
BIFF
Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns
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Narrated by:
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Scott R. Pollak
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By:
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Bill Eddy
About this listen
We live in an age of rapid change and instant communication. We also live in a culture of blame and disrespect...
Has anyone ever told you:
- “It’s all your fault!”
- “You should be ashamed of yourself!”
- “You’re a disgrace to your [family][community][country][team][profession][party][you fill in the blank]
- “What’s the matter with you? Are you crazy? Stupid? Immoral? Unethical? Evil?”
And then were you told everything that’s “wrong” with you and how you should behave?
It’s not about you!
Let’s face it. Most of us have said something like this when we “lost it”—hopefully not too often. But some people communicate this way a lot! It’s helpful to know that their personal attacks are not about you. They are about the blamer’s inability to control himself and solve problems.
When people repeatedly use personal attacks, I think of them as “high-conflict people” (HCPs), because they lack skills for dealing well with conflict. Instead of sharing responsibility for solving problems, they repeatedly lose it and increase conflict by making it intensely personal and taking no responsibility. They are the most difficult people, because they are preoccupied with blaming others—what I call their “targets of blame”—which may include you! They speak Blamespeak: attack, defend—and attack again.
I wrote this book to help you respond to anyone who tries to engage you with hostile emails, texts, Facebook postings, vicious rumors, or just plain difficult behavior. But before I explain how to write a BIFF response, I want to give you a brief understanding of how HCPs think.
This audiobook was produced and published by Echo Point Books & Media, an independent bookseller in Brattleboro, Vermont.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2011 Bill Eddy (P)2024 Echo Point Books & Media, LLCListeners also enjoyed...
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- By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq.
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Bullies exist everywhere, and all bullies act in the same highly predictable patterns, regardless of their demographics and situation. By focusing on the ten hidden powers bullies employ—from their unrestrained nature and bully story to manipulating emotions and playing the victim—Bill Eddy unpacks the way bullies rely on primitive emotions and nonverbal behavior. He helps listeners spot these behaviors and offers practical actions before they become immobilized by helplessness, blame, and shame.
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Wish this type of meditation was more available
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By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq., and others
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Dating Radar
- Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life Hell
- By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq., Megan Hunter MBA
- Narrated by: Barry Abrams
- Length: 8 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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Why do so many of us commit to the wrong person? Most believe that attraction and compatibility are the keys to relationship success when, in reality, these are red flags in 15-20% of the population. When it comes to love, the brain is irrational and shortsighted. We make decisions based on incomplete information, biased understanding, and strong emotion. Love truly is blind. That's why you need dating radar - it gives you a way to detect hazards you might otherwise miss by recognizing:
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Bad Narrator
- By Marie on 12-21-18
By: Bill Eddy LCSW Esq., and others
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Don't Alienate the Kids (10th Anniversary Edition)
- Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict Divorce
- By: Bill Eddy LCSW JD
- Narrated by: Tom Parks
- Length: 10 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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In this 10th-anniversary edition of Don't Alienate the Kids attorney, mediator, and therapist Bill Eddy shows listeners how to protect children from the harm of alienation and high-conflict divorce, boosting their resilience by teaching them to think flexibly, manage their emotions, and moderate their behaviors.
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His own advice
- By Jackie Chann on 05-04-25
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Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex
- What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You
- By: Amy E. Baker PhD, Paul R. Fine
- Narrated by: Vanessa Daniels
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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In Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex, a nationally recognized parenting expert offers you a positive parenting approach to dealing with a hostile ex-spouse. You'll learn to avoid the most common mistakes of co-parenting, how to avoid "parental alienation syndrome", and effective techniques for talking to your children in a way that fosters an open and honest response. In addition, you'll learn how to protect your children from painful loyalty conflicts between you and your ex-spouse.
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Not Helpful For Me
- By Catherine Conklin on 11-05-17
By: Amy E. Baker PhD, and others
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How-to Fight a Narcissist in Family Court and Win
- Super-Smart Strategies for Success
- By: Grace Wroldson
- Narrated by: Joanna Reynolds
- Length: 3 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Are you trying to co-parent with a narcissist? Stuck in a high-conflict custody battle with your narcissistic ex? You are not alone. There are problems and issues that are common with someone disordered and disorderly. Learn Grace's Super-Smart Strategies for navigating the narcissist in Family Court. It all comes down to creating solid strategies.
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Eye opening Good Information needed to know
- By Alexis Davey on 04-15-25
By: Grace Wroldson
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Stop Walking on Eggshells for Partners
- What to Do When Your Partner Has Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- By: Randi Kreger, Bill Eddy LCSW JD
- Narrated by: Rachel Perry
- Length: 11 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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BPD and NPD expert Randi Kreger provides targeted resources to help you build the confidence you need to navigate your relationship safely and effectively. Packed with in-depth information and proven-effective skills, this guide will help you evaluate your relationship, discover what you truly want and need, and gain the courage needed to make healthy decisions.
