Hurts So Good
The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose
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Narrated by:
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Leigh Cowart
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By:
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Leigh Cowart
About this listen
An exploration of why people all over the world love to engage in pain on purpose - from dominatrices, religious ascetics, and ultramarathoners to ballerinas, icy ocean bathers, and sideshow performers.
Masochism is sexy, human, reviled, worshipped, and can be delightfully bizarre. Deliberate and consensual pain has been with us for millennia, encompassing everyone from Black Plague flagellants to ballerinas dancing on broken bones to competitive eaters choking down hot peppers while they cry. Masochism is a part of us. It lives inside workaholics, tattoo enthusiasts, and all manner of garden variety pain-seekers.
At its core, masochism is about feeling bad, then better - a phenomenon that is long overdue for a heartfelt and hilarious investigation. And Leigh Cowart would know: They are not just a researcher and science writer - they’re an inveterate, high-sensation seeking masochist. And they have a few questions: Why do people engage in masochism? What are the benefits and the costs? And what does masochism have to say about the human experience?
By participating in many of these activities themselves, and through conversations with psychologists, fellow scientists, and people who seek pain for pleasure, Cowart unveils how our minds and bodies find meaning and relief in pain - a quirk in our programming that drives discipline and innovation even as it threatens to swallow us whole.
©2021 Leigh Cowart (P)2021 PublicAffairsListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“Cowart has endless compassion for humans trying to find meaning and purpose while trapped in our fallible meat sacks. Hurts So Good is funny, explicit, and oddly wholesome.” (Caitlin Doughty, author of the New York Times best seller Smoke Gets in Your Eyes)
“It’s testament to Leigh Cowart’s skill and charm that a book about pain should feel so joyful, that a deeply taboo subject should get such a bright and vivid airing, and that experiences that should induce winces instead trigger laughs and moments of deep profundity. Hurts So Good is a book of wonderful paradoxes - a rich, hilarious, and endlessly fascinating look at a world that most of us know but few of us understand.” (Ed Yong, Pulitzer Prize-winner and author of I Contain Multitudes)
“A thorough examination of a widely shared human experience. Cowart blends memoir with research and observation deftly, and boldly shares the gritty details of her own sensation-seeking body. Relevant to anyone seeking to understand their own relationship with physicality. A must-read for those of us who find ourselves trying to explain so many complex things about our relationships to pain.” (Stoya, writer and pornographer)
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- What the World's Most Incorrigible Cat Taught Me About Life, Love, and Coming Clean
- By: Jackson Galaxy, Joel Derfner
- Narrated by: Jackson Galaxy
- Length: 6 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In this book, Galaxy tells the poignant story of his 13-year relationship with a petite gray-and-white short-haired cat named Benny, and gives singular advice for living with, caring for, and loving the feline in your home. When Benny arrived in his life, Galaxy was a down-and-out rock musician with not too much more going on than a part-time job at an animal shelter and a drug problem. Benny's previous owner brought the cat to the shelter in a cardboard box to give him up.
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10 Stars!!!
- By Dawn J on 12-04-12
By: Jackson Galaxy, and others
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Going Om
- Real Life Stories On and Off the Yoga Mat
- By: Melissa Carroll - editor
- Narrated by: Eva Kaminsky, Luke Daniels, Allyson Johnson, and others
- Length: 5 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
With candid, witty, and compelling experiences of yoga from renowned memoirists, including Cheryl Strayed (author of the number one New York Times best-seller Wild), Claire Dederer (author of national best-seller Poser: My Life in 23 Yoga Poses), Dinty W. Moore (author of The Accidental Buddhist), Neal Pollack (author of Stretch: The Making of a Yoga Dude) and many others, Going Om shares a range of observations about this popular practice.
