband does or does not react in the manner he does. Very insightful.
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