Emotional Labor
The Invisible Work Shaping Our Lives and How to Claim Our Power
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Narrated by:
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Rose Hackman
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By:
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Rose Hackman
About this listen
This program is read by the author.
For fans of Fair Play by Eve Rodsky and Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski comes a scathing, deeply researched foray into the invisible, uncompensated work women perform every day.
We’re tired.
A stranger insists you “smile more,” even as you navigate a high-stress environment or grating commute. A mother is expected to oversee every last detail of domestic life. A nurse works on the front line, worried about her own health, but has to put on a brave face for her patients. A young professional is denied promotion for being deemed abrasive instead of placating her boss. Nearly every day, we find ourselves forced to edit our emotions to accommodate and elevate the emotions of others. Too many of us are asked to perform this exhausting, draining work at no extra cost, especially if we’re women or people of color.
Emotional labor is essential to our society and economy, but it’s so often invisible. In this groundbreaking, journalistic deep dive, Rose Hackman shares the stories of hundreds of women, tracing the history of this kind of work and exposing common manifestations of the phenomenon. But Hackman doesn’t simply diagnose a problem—she empowers us to combat this insidious force and forge pathways for radical evolution, justice, and change.
Drawing on years of research and hundreds of interviews, you’ll learn:
· How emotional labor pervades our workplaces, from the bustling food service industry to the halls of corporate America
· How race, gender, and class unequally shape the load we carry
· Strategies for leveling the imbalances that contaminate our relationships, social circles, and households
· Empowering tools to stop anyone from gaslighting you into thinking the work you are doing is not real work
Emotional labor is real, but it no longer has to be our burden alone. By recognizing its value and insisting on its shared responsibility, we can set ourselves free and forge a path to a world where empathy, love, and caregiving claim their rightful power.
A Macmillan Audio production from Flatiron Books.
©2023 Rose Hackman (P)2023 Macmillan AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“An urgent look at emotional labor and its various intersections that many of us only recognize as entering 'womanhood'—that we should edit the expression of our emotions to accommodate and elevate others. She challenges that the invisible work of women is not only an expectation of society but also a burden that is impossible to sustain. Hackman’s words reveal the agency of women is still possible while the power of care, empathy, and love in action can lead us to the best in our humanity.”
— Eve Rodsky, New York Times bestselling author of Fair Play and National Bestseller Find Your Unicorn Space
“In this welcome and informative volume, Hackman gives us a bracing, wide-angle view of the many hidden theaters of emotional labor—at the kitchen sink, check-out counter, corporate meeting. Done wisely, emotional labor is a great gift to civilization we should all know about—intimately.” — Arlie Hochschild, author of National Book Award finalist Strangers in Their Own Land and the New York Times bestseller The Second Shift
"Expertly blending case studies and statistics, this is a profound call for reorienting 'our fundamental value systems.'" — Publishers Weekly
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Forget "Having It All"
- How America Messed Up Motherhood - and How to Fix It
- By: Amy Westervelt
- Narrated by: Amy Westervelt
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In Forget "Having It All", Westervelt traces the roots of our modern expectations of mothers and motherhood back to extremist ideas held by the first Puritans who attempted to colonize America and examines how those ideals shifted - or didn't - through every generation since.
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A Thorough and Well-Researched Book on The "Mom Predicament"
- By Merle B on 04-10-19
By: Amy Westervelt
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Bet on Black
- The Good News About Being Black in America Today
- By: Eboni K. Williams
- Narrated by: Eboni K. Williams
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When The Real Housewives of New York City hired its first black cast member after more than 13 years on the air, attorney, speaker, and journalist Eboni K. Williams knew that the public would consider her a diversity hire. But instead of accepting the label, Williams re-envisioned her role as a “Diversity Higher,” an opportunity to prove the significance of Black excellence in the workspace and in society at-large. In this book, she shares all the benefits and advantages that have helped her and many others historically reach great heights in their careers and beyond.
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Insightful and Inspiring
- By Pamela on 11-24-24
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Brainwashed
- Challenging the Myth of Black Inferiority
- By: Tom Burrell
- Narrated by: Sylvester Brown Jr.