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a couple of good stories, but overall just eh
- By Melissa on 05-31-16
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A Body, Undone
- Living On after Great Pain
- By: Christina Crosby
- Narrated by: Christina Crosby
- Length: 8 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In the early evening on October 1, 2003, Christina Crosby was three miles into a 17 mile bicycle ride, intent on reaching her goal of 1,000 miles for the riding season. She was a respected senior professor of English who had celebrated her 50th birthday a month before. As she crested a hill, she caught a branch in the spokes of her bicycle, which instantly pitched her to the pavement. Her chin took the full force of the blow, and her head snapped back. In that instant, she was paralyzed.
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Extraordinary writer
- By Professor on 01-20-24
By: Christina Crosby
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Running & Being
- The Total Experience
- By: George Sheehan, Kenny Moore
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor
- Length: 10 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Written by the late, beloved Dr. George Sheehan, Running and Being tells of the author's midlife return to the world of exercise, play, and competition, in which he found "a world beyond sweat" that proved to be a source of great revelation and personal growth. But Running and Being focuses more on life than it does, specifically, on running. It provides an outline for a lifetime program of fitness and joy, showing how the body helps determine our mental and spiritual energies.
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Great book of introspection
- By Charles West on 07-03-18
By: George Sheehan, and others
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This Is How I Save My Life
- From California to India, a True Story of Finding Everything When You Are Willing to Try Anything
- By: Amy B. Scher
- Narrated by: Amy B. Scher
- Length: 6 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When Amy B. Scher was struck with undiagnosed late-stage, chronic Lyme disease, the best physicians in America labeled her condition incurable and potentially terminal. Deteriorating rapidly, she went on a search to save her own life - from the top experts in Los Angeles and the world-renowned Mayo Clinic in Minneapolis to a state-of-the-art hospital in Chicago. After exhausting all of her options in the US, she discovered a possible cure - but it was highly experimental, available only in India, and had as much of a probability of killing her as it did of curing her.
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A great comfort
- By Sue on 07-07-18
By: Amy B. Scher
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Advice for Future Corpses (and Those Who Love Them)
- A Practical Perspective on Death and Dying
- By: Sallie Tisdale
- Narrated by: Gabra Zackman
- Length: 7 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
You get ready to die the way you get ready for a trip. Start by realizing you don't know the way. Listen to a few travel guides. Study the language, look at maps, gather equipment. Let yourself imagine what it will be like. Pack your bags. This book is one of those travel guides - a guide to preparing for your own death and the deaths of people close to you. The fact of death is hard to believe. Sallie Tisdale explores our fears and all the ways death and talking about death make us uncomfortable - but she also explores its intimacies and joys.
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I thought I had more time...
- By Alyssa on 09-09-19
By: Sallie Tisdale
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Strangers Assume My Girlfriend Is My Nurse
- By: Shane Burcaw
- Narrated by: Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 4 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
With his signature acerbic wit and hilarious voice, 20-something author, blogger, and entrepreneur Shane Burcaw is back with an essay collection about living a full life in a body that many people perceive as a tragedy. From anecdotes about first introductions where people patted him on the head instead of shaking his hand, to stories of passersby mistaking his able-bodied girlfriend for a nurse, Shane tackles awkward situations and assumptions with humor and grace.
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Uplifting
- By PhinzPride on 04-12-20
By: Shane Burcaw
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The Book of Help
- A Memoir in Remedies
- By: Megan Griswold
- Narrated by: Megan Griswold
- Length: 11 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
A hilarious and heartbreaking memoir-in-remedies by a self-described "professional soul-searcher" that details a journey of self-discovery through more than 160 tonics, seminars, regimens, and transformative therapies. With a voice that is at once intimate and hilarious, Megan captures the openness and honesty necessary for people to take a new path in life. Listeners will open the audiobook with curiosity about all the different healing therapies that Megan tries, but leave with a new understanding of themselves.
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Mr. Toad's Wild Ride has some serious competition!
- By Elisa R. Goodman on 02-15-19
By: Megan Griswold
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F**k It Therapy
- By: John C Parkin
- Narrated by: John C Parkin
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
If every therapist and psychotherapist on the planet could repeat this to their clients, like a mantra, again and again, there would be fewer therapists and psychotherapists. Because it works. Very quickly. Realising that what you're worrying about and stressing over doesn't really matter so much in the grand scheme of things is the door to freedom and healing. And the little profanity 'F**k It' is the key to that door.
