Fed Up
Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward
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Narrated by:
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Therese Plummer
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By:
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Gemma Hartley
About this listen
A rousing call to arms, packed with surprising insights, that explores how carrying "the mental load" - the thankless day-to-day anticipating of needs and solving of problems large and small - is adversely affecting women’s lives and feeding gender inequality, and shows the way forward for better balancing our lives.
Launching a heated national conversation with her viral article "Women Aren’t Nags; We’re Just Fed Up" - viewed more than two billion times - journalist Gemma Hartley gave voice to the frustration and anger of countless women putting in the hidden, underappreciated, and absolutely draining mental work that consists of keeping everyone in their lives comfortable and happy. Bringing long-overdue awareness to the daunting reality of emotional labor in our lives, Hartley defines the largely invisible but demanding, time-consuming, and exhausting "worry work" that falls disproportionately and unfairly on all women - no matter their economic class or level of education.
Synthesizing a wide variety of sources - history, sociology, economics, psychology, philosophy, and anthropology - Hartley makes the invisible visible, unveiling the surprising shapes emotional labor takes at work, at home, in relationships, and in parenting. With on-the-ground reporting, identifiable personal stories, and interviews from around the world, this feminist manifesto will empower women to transform their inner dialogue and give all women the emotional fortitude and courage to ask for what we most want - without shame, without guilt, and without the emotional baggage.
Beyond naming the problem, Fed Up offers practical advice and solutions for teaching both men and women how to wield emotional labor to live more full and satisfying lives. Hartley helps us to see emotional labor not as a problem to be overcome, but as a genderless virtue we can all learn to channel in our quest to make a better, more egalitarian world for ourselves and most importantly, our children.
Insightful, surprising, deeply relatable, and filled with all-too-familiar moments, this provocative, intelligent, and empathetic guide is essential listening for every woman who has had enough with feeling fed up.
©2018 Gemma Hartley (P)2018 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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We have seen the enemy . . . and they are small. If anyone understands why children behave the way they do, it's psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Kevin Leman. Equipping you with seven principles of Reality Discipline, this father of five shows you how to get kids to do what you want them to do, foil finicky eaters, turn off temper tantrums, and minimize sibling rivalries, use authority and decisiveness to show your kids you're not a pushover, and know when to take the little buzzards by the beak.
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Life Saver for you and your kid!
- By Amber on 09-21-10
By: Kevin Leman
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The Secrets of Happy Families
- Surprising New Ideas to Bring More Togetherness, Less Chaos, and Greater Joy
- By: Bruce Feiler
- Narrated by: Bruce Feiler
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Best-selling author and New York Times family columnist Bruce Feiler found himself squeezed between caring for aging parents and raising his children. So he set out on a three-year journey to find the smartest solutions and the most cutting-edge research about families. Instead of the usual family "experts", he sought out the most creative minds - from Silicon Valley to the set of Modern Family, from the country's top negotiators to the Green Berets - and asked them what team-building exercises and problem-solving techniques they use with their families.
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Well worth reading, even if you can't do it all!
- By Amazon Customer on 02-28-13
By: Bruce Feiler
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Slay Like a Mother
- How to Destroy What's Holding You Back So You Can Live the Life You Want
- By: Katherine Wintsch
- Narrated by: Katherine Wintsch
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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In this emotionally charged how-to guide, you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll discover eye-opening lessons about: The mask you're wearing. The one you hide behind when you say everything is "just fine" when it's not. Your unrealistic expectations. The goal-setting tactics you're deploying to get ahead could be what's holding you back. The difference between struggling and suffering. Being a mother is a struggle - it always has been - but your suffering is optional.
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Great for dads too!
- By Earl Cox on 06-20-19
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30 Lessons for Loving
- Advice from the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships, and Marriage
- By: Karl Pillemer Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Sean Pratt
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Based on the most detailed survey of long married people ever conducted, 30 Lessons for Loving shows the way to lifelong, fulfilling relationships. The author, an internationally renowned gerontologist at Cornell University, offers sage advice from the oldest and wisest Americans on everything from finding a partner, to deciding to commit, to growing old together.