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Essential if you are in high-conflict relationship
- By lcc on 12-06-24
By: Randi Kreger, and others
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Why We Elect Narcissists and Sociopaths and How We Can Stop
- By: Bill Eddy
- Narrated by: Tom Dheere
- Length: 5 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Democracy is under siege. The reason isn’t politics but personalities: Too many countries have come under the sway of high-conflict people (HCPs) who have become politicians. Most of these high-conflict politicians have traits of narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial (i.e., sociopathic) personality disorder, or both. This is the first and only guide for identifying and thwarting them.
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All Republicans are High Conflict Personalities
- By Brian K. Cutshall on 03-04-20
By: Bill Eddy
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Effective Co-Parenting or Parallel Parenting with a Narcissist
- Set Boundaries, Eliminate Conflict, Protect Yourself, and Raise Emotionally Secure Children
- By: Claire Brown
- Narrated by: Sera Chance
- Length: 5 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Learn how to effectively raise kids with a narcissistic ex and ensure your kids are emotionally secure, mentally strong, confident, and happy. It can be done, but you need to utilize specific strategies.
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Great resources and strategies
- By RealtoReads on 03-27-24
By: Claire Brown
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Abduction
- Human Encounters with Aliens
- By: John E. Mack
- Narrated by: Brian Arens
- Length: 20 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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A Harvard psychiatrist and Pulitzer Prize-winning author, John E. Mack, the author of A Prince of Our Disorder, presents accounts of alien abduction taken from the more than 60 cases he has investigated, and examines the implications for our identity as a species. Mack's Abduction: Human Encounters with Aliens is a fascinating investigation of real-world alien encounters, and explores how extraterrestrial encounters affected the way people regarded the world—including heightening their sense of spirituality and their environmental concern.
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Gripping recounts of abduction experiences
- By Kaitlyn on 11-20-23
By: John E. Mack
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The Science of Self-Discipline
- The Willpower, Mental Toughness, and Self-Control to Resist Temptation and Achieve Your Goals
- By: Peter Hollins
- Narrated by: Peter Hollins
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Your best intentions are not enough. Learn how to scientifically engineer a disciplined existence, become relentless, and never give up. Whatever you want in your life, self-discipline is the missing piece. Goals will remain dreams if you make the mistake of relying on motivation and your best drawn plans. The Science of Self-Discipline is a deep look into what allows us to resist our worst impulses and simply execute, achieve, produce, and focus. Every principle is scientifically-driven and dissected to as be actionable and helpful as possible. You'll learn how top performers consistently exercise self-discipline, as well as what drives us on an instinctual, psychological level to act.
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Same old tired rehash of studies and common sense
- By A. Molnar on 07-12-18
By: Peter Hollins
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The Narcissist's Playbook
- How to Identify, Disarm, and Protect Yourself from Narcissists, Sociopaths, Psychopaths, and Other Types of Manipulative and Abusive People
- By: Dana Morningstar
- Narrated by: Dana Morningstar
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you have a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath in your life, or think that you might? Do you continually feel anxious around someone in your life, but can’t pinpoint why?...Perhaps you know you are being manipulated or abused, but don’t know how to make it stop. The Narcissist’s Playbook can help. You can take back your life.
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powerful
- By All Dolled Up on 01-17-20
By: Dana Morningstar
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Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare
- How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
- By: Shahida Arabi
- Narrated by: Julie McKay
- Length: 19 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Although clinical research has been conducted on narcissism as a disorder, less is known about its effects on victims who are in toxic relationships with partners with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Individuals with this disorder engage in chronic devaluation and manipulation of their partners, a psychological and emotional phenomenon known as "narcissistic abuse". Unfortunately, the full extent of what narcissistic abuse entails is not taught in any psychology class or diagnostic manual.
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Finally
- By zero on 12-08-16
By: Shahida Arabi
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Boundaries, Updated and Expanded Edition
- When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
- By: John Townsend, Henry Cloud
- Narrated by: Henry O. Arnold
- Length: 11 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Join the millions who have learned how to take control of their lives by setting healthy boundaries with their spouses, children, friends, parents, co-workers, and even themselves—in order to live life to the fullest. In Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend share the lessons they've learned in their years of practicing psychology and studying the patterns and practices that support clear biblical boundaries. You'll learn the ins and outs of setting the boundaries that will transform your daily life.
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Wonderful but should probably mention religion or the Bible in title
- By Victoria Robben on 06-06-18
By: John Townsend, and others
What listeners say about BIFF
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- MKG
- 11-02-24
practical, wise, on point, life saving
Gives a sensible blueprint for how and why to respond to highly contentious people remarks, actions, attacks.
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- Ruby
- 12-10-24
Practical and relevant
This book provides a convenient shorthand and easy to understand formula for dealing with impossibly toxic people. Very helpful- I strongly recommend.
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- ReRe
- 04-30-25
Super Helpful
I’m very grateful to the author of this book for sharing his knowledge in this area. I really didn’t know how to deal with conflict so I always avoided it. Now I feel like I can do something to manage conflict, thank you for empowering me!
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- Cliente de Kindle
- 09-30-24
It gives you exactly what you can expect from the title
I like that is short, but still develops a couple of ideas and give you examples. Most of these type of books are 100 pages longer that the should be, not this one
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