- Length: 9 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
"Black people are not dark-skinned white people", says advertising visionary Tom Burrell. In fact, they are much more. They are survivors of the Middle Passage and centuries of humiliation and deprivation, who have excelled against the odds, constantly making a way out of "No way!" At this pivotal point in history, the idea of Black inferiority should have had a "Going-Out-of-Business Sale." After all, Barack Obama reached America's Promised Land. Yet, as Brainwashed testifies, too many in Black America are still wandering in the wilderness.
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Guidance against the odds.
- By Henry Lee Faulkner on 01-05-21
By: Tom Burrell
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On Freedom
- Four Songs of Care and Constraint
- By: Maggie Nelson
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 10 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
So often deployed as a jingoistic, even menacing rallying cry, or limited by a focus on passing moments of liberation, the rhetoric of freedom both rouses and repels. Does it remain key to our autonomy, justice, and well-being, or is freedom's long star turn coming to a close? Does a continued obsession with the term enliven and emancipate, or reflect a deepening nihilism (or both)? On Freedom examines such questions by tracing the concept's complexities in four distinct realms: art, sex, drugs, and climate.
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Just great
- By Kristi Strong on 12-14-21
By: Maggie Nelson
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Angry White Men
- American Masculinity at the End of an Era
- By: Michael Kimmel
- Narrated by: Aaron Williamson
- Length: 12 hrs and 46 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
One of the enduring legacies of the 2012 Presidential campaign was the demise of the white American male voter as a dominant force in the political landscape. On election night, after Obama was announced the winner, a distressed Bill O'Reilly lamented that he didn't live in "a traditional America anymore". He was joined by others who bellowed their grief on the talk radio airwaves, the traditional redoubt of angry white men. Why were they so angry?
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Interesting book; Wrong reader
- By Carolina A. Miranda on 05-02-18
By: Michael Kimmel
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White Feminism
- From the Suffragettes to Influencers and Who They Leave Behind
- By: Koa Beck
- Narrated by: Koa Beck
- Length: 11 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Addressing today’s conversation about race, empowerment, and inclusion in America, Koa Beck, writer and former editor-in-chief of Jezebel, boldly examines the history of feminism, from the true mission of the suffragists to the rise of corporate feminism with clear-eyed scrutiny and meticulous detail. She also examines overlooked communities - including Native American, Muslim, transgender, and more - and their ongoing struggles for social change.
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Visionary!
- By J. F. Beck on 01-06-21
By: Koa Beck
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Fierce Self-Compassion
- How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive
- By: Kristin Neff
- Narrated by: Jean Ann Douglass
- Length: 12 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Kristin Neff changed how we talk about self-care with her enormously popular first book, Self-Compassion. Now, 10 years and many studies later, she expands her body of work to explore a brand-new take on self-compassion. Although kindness and self-acceptance allow us to be with ourselves as we are, in all our glorious imperfection, the desire to alleviate suffering at the heart of this mindset isn't always gentle, sometimes it's fierce.
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Liberal Activism distracting
- By Janiene on 07-26-21
By: Kristin Neff
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Viral Justice
- How We Grow the World We Want
- By: Ruha Benjamin
- Narrated by: Ruha Benjamin
- Length: 13 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Long before the pandemic, Ruha Benjamin was doing groundbreaking research on race, technology, and justice, focusing on big, structural changes. But the twin plagues of COVID-19 and anti-Black police violence inspired her to rethink the importance of small, individual actions. Part memoir, part manifesto, Viral Justice is a sweeping and deeply personal exploration of how we can transform society through the choices we make every day.
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Fantastic book!
- By Avie Kearney on 05-21-23
By: Ruha Benjamin
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All the Single Ladies
- Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation
- By: Rebecca Traister
- Narrated by: Candace Thaxton, Rebecca Traister - introduction
- Length: 11 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In a provocative, groundbreaking work, National Magazine Award finalist Rebecca Traister, "the most brilliant voice on feminism in this country" (Anne Lamott), traces the history of unmarried women in America who, through social, political, and economic means, have radically shaped our nation.