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Our Elders Really are the Experts!
- By Cher Finnan on 12-29-15
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Getting to 50/50
- How Working Parents Can Have It All by Sharing It All - and Why It’s Good for Your Marriage, Your Career, Your Kids, and You
- By: Sharon Meers, Joanna Strober
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 10 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober are professionals, wives, and mothers. They understand the challenges and rewards of two-career households. They also know that families thrive not in spite of working mothers but because of them. You can have a great career, a great marriage, and be a great mother. The key is tapping into your best resource and most powerful ally - the man you married.
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Great overall, but a bit offensive...
- By Tristan Matthews on 01-09-15
By: Sharon Meers, and others
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Fair Play
- A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live)
- By: Eve Rodsky
- Narrated by: Eve Rodsky
- Length: 7 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Fair Play is a time- and anxiety-saving system that offers couples a completely new way to divvy up chores and responsibilities. Rodsky interviewed more than 500 men and women from all walks of life to figure out what the invisible work in a family actually entails and how to get it all done efficiently. With four easy-to-follow rules, 100 household tasks, and a series of conversation starters for you and your partner, Fair Play helps you prioritize what's important to your family and who should take the lead on every chore from laundry to homework to dinner.
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For Coupled People
- By Brandy Patrick on 10-02-19
By: Eve Rodsky
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10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships
- By: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Narrated by: Dr. Laura Schlessinger
- Length: 2 hrs and 37 mins
- Abridged
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In Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships, Dr. Laura Schlessinger calls for a return to traditional courtship. Courtship allows couples and their families to get acquainted with each other over a longer period of time, and provides structure and guidelines for that important process.
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No brainer ideas that we can forget
- By Ali0531 on 07-06-15
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Strong Mothers, Strong Sons
- Lessons Mothers Need to Raise Extraordinary Men
- By: Meg Meeker
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 12 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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From the moment a mother holds her newborn son, his eyes tell her that she is his world. But often, as he grows up, the boy who needs her simultaneously pushes her away. Calling upon thirty years of experience as a pediatrician, Meg Meeker, MD, a highly sought-after national speaker, assistant professor of clinical medicine, and mother of four, shares the secrets that every mother needs to know in order to strengthen-or rebuild-her relationship with her son.
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Update of wording in your book is required
- By danamc on 08-27-18
By: Meg Meeker
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I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You
- Seven Steps to Saving Your Relationship
- By: Andrew G. Marshall
- Narrated by: Andrew G. Marshall
- Length: 8 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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In I Love You, but I'm Not in Love with You - a real-life relationship guide from couples' counselor Andrew G. Marshall - partners and individuals who have "fallen out of love" or want to rekindle the love that once was will learn how to use Marshall 's program with impressive results. This is a much-needed book to help men and women of all ages in any type of committed romantic relationship to truly understand love and to point out the everyday habits that undermine growing together.
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If you feel stuck in a relationship, this book is a MUST!
- By Christopher on 05-09-19
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Overwhelmed
- Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time
- By: Brigid Schulte
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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According to the Leisure Studies Department at the University of Iowa, true leisure is “that place in which we realize our humanity.” If that’s true, argues Brigid Schulte, then we're doing dangerously little realizing of our humanity. In Overwhelmed, Schulte, a staff writer for The Washington Post, asks: Are our brains, our partners, our culture, and our bosses making it impossible for us to experience anything but “contaminated time”?
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Depressing, Dreary Listening Experience
- By Deb A on 04-19-15
By: Brigid Schulte
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Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives
- By: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D.
- Narrated by: Laura Schlessinger Ph.D.
- Length: 2 hrs and 52 mins
- Abridged
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Following the tremendous success of her New York Times best sellers, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives and How Could You Do That?!, Dr. Laura Schlessinger, the conscience of talk radio, now addresses the stupid things men do that diminish their lives and happiness. With real-world examples from her radio show and strikingly honest letters from her male listeners, her book reveals that many men demonstrate a level of sensitivity and insight that will surprise most women.
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Loved it!