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Arrogant, dangerous New-Age blabbering
- By Mikkel on 01-14-17
By: John C Parkin
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Natural Meditation
- A Guide to Effortless Meditative Practice
- By: Dean Sluyter
- Narrated by: Dean Sluyter
- Length: 8 hrs and 26 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Whether you're a complete novice or you've "tried it before," veteran meditation teacher Dean Sluyter's relaxed, down-to-earth approach will help you test-drive a variety of meditative techniques, such as breath, sound, the senses, the sky, and the simple sense of "I" and discover which ones fit you best. You'll discover that the key to meditation is effortlessness and find all the practical tips you need for adapting these methods to your own life,as you live it, even for a few minutes a day.
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A voice as soothing as the text!
- By Bix Gomez on 05-05-15
By: Dean Sluyter
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Running Like a Girl
- Notes on Learning to Run
- By: Alexandra Heminsley
- Narrated by: Elizabeth Sastre
- Length: 6 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Until five years ago, Alexandra Heminsley was decidedly not a runner. Nor was she athletic in any sense of the word. She was an ordinary, curvy woman who was convinced that sports of any kind, especially running, were beyond her. But she's made running part of her life, and gets to reap the rewards: not just the obvious things, like a touch of weight loss, health and glowing skin, but self-belief, and immeasurable daily pleasure.
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Meh... not what I thought...
- By Maria on 12-03-14
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Girl in Need of a Tourniquet
- Memoir of a Borderline Personality
- By: Merri Lisa Johnson
- Narrated by: Erin Bennett
- Length: 4 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
An honest and compelling memoir, Girl in Need of a Tourniquet is Merri Lisa Johnson’s account of her borderline personality disorder and how it has affected her life and relationships. Johnson describes the feeling of "bleeding out" unable to tell where she stopped and where her partner began. A self-confessed "psycho girlfriend," she was influenced by many emotional factors from her past. She recalls her path through a dysfunctional, destructive relationship, while recounting the experiences that brought her to her breaking point.
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Chaotic, disturbing, meaningless
- By BRB on 04-02-14
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Why Are Faggots So Afraid of Faggots?
- Flaming Challenges to Masculinity, Objectification, and the Desire to Conform
- By: Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore
- Narrated by: Mark Bachman
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Gay culture has become a nightmare of consumerism, whether it's an endless quest for Absolut vodka, Diesel jeans, rainbow Hummers, pec implants, or Pottery Barn. Whatever happened to sexual flamboyance and gender liberation, an end to marriage, the military, and the nuclear family? As backrooms are shut down to make way for wedding vows, and gay sexual culture morphs into “straight-acting dudes hangin’ out”, what are the possibilities for a defiant faggotry that challenges the assimilationist norms of a corporate-cozy lifestyle?
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Forget the Status Quo South Beach B.S.
- By Susie on 03-14-13
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Cunt (20th Anniversary Edition)
- By: Inga Muscio
- Narrated by: Inga Muscio
- Length: 8 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
In this fully revised anniversary edition of the classic testament to women's empowerment, Muscio explores with candidness and humor such traditional feminist issues as birth control, sexuality, jealousy between women, and prostitution with a fresh attitude for a new generation of women. Sending out a call for every woman to be the "Cuntlovin' Ruler of Her Sexual Universe", Muscio stands convention on its head by embracing the provocative and celebrating womanhood.
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Best book ever
- By Paula Daniels on 07-28-19
By: Inga Muscio
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Insanely boring, poor audio quality & narration
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Tantra Illuminated: The Philosophy, History, and Practice of a Timeless Tradition
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Tantric knowledge
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Sex at Dawn
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Strawmen and Ad Hominems
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Refusing Compulsory Sexuality
- A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture
- By: Sherronda J. Brown, Hess Love - foreword, Grace B Freedom - afterword
- Narrated by: Yu-Li Alice Shen
- Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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The notion that everyone wants sex—and that we all have to have it—is false. It’s intertwined with our ideas about capitalism, race, gender, and queerness. And it impacts the most marginalized among us. For asexual folks, it means that ace and A-spec identity is often defined by a queerness that’s not queer enough, seen through a lens of perceived lack: lack of pleasure, connection, joy, maturity, and even humanity. In this exploration of what it means to be Black and asexual in America today, Sherronda J. Brown offers new perspectives on asexuality.
