How to Be Married (to Melissa)
A Hilarious Guide to a Happier, One-of-a-Kind Marriage
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Narrated by:
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Dustin Nickerson
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Melissa Nickerson
About this listen
Read by the author!
Your therapist told you that marriage was no laughing matter, but standup comedian and podcaster Dustin Nickerson begs to differ. Join Dustin as he draws on experiences from his incredibly average life to share tips for appreciating the uniqueness of every marriage.
Through storytelling and brutally honest disclosures, Dustin brings his highly relatable brand of humor to the challenges couples may face, including eating healthy (versus being happy), parenting (building crucial survival skills), finances (bill collectors, anyone?), and church attendance (Melissa's purse holds enough mints and fidget toys to entertain the kids and Dustin).
Go beyond the formulas and charts of conventional marriage advice as you dig deep into your one-of-a-kind relationship. In this book written for actual married humans by an actual married human, Dustin shares:
- Why laughter in your marriage is essential--even in the hard times
- Why in marriage, unlike on Southwest, your baggage does not fly free
- An approach to problem-solving (we're talking money, kids, and in-laws) that brings you closer
- Why you should never put Scattergories on your wedding registry
Praise for How to Be Married (to Melissa):
"How to Be Married (to Melissa) feels like you're having a conversation with a guy who has legitimate experience and expertise in my favorite things: faith, marriage, and comedy. In a culture full of 'fake it till you make it' people, Dustin is the real deal when it comes to all three categories." --Trey Kennedy, comedian
©2022 Dustin Nickerson (P)2022 Thomas NelsonListeners also enjoyed...
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In this latest mommy audiobook from the popular blogger, author, and TV personality, Stefanie will share her secrets for achieving a balance in motherhood between being protective and caring and downright bats--t crazy. She'll debunk some of the looniest parenting myths and reinforce others; she'll describe how, through as simple a process as good old trial and error, she's learned to pick and choose what works for her and her family, and tune out the rest.
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You’re A Parent Now...Don't Mess It Up
- By Tim on 04-16-15
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#IMomSoHard
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- Length: 7 hrs and 19 mins
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In their highly anticipated first audiobook, the hilarious mom duo with millions of followers explores all the ridiculous shit you’re expected to do to keep multiple humans alive and happy-ish and celebrates the love for the friends who get you through it.
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IRelateSoHard
- By Peekablue on 04-20-19
By: Kristin Hensley, and others
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The Wrong End of the Table
- A Mostly Comic Memoir of a Muslim Arab American Woman Just Trying to Fit In
- By: Ayser Salman, Reza Aslan - foreword
- Narrated by: Ayser Salman, Assaf Cohen
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Part memoir and part how-not-to guide, The Wrong End of the Table is everything you wanted to know about Arabs but were afraid to ask, with chapters such as “Tattoos and Other National Security Risks,” “You Can’t Blame Everything on Your Period; Sometimes You’re Going to Be a Crazy Bitch: and Other Advice from Mom,” and even an open letter to Trump. This is the story of every American outsider on a path to find themselves in a country of beautiful diversity.
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Not what I was looking for
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The Secrets of Happy Families
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- Narrated by: Bruce Feiler
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Best-selling author and New York Times family columnist Bruce Feiler found himself squeezed between caring for aging parents and raising his children. So he set out on a three-year journey to find the smartest solutions and the most cutting-edge research about families. Instead of the usual family "experts", he sought out the most creative minds - from Silicon Valley to the set of Modern Family, from the country's top negotiators to the Green Berets - and asked them what team-building exercises and problem-solving techniques they use with their families.
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Well worth reading, even if you can't do it all!
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The Very Worst Missionary
- A Memoir or Whatever
- By: Jamie Wright
- Narrated by: Madeleine Lambert
- Length: 4 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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After finding Jesus at a suburban megachurch, young Jamie Wright trades in the easy life on the cul-de-sac for the green fields of Costa Rica. There, along with her husband, kids, and the family cat, she intends to serve God and make converts. But she soon loses faith and falls into a funk of cynicism and despair. Fortunately, Knives the cat is there, looking on with just enough disinterest to make her laugh...and dare her to try another way. That other way turns out to be telling the truth. She launches a renegade blog, Jamie the Very Worst Missionary, which wins a large following.
