BIFF
Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns
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Narrated by:
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Scott R. Pollak
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By:
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Bill Eddy
About this listen
We live in an age of rapid change and instant communication. We also live in a culture of blame and disrespect...
Has anyone ever told you:
- “It’s all your fault!”
- “You should be ashamed of yourself!”
- “You’re a disgrace to your [family][community][country][team][profession][party][you fill in the blank]
- “What’s the matter with you? Are you crazy? Stupid? Immoral? Unethical? Evil?”
And then were you told everything that’s “wrong” with you and how you should behave?
It’s not about you!
Let’s face it. Most of us have said something like this when we “lost it”—hopefully not too often. But some people communicate this way a lot! It’s helpful to know that their personal attacks are not about you. They are about the blamer’s inability to control himself and solve problems.
When people repeatedly use personal attacks, I think of them as “high-conflict people” (HCPs), because they lack skills for dealing well with conflict. Instead of sharing responsibility for solving problems, they repeatedly lose it and increase conflict by making it intensely personal and taking no responsibility. They are the most difficult people, because they are preoccupied with blaming others—what I call their “targets of blame”—which may include you! They speak Blamespeak: attack, defend—and attack again.
I wrote this book to help you respond to anyone who tries to engage you with hostile emails, texts, Facebook postings, vicious rumors, or just plain difficult behavior. But before I explain how to write a BIFF response, I want to give you a brief understanding of how HCPs think.
This audiobook was produced and published by Echo Point Books & Media, an independent bookseller in Brattleboro, Vermont.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2011 Bill Eddy (P)2024 Echo Point Books & Media, LLCListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders - borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic - they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself.
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This book should be required reading.
- By JGM on 05-07-18
By: Bill Eddy
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Dating Radar
- Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life Hell
- By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq., Megan Hunter MBA
- Narrated by: Barry Abrams
- Length: 8 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Why do so many of us commit to the wrong person? Most believe that attraction and compatibility are the keys to relationship success when, in reality, these are red flags in 15-20% of the population. When it comes to love, the brain is irrational and shortsighted. We make decisions based on incomplete information, biased understanding, and strong emotion. Love truly is blind. That's why you need dating radar - it gives you a way to detect hazards you might otherwise miss by recognizing:
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Bad Narrator
- By Marie on 12-21-18
By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq., and others
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BIFF for CoParent Communication
- Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media Posts
- By: Annette Burns, Bill Eddy, Kevin Chafin
- Narrated by: Scott R. Pollak
- Length: 4 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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In divorce and co-parenting, not only do parents need to deal with their own emotions, they may be faced with a daily barrage of hostile calls, texts, social media blasts, and/or emails. How can you regain a sense of control and peace for your own sake and for the kids? For more than a decade, the BIFF method of responding to hostile and misinforming conversation has been used by thousands of people. This book can help you reduce conflict and regain your sanity by teaching what to write, and what to ignore.
By: Annette Burns, and others
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Our New World of Adult Bullies
- How to Spot Them • How to Stop Them
- By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq.
- Narrated by: L.J. Ganser
- Length: 7 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Bullies exist everywhere, and all bullies act in the same highly predictable patterns, regardless of their demographics and situation. By focusing on the ten hidden powers bullies employ—from their unrestrained nature and bully story to manipulating emotions and playing the victim—Bill Eddy unpacks the way bullies rely on primitive emotions and nonverbal behavior. He helps listeners spot these behaviors and offers practical actions before they become immobilized by helplessness, blame, and shame.
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Mediating High Conflict Disputes
- A Breakthrough Approach with Tips and Tools and the New Ways for Mediation Method
- By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq., Michael Lomax
- Narrated by: Michael Butler Murray
- Length: 5 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Over the past 12 years, the authors have been developing and practicing tips for managing high-conflict clients in mediation, which is now a fully developed new method called "New Ways for Mediation". Mediating High Conflict Disputes gives all of the little tips that any mediator can use, as well as the step-by-step structure of the New Ways for Mediation method for those who want to have better control of the process in high-conflict cases - or any cases.
