
Hurts So Good
The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose
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Narrated by:
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Leigh Cowart
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By:
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Leigh Cowart
About this listen
An exploration of why people all over the world love to engage in pain on purpose - from dominatrices, religious ascetics, and ultramarathoners to ballerinas, icy ocean bathers, and sideshow performers.
Masochism is sexy, human, reviled, worshipped, and can be delightfully bizarre. Deliberate and consensual pain has been with us for millennia, encompassing everyone from Black Plague flagellants to ballerinas dancing on broken bones to competitive eaters choking down hot peppers while they cry. Masochism is a part of us. It lives inside workaholics, tattoo enthusiasts, and all manner of garden variety pain-seekers.
At its core, masochism is about feeling bad, then better - a phenomenon that is long overdue for a heartfelt and hilarious investigation. And Leigh Cowart would know: They are not just a researcher and science writer - they’re an inveterate, high-sensation seeking masochist. And they have a few questions: Why do people engage in masochism? What are the benefits and the costs? And what does masochism have to say about the human experience?
By participating in many of these activities themselves, and through conversations with psychologists, fellow scientists, and people who seek pain for pleasure, Cowart unveils how our minds and bodies find meaning and relief in pain - a quirk in our programming that drives discipline and innovation even as it threatens to swallow us whole.
©2021 Leigh Cowart (P)2021 PublicAffairsListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Cowart has endless compassion for humans trying to find meaning and purpose while trapped in our fallible meat sacks. Hurts So Good is funny, explicit, and oddly wholesome.” (Caitlin Doughty, author of the New York Times best seller Smoke Gets in Your Eyes)
“It’s testament to Leigh Cowart’s skill and charm that a book about pain should feel so joyful, that a deeply taboo subject should get such a bright and vivid airing, and that experiences that should induce winces instead trigger laughs and moments of deep profundity. Hurts So Good is a book of wonderful paradoxes - a rich, hilarious, and endlessly fascinating look at a world that most of us know but few of us understand.” (Ed Yong, Pulitzer Prize-winner and author of I Contain Multitudes)
“A thorough examination of a widely shared human experience. Cowart blends memoir with research and observation deftly, and boldly shares the gritty details of her own sensation-seeking body. Relevant to anyone seeking to understand their own relationship with physicality. A must-read for those of us who find ourselves trying to explain so many complex things about our relationships to pain.” (Stoya, writer and pornographer)
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Esmé Louise James identifies the key tipping points that directly inform current beliefs around sex to place the past in conversation with the present. By educating ourselves about the weird, wonderful, and varied spectrum of human sexuality and experience, we can normalize and destigmatize sex, write people of marginalized sexual identities back into the pages of history, and build toward a more liberated future.
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Love the content, not so much the author/narrator
- By Ashley Waldron on 06-29-24
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The Well-Spanked Wife: Domestic Discipline for the Rest of Us
- Preventing and Overcoming Women’s Infidelity through Domestic Discipline
- By: Ken Hamilton, Luisa Hamilton
- Narrated by: Virtual Voice
- Length: 2 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Are you or your spouse intrigued by the possibilities of domestic discipline, but not interested in nerdy, complicated BDSM contracts or patriarchal fundamentalist practices that try to pretend that we still live in the 1950s? This book takes a 21st century approach to spanking and domestic discipline in heterosexual relationships, offering no-nonsense tips on how to leverage your current relationship dynamics to make both partners happier and more secure in their marriage. The Well-Spanked Wife presents concepts, case studies and techniques to introduce spanking into your relationship in ...
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Easy to understand
- By Vanessa Martin on 03-13-25
By: Ken Hamilton, and others
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Existential Kink
- Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power; A Method for Getting What You Want by Getting Off on What You Don't
- By: Carolyn Elliott PhD
- Narrated by: Carolyn Elliott PhD
- Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Each of us has a dual nature: we are light (conscious) and dark (unconscious). The dark side of our personality - the “other,” the shadow side - is made up of what we think is our primitive, primal, negative impulses - our “existential kink.” Our existential kink also drives the dark or negative repeating patterns in our life: always choosing the abusive partner or boss, settling for less, thinking that we’re undeserving, not worthy. But it also is the source of our greatest power.
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Personal Experience Based Pseudoscience
- By The Humble Housewife on 11-02-21
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Insatiable Wives
- Women Who Stray and the Men Who Love Them
- By: David J. Ley
- Narrated by: Rose Caraway
- Length: 12 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Long before the term cuckold was a common word thrown around in the media, Dr. Ley explored the history and science of cuckolding. This groundbreaking work explores why and how some men not only allow, but encourage, their wives to pursue sexual relationships with other men.
