The Dance of Connection
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Narrated by:
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Harriet Lerner
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By:
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Harriet Lerner
About this listen
In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when:
- We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable
- We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate
- We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior
- We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation
- We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our "bottom line"
- We are convinced that we've tried everything, and nothing changes
Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new "voice lessons" that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.
Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.
©1999 Harriet Lerner (P)2001 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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The Dance of Connection
- How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate
- By: Harriet Lerner
- Narrated by: Heni Zoutomou
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
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The key problem in relationships, particularly over time, is that people begin to lose their voice. Despite decades of assertiveness training and lots of good advice about communicating with clarity, timing, and tact, women and men find that their greatest complaints in marriage and other intimate relationships are that they are not being heard. Much as she did in THE MOTHER DANCE, Lerner will approach this rich subject with tales from her personal life and clinical work, inspiring and teaching listeners to speak their own truths to the most important people in their lives.
By: Harriet Lerner
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The Dance of Anger
- A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
- By: Harriet Lerner
- Narrated by: Barbara Caruso
- Length: 6 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches both women and men to identify the true sources of anger and to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.
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Quick, concise, tactics and a good narrator
- By Mallin on 05-18-18
By: Harriet Lerner
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Marriage Rules
- A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up
- By: Harriet Lerner
- Narrated by: Natalie Ross
- Length: 5 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Following a unique format perfect for today's world, the renowned author of The Dance of Anger gives us just over 100 rules that cover all the hot spots in long-term relationships. Marriage Rules offers new solutions to age-old problems ("He won't talk"/"She doesn't want sex") as well as modern ones (your partner's relationship to technology.)
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Opened my eyes
- By Anonymous User on 12-27-22
By: Harriet Lerner
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Why Won't You Apologize?
- Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts
- By: Harriet Lerner PhD
- Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell
- Length: 4 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Renowned psychologist and best-selling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language - I'm sorry - and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.
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I'm sorry
- By D. Thomas on 10-19-17
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The Dance of Intimacy
- A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships
- By: Harriet Lerner Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Harriet Lerner
- Length: 2 hrs and 52 mins
- Abridged
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The Dance of Intimacy takes a careful look at relationships where intimacy is most challenged by too much emotional distance, too much intensity, or simply too much pain. In clear, direct, and dramatic terms, Dr. Lerner illustrates how we can move differently in these relationships, be they with a distant or unfaithful spouse, a depressed sister, a difficult mother, an alcoholic father, an uncommitted lover, a dying parent, or an estranged family member.
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Dissapointing
- By Ingrid on 05-26-12
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The Mother Dance
- How Children Change Your Life
- By: Harriet Lerner
- Narrated by: Suzanne Toren
- Length: 9 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Written from her dual perspective as a psychologist and a mother, Lerner brings us deeply personal tales that run the gamut from the hilarious to the heart-wrenching. From birth or adoption to the empty nest, The Mother Dance teaches the basic lessons of motherhood: that we are not in control of what happens to our children, that most of what we worry about doesn't happen, and that our children will love us with all our imperfections if we can do the same for them.
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Decent information with slight author bias
- By Classic Movie Mom on 10-23-17
By: Harriet Lerner
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The Dance of Connection
- How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate
- By: Harriet Lerner
- Narrated by: Heni Zoutomou
- Length: 8 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
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Performance
-
Story
The key problem in relationships, particularly over time, is that people begin to lose their voice. Despite decades of assertiveness training and lots of good advice about communicating with clarity, timing, and tact, women and men find that their greatest complaints in marriage and other intimate relationships are that they are not being heard. Much as she did in THE MOTHER DANCE, Lerner will approach this rich subject with tales from her personal life and clinical work, inspiring and teaching listeners to speak their own truths to the most important people in their lives.
By: Harriet Lerner
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The Dance of Anger
- A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
- By: Harriet Lerner
- Narrated by: Barbara Caruso
- Length: 6 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions. While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches both women and men to identify the true sources of anger and to use it as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.
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Quick, concise, tactics and a good narrator
- By Mallin on 05-18-18
By: Harriet Lerner
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Marriage Rules
- A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up
- By: Harriet Lerner
- Narrated by: Natalie Ross
- Length: 5 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Following a unique format perfect for today's world, the renowned author of The Dance of Anger gives us just over 100 rules that cover all the hot spots in long-term relationships. Marriage Rules offers new solutions to age-old problems ("He won't talk"/"She doesn't want sex") as well as modern ones (your partner's relationship to technology.)
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Opened my eyes
- By Anonymous User on 12-27-22
By: Harriet Lerner
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Why Won't You Apologize?
- Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts
- By: Harriet Lerner PhD
- Narrated by: Cassandra Campbell
- Length: 4 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Renowned psychologist and best-selling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language - I'm sorry - and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust.