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Wish this type of meditation was more available
- By C. Wilson on 01-23-22
By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq., and others
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Splitting, Second Edition
- Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- By: Bill Eddy LCSW JD, Randi Kreger
- Narrated by: Christopher Grove
- Length: 8 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Splitting is an essential legal and psychological guide for anyone divorcing a persuasive blamer: someone who suffers from borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and/or antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). This second edition includes new information about antisocial personalities; expanded information about domestic violence, child abuse, alienation, and false allegations; how to approach protective orders and deal with child custody disputes; and a new chapter on how to successfully present your case to decision makers.
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Must read!
- By tara on 01-11-22
By: Bill Eddy LCSW JD, and others
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5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
- Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities
- By: Bill Eddy
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 5 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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When a high-conflict person has one of five common personality disorders - borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, antisocial, or histrionic - they can lash out in risky extremes of emotion and aggression. And once an HCP decides to target you, they're hard to shake. But there are ways to protect yourself. Using empathy-driven conflict management techniques, Bill Eddy, a lawyer and therapist with extensive mediation experience, will teach you to spot warning signs of the five high-conflict personalities in others and in yourself.
-
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This book should be required reading.
- By JGM on 05-07-18
By: Bill Eddy
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Dating Radar
- Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life Hell
- By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq., Megan Hunter MBA
- Narrated by: Barry Abrams
- Length: 8 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Why do so many of us commit to the wrong person? Most believe that attraction and compatibility are the keys to relationship success when, in reality, these are red flags in 15-20% of the population. When it comes to love, the brain is irrational and shortsighted. We make decisions based on incomplete information, biased understanding, and strong emotion. Love truly is blind. That's why you need dating radar - it gives you a way to detect hazards you might otherwise miss by recognizing:
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-
Bad Narrator
- By Marie on 12-21-18
By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq., and others
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Stop Walking on Eggshells for Partners
- What to Do When Your Partner Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- By: Randi Kreger, Bill Eddy LCSW JD
- Narrated by: Rachel Perry
- Length: 11 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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BPD and NPD expert Randi Kreger provides targeted resources to help you build the confidence you need to navigate your relationship safely and effectively. Packed with in-depth information and proven-effective skills, this guide will help you evaluate your relationship, discover what you truly want and need, and gain the courage needed to make healthy decisions.
By: Randi Kreger, and others
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Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths and How We Can Stop
- By: Bill Eddy
- Narrated by: Tom Dheere
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Democracy is under siege. The reason isn’t politics but personalities: Too many countries have come under the sway of high-conflict people (HCPs) who have become politicians. Most of these high-conflict politicians have traits of narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial (i.e., sociopathic) personality disorder, or both. This is the first and only guide for identifying and thwarting them.
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All Republicans are High Conflict Personalities
- By Brian K. Cutshall on 03-04-20
By: Bill Eddy
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Don't Alienate the Kids (10th Anniversary Edition)
- Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce
- By: Bill Eddy LCSW JD
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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In this 10th-anniversary edition of Don't Alienate the Kids attorney, mediator, and therapist Bill Eddy shows listeners how to protect children from the harm of alienation and high-conflict divorce, boosting their resilience by teaching them to think flexibly, manage their emotions, and moderate their behaviors.
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Useful information for a high conflict divorce
- By Konrad on 04-08-24
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Raising Resilient Children with a Borderline or Narcissistic Parent
- By: Margalis Fjelstad, Jean McBride
- Narrated by: Senn Annis
- Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Being partnered with a narcissist or borderline personality can be hard enough, but learning how to shield children from the fallout is paramount. Here, the authors tell listeners how to manage parenting when a narcissistic or borderline partner is part of the equation.
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Hope Found
- By Danielle Smith on 06-16-21
By: Margalis Fjelstad, and others
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Duped
- Truth-Default Theory and the Social Science of Lying and Deception
- By: Timothy R. Levine
- Narrated by: Scott R. Pollak
- Length: 14 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Timothy R. Levine’s Duped: Truth-Default Theory and the Social Science of Lying and Deception recounts a decades-long program of empirical research that culminates in a new theory of deception-truth-default theory. This theory holds that the content of incoming communication is typically and uncritically accepted as true, and most of the time, this is good. Truth-default allows humans to function socially.