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Didn’t like the book
- By Jonathan on 04-17-20
By: Jamie Wright
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Off with My Head
- The Definitive Basic B*tch Handbook to Surviving Rock Bottom
- By: Stassi Schroeder
- Narrated by: Stassi Schroeder
- Length: 7 hrs and 14 mins
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Overall
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The year 2020 was going to be the best year of Stassi’s life. Besides getting engaged and feeling like she was on top of the world career-wise, she bought her first house and was planning her dream Italian wedding. The future showed so much freaking promise—until it all went to hell. Stassi may not be perfect—she may have made some (major) mistakes—but she does feel like she has some insight (and plenty of hilarious tales) about getting knocked up, called out, and learning from what went wrong.
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Really Wanted to Like This, But...
- By Cathie on 08-09-23
By: Stassi Schroeder
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Bare Bones
- I'm Not Lonely If You're Reading This Book
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- Narrated by: Bobby Bones
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
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Growing up poor in Mountain Pine, Arkansas, with a young, addicted mom, Bobby Estell fell in love with country music. Abandoned by his father at the age of five, Bobby saw the radio as his way out - a dream that came true in college when he went on air at the Henderson State University campus station broadcasting as Bobby Bones while simultaneously starting The Bobby Bones Show at 105.9 KLAZ.
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A look inside the narcissist life of Bobby Bones.
- By Selena on 05-20-16
By: Bobby Bones
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In the Water They Can't See You Cry
- A Memoir
- By: Amanda Beard, Rebecca Paley
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 8 hrs and 10 mins
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At the tender age of 14, Amanda Beard walked onto the pool deck at the Atlanta Olympics carrying her teddy bear, Harold, and left with two silvers and a gold medal. She competed in three more Olympic games, winning a total of seven medals, and enjoyed a lucrative modeling career on the side. At one point, she was the most downloaded female athlete on the Internet. Yet despite her astonishing career and sex-symbol status, Amanda felt unworthy of all her success. Unaware that she was suffering from clinical depression, she hid the pain beneath a megawatt smile.
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I applaud Amanda - but her editor's were lame
- By Heather on 03-10-15
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Coming Home to Myself
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- By: Wynonna Judd, Patsi Bale Cox
- Narrated by: Ellen Archer
- Length: 9 hrs and 40 mins
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Coming Home to Myself is the result of that emotional journey, a song of personal discovery that taught Wynonna Judd to love not just what she does, but who she is. From a truly exceptional woman comes an unexpected memoir of survival, strength, hope, and forgiveness, filled with an exultant and empowering message certain to resonate with those who have dreamed of finding themselves, and who only needed the courage and inspiration to begin their own journey.
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Not an Interesting Memoir
- By Marcos on 03-14-09
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Ask Wendy
- By: Wendy Williams
- Narrated by: Wendy Williams
- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
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On TV, Wendy only has a few minutes to respond to each audience member, but in Ask Wendy she goes deeper, answering questions sourced from viewers across the country. No question is off-limits and no situation is too outrageous for her to take on. Wendy shoots straight from those womanly hips of hers to help you manage all the crazy that comes into your life - keepin' it real by drawing on the personal experiences that have shaped her unique perspective.
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HIlarious
- By Shelley Thomas-Robinson on 10-24-17
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Hey Mom
- By: Louie Anderson
- Narrated by: Louie Anderson
- Length: 6 hrs and 1 min
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Overall
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Louie Anderson has been channeling his beloved mom in his iconic stand-up comedy for decades - but she passed away before getting to see him reach new heights with his breakout role. Hey Mom is Louie's way of catching Ora Zella Anderson up on everything that has been going on in his life, including his continued struggles with food and family, but also how so much has changed for the better. He also has plenty of laugh-out-loud stories about his incredibly resilient mother and his 10 siblings, as well as observations on the absurdities of life.
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I love Louie even more now
- By Candace on 05-02-18
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Does This Baby Make Me Look Straight?
