The Dance of Connection Audiobook By Harriet Lerner cover art

The Dance of Connection

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The Dance of Connection

By: Harriet Lerner
Narrated by: Harriet Lerner
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About this listen

In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when:

  • We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable
  • We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate
  • We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior
  • We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation
  • We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our "bottom line"
  • We are convinced that we've tried everything, and nothing changes

Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new "voice lessons" that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.

Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.

©1999 Harriet Lerner (P)2001 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.
Emotions Psychology Relationships Inspiring

What listeners say about The Dance of Connection

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Excellent Content! Listen to it 1.25x faster.

What made the experience of listening to The Dance of Connection the most enjoyable?

The book is practical and insightful, with a lot of excellent examples.

What other book might you compare The Dance of Connection to and why?

The dance of anger

Which character – as performed by Harriet Lerner – was your favorite?

All of them. As she mentioned, do not skip any examples. Even you don't have kids, don't skip the example of mother and her child. The same communication principle will help you in other circumstances.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Let other people worry about their things.

Any additional comments?

I found this book after reading the dance of anger. I was having a lot of relationship issues - with my husband, my in-laws, and my co-workers. This book has provided quite a few excellent examples. I listened to it again and again and have started to apply the same principles in different cases. I have found that letting people deal with their own issues instead of trying to solving the problems for them makes me so much happier and less stressed about my own life.

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7 people found this helpful

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So useful and thoughtful!

This book provides a lot to think about as well as useful tools for becoming a better listener communicator friend and partner!

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So helpful

This book had so many helpful passages that I bookmarked. I would recommend this to anyone. The book deals with communicating with family members and difficult conversations you need to have with your loved ones. Definitely worth the listen.

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1 person found this helpful

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very easy to apply instantly...Will re-read

great book. points easy to apply. a must for couples trying to improve communication skills.

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great info

the information was great. delivery, not so much. if u can get through the monotone, u will b fine.

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  • Overall
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Insightful, step-wise approach to communication

Excellent, insightful book on how to understand yourself and your loved ones in moments of frustration. Great guide on self-acceptance and acceptance of others with concrete steps to improve communication. I will probably read the hard copy to really absorb it. Also, a lot of overlap with Brene Brown's work if you are interested! Listen at 1.3-1.5x speed.

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great book

I love the stories in the book and the author ability to explain everything in such a tender loving way

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A very good book with real stories

The book offers advise and guidance on how to communicate with others mostly by telling true stories of people with a summary of the problem and how it was solved. What I really liked about the book is its objectivity and the highlight that one of the options is to never be able to connect with someone despite how much you want it and despite your efforts to connect - and that this is OK. It helped me find a way to let go, by confirming, somehow even giving me a permission, to do so. After reading the book, it is easier for me to acknowledge and accept that I might never ever be able to reconcile communication with some people I really love and still remain open to them.
Another issue I was also able to hear in this book and that made me think - is that as much as we should try to listen and understand the other side, we should also make a conscious effort to clearly and honestly define our own boundaries and acknowledge our limitations.

on the negative side, I also bought two other books by the author and I did not particularly like that I already heard some of the stories before. As much as I agree that hearing the same story in a different context might be useful, it still irritated me to have to pay for the same content twice only being under a different title.

Lastly, the book is read in a slow, calm and clear voice, so I really liked the performance.

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Connection Dance

This book was very informative and helpful. I like the stories. It contains practical help. Thank you Harriett Lerner. Your books have helped me greatly learn to dance without stepping on toes or choosing to sit one out.

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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Good info but dated

Good but dated. The narrators voice is monotone and made me drowsy but a good read no less.

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