- By Ethan on 03-21-18
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Joint Custody with a Jerk
- Raising a Child with an Uncooperative Ex
- By: Judy Corcoran, Julie A. Ross, MA
- Narrated by: Randye Kaye
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
It's a fact that parenting is hard enough in a family where two parents love and respect each other. After divorce, when the respect has diminished and the love has often turned to intense dislike, co-parenting can be nearly impossible, driving one or both parents to the brink of insanity. Joint Custody with a Jerk offers many proven communication techniques that help you deal with your difficult ex-husband or ex-wife.
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Victim blaming
- By Michelle Johann on 08-31-18
By: Judy Corcoran, and others
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The Conversation
- How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships
- By: Harper Hill
- Narrated by: Kevin Free
- Length: 7 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times best-selling, award-winning author, actor, and motivational speaker Hill Harper invites listeners to join the conversation about the breakdown of the African-American family. The black community of past generations found strength in families, but today’s black children have less than a one in three chance of being raised in a two-parent household. Harper’s search for answers to this phenomenon is an enlightening and empowering journey.
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~*AWESOME*~
- By Nevada on 08-13-10
By: Harper Hill
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Girl, Wash Your Face
- Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be
- By: Rachel Hollis
- Narrated by: Rachel Hollis
- Length: 7 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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As the founder of the lifestyle website TheChicSite.com and CEO of her own media company, Rachel Hollis developed an immense online community by sharing tips for better living while fearlessly revealing the messiness of her own life. Now, in this challenging and inspiring new book, Rachel exposes the 20 lies and misconceptions that too often hold us back from living joyfully and productively.
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More for women who are mothers
- By MeredithNCSU girl on 04-07-18
By: Rachel Hollis
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In the last few years, as identity politics has taken hold, middle-aged women have found themselves talked and written about as morally inferior beings, the face of bigotry, entitlement and selfishness, to be ignored, pitied or abused. Hags asks the question why these women are treated with such active disdain. Each chapter takes a different theme - care work, beauty, violence, political organization, sex - and explores it in relation to middle-aged women's beliefs, bodies and choices.
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Misogyny and The Middle Age Female "OTHER"
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In the early 2000s, as a Wall Street escapee writing a financial column for the Dallas Morning News, Booth attracted attention for her bold criticism of the Fed's low interest rate policies and her cautionary warnings about the bubbly housing market. Nobody was more surprised than she when the folks at the Dallas Federal Reserve invited her aboard. Figuring she could have more of an impact on Fed policies from the inside, she accepted the call to duty and rose to be one of Dallas Fed president Richard Fisher's closest advisors.
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straight forward brilliant
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This Is How Your Marriage Ends
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One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband.
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At long last, Mary Beard addresses in one brave book the misogynists and trolls who mercilessly attack and demean women the world over, including, very often, Mary herself. In Women & Power, she traces the origins of this misogyny to its ancient roots, examining the pitfalls of gender and the ways that history has mistreated strong women since time immemorial.
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Short and fabulous
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What if family were not the only place you might hope to feel safe, loved, cared for, and accepted? What if we could do better than the family? We need to talk about the family. For those who are lucky, families can be filled with love and care, but for many they are sites of pain: from abandonment and neglect, to abuse and violence. Nobody is more likely to harm you than your family.
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In the last few years, as identity politics has taken hold, middle-aged women have found themselves talked and written about as morally inferior beings, the face of bigotry, entitlement and selfishness, to be ignored, pitied or abused. Hags asks the question why these women are treated with such active disdain. Each chapter takes a different theme - care work, beauty, violence, political organization, sex - and explores it in relation to middle-aged women's beliefs, bodies and choices.
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Misogyny and The Middle Age Female "OTHER"
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Fed Up
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In the early 2000s, as a Wall Street escapee writing a financial column for the Dallas Morning News, Booth attracted attention for her bold criticism of the Fed's low interest rate policies and her cautionary warnings about the bubbly housing market. Nobody was more surprised than she when the folks at the Dallas Federal Reserve invited her aboard. Figuring she could have more of an impact on Fed policies from the inside, she accepted the call to duty and rose to be one of Dallas Fed president Richard Fisher's closest advisors.