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Excellent book, destroyed by narration
- By Theresa Holleran on 03-06-16
By: Rebecca Traister
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The Black Male Handbook
- A Blueprint for Life
- By: Kevin Powell
- Narrated by: Ezra Knight, Kevin R. Free, Glymph Glymph
- Length: 7 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
An NAACP Image Award nominee, The Black Male Handbook is an impassioned call to end the problems facing today's Black men. Author and activist Kevin Powell offers insights on steering away from violence and toward a more responsible manhood. A new climate is rising in the Black community. Despite a shared thirst for cutting-edge opportunities and fresh directions, today's hiphop generation is still plagued by many long-standing problems.
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Awesome and very useful book.
- By Derek on 06-10-18
By: Kevin Powell
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The Feminine Mystique
- By: Betty Friedan
- Narrated by: Parker Posey
- Length: 15 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The book that changed the consciousness of a country - and the world. Landmark, groundbreaking, classic - these adjectives barely describe the earthshaking and long-lasting effects of Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique. This is the book that defined "the problem that has no name", that launched the Second Wave of the feminist movement, and has been awakening women and men with its insights into social relations, which still remain fresh, ever since.
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A landmark book of its time and relevant now
- By Anthony on 01-23-15
By: Betty Friedan
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The Power of Strangers
- The Benefits of Connecting in a Suspicious World
- By: Joe Keohane
- Narrated by: Jonathan Todd Ross
- Length: 12 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In The Power of Strangers, Joe Keohane sets out on a journey to discover what happens when we bridge the distance between us and people we don’t know. He learns that while we’re wired to sometimes fear, distrust, and even hate strangers, people and societies that have learned to connect with strangers benefit immensely.
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Not worth a credit
- By Eringatang on 07-24-21
By: Joe Keohane
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The Way We Never Were
- American Families and the Nostalgia Trap
- By: Stephanie Coontz
- Narrated by: Suzanne Toren
- Length: 17 hrs and 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Leave It to Beaver was not a documentary, a man's home has never been his castle, the "male breadwinner marriage" is the least traditional family in history, and rape and sexual assault were far higher in the 1970s than they are today. In The Way We Never Were, acclaimed historian Stephanie Coontz examines two centuries of the American family, sweeping away misconceptions about the past that cloud current debates about domestic life. The 1950s do not present a workable model of how to conduct our personal lives today, Coontz argues.
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fantastic report on the dangers of nostalgia
- By Richard Stine on 06-29-21
By: Stephanie Coontz
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Wanting
- The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life
- By: Luke Burgis
- Narrated by: Luke Burgis, Sean Patrick Hopkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Gravity affects every aspect of our physical being, but there’s a psychological force just as powerful - yet almost nobody has heard of it. It’s responsible for bringing groups of people together and pulling them apart, making certain goals attractive to some and not to others, and fueling cycles of anxiety and conflict. In Wanting, Luke Burgis draws on the work of French polymath René Girard to bring this hidden force to light and reveals how it shapes our lives and societies.
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One of the most important books you'll ever read
- By chris boutte on 06-14-21
By: Luke Burgis
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Eve Rodsky realized that even when the domestic workload becomes more balanced, people still report something missing in their lives - that is, unless they create and prioritize time for activities that not only fill their calendars but also unleash their creativity. Rodsky calls this vital time Unicorn Space - the active and open pursuit of creative self-expression in any form that makes you uniquely YOU. She speaks with trailblazers, thought leaders, academics, and countless real people who have discovered theirs everywhere.
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Must read for men
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Equal Partners
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As American society shut down due to COVID, millions of women had to leave their jobs to take on full-time childcare. As the country opens back up, women continue to struggle to balance the demands of work and home life. Kate Mangino, a professional facilitator for twenty years, has written a comprehensive, practical guide for listeners and their partners about gender norms and household balance. Yes, part of our gender problem is structural, and that requires policy change. But much of our gender problem is social, and that requires us to change.
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In this bold and stylish critique, Cornell philosopher Kate Manne offers a radical new framework for understanding misogyny. Ranging widely across the culture, from Harvey Weinstein and the Brett Kavanaugh hearings to “Cat Person” and the political misfortunes of Elizabeth Warren, Manne’s book shows how privileged men’s sense of entitlement - to sex, yes, but more insidiously to admiration, care, bodily autonomy, knowledge, and power - is a pervasive social problem with often devastating consequences.