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I'm sorry
- By D. Thomas on 10-19-17
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Fear and Other Uninvited Guests
- Tackling the Anxiety, Fear, and Shame That Keeps Us from Optimal Living
- By: Harriet Lerner, Ph.D
- Narrated by: Harriet Lerner
- Length: 3 hrs and 44 mins
- Abridged
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Unhappiness, says best-selling author Harriet Lerner, is fueled by three key emotions: anxiety, fear, and shame. They are the uninvited guests in our lives. When tragedy or hardship hit, they may become our constant companions.
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Very informative and helpful
- By Brenda on 01-30-06
By: Harriet Lerner, and others
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The Dance of Deception
- A Guide to Authenticity and Truth Telling in Women's Relationships
- By: Harriet Lerner PhD
- Narrated by: Harriet Lerner
- Length: 2 hrs and 59 mins
- Abridged
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When The Dance of Deception was published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. "Well, I don't do deception" was a common response. We all "do deception", often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deception unravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real - even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave - but misguided - efforts to tell the truth.
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Worth a listen
- By Karen Furey on 11-04-20
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Harriet Lerner on Mothers and Daughters
- Breaking the Patterns That Keep You Stuck
- By: Harriet Lerner PhD
- Narrated by: Harriet Lerner PhD
- Length: 1 hr and 28 mins
- Original Recording
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Before a woman is anything else, she is a daughter. Her relationship with her mother anchors every other relationship in her life. Yet as an adult she may still blame her mother, try to change her, or fail to speak out about issues that matter. Harriet Lerner on Mothers and Daughters is a personal conversation for every woman who seeks to better understand the mystery of the mother-daughter bond.
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Don’t bother if your mom has profound issues
- By J. F. Stevens on 10-21-19
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We Love Each Other, But . . .
- Simple Secrets to Strengthen Your Relationship and Make Love Last
- By: Ellen Wachtel
- Narrated by: Joyce Bean
- Length: 6 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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We Love Each Other, But... offers simple, practical tips that will help you restore and strengthen a relationship that has gone off track. It lays out the nuts and bolts of building relationships so they continue to be gratifying over the long haul. Dr. Ellen Wachtel shows how, even when you feel like giving up on a relationship or marriage, you can recapture why you fell in love in the first place. Dr. Wachtel promises that there is more and suggests simple ways to keep vitality in relationships.
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Some interesting material
- By Scott on 10-25-12
By: Ellen Wachtel
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Men, Women and Worthiness
- The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough
- By: Brené Brown
- Narrated by: Brené Brown
- Length: 2 hrs and 14 mins
- Original Recording
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What does it take to be secure in our sense of belonging and self-worth? We may hustle to attain this security through achievements, meeting expectations, or repeating affirmations to ourselves - but Dr. Brené Brown's research has shown there is ultimately one obstacle to our sense of worthiness. “Shame is the barrier,” she teaches, “and building shame resilience is how we overcome it.”
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Nothing new here.
- By barefoot rabbit on 01-13-15
By: Brené Brown
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The Dance of Anger
- A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
- By: Harriet Lerner Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Harriet Lerner
- Length: 3 hrs and 2 mins
- Abridged
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While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless.
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Dance of Anger
- By Ann on 12-24-08
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The Science of Trust
- Emotional Attunement for Couples
- By: John M. Gottman Ph.D.
- Narrated by: J. Charles
- Length: 16 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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For the past 35 years, John Gottman’s research has been internationally recognized for its unprecedented ability to precisely measure interactive processes in couples and to predict the long-term success or failure of relationships. In this groundbreaking book, he presents a new approach to understanding and changing couples: a fundamental social skill called “emotional attunement,” which describes a couple’s ability to fully process and move on from negative emotional events, ultimately creating a stronger relationship.
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Technical version of his other book
- By SoCalSkills on 07-26-17
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A Whole New Mind
- Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future
- By: Daniel H. Pink
- Narrated by: Daniel H. Pink
- Length: 6 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Lawyers. Accountants. Software Engineers. That what Mom and Dad encouraged us to become. They were wrong. Gone is the age of "left-brain" dominance. The future belongs to a different kind of person with a different kind of mind: designers, inventors, teachers, storytellers - creative and emphatic "right-brain" thinkers whose abilities mark the fault line between who gets ahead and who doesn't.
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A waste of a good credit
- By Lonnie on 11-07-08
By: Daniel H. Pink
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You Are Your Best Thing
- Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience
- By: Tarana Burke, Brené Brown
- Narrated by: Tarana Burke, Brené Brown, the Contributors, and others
- Length: 6 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Tarana Burke and Dr. Brené Brown bring together a dynamic group of Black writers, organizers, artists, academics, and cultural figures to discuss the topics the two have dedicated their lives to understanding and teaching: vulnerability and shame resilience.
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Listen up...
- By HeyJude on 04-29-21
By: Tarana Burke, and others
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Good Morning, I Love You
- Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices to Rewire Your Brain for Calm, Clarity, and Joy
- By: Shauna Shapiro PhD
- Narrated by: Shauna Shapiro
- Length: 4 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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In Good Morning, I Love You, Dr. Shauna Shapiro brings alive the brain science behind why we feel the way we do - about ourselves, each other, and the world - and explains why we get stuck in thinking that doesn’t serve us. It turns out that we are hardwired to be self-critical and negative! And this negativity is constantly undermining our experience of life.