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Important and Insightful
- By E on 06-21-23
By: Sherronda J. Brown, and others
What listeners say about Hurts So Good
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- joseph e frazer
- 08-04-22
Educating, Exciting, and Enlightening
The author's storytelling is so entertaining and animated it is hard to stop listening! I got this book to learn a different aspect of pain science... Wow, what an honest and open perspective.
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- Bryan C.
- 08-12-22
An amazing objective look at a social taboo
Hurts So Good teases as a book about sadomasochism and BDSM, but it's so much more! Leigh looks at many different ways that people use pain in ways that we don't think about every day. She opens up about her own struggle with pain in healthy and unhealthy ways and how it has driven he,r to very very bad and very good places in her life. In the corporate world there is a saying about being comfortable with discomfort. It's meant to talk about not being afraid to grow in different ways, and how that isn't easy. This book is all about being comfortable with some of the most extreme discomfort imangable.
Part autobiography and part textbook, this is a wonderful story that will speak to anyone who has dabbled with pain for pleasure with or without their clothes on.
I look forward to the next thing Leigh writes.
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- Shannon Speakman
- 05-02-22
Do yourself a favor and read this book
An absolutely magnificent work of art. Illuminating, enlightening, inspiring, challenging. I laughed, I cried, I felt every word that Leigh presented.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Erin McClanahan
- 07-11-22
Wonderful!
The narration is fantastic! It was wonderful to listen to. It’s also a fascinating story with perspectives that I would never have considered on my own. I’m familiar with BDSM, I have a friend who is deeply involved in that community. And I’ve dipped my toe in as a spectator a time or two. But it had never occurred to me to look at other activities as pain on purpose, it is a really good read. I highly recommend it.
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- Tiffany Parry
- 08-10-23
Fascinating
I really enjoyed the multiple perspectives on types of masochistic behaviors. The science behind why people “feel bad to feel good” is fascinating.
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- lea
- 01-31-22
exquisite 👌
This book got me back into reading. It got me thinking about so many new and glorious, sensual experiences that can be had on this earth. I believe this book can save lives. It'll keep you turning pages and re-reading again and again. I'm in love.
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- Anonymous User
- 02-28-24
Life changing
I’ve never read anything that reached and affected so many parts of me. Every chapter made me feel seen, educated, entertained, and full of love for my fellow humans. Leigh has made something truly wonderful.
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- Maddawg6713
- 05-11-22
Good insight but frustrating narration
Love the author tackling a thorny subject such as masochism and decoupling it from the sexual fetish to share just how many of human pursuits are tied to pain for pleasure. However I would suggest listening to the book at 1.35x speed at the bare minimum to remove some the pauses and gaps in the narration that were clearly added for effect. I understand them but with each one a little bit of the joy of the writing is taken away.
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4 people found this helpful
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- Elizabeth J. Campbell
- 10-20-22
Well-written and Balanced View of Masochism
The author does a great job as the narrator and the different lenses into masochism were each interesting and presented with little judgement so it never felt like, "Ew, that's really weird!" This is likely because the author herself is a masochist, but it still feels balanced, recognizing that pain on purpose can be a rough concept for some.
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- Aubri Lancaster
- 02-21-22
Understanding Pain on Purpose
The author, Leigh Cowart tells such engaging stories that are packed with contextual bites of information about humans who intentionally engage in pain on purpose. As an Ace person I was thrilled that so much of the book focused on the non-sexual experiences of pain on purpose and appreciative of the insight into pain for sexual pleasure. Will definitely recommend! I would love a sequel expanding to experiences outside western culture.
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2 people found this helpful