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straight forward brilliant
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Women are angry, and it isn’t hard to figure out why. We are underpaid and overworked. Too sensitive or not sensitive enough. Too dowdy or too made-up. Too big or too thin. Sluts or prudes. We are harassed, told we are asking for it, and asked if it would kill us to smile. Yes, yes it would. Contrary to the rhetoric of popular “self-help” and an entire lifetime of being told otherwise, our rage is one of the most important resources we have, our sharpest tool against both personal and political oppression.
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Holy Raging Hell
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Relevant content, flawed delivery
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Where pregnancy is concerned, let every pregnancy be for everyone. Let us overthrow, in short, the “family”. The surrogacy industry is estimated to be worth over one billion dollars a year, and many of its surrogates around the world work in terrible conditions - deception, wage-stealing, and money-skimming are rife; adequate medical care is horrifyingly absent; and informed consent is depressingly rare. In Full Surrogacy Now, Sophie Lewis brings a fresh and unique perspective to the topic.
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The inequity of domestic life is one of the most profound and perplexing conundrums of our time. In an era of seemingly unprecedented feminist activism, enlightenment, and change, data shows that one area of gender inequality stubbornly remains: the unequal amount of parental work that falls on women, no matter their class or professional status.
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Must read for men
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More than 20 years ago, sociologist and University of California, Berkeley, professor Arlie Hochschild set off a tidal wave of conversation and controversy with her best-selling book, The Second Shift. In it, she examined what really happens in dual-career households. Adding together time in paid work, child care, and housework, she found that working mothers put in a month of work a year more than their spouses.
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Not helpful for working parents
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Releasing the Mother Load
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Every mom wants to be a good parent—but if you’ve found yourself burned out and overwhelmed trying to be “the perfect mom,” you’re not alone. “We get handed a rulebook of motherhood without realizing it,” says Erica Djossa. “That rulebook comes with an invisible load—a world of mental and physical tasks that keeps us pushing toward perfection while barely being able to breathe.” With Releasing the Mother Load, this renowned parenting specialist shares a guide to help you break free from the crushing burden of unrealistic expectations and reclaim the joy of motherhood.
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Eve Rodsky realized that even when the domestic workload becomes more balanced, people still report something missing in their lives - that is, unless they create and prioritize time for activities that not only fill their calendars but also unleash their creativity. Rodsky calls this vital time Unicorn Space - the active and open pursuit of creative self-expression in any form that makes you uniquely YOU. She speaks with trailblazers, thought leaders, academics, and countless real people who have discovered theirs everywhere.
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Mom Rage
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Mothers aren’t supposed to be angry. Still, Minna Dubin was an angry mom: exhausted by the grueling, thankless work of full-time parenting and feeling her career slip away, she would find herself screaming at her child or exploding at her husband. When Dubin pushed past her shame and talked with other mothers about how she was feeling, she realized that she was far from alone. Mom Rage is Dubin’s groundbreaking work of reportage about an unspoken crisis of anger sweeping the country—and the world.
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It is must read for any “mom”!
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To Have and to Hold
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A clinical psychologist’s exploration of the modern dilemmas women face in the wake of new motherhood. When Molly Millwood became a mother, she was fully prepared for what she would gain: an adorable baby boy; hard-won mothering skills; and a messy, chaotic, beautiful life. But what she did not expect was what she would lose: aspects of her identity, a baseline level of happiness, a general sense of well-being.
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Pretty good
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Hood Feminism
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Today's feminist movement has a glaring blind spot, and paradoxically, it is women. Mainstream feminists rarely talk about meeting basic needs as a feminist issue, argues Mikki Kendall, but food insecurity, access to quality education, safe neighborhoods, a living wage, and medical care are all feminist issues. All too often, however, the focus is not on basic survival for the many, but on increasing privilege for the few. Author Mikki Kendall takes aim at the legitimacy of the modern feminist movement arguing that it has chronically failed to address the needs of all but a few women.
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I Learned So Much!!!
- By Rebecca on 06-13-20
By: Mikki Kendall
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Why Does He Do That?
- Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
- By: Lundy Bancroft
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
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He says he loves you. So...why does he do that? You've asked yourself this question again and again. Now you have the chance to see inside the minds of angry and controlling men---and to change your life. In this groundbreaking book, a counselor who specializes in working with abusive men shows you how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship.
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I needed this.
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By: Lundy Bancroft
What listeners say about Fed Up
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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Performance
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- Erage
- 01-07-19
Repetitive Yet Good
First of all, I found this book repetitive in the extreme ... same idea repeated hundreds of times in nearly the same words for over 250 pages. Yet I feel that as a mother and wife it is nice to hear that you are not alone in a lot of the things she explained and that females are not the only ones that feel this way. Try listening to this with a male or even your husband so you can hear that wow he feeling the same way and you have not been aware. See as humans we are all different and in a relationship where one might be fed up another can think it is perfection.
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Overall
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- Chey L.
- 05-19-19
Good discussion, but repetitive
I really wanted to enjoy this book more. The topics seemed fairly repetitive and no solution was brought up until the very end, at which point I wasn't convinced it was a solution at all.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Rosy Schlitzkus
- 08-07-19
Good information if you can get past the tone.
I work professionally with families and this title was recommended at a training. I have seen the emotional labor divide in many contexts, and this book explains it in an accessible way. However, the narrator was too dramatic and whiny for a non-fiction text, and I almost stopped listening because the first few chapters sounded like a frustrated, nagging wife complaining about her clueless husband. The substance of the book got better, but I sort of wish I had read it instead.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Natalie DeSurne
- 08-06-21
Best book EVER!
This was eye opening and even felt necessary for me raising a Son. READ NOW!
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- Gaby
- 03-01-24
Fed up.
Great way to put emotional labor in women and how to overcome it. Helps to look at things differently.
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- Stacie
- 08-23-19
Incredible book!
I loved this book and would wish all women an# men would read this. Emotional labor is one sided mostly and that needs to change.
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- Nathalia Franco
- 09-10-22
Making visible shadow work
Loved it! Thank you for helping us draw a line in history and providing perspective
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- Emily C
- 04-19-24
Great content, repetitive.
just read chapters 1, 8, 15, 16, the rest is pretty repetitive. Gemma gives vocabulary to unseen work, and gets to the root of women's struggle of simply wanting to be seen and valued.
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- Erin Taylor
- 11-08-23
Decent
I was looking for a book to help me be a better partner to my wife and decided on this. There were some really great points made and it really opened my eyes about emotional labor; ways I am passing tough responsibilities on to my wife without realizing. I also realized that I was also carrying a lot of EL that was making me frustrated. Recognizing both has been really helpful.
I think my favorite point made by the author is that by passing off planning birthday parties, writing cards, or making chat phone calls I am missing out on a deeper connection with friends and family and experiencing a less full life, while also making things harder on my spouse.
Something the author partly satisfactorily addresses is that EL is also on us to a large degree. We carry it in the form of worry and stress that partners don’t necessarily feel. so while I might feel a ton of EL from the recycling not being take out, my partner might just not see it that way and feels none of the EL. At first the author really lays it on thick that her husband basically sucks at household things (but is still super progressive!) and doesn’t admit that her own feelings about chores was making it worse. She addresses that in the last few chapters, which I appreciated, but can also see how someone might give up on this book early on.
Some quibbles: the term “emotional labor” got used sooooo much. Don’t know if there’s a way around it, but another way of saying the phrase would’ve been nice. Also the narrator pronounced “minutiae” like “min-nooo-sha-ee” which I can’t find in any typical English pronunciation. Was really noticeable. Finally, the narrator would do accents for any quote, trying to mimic Hillary Clinton’s or a man’s or a black woman’s voice, which were universally bad.
Overall, the book was alright. I definitely learned from it and appreciate those lessons. I think they’ll make me a better husband. I also think it was tedious and unenjoyable to listen to for around 35%. Some of that is due to the book and some from the narration.
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- .
- 01-13-23
So much anger.
I wanted to hear what she had to say but could not get past all the anger. Whoa is me, men suck, other people suck.
Was looking for a perspective and perhaps some solutions.
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