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Challenge your marriage
- By A.C.V. on 05-09-23
By: David J. Ley
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Female Led Relationships for Beginners
- An FLR Guide for Women
- By: Jaqueline Spearington
- Narrated by: Brennan Koenigsreuter
- Length: 1 hr and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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If you find yourself sick of the traditional male-led relationships and the subservient roles they put you in, you may want to try being in a female-led relationship. In an FLR, you'll have the power to make your own decisions and be in control of your life. Not to mention, you'll have a doting man willing to meet your every need. What could be better? Warning: The subject matter of this audiobook is for adults only.
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Pretty good
- By Geraldine on 09-21-22
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Submit
- By: Sonnet
- Narrated by: Alice Carax
- Length: 7 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Sonnet is a writer. She is a professional with a wide network of important people. She is athletic, creative and successful. She always remembers to send Christmas cards. Sonnet also likes to be caned. She likes to be humiliated. She likes to go into a room blindfolded with ten strangers and have them do whatever they want to her. Sonnet likes whatever you tell her she likes. This is the secret memoir of a submissive. A vivid, electric, stunning account of how one woman gets her kicks. It is all true.
By: Sonnet
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Exotic Desires: The Complete Series Box Set
- By: M. S. Parker
- Narrated by: Virtual Voice
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Read the complete Exotic Desires series in this box set. No Cliffhanger. After having lost the only woman he’d ever loved, twenty-seven year-old Reed Stirling rejects his parents' plans for him to take over the family business and travels to Europe, searching for a revelation as to what he's supposed to do with his life. What he finds instead is something else entirely. Don't miss the Sinful Desires steamy spin-off series, Exotic Desires by best-selling author M.S. Parker.
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True Love
- By Amazon Customer on 04-19-24
By: M. S. Parker
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Dominatrix 101 & 201
- The Vanilla Bride's Complete Guide to Becoming a Dominant Wife
- By: Rebecca Lawson
- Narrated by: Virtual Voice
- Length: 1 hr and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Collected in one volume: Dominatrix 101 & 201! So you want to dominate your husband, but you don’t know where to start. Perhaps your husband has shared his fantasy about having you completely and utterly control him, but you have no clue how to make his wildest dreams come true. Have no fear; you’ve come to the right place. The idea of exploring submission play can be exciting, sexy, but also intimidating! That’s why this book exists. My goal is to help you navigate the dominatrix waters in a fun, safe, and laidback way. I want you to have the most mind blowing sex you can imagine, ...
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for beginners but not bad
- By J. T. miller on 06-26-24
By: Rebecca Lawson
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Cuckolding for Loving Couples
- By: Barbara Deloto, Thomas Newgen
- Narrated by: Virtual Voice
- Length: 1 hr and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Make her happy? This is a short guide to aid a loving couple who are exploring having other sexual partners for the woman besides her significant other or spouse. It isn’t about humiliating, or demeaning, her husband or boyfriend, but about forging a mutually agreed upon avenue to bring greater satisfaction into their lives where the woman is elevated to goddess status and the male is proud to facilitate and support their exploration of her carnal desires. It’s about a relationship where communication is paramount and everyone is treated with respect, dignity and caring. Even if you ...
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Not what I was looking for
- By RitaBelly on 12-16-24
By: Barbara Deloto, and others
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The Psychology of Human Sexuality
- By: Justin J. Lehmiller
- Narrated by: Daniel Henning
- Length: 24 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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The Psychology of Human Sexuality is a comprehensive guide to major theoretical perspectives on human sexuality and the vast diversity of sexual attitudes around the world, with topics including anatomy, gender and sexual orientation, sexual behaviors, sexual difficulties and solutions, sex work, and pornography. Written from a sex-positive perspective with material that is inclusive and respectful of a diverse audience, the text includes cutting edge research on the origins of sexual orientation and gender identity, as well as new treatments for sexually transmitted infections and diseases.
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Exceptionally Comprehensive!
- By Robert Cooper on 08-17-24
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Injected
- 5 Book Bundle
- By: Kenzie McKay
- Narrated by: Virtual Voice
- Length: 7 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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This BUNDLE contains ALL 5 BOOKS in the Injected Series. A new drug that transforms men into women has the power to change so many lives. It’s an injection created to help transgender women get the bodies they always should have had. But when an unethical CEO uses the drug as a punishment instead of a treatment, things quickly spiral out of control for everyone involved. Soon, the medication goes from the lab to the real world. Into the hands of other scientists. And into the bodies of other men. Some of whom never saw the transformation coming…
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time line was great
- By calvin on 03-14-24
By: Kenzie McKay
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The Ethical Slut
- A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, & Other Adventures
- By: Janet W. Hardy, Dossie Easton
- Narrated by: Janet W. Hardy, Dossie Easton
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer. Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle.