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A Modern Allegory of the Cave
- By Mountain K9iner on 10-11-20
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Get Anyone to Do Anything
- Never Feel Powerless Again - with Psychological Secrets to Control and Influence Every Situation
- By: David J. Lieberman PhD
- Narrated by: William Dufris
- Length: 5 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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The legendary leader in the field of human behavior delivers the national best-selling must-hear phenomenon that changed the rules. Utilizing the latest advancements in human behavior, Dr. Lieberman's critically acclaimed techniques show you step-by-step how to gain the clear advantage in every situation.
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How To Be An Asshole In Every Situation
- By Brad Dye on 01-26-20
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Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex
- What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You
- By: Amy E. Baker PhD, Paul R. Fine
- Narrated by: Vanessa Daniels
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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In Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex, a nationally recognized parenting expert offers you a positive parenting approach to dealing with a hostile ex-spouse. You'll learn to avoid the most common mistakes of co-parenting, how to avoid "parental alienation syndrome", and effective techniques for talking to your children in a way that fosters an open and honest response. In addition, you'll learn how to protect your children from painful loyalty conflicts between you and your ex-spouse.
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Not Helpful For Me
- By Catherine Conklin on 11-05-17
By: Amy E. Baker PhD, and others
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The High-Conflict Couple
- A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation
- By: Alan E. Fruzzetti PhD
- Narrated by: Vanessa Daniels
- Length: 6 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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The High-Conflict Couple adapts the powerful techniques of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into skills you can use to tame out-of-control emotions that flare up in your relationship. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, you'll learn how to deescalate angry situations before they have a chance to explode into destructive fights. You'll discover ways to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and to find true acceptance and closeness with the person you love the most.
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Notations Should be Left in the Written Version
- By Jessica Saunders on 10-19-17
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Abduction
- Human Encounters with Aliens
- By: John E. Mack
- Narrated by: Brian Arens
- Length: 20 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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A Harvard psychiatrist and Pulitzer Prize-winning author, John E. Mack, the author of A Prince of Our Disorder, presents accounts of alien abduction taken from the more than 60 cases he has investigated, and examines the implications for our identity as a species. Mack's Abduction: Human Encounters with Aliens is a fascinating investigation of real-world alien encounters, and explores how extraterrestrial encounters affected the way people regarded the world—including heightening their sense of spirituality and their environmental concern.
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Gripping recounts of abduction experiences
- By Kaitlyn on 11-20-23
By: John E. Mack
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High Conflict
- Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out
- By: Amanda Ripley
- Narrated by: Amanda Ripley
- Length: 9 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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High conflict is what happens when discord distills into a good-versus-evil kind of feud, the kind with an us and a them. In this state, the brain behaves differently. We feel increasingly certain of our own superiority, and everything we do to try to end the conflict, usually makes it worse. Eventually, we can start to mimic the behavior of our adversaries, harming what we hold most dear. In this book, New York Times bestselling author and award-winning journalist Amanda Ripley investigates how good people get captured by high conflict—and how they break free.
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Perspective and Tools for Conflict-Drenched Times
- By Mark Patterson on 05-19-21
By: Amanda Ripley
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Effective Co-Parenting or Parallel Parenting with a Narcissist
- Set Boundaries, Eliminate Conflict, Protect Yourself, and Raise Emotionally Secure Children
- By: Claire Brown
- Narrated by: Sera Chance
- Length: 5 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Learn how to effectively raise kids with a narcissistic ex and ensure your kids are emotionally secure, mentally strong, confident, and happy. It can be done, but you need to utilize specific strategies.
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Great resources and strategies
- By RealtoReads on 03-27-24
By: Claire Brown
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The Narcissist's Playbook
- How to Identify, Disarm, and Protect Yourself from Narcissists, Sociopaths, Psychopaths, and Other Types of Manipulative and Abusive People
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Do you continually feel anxious around someone in your life, but can’t pinpoint why?...Perhaps you know you are being manipulated or abused, but don’t know how to make it stop. The Narcissist’s Playbook can help. You can take back your life.
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powerful
- By All Dolled Up on 01-17-20
By: Dana Morningstar
What listeners say about BIFF
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- MKG
- 11-02-24
practical, wise, on point, life saving
Gives a sensible blueprint for how and why to respond to highly contentious people remarks, actions, attacks.
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- Cliente de Kindle
- 09-30-24
It gives you exactly what you can expect from the title
I like that is short, but still develops a couple of ideas and give you examples. Most of these type of books are 100 pages longer that the should be, not this one
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