- Confessions of a Gay Dad
- By: Dan Bucatinsky
- Narrated by: Dan Bucatinsky
- Length: 5 hrs and 37 mins
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Overall
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In 2005, Dan Bucatinsky and his partner, Don Roos, found themselves in an L.A. delivery room, decked out in disposable scrubs from shower cap to booties, to welcome their adopted baby girl - launching their frantic yet memorable adventures into fatherhood. Two and a half years later, the same birth mother - a heroically generous, pack-a-day teen with a passion for Bridezilla marathons and Mountain Dew - delivered a son into the couple’s arms.
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A Parenting Book with Humor and Heart
- By The Reading Date on 02-05-14
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Let's All Be Brave
- Living Life with Everything You Have
- By: Annie F. Downs
- Narrated by: Dara Rosenberg
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Annie F. Downs admits she's not exactly the bravest girl in the world. She still cries sometimes when she leaves her parents' home in Georgia, she's never jumped out of a plane, and she rides roller coasters only to impress boys. But Annie knows that courage resides inside each and every one of us, and she's on a mission to triumph over her own fears while encouraging listeners to do the same.
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Truly inspired
- By Gregory Wade Odell on 06-21-23
By: Annie F. Downs
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What listeners say about How to Be Married (to Melissa)
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- Anonymous User
- 07-14-22
Great listen!
Loved the book. It’s fun from the start! I was all in with Dustin with his “water” answer until Melissa explained the “air” discussion!!
Loved the way the book is centered on reminding us that every relationship is unique because we are all unique.
You won’t be disappointed!
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- Dustin Albert
- 06-07-22
a motivational talk for your marriage
This book is a motivational talk for your marriage. By sharing honest stories from his own marriage, Dustin sends a clear message that marriage isn't neat and tidy. and definitely doesn't look the same for everyone. And ultimately the key to a successful marriage is having an open mind and finding what works for you. Thank you Dustin and Melissa for your honesty and encouragement to be happy with the person you're with!
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- MS
- 02-16-24
So good
Good stories, told in a funny way. Dustin is one of the best up & coming comedians & I’m so glad he has a book now too.
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- Austin
- 06-09-22
Amazing
This book will give you a new perspective on what "right marriage" should look like and will have you laughing aloud.
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- Nicole W
- 11-03-22
Great light but interesting listen!
Love listening to authors read their own books, almost feels like a performance of it. This was funny, light hearted, but also an encouraging book about marriage and life.
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- B. Galindo
- 06-10-22
Entertaining, genuine & authentic
Dustin’s comedy proves it can be clean, absent in agenda and ride the center aisle and still bring down the house. It is clever, insightful and smart. His podcast with Melissa, Don’t Make Me Come Back There, brings a dimension and depth to Dustin’s brand of comedy that can only be attributed to Melissa, and they are one of the most endearing couples. Now he has a book that if you aren’t already a fan will make you one. While some of the sections made me blush a little - in the same way I don’t want to hear about my own actual brother’s sex life - I finished the book with a sense of camaraderie in faith and parenting and assurance that just because you don’t look like the kind of couple people think makes a successful formula, doesn’t mean you aren’t doing some or most things right for your own marriage.
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- Stacy Burnett
- 06-16-22
Loved this book!
It was funny, honest, and very relatable. I loved it! I also love that the authors read the book.
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- Mindy
- 10-21-24
Funny and non-judgmental
A funny and non-judgmental look at marriage with some good advice sprinkled in. Parts of it had me laughing out loud and parts had me nodding along with it. Dustin is also very clear that this advice is not for every relationship as each one is different. And I loved the little comments added by Melissa. Definitely would recommend.
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- Amanda R.
- 08-30-22
Loved every minute!
I’m not much of a reader and I’ve seen Dustin perform numerous times so I was excited to get the audio version where I could literally hear his words on a page, and also enjoyed Melissa’s part as well. Love this family, their story, and their “unconventional” ways that work for them. The hardest part for me was having to silently laugh as I listened on multiple trains traveling around Japan (where it is frowned upon to be speak or laugh above a whisper). Looking forward to laughing out loud when I share it with my husband.
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- SG Oregon
- 08-30-22
Better than Dickens
As someone who’s read both ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ and THIS book, I can confidently assure you that Dustin’s perspective and humor is far more relatable/ enjoyable / memorable. You’ll laugh, you’ll nod in agreement, and you’ll appreciate this couples dynamic. 5 out of 5 stars, I’ll be recommending this title to friends
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