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The information and advice is 100% totally solid!
- By Troy on 07-28-15
By: Janet W. Hardy, and others
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Pussy
- By: Regena Thomashauer
- Narrated by: Regena Thomashauer
- Length: 9 hrs and 32 mins
- Unabridged
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Get ready to encounter a book that will change your experience as a woman in a powerful new way. Author, educator, and School of Womanly Arts founder Regena Thomashauer has been working with women for the past 25 years, and what began as just a few women in her living room has since grown into a global movement with thousands of graduates worldwide.
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Hippy Trippy Dilight
- By Steff Doles on 04-27-17
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The Masculine in Relationship
- A Blueprint for Inspiring the Trust, Lust, and Devotion of a Strong Woman
- By: GS Youngblood
- Narrated by: GS Youngblood
- Length: 7 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Men who want to live with more power, groundedness, and clarity. Men who want to inspire more trust, lust, and devotion from their partner. But this is confusing territory. The modern world tells you that Masculine energy is toxic. And that we’re all the same. That you need to be a Nice Guy that plays it safe. For most men, it is not at all clear HOW to live more from their Masculine core.
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Awful
- By Luis on 02-17-23
By: GS Youngblood
What listeners say about Hurts So Good
Highly rated for:
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- joseph e frazer
- 08-04-22
Educating, Exciting, and Enlightening
The author's storytelling is so entertaining and animated it is hard to stop listening! I got this book to learn a different aspect of pain science... Wow, what an honest and open perspective.
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- Bryan C.
- 08-12-22
An amazing objective look at a social taboo
Hurts So Good teases as a book about sadomasochism and BDSM, but it's so much more! Leigh looks at many different ways that people use pain in ways that we don't think about every day. She opens up about her own struggle with pain in healthy and unhealthy ways and how it has driven he,r to very very bad and very good places in her life. In the corporate world there is a saying about being comfortable with discomfort. It's meant to talk about not being afraid to grow in different ways, and how that isn't easy. This book is all about being comfortable with some of the most extreme discomfort imangable.
Part autobiography and part textbook, this is a wonderful story that will speak to anyone who has dabbled with pain for pleasure with or without their clothes on.
I look forward to the next thing Leigh writes.
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- Shannon Speakman
- 05-02-22
Do yourself a favor and read this book
An absolutely magnificent work of art. Illuminating, enlightening, inspiring, challenging. I laughed, I cried, I felt every word that Leigh presented.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Erin McClanahan
- 07-11-22
Wonderful!
The narration is fantastic! It was wonderful to listen to. It’s also a fascinating story with perspectives that I would never have considered on my own. I’m familiar with BDSM, I have a friend who is deeply involved in that community. And I’ve dipped my toe in as a spectator a time or two. But it had never occurred to me to look at other activities as pain on purpose, it is a really good read. I highly recommend it.
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- Tiffany Parry
- 08-10-23
Fascinating
I really enjoyed the multiple perspectives on types of masochistic behaviors. The science behind why people “feel bad to feel good” is fascinating.
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- lea
- 01-31-22
exquisite 👌
This book got me back into reading. It got me thinking about so many new and glorious, sensual experiences that can be had on this earth. I believe this book can save lives. It'll keep you turning pages and re-reading again and again. I'm in love.
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- Sunny Gator
- 02-28-24
Life changing
I’ve never read anything that reached and affected so many parts of me. Every chapter made me feel seen, educated, entertained, and full of love for my fellow humans. Leigh has made something truly wonderful.
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- Maddawg6713
- 05-11-22
Good insight but frustrating narration
Love the author tackling a thorny subject such as masochism and decoupling it from the sexual fetish to share just how many of human pursuits are tied to pain for pleasure. However I would suggest listening to the book at 1.35x speed at the bare minimum to remove some the pauses and gaps in the narration that were clearly added for effect. I understand them but with each one a little bit of the joy of the writing is taken away.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Elizabeth J. Campbell
- 10-20-22
Well-written and Balanced View of Masochism
The author does a great job as the narrator and the different lenses into masochism were each interesting and presented with little judgement so it never felt like, "Ew, that's really weird!" This is likely because the author herself is a masochist, but it still feels balanced, recognizing that pain on purpose can be a rough concept for some.
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- Jessica Simm
- 10-11-22
Lush
Absolutely glorious. Poetic, musical, a wild ride. Not what I was expecting, and definitely The Unexpected. This is narrated by the author energetically. This is electric.
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