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All the Rage
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Misogyny is a hot topic, yet it's often misunderstood. What is misogyny, exactly? Who deserves to be called a misogynist? How does misogyny contrast with sexism, and why is it prone to persist - or increase - even when sexist gender roles are waning? This book is an exploration of misogyny in public life and politics by the moral philosopher Kate Manne. It argues that misogyny should not be understood primarily in terms of the hatred or hostility some men feel toward all or most women. Rather, it's primarily about controlling, policing, punishing, and exiling the "bad" women.
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Women are angry, and it isn’t hard to figure out why. We are underpaid and overworked. Too sensitive or not sensitive enough. Too dowdy or too made-up. Too big or too thin. Sluts or prudes. We are harassed, told we are asking for it, and asked if it would kill us to smile. Yes, yes it would. Contrary to the rhetoric of popular “self-help” and an entire lifetime of being told otherwise, our rage is one of the most important resources we have, our sharpest tool against both personal and political oppression.
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Holy Raging Hell
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One night during his divorce, after one too many vodkas and a call with a phone-in-therapist who told him to “journal his feelings,” Matthew Fray started a blog. He needed to figure out how his ex-wife went from the eighteen-year-old college freshman who adored him to the angry woman who thought he was an asshole and left him. As he pieced together the story of his marriage and its end, Matthew began to realize a hard truth: even though he was a decent guy, he was a bad husband.
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Good and bad advice mixed together
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When Amanda Montei became a parent, she struggled with the physicality of caring for children, but even more with the growing lack of autonomy she felt in her personal and professional life. The conditions of modern American parenthood—the lack of paid leave and affordable childcare, the isolation and alienation, the distribution of labor in her home, and the implicit demands of marriage—were not what she had expected. After #MeToo, however, she began to see a connection between how women were feeling in motherhood and the larger culture of assault in which she had grown up.
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Just what I I need
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Burnout. Many women in America have experienced it. What’s expected of women and what it’s really like to be a woman in today’s world are two very different things - and women exhaust themselves trying to close the gap between them. Sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the cycle of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Instead of asking us to ignore the very real obstacles and societal pressures that stand between women and well-being, they explain with compassion and optimism what we’re up against - and teach us how to fight back.
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Solid Book with a Single Exception
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Good and Mad
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In the year 2018, it seems as if women’s anger has suddenly erupted into the public conversation. But long before this, women’s anger was not only politically catalytic - but politically problematic. With eloquence and fervor, Rebecca tracks the history of female anger as political fuel - from suffragettes chaining themselves to the White House to office workers vacating their buildings after Clarence Thomas was confirmed to the Supreme Court. She deconstructs society’s (and the media’s) condemnation of female emotion (notably, rage) and the impact of resulting repercussions.
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The perfect book for October 2018.
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In Defense of Witches
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Centuries after the infamous witch hunts that swept through Europe and America, witches continue to hold a unique fascination for many: as fairy tale villains, practitioners of pagan religion, as well as feminist icons. Witches are both the ultimate victim and the stubborn, elusive rebel. But who were the women who were accused and often killed for witchcraft? What types of women have centuries of terror censored, eliminated, and repressed? Celebrated feminist writer Mona Chollet explores three types of women who were accused of witchcraft and persecuted.
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A Bit Academic
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A Brief History of Misogyny: the World's Oldest Prejudice
- Brief Histories
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In this compelling, powerful book, highly respected writer and commentator Jack Holland sets out to answer a daunting question: How do you explain the oppression and brutalization of half the world's population by the other half, throughout history? The result takes the listener on an eye-opening journey through centuries, continents, and civilizations as it looks at both historical and contemporary attitudes to women.
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An Excellent History of a Repulsive Subject
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Invisible Women
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Overall
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Performance
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Data is fundamental to the modern world. From economic development, to healthcare, to education and public policy, we rely on numbers to allocate resources and make crucial decisions. But because so much data fails to take into account gender, treating men as the default and women as atypical, bias and discrimination are baked into our systems. And women pay tremendous costs for this bias in time, money, and often with their lives. Celebrated feminist advocate Caroline Criado Perez investigates the shocking root cause of gender inequality and research in Invisible Women.