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Eureka! Thars gold in this book.
- By Robert B. Davis on 01-30-20
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Play
- How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul
- By: Stuart Brown, Christopher Vaughan MD
- Narrated by: Michael Hinton
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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We've all seen the happiness on the face of a child while playing in the school yard. Or the blissful abandon of a golden retriever racing across a lawn. This is the joy of play. By definition, play is purposeless, all-consuming, and fun. But as Dr. Stuart Brown illustrates, play is anything but trivial. It is a biological drive as integral to our health as sleep or nutrition. We are designed by nature to flourish through play.
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Message and content great, professional reader too serious for a book called Play!
- By Sara B aka Mommy on 10-26-17
By: Stuart Brown, and others
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The Power of Vulnerability
- Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage
- By: Brené Brown
- Narrated by: Brené Brown
- Length: 6 hrs and 30 mins
- Original Recording
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On The Power of Vulnerability, Dr. Brown offers an invitation and a promise - that when we dare to drop the armor that protects us from feeling vulnerable, we open ourselves to the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives. Here she dispels the cultural myth that vulnerability is weakness and reveals that it is, in truth, our most accurate measure of courage.
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The audio makes all the difference.
- By Sadie on 09-14-13
By: Brené Brown
What listeners say about The Dance of Connection
Highly rated for:
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- Caramelslice
- 11-05-16
Excellent Content! Listen to it 1.25x faster.
What made the experience of listening to The Dance of Connection the most enjoyable?
The book is practical and insightful, with a lot of excellent examples.
What other book might you compare The Dance of Connection to and why?
The dance of anger
Which character – as performed by Harriet Lerner – was your favorite?
All of them. As she mentioned, do not skip any examples. Even you don't have kids, don't skip the example of mother and her child. The same communication principle will help you in other circumstances.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?
Let other people worry about their things.
Any additional comments?
I found this book after reading the dance of anger. I was having a lot of relationship issues - with my husband, my in-laws, and my co-workers. This book has provided quite a few excellent examples. I listened to it again and again and have started to apply the same principles in different cases. I have found that letting people deal with their own issues instead of trying to solving the problems for them makes me so much happier and less stressed about my own life.
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7 people found this helpful
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- Julianne D Misra
- 06-02-21
So useful and thoughtful!
This book provides a lot to think about as well as useful tools for becoming a better listener communicator friend and partner!
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- Lara Karam-Rodgers
- 08-04-20
So helpful
This book had so many helpful passages that I bookmarked. I would recommend this to anyone. The book deals with communicating with family members and difficult conversations you need to have with your loved ones. Definitely worth the listen.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Tara
- 03-07-16
very easy to apply instantly...Will re-read
great book. points easy to apply. a must for couples trying to improve communication skills.
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- Anonymous User
- 07-13-20
great info
the information was great. delivery, not so much. if u can get through the monotone, u will b fine.
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- AR
- 12-01-20
Insightful, step-wise approach to communication
Excellent, insightful book on how to understand yourself and your loved ones in moments of frustration. Great guide on self-acceptance and acceptance of others with concrete steps to improve communication. I will probably read the hard copy to really absorb it. Also, a lot of overlap with Brene Brown's work if you are interested! Listen at 1.3-1.5x speed.
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- Anonymous User
- 11-06-19
great book
I love the stories in the book and the author ability to explain everything in such a tender loving way
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- Tsvetanka
- 05-22-19
A very good book with real stories
The book offers advise and guidance on how to communicate with others mostly by telling true stories of people with a summary of the problem and how it was solved. What I really liked about the book is its objectivity and the highlight that one of the options is to never be able to connect with someone despite how much you want it and despite your efforts to connect - and that this is OK. It helped me find a way to let go, by confirming, somehow even giving me a permission, to do so. After reading the book, it is easier for me to acknowledge and accept that I might never ever be able to reconcile communication with some people I really love and still remain open to them.
Another issue I was also able to hear in this book and that made me think - is that as much as we should try to listen and understand the other side, we should also make a conscious effort to clearly and honestly define our own boundaries and acknowledge our limitations.
on the negative side, I also bought two other books by the author and I did not particularly like that I already heard some of the stories before. As much as I agree that hearing the same story in a different context might be useful, it still irritated me to have to pay for the same content twice only being under a different title.
Lastly, the book is read in a slow, calm and clear voice, so I really liked the performance.
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- Gigi
- 01-12-18
Connection Dance
This book was very informative and helpful. I like the stories. It contains practical help. Thank you Harriett Lerner. Your books have helped me greatly learn to dance without stepping on toes or choosing to sit one out.
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- Elena HAMANT
- 09-21-21
Good info but dated
Good but dated. The narrators voice is monotone and made me drowsy but a good read no less.
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