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A statistical fire hose
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How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids
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Performance
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A hilariously candid account of one woman's quest to bring her post-baby marriage back from the brink, with life-changing, real-world advice.
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Not quite what I was hoping for.
- By Oldschoolreasons on 04-25-19
By: Jancee Dunn
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Wordslut
- A Feminist Guide to Taking Back the English Language
- By: Amanda Montell
- Narrated by: Amanda Montell
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- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A brash, enlightening, and wildly entertaining feminist look at gendered language and the way it shapes us, written with humor and playfulness that challenges words and phrases and how we use them. Montell effortlessly moves between history and popular culture to explore these questions and more. Wordslut gets to the heart of our language, marvels at its elasticity, and sheds much-needed light into the biases that shadow women in our culture and our consciousness.
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Loved this book
- By chris boutte on 06-24-21
By: Amanda Montell
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Men Who Hate Women
- From Incels to Pickup Artists: The Truth About Extreme Misogyny and How It Affects Us All
- By: Laura Bates
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby
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- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Men Who Hate Women examines the rise of secretive extremist communities who despise women and traces the roots of misogyny across a complex spider web of groups. It includes interviews with former members of these communities, the academics studying this movement, and the men fighting back. Women's rights activist Laura Bates wrote this book as someone who has been the target of many misogynistic attacks online. As Bates went undercover into the corners of the internet, she found an unseen, organized movement of thousands of anonymous men wishing violence (and worse) upon women.
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Shocking
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What listeners say about Emotional Labor
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
- Rachel
- 04-24-23
Accessible Yet Far-Reaching
That this book was further reaching in its analysis was somewhat unanticipated and pleasantly surprising.
The author’s passion and undaunted desire to see things for what they are, challenge that we do the same, and move forward with compassion and unflinching self reflection in tow was deeply refreshing.
Gender, race, class, and sexuality are all regarded for discussion extensively and never is one discussed in exclusion of another.
To the person leaving the first review, confused, insecure, and lashing out—I hope you find your way back to this piece and allow yourself to absorb it. For the benefit of yourself and those around you.
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- Crystal Britt
- 05-26-23
Required Reading
This book was incredible. At times I wanted to cry and yell. It makes visable so much that goes unseen and unrecognized by the people who perform emotional labor. Thank you for this work Rose.
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- Brittany Castillo
- 09-23-24
Words for what has always been felt but not thoroughly understood!
I am so glad I listened to this book recommended by a friend!! For me, this was one of those thoughtfully put together chapters and chapters of information I didn’t know I needed to know and has changed my mentality as a result. What I thought were innate qualities of mine, has instead become realized socialized ways of being I could alter! Thankful someone put in time to gather the research and share it was us who’ve felt burdened by the invisible labor of thoughtfulness.
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- Kindle Customer
- 08-14-23
A must read
This is one of those book that need to be read by everyone. I made me feel validation for all the things I have done and will do. That no amount of pay will compensate me for
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- Samantha
- 11-24-24
excellent for men to listen to to gain an understanding of the worlds view on women
loved it. I listened while traveling in the car with my husband and we both got so much out of this book.
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- Phil Niemela
- 05-15-23
This book is incredible!
It thoughtfully gets to the root of so many of our individual and collective struggles. It’s kind, it’s clear, it’s honest and inspiring.
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- Linda Tyner
- 06-17-24
The importance of asking for reform.
I loved the updated information about the inequality of emotional labor in our society and what we CAN do to create a more sustainable planet.
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- G. Shippen
- 09-20-23
Life Changing
Everyone should read this book. This book has validated and given a language to so many of my experiences as a woman.
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- Rachel Wolfe
- 11-07-23
Enlightening and Empowering
This is such an important piece of work in bringing clarity on conditioned ways of being that suppress us all from truly thriving in our personal lives and as a collective humanity.
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- Amazon Customer
- 04-17-23
Fantastic
The fact that the first visible review of this book as I write this is entirely reactive, defensive, and dismissive illustrates why this book is needed. I found it compelling and accurate to my experience, well researched, and I had several epiphanies while listening. No one is without accountability. Highly recommend.
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